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 endsdawn
Joined: 3/21/2007
Msg: 1
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Condom ConundrumPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I'm curious to hear your folks input on something:

Considering the possibility of contracting an STD or accidentally getting a woman pregnant, I usually try to buy and use condoms. My problem is that condoms completely kill the experience for me.

Amazingly, I had sex today. Believe me, I'm as surprised as you folks probably are. Anyway, after we started I realized I couldn't feel anything through the condom. I'm not talking a "slight loss in sensation" like people usually describe when talking about condoms. I'm talking a complete lack of sensation other than a bit of pressure. Nothing pleasurable at all. For all intents and purposes, I could just as well have been sitting there fully clothed, not doing anything, from what I could feel. She seemed to be enjoying herself but, to be honest, that's only entertaining for a short while when you know that you should be enjoying the experience as well.

Does anyone else have this problem? If so, how have you overcome it? Are there any specific brands of condoms that work better? I've tried quite a few different brands over the last few years and always run into this problem...
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/21/2014 11:42:11 PM
Well, I couldn't offer any help myself, because I almost never have sex precisely because of the condom dilemma. To the extent that it is safe, it's not safe sex to me. It's safe, but it's not sex. There's no point. But also, I don't even see it as that safe anyway. If I'm really having any sex that is worth the effort, there's a lot more contact and action than what something over my shaft will take care of. And since I'm not willing to have unsafe sex, that puts me in a catch 22. I just don't have any.

There's an easy way out of this, which is to have what I happen to want anyway - a monogamous long-termish relationship with someone who's able to go through an extended "getting to know" period before any sex, whether or not such a relationship lasts forever or goes as far as us being in love. But, for some odd reason, even though I've heard women say that they want this all my life, and I've always received attention such that I know that I'm a good enough catch...so far no woman really wants this, it seems. There still seems to be so few who've "figured it out". While their complaints, beginning suspiciously as early as junior high school, about men not having their head on straight, not being honest, not being players, and not wanting anything serious...it's always seemed to me that many of the women claiming this are themselves guilty of those charges.
 forums48380
Joined: 2/10/2013
Msg: 3
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/22/2014 4:39:50 AM
Do a thread search on condoms. I started one on the same problem.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 4
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Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/22/2014 9:58:40 AM
1)masturbation will desensitize, and using a condom just makes it worse...

2)...for a while. well, for me at least, it had to become a "learning experience" all over again. Everyone's anatomy is shaped differently, you might want to try not just a variety pack of condoms (in order to try different brands, adam and eve may have something you can get via mail) but also different sexual positions, in case one applies more pressure to the sensitive part of your anatomy and causes a better sensation.

3)remember to keep the experimentation fun, not a chore.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 5
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Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/22/2014 10:48:04 AM
Couple of questions..

Are you circumsized?
Are you using the right size condom?
Any chance you picked up ones with a desensitizing component to them?

A lot of men complain about lack of sensation, and I totally get that it can be like wearing a garbage bag on your penis. I don't care for the sensation of condoms much myself. The tightness at the base can pinch and might potentially be hitting a nerve which could limit what you are feeling. Try a larger condom and see if that makes any difference. Also make sure you are putting them on correctly.

I understand that non-latex condoms are better at heat transfer and will also allow for more sensation to be felt. Have you tried any of the poly condoms available?

There is a condom called Inspiral - http://www.inspiral.tv/
It's supposed to offer more sensation at the part of the penis that needs it most, the frenum. It also has more room near the tip for those of the male population that is uncircumcised allowing for more movement of the foreskin during intercourse, mimicking natural sex better.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 6
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Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/22/2014 10:55:51 AM
You know, there's a huge double standard at play when it comes to condoms.

Read these forums and engage in the discussion many other places and you'd swear that unprotected sex is guaranteed to result in an STD, and if you happen to get lucky once or twice your odds just increase as you continue to play sexual russian roullette.

But that just hasn't been my experience in real life. I get a full round of tests between partners. I've never tested positive for anything. I've never had a woman come back to me and tell me she thought she caught something from me. (I know you can't test for everything) And at 55 I number my past partners in the dozens, although never multiple partners during the same time period.

Personally I'd rather not have sex than use a condom. I'm up front about that and do my utmost not to sway a prospective partner to do anything she's not comfortable with. On a few occasions in my life that's been a deal breaker, but very few. It seems a whole lot of people say one thing in public and do another in private. And a whole lot of us have led full and fulfilling sex lives without contracting anything. A lot of women don't like condoms either, and are quite happy with sharing test results as adequate assurance.

I'm not here to attempt to change anyone's mind about their personal practices. Sex is too wonderful to mar it with doubts or fears. But for those adverse to condoms who can find comfort in STD testing results know that you are not alone.
 endsdawn
Joined: 3/21/2007
Msg: 7
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Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/22/2014 11:16:54 AM
I am circumcised, I am using the right size, I am putting them on correctly, and I'm absolutely certain I didn't pick up with with the desensitizing stuff. I was careful to pick the thinnest ones that promised the most sensation because, as I said, I've had this problem before.
Also, since it's been pointed out, I don't masturbate excessively so I seriously doubt that's causing the problem. Being blunt, I might (maybe) do that once a week.

It's sounding like I'm going to have to research/try out some other brands of condoms or, failing that, other methods of birth control.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 8
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/23/2014 6:20:42 AM
Anyway, after we started I realized I couldn't feel anything through the condom. I'm not talking a "slight loss in sensation" like people usually describe when talking about condoms. I'm talking a complete lack of sensation other than a bit of pressure. Nothing pleasurable at all. For all intents and purposes, I could just as well have been sitting there fully clothed, not doing anything, from what I could feel. She seemed to be enjoying herself but, to be honest, that's only entertaining for a short while when you know that you should be enjoying the experience as well.


Welcome to the club.Try having a vagina.


It's sounding like I'm going to have to research/try out some other brands of condoms or, failing that, other methods of birth control.


Or,you could find a monogamous partner and both get tested so you don't have to use condoms at all.
 forums48380
Joined: 2/10/2013
Msg: 9
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/23/2014 6:52:30 PM
Since i dont have a vagina, would someone who does have one please explain how a condom affects sensation when using one? Thanks.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 10
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Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/23/2014 7:34:03 PM

Welcome to the club.Try having a vagina.


Since i dont have a vagina, would someone who does have one please explain how a condom affects sensation when using one? Thanks.

I have one and I'm not at all sure what she is getting at. The sensation is different when he's wearing a condom, but I do feel things.

The temperature is different. The friction is different. And I don't get to feel him orgasm inside me in the same way as when he's not wearing one.
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/24/2014 3:17:02 AM
For pete's sake...imagine sucking on someone's finger. Someone f-king you in the mouth with their finger. Close your eyes and concentrate on everything about what it feels like. Pretend that somehow having someone's finger in your mouth is something that's pleasurable. Now imagine putting a finger-cot from a first-aid kit on that finger, basically a condom for a finger, and see if you think there's any difference. Now of course I'm sure that some women don't really care, but for them the real thing isn't much better than vibrators of plastic and latex. Then add to this an awareness of the fact that you like feeling the woman orgasm, and imagine how the sensation for a woman of a man orgasming is diminished when a condom is worn.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 12
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/24/2014 3:17:07 AM

I'm talking a complete lack of sensation other than a bit of pressure. Nothing pleasurable at all.


I was getting at the fact that even without a condom,this is what sex is like UNLESS there is clitoral stimulation and since my clit isn't inside my vagina and my g-spot is unreachable by a d*ck............it's nothing other than a bit of pressure.

Get it now?
 MrMeSir
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 13
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/24/2014 5:06:23 AM
It's supposed to offer more sensation at the part of the penis that needs it most, the frenum. It also has more room near the tip for those of the male population that is uncircumcised allowing for more movement of the foreskin during intercourse, mimicking natural sex better.


Speaking as an intact male, and someone who has extensively studied circumcision. more room closer to the tip makes no sense at all... Also, the frenulum is often missing on a circumcised penis, a circumcised male might have parts of it left, though it will be scattered nerves mixed with scar tissue..

As for this actually having anything to do with circumcision, it doesn't, condoms suck for all men, it's the laws of physics at work, it's nothing else. Intact males get off in a wider variety of ways than circumcised males, intact males require less pressure, their penis respond to estrogen as the foreskin has estrogen receptors. a better time to ask, is when asking about anal, this is where you're more likely to find a disproportionate amount of circumcised men, as the anus is a lot more tight than the vagina, which is more pleasurable for a circumcised man. intact men have all that circumcised men have, so im sure a lot of intact men like the extra pressure sensation as well, however, it's well documented that circumcised men like riskier sex.

There are differences in sex for intact and circumcised men, and even in condoms, however, just to reiterate, it's completely inconsequential to the question.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 14
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Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/24/2014 6:17:34 AM

I was getting at the fact that even without a condom,this is what sex is like UNLESS there is clitoral stimulation and since my clit isn't inside my vagina and my g-spot is unreachable by a d*ck............it's nothing other than a bit of pressure.

Get it now?

This is what sex is like for you.

G-spot is generally located 1-3” inside the vaginal opening. While I want to say all women have one, I can’t. I can say that some women don’t experience it, hell mine only kicked in about 3, maybe 4 years ago.

There are other locations that are deeper inside, often called the “A-spot” (anterior fornix) or “deep spot” (posterior fornix) that are sometimes not reachable with a penis, depending on his size and shape. Is that maybe what you meant?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Gray1166.png

If I’m in the right position (usually on top, cowboy), and rock my pelvis slightly I can hit those spots. Basically I’m rubbing the very tip of his penis back and forth over my cervix. Feels freakin’ incredible to me, and he doesn’t complain about it (despite the fact I have an IUD). Doesn’t happen all the time though. At first, like when you are first exploring them, it can be uncomfortable. You’re manipulating things around the cervix, which is generally a really sensitive area for most women.


Speaking as an intact male, and someone who has extensively studied circumcision. more room closer to the tip makes no sense at all...

Why not? That’s where all the yummy nerves are that help signal the brain to induce orgasm. More movement there means more stimulation. Men with foreskins usually have more movement along the entire penile shaft during intercourse then men who have been circumcised (that’s why giving an intact man a handjob is a lot easier than a circumcised one). Most of the circumcised men that I’ve spoken to have said having sex with a condom on greatly reduces that movement, and therefore their enjoyment of intercourse. Having a condom that flexes and moves with his body will greatly increase his stimulation, and enjoyment of intercourse.


Also, the frenulum is often missing on a circumcised penis, a circumcised male might have parts of it left, though it will be scattered nerves mixed with scar tissue..

Speaking as a woman that has over 34 years of sexual experience with a variety of men, and done a lot of talking to men about their penis (penes is the plural for penis, but a singular man doesn’t have more than one penis usually), having seen a fair share of circumcised men, having had both my spawn circumcised… the frenulum (or a good healthy portion of it) is usually still part of the anatomy following circumcision (depending on how it was performed, and when.. that’s a very important factor here). Most circumcisions normally do not include that nerve rich area right under the glans, but rather remove the majority of the prepuce.

I have only seen pictures of bad circumcisions, never seen one in person. One of my former partners who was intact decided to have a circumcision for medical reasons in his mid 20s. He’s since reported that intercourse is much more enjoyable for him because the pain he was experiencing during sex is no longer there. He hasn’t reported a loss of sensation.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 15
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Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/24/2014 6:34:49 AM
"Fire and Ice" by Trojan was our favorite before we were able to go bareback.
 MrMeSir
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 16
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/24/2014 7:00:39 AM
Why not? That’s where all the yummy nerves are that help signal the brain to induce orgasm. More movement there means more stimulation. Men with foreskins usually have more movement along the entire penile shaft during intercourse then men who have been circumcised (that’s why giving an intact man a handjob is a lot easier than a circumcised one). Most of the circumcised men that I’ve spoken to have said having sex with a condom on greatly reduces that movement, and therefore their enjoyment of intercourse. Having a condom that flexes and moves with his body will greatly increase his stimulation, and enjoyment of intercourse.


The foreskin has far more nerves than your clitoris, let alone the head of a penis.... the foreskin doesn't need to move to pleasure a guy, the reason it moves is to act as a lubrication of sorts.....



Speaking as a woman that has over 34 years of sexual experience with a variety of men, and done a lot of talking to men about their penis (penes is the plural for penis, but a singular man doesn’t have more than one penis usually), having seen a fair share of circumcised men, having had both my spawn circumcised… the frenulum (or a good healthy portion of it) is usually still part of the anatomy following circumcision (depending on how it was performed, and when.. that’s a very important factor here). Most circumcisions normally do not include that nerve rich area right under the glans, but rather remove the majority of the prepuce.

I have only seen pictures of bad circumcisions, never seen one in person. One of my former partners who was intact decided to have a circumcision for medical reasons in his mid 20s. He’s since reported that intercourse is much more enjoyable for him because the pain he was experiencing during sex is no longer there. He hasn’t reported a loss of sensation.


Thanks for correcting me on penes (btw you should have used it right before you pointed that out to me, as all the men you slept with didn't actually share the same penis) so wish google had grammar corrections....

You're one of those ignorant people who need to justify their ignorant information, aren't you? You're talking about a guy in your last paragraph who had phimosis. an issue caused when a young boy is forcefully retracted and develops scar tissue, preventing the skin on his penis from growing properly. which i should add is easy to treat with several options which are all less invasive than circumcision.... of course he didn't report loss of sensation, his foreskin didn't retract. when it tried to retract his skin would have been pulled apart, ripping, i mean, im not every guy, but if everytime i have an erection the skin on my penis rips apart, having that skin removed sure would feel a lot better..... Phimosis is uncommon, there's creams, and other surgical operations, ones that cost less, are easier to do, heal faster, and keep the guy from loss of sensations.

No, a good healthy portion of the frendulum is NOT present after a circumcision, please show me some medical evidence of this.

You are so uninformed and this is so irritating, because you're talking like you actually think you know. i have read almost all studies, if not all of them on the subject, there might be some i've missed over the YEARS, though unlikely. Why are you bringing words like prepuce into this? that's the god damn ****ing foreskin...... a prepuce is a fold of skin, AKA the foreskin......

Stop trying to sound smart, and go get smart.

i give up. trolls on the internet are just annoying.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 17
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/24/2014 8:53:58 AM

This is what sex is like for you.



Uh..yes...and you then wonder why I don't care about my 'pleasure' and why I have become "submissive".

You don't know everything about everything.And just because I am forth coming with my issues
doesn't give you the right to throw them in my face and twist my words to suit your own defensive stance.
 Law212
Joined: 8/28/2013
Msg: 18
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/24/2014 2:31:39 PM
Hey OP, one reason that you could be having this issue, is maybe you play the solo game quite a bit...... You might have desensitized yourself to the real thing. Lady bits cant grab your measuring stick the same way your mitt can.
So lay off the solo play and hold off until you have a co op partner, or at least cut down and don't be so hard on yourself.
 endsdawn
Joined: 3/21/2007
Msg: 19
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Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/24/2014 10:53:40 PM
I'd considered that but, to be honest, I barely do that anymore...
 usmale6
Joined: 9/14/2013
Msg: 20
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/25/2014 10:59:49 AM
The best way to prevent std's is monogamy and marriage.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 21
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/27/2014 12:01:02 AM

Does anyone else have this problem? If so, how have you overcome it?

Yeah, I've had it feel like I mine as well be humping pillows with a condom on -- yep. A bad brand -- putting it on "right" but possibly slight air having gotten in the top thus unvisible layer all over? My experience is the gal being dry as a bone due to drinking. Try lube.
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 22
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Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/28/2014 9:09:15 AM
If you're just worried about getting off there's other acts that can accomplish that. Keep at intercourse with a condom and maybe things will even out eventually. I also could never orgasm with a condom on,but eventually things worked out and I was able to.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 23
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/28/2014 11:29:21 AM
Ugh! condoms are so annoying and they taste disgusting (even the flavored ones). It really does make almost impossible to perform oral in between activities.

The fact of the matter is that condoms are a necessary evil if you're trying to reduce the changes of contracting an STD/ HIV, plus reduce the chance of a possible pregnancy.

I rather sex with a condom, than none at all. While I much prefer it without a condom, I don't believe it is my sole responsibility to reduce the chance of me becoming pregnant as nothing is 100%, so we both need to be doing something about it. That and of course all the other complications.

Best practice would be to always use a condom, so you don't ever feel anything different, because once you try raw, your whole expectations change. If I never tried it without a condom, I wouldn't know it feels way better than with a condom, so of course I would be tempted to ditch the condoms.

In my last relationship, we used condoms for the first 3 years (since I was 19 and probably seen as unreliable or less likely to be faithful). After 3 years of recurring negative STD/HIV results, and seeing me take my birth control pills at 10pm on the dot every day, he trusted me enough to rely on my birth control and condoms were only used when I was taking a short break from birth control.
Condom Conundrum
Posted: 2/28/2014 8:18:24 PM
I wear 2 condoms all of the time, during every day walking around life. Then when it's time for sex, I just wear 1. It's like, in baseball, you practice with 2 bats all of the time. And when you go up to bat for a game, you feel like superman. Homerun hits. The ball loses it's outer jacket and pieces go everywhere.
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