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Show ALL Forums  > Profile Reviews  > Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail,      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 austin8322
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 1
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Okay so I have been on POF now for about 9 months and I use POF fairly regularly. I check POF several times a week and try to e-mail at least several women a week. I am 30 and generally prefer women that are my age or younger, typically not looking too much older since you then get into cougar territory as well as women who are divorced and/or have children. I know that I should not automatically eliminate divorced women from consideration but I'm just not comfortable cleaning up after someone else's mess, especially when a kid is involved. I want to marry someone who has not already been married. So with that said my age parameters are fairly lenient, 18 to 35.

It seems like I e-mail a lot of women on here and really do try to make a good first impression but it goes nowhere. A lot of women that I e-mail will look at my profile but then never respond to my e-mail (I am not a paying member so I can't see whether the e-mail was read or not). In the 9 months I have been on POF I have only been on 2 actual first dates with women from the site. The first woman neither one of us were feeling it and we didn't continue. The second woman I was interested in a second date but she was very noncommittal about a second date and ended up saying she was just "really busy" right now, even though she is still on the site. More than anything I just don't think she was interested but wanted to be nice. With that said, I'm just concerned there's something I'm doing wrong, but I can't figure out if it's my profile, e-mails or a little bit of both.

Here is a sample e-mail that I wrote just today:



Hi ***, I'm Austin, how are you? I enjoyed reading your profile (and seeing your pictures, you are beautiful and look very happy which seems like a rare thing nowadays, so good for you!) and wanted to send you a message.

So now are you originally from this area or are you a transplant from somewhere? I saw where you mentioned you're *** and speak *** as a second language. Did you live in *** for awhile or are you actually from *** (or just know the language?)? I'm originally from Kentucky myself, moved here about 7 years ago after I graduated college. I laughed and smiled and the things you don't like, while I do love cars I can absolutely agree on all the other ones. :)

So now you mentioned traveling, I absolutely love traveling myself and have so many places I want to go. Have you been anywhere recently? Any big plans coming up for you? I also saw where you mentioned you have a cat, what breed is your cat? I grew up around cats (sadly I'm kind of allergic to them now for some reason but I'm doing allergy shots to hopefully stop that!) and we love having manx cats (cats with no tails). Have you ever had any other animals?

I would definitely enjoy talking sometime to get to know you better! I hope you are having a great week so far and I look forward to hopefully hearing back from you soon! :)

Austin


So that is a sample e-mail of what I would typically write, introducing myself, talking about her interests, asking questions, stuff like that. I think it's decent for the most part, nothing creepy and not boring, but again something just isn't working for me. Feel free to look at my profile and give me any feedback. Any feedback will be greatly appreciative!

Austin
 austin8322
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 2
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 4:30:45 PM
I will also mention that none of the women ever make the first move on me and send an e-mail. The only ones who have are ones wanting you to go to some website (obviously adult entertainment sites) and others are ones that just leave very short messages that give you nothing to go on.

Unfortunately I mainly get responses or interests from women who I simply do not find attractive. We aren't talking about women who maybe are a little chubby, nothing like that. We are talking women who simply come off as bizarre, significantly older women (40 and over) and women who are incredibly overweight. It seems like the women I'm attracted to are the ones I'm not getting responses from.

Again if you have any questions for me feel free to ask and I appreciate any assistance!
 Indira46
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 3
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Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 4:35:09 PM
Your sample email is terrible. You are bombarding her with 8 million questions. Would you sit next to someone at a bar and immediately go into that interrogation? Do not comment on her looks calling her beautiful. Do not talk about yourself. She can read your profile for that information. Comment on one of her interests that she seems most passionate about and ask one question. Your last paragraph sounds desperate. Just end it with the question.

Stop hitting on teenagers. 18 and 19 year old are too young for you.

On to your profile...

You skipped the Interests Section.

Your first paragraph is boring.

Your next two are your interests which belong in your Interests Section. Pick one or two things and elaborate.

Get rid of that age restriction. I would never reply to an email from a man that was seeking teenagers.
 Cheebee
Joined: 2/9/2014
Msg: 4
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 4:39:14 PM
I'm not exactly your "target market", but I feel that your profile is a bit long to read. I wish I could see your main interests in bulletpoints to quickly grasp who you are, and I also believe you are over-enumerating stuff. When you talk about traveling, for example, you could select a few destinations you went to and tell us why you enjoyed it so much.

I believe your main picture could be more flattering if luminosity was better, but that's personal.

Finally, I've seen a lot of people here saying that first e-mails shouldn't be as long as the one you've posted us. 1-2 questions, a bit shorter so she doesn't feel overwhelmed... and if she answers back with a big wall of text, then you can go all out :P but not everyone likes writing and reading so much!
 austin8322
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 5
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 4:56:47 PM
Thank you all for the response so far, I can see where my typical e-mail would be too long, I will definitely look at shortening it. I think the problem was at first my e-mails were too short and I overcompensated. Indira your age comment is interesting, do you think putting 18 to 35 is actually hurting me when people view my e-mail? I agree that I would typically never date any girl who isn't old enough to go into a bar unless she was incredibly mature for her age. What would you recommend I set my age range at?

I will also look at changing my profile up a little bit. Indira your recommendations on my paragraphs were informative. Cheebee I agree my main picture is a little dark and it is about a year old. I really don't look any different at all but I do plan on getting some new (and better lighted) pictures there in the next few weeks. I will take into account your comment on my profile being too long into account as well.

If either of you have any specific examples on what I should change that would be extremely helpful!
 Indira46
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 6
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Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 4:58:17 PM
Completely remove the age restrictions. You don't need it. Just ignore any messages you are interested in replying to.
 tennistown
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 7
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 5:01:22 PM

(give you a hint, my boss in a mouse, lol),

(give you a hint, my boss is a mouse, lol),






Unfortunately I mainly get responses or interests from women who I simply do not find attractive.

We aren't talking about women who maybe are a little chubby, nothing like that. We are talking women who simply come off as bizarre, significantly older women (40 and over) and women who are incredibly overweight.

It seems like the women I'm attracted to are the ones I'm not getting responses from.


^^^^^^ Somehow this seems to overflow with irony....
 austin8322
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 8
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 5:04:08 PM
Tennistown if you are implying that I'm being too picky I have to disagree there. I actually make it a point to read the profile before looking at the pictures. I have e-mailed women who were not swimsuit models by any means. I do not mind if a woman is a little chubby and actually I do not find incredibly skinny women to be attractive at all. What I meant was I was getting e-mails from women who were so bizarre they seemed a little unstable. I was also getting e-mails from women who had filled out next to nothing on their profile or were incredibly overweight (we're talking 250+ here). So while I know my approach needs a lot of work I don't feel like I am being too picky.
 austin8322
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 9
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 5:05:12 PM
Indira here is a sample e-mail I just sent to someone I was interested in:

[quoteHi, I'm Austin, how are you? I enjoyed reading your profile and wanted to get in contact with you!

So from the looks of it you definitely enjoy the country lifestyle, I am originally from Kentucky myself so I can definitely appreciate that! I saw your picture with the horse, are you heavily involved in the horse industry or do you just ride horses in your spare time?

I also saw you mentioned you enjoy traveling, gone on any big trips lately? Any big travel plans coming up?

Do you think this is an improvement over the previous e-mail I gave as an example?
 Indira46
Joined: 8/19/2012
Msg: 10
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History
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 5:09:42 PM
It's still too much. It's assumed you enjoyed her profile and find her attractive, you don't need to say it. Reword your horse question so that it's an open ended question. Everything you asked her she could just say yes, yes no.
 austin8322
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 11
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 5:16:41 PM
Got it, so what would you typically suggest I say to open a first e-mail?
 austin8322
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 12
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 5:23:52 PM
Here is another sample e-mail I just sent:


Hi, I'm Austin, how are you? I enjoyed reading your profile and wanted to get in contact with you!

So it's good to see others on here who like tennis, I played tennis when I was younger and just started playing about a year ago, how often do you get to play? I can definitely see you like staying active playing all of those activities which is great, I just joined a kickball league (more of a social league than anything else) so that should definitely be interesting.

I also saw you mentioned traveling, any big plans travel plans coming up for you?


Any better?
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 13
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 5:32:20 PM
No, that isn't any better. You have missed the point. Ask ONE open ended question about her. Dont go on and on about yourself.
 austin8322
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 14
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 5:36:30 PM
Well geez at this point what's the point. It's sounding like you all are saying I should say "Hi, I'm Austin, I see you enjoy photography, what kind of photography do you like to do?" and that's it. Seems way too short and impersonal. Fieryreadhead give me an example of what you think a first e-mail should be because at this point I'm really lost. I understand keeping it short but what you are suggesting seems too short. I mean wouldn't most women look at the above message and say "well that seems like a form e-mail that showed no interest."
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 15
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 5:43:40 PM
Here's a few hints RE: initial msgs to women.

Don't ask the woman out for a meet/her phone number immediately. It's coming off as a tad desperate and it's creepy.
Ask her one or two questions based on her profile. Do not bombard her.
Don't rattle on and on about yourself.
Keep it light.
Add a touch of humour.
Don't comment on her physical attributes.
Don't ask/beg her to reply/check you out.They know what to do if interested and do not require prompting.
 austin8322
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 16
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 5:51:44 PM
Good recommendations Irish Eyez, would you consider this a good first e-mail:


Hi Chrissy, I'm Austin, how are you? I enjoyed reading your profile (laughed at the Elf reference, great movie!) and wanted to send you a message.

So I enjoyed your "friendly, slight sarcastic, self-proclaimed dork" comment, I would definitely use all of the adjectives to describe myself. What books are you reading right now? Any "must read" book recommendations?
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 17
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 5:55:41 PM
What's the point? Well, if you want it to work out better, it is worth a try.

You can tell it is generic message sent over and over when there is nothing specific about the girl.

So, an example, idk , Simple - I love to travel too. Nothing like the discos in Copenhagen. What's you favorite place to go?

You read her profile, you showed interest without going on and on. She will look at your pics and profile and decide whether or not to respond.

It is like meetings in person. Would you go on and on when introducing yourself at a bar, or just start with small talk -one sentence? And she will respond based on how you look and how good the question is and or how interesting you seem.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 18
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 6:32:40 PM
Your main photo is too dark to see your face. You look like you are grimacing in all of your photos.

You have 8 seconds to make a good impression. Women will see your main photo as a tiny pic the size of a saltine cracker on their cell phone screens. If your main photo is not clear, bright and attractive, they move on. A genuine smile is inviting, warm and attractive. Women want to see your eyes and smile.

Please get new photos taken outdoors for better lighting, and with a quality digital camera, not a fuzzy cell phone. Your main photo should be a head-and-shoulder shot, showing you SMILING and looking at the camera. You also need one full body shot, again taken outdoors and smiling.

Other pictures should show you outdoors, doing activities you enjoy. No hats, sunglasses, alcohol or stupid poses. You must be in every picture. Ask a friend to take 24 pictures of you outdoors with a digital camera, wearing different clothes in various locations. Upload the best 8. Caption and date each photo-giving the location and year- to make the photos more interesting and clear.
 traveltrekker
Joined: 9/17/2013
Msg: 19
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 7:04:34 PM
Okay so I have been on POF now for about 9 months and I use POF fairly regularly.



With that said, I'm just concerned there's something I'm doing wrong, but I can't figure out if it's my profile, e-mails or a little bit of both.


While you are certainly free to try out the usual advice already offered, I would suggest that you first Google "Cupid on Trial" to get a good overview of what you are up against, as a man, in the online dating world.
While of course there is almost always room for improvement, keep in mind that you joined the online dating world at one of its lowest points, so try not to stress out so much about what you might be doing "wrong", and realize that even with a "perfect" profile, and "perfect" emails, unless a man also looks like a GQ model, it's going to be a tough road right now for most men. Best of Luck.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 20
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 7:11:31 PM
OP:


Hi Chrissy, I'm Austin, how are you? I enjoyed reading your profile (laughed at the Elf reference, great movie!) and wanted to send you a message.

So I enjoyed your "friendly, slight sarcastic, self-proclaimed dork" comment, I would definitely use all of the adjectives to describe myself. What books are you reading right now? Any "must read" book recommendations?


You're on the right track! Remove the, " wanted to send you a message."
 fieryredhead77
Joined: 12/17/2012
Msg: 21
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 7:31:36 PM
That article was interesting. But all it really shows is that you should make an effort to talk to the 'not so hot' females, as the rest of us just get a couple messages. It also just shows how all guys care about is looks, and that girls don't take the I initiative in FIRST contact.
 austin8322
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 22
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 7:46:20 PM

Your main photo is too dark to see your face. You look like you are grimacing in all of your photos.

You have 8 seconds to make a good impression. Women will see your main photo as a tiny pic the size of a saltine cracker on their cell phone screens. If your main photo is not clear, bright and attractive, they move on. A genuine smile is inviting, warm and attractive. Women want to see your eyes and smile.

Please get new photos taken outdoors for better lighting, and with a quality digital camera, not a fuzzy cell phone. Your main photo should be a head-and-shoulder shot, showing you SMILING and looking at the camera. You also need one full body shot, again taken outdoors and smiling.

Other pictures should show you outdoors, doing activities you enjoy. No hats, sunglasses, alcohol or stupid poses. You must be in every picture. Ask a friend to take 24 pictures of you outdoors with a digital camera, wearing different clothes in various locations. Upload the best 8. Caption and date each photo-giving the location and year- to make the photos more interesting and clear.


LiterateHiker I really appreciate the feedback and will put some of those suggestions into action. Unfortunate the one can not is the smile recommendation. That grimace you notice, that is my smile. I have never had a natural looking smile but in all of those pictures I was truly happy and trying to smile. Even when I'm not trying, when someone just takes a picture of me laughing or "smiling" it still comes off as a grimace. Unfortunately I just don't have a great smile. All of your other recommendations though are great!
 austin8322
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 23
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/13/2014 7:47:55 PM
Thank you for the feedback Irish Eyes, but still no one has told me what I'm supposed to put in place of that. What is my introduction supposed to look like in an e-mail? You say I'm doing it wrong but don't tell me exactly how to do it right. Are you saying I should just put "Hi, I'm Austin, how are you? I enjoyed reading your profile." and that's it as an introduction?
 austin8322
Joined: 5/16/2013
Msg: 24
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/14/2014 4:02:08 AM
Campfires I did see your examples, thank you for posting them. So it just looks like you just skip any kind of intro all together. That seems so weird and even a little rude but what I'm doing obviously isn't working so I did e-mail 2 other people after my last post and used your format. We'll see how it goes.
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 25
Lack of responses and interests, what am I do wrong? Profile, e-mail, both?
Posted: 2/14/2014 4:16:56 AM
The intro is your profile. Studies have shown that most people will read your profile before reading the message. So you've effectively already introduced yourself.

You'll likely have to send a whole lot more than 2 messages. If you get a 10% response rate on here then you're doing VERY well.

I would get rid of the "mom doesn't like long flights" from your profile - makes you sound a bit Norman Bates. The rest is pretty decent so with this new message format you should be good to go.
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