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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > getting emotional      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 badzee28
Joined: 10/16/2013
Msg: 1
getting emotionalPage 1 of 1    
So, almost three weeks ago, I met a woman online and I've been seeing her ever since. She's a bit older than me, I'm 26 and she is 38, and it has been a really wonderful experience. I feel like we are on similar wavelengths, and we have so many interests and things in common, while to differences we have really balance things out. We've been on 4.5 dates ( I hung out a bit at her place once during the week between the third and fourth), and the last date we went out to the beach, dinner, went downtown and had a few drinks, then went back to her place and stayed in bed until 4pm the next day. It was really wonderful night, and since then I've been feeling kind of emotional and mopey. It's been kind of messing with my head, and I don't know what it is. I really like this girl, and I don't want to scare her off, would it be a bad idea to talk to her about how I'm feeling?
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 2
getting emotional
Posted: 3/16/2014 7:42:29 PM
I second what archiver said. She's right.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 3
getting emotional
Posted: 3/16/2014 8:15:31 PM
Concur 100% with insights shared by Archiver and LiterateHiker.
 ladymercury
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 4
getting emotional
Posted: 3/16/2014 8:20:58 PM
Why don't you just let it unfold as it does?

If the next time you get together some of your talking centres around how you are feeling then that's wonderful. I wouldn't recommend planning your next date to be all about how you're feeling emotional, mopey and in a certain headspace though. Wowsers! It may be too much, too soon. Hell, it may not even be too soon, just too much.

On the flip side, if it does unfold like that then you'll also find out what you're needing to find out. Then things will become more clear in your own mind.

I don't know, but things seem to happen just as they do. I mean, it's pretty simple.
 badzee28
Joined: 10/16/2013
Msg: 5
getting emotional
Posted: 3/16/2014 8:41:50 PM
Would it be a bad idea to have the exclusivity talk? That hasn't come up, but since we've gone all they way, I kind of feel like it should. I don't think she is seeing anyone else, but it is probably not a good idea to assume anything.
 63T
Joined: 5/28/2006
Msg: 6
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History
getting emotional
Posted: 3/16/2014 10:02:33 PM
Badzee28;

It's been kind of messing with my head, and I don't know what it is

What you are experiencing is absolutely normal and healthy.
We are emotional beings and there exists a neurological basis for becoming emotional during or after sex.
Sex is an emotional act.
The experience of sexual activity is highly personal to which we ascribe our own meaning and context.
However, if the emotional intensity becomes severe and debilitating then, it would be prudent to speak with your doctor.

Otherwise, carry on and enjoy your time together!

Because you are unable to accurately articulate your feelings, I would suggest that you do not discuss with her until you are certain of your feelings and the appropriateness of divulging them to her.
This applies to any discussion of exclusivity at this time, equally and in light of your uncertainty.
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 7
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History
getting emotional
Posted: 3/16/2014 10:50:13 PM

Would it be a bad idea to have the exclusivity talk?


but it is probably not a good idea to assume anything


Which is it... do you want to know if it is a good idea to have the talk, or do you believe it is not a good idea to assume anything? Because having the exclusivity talk at three weeks is making assumptions. You'd be assuming she would amiable to it... because you would hate to lose her if she saw you getting clingy this early on. You'd be assuming she wouldn't be honest enough to turn down the idea and still want to be seeing you... because the impression you are giving is that you wouldn't be able to take it if she started dating someone else AND wanted to keep dating you.

Are you prepared to give her up if the talk doesn't go well?

You don't want to lose your new bed partner. You want the sex and relationship to continue. Take the advice here, let the relationship unfold, and chances are you'll never have to have the talk.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 9
getting emotional
Posted: 3/17/2014 11:18:00 AM
While all of these emotions can be fun, be wary. Sometimes it is your body's way of telling you 'caution up ahead'.

Do not make any announcements on how you feel this soon. Do not make any life altering choices while in this foggy place either. Just relax, slow down and enjoy each day for what it is.

As for asking about being exclusive...smart move. If you want monogomy, you should ask for it and not assume you will get it, or you may get more than you hoped for.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 10
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getting emotional
Posted: 3/17/2014 1:40:31 PM

I don't want to scare her off,

she just spent a whole day fvcking you. how much more reassurance do you need, for god's sake?
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 11
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History
getting emotional
Posted: 3/18/2014 8:45:02 PM
I disagree with almost everyone about not talking about how you feel. As a women who frequently dates younger men it's nice to have the assurance that you can be taken seriously and be mature. Is it ok to tell her you like her like that? ABSOLUTELY! It's nice not to have to play guessing games or wonder if your mature enough to have an adult relationship or if this is just Stifflers Mommy MILF thing. Is it ok to pour out your heart and tell her your mad in love with her while re sighting poems, NO!

You two are having sex. So I don't get how two people can take a risk to catch something Penicillin can't cure but can't open up their mouths and say to the other person "lets not sleep with other people and see where this goes with us"? I respect men who know what they want and step up to the plate with their feelings and wanting to see me exclusively. I spent 7 years with someone who was 12 years younger than me. On the 4 date he told me he really liked and wanted me to be with only him. I think having the exclusivity talk is necessary to avoid confusion and having other men take your place. If your impressed with her chances are other men are as well. She can always say no but I highly doubt she would dump you over this. Just my opinion on it though.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 12
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getting emotional
Posted: 3/19/2014 9:08:51 AM
Time to grow up young man and learn to stand on your own two feet, be stable and know when to speak and when to say nothing.

Having the exclusivity talk should have been discussed BEFORE you two bedded each other, and/or a real discussion about std's, pregnancy, and sharing bodily fluids with others and how that relates to you. So, you are enjoying a mature, experienced independent woman, of course you would be feeling many things, just as most women will when caring for a mature, experienced independent and stable male. Emotions run high, potential abounds, and it is the norm to feel many things, including running as fast as you can.

Why not just enjoy the ride, the adventure, and the time together, and let it all come together as meant to be, and talk about it along the way, in a slow, calm, and mature manner, in order to protect each of you from all those pitfalls that dating and relationships may or may not foster?

cd
 jessebunnies
Joined: 2/18/2013
Msg: 13
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getting emotional
Posted: 3/19/2014 9:28:52 AM
Keep your mouth shut. It's way to soon to be getting emotional
Why don't you just let it unfold as it does?
I wouldn't have the "exclusivity talk" Unless she brings it up
Take the advice here, let the relationship unfold
Do not make any announcements on how you feel this soon.
Don't say anything until you are sure of how she feels


Can somebody please explain to me how telling someone you like them and are serious about them is a bad thing because I just don't get it! They've been out 4 or 5 times it's not like the first date. I'm assuming that OP just wants to make it clear that he thinks she's amazing, he's into her not that their going to go get matching tattoos, pick out fluffy bridesmaid dresses and book the Elvis Wedding Chapel in Vegas! He's saying I like you, I think your mad cool and I want to continue to see ONLY you! How is that wrong?

How many times a day do we read threads here, written mostly by women but some men to, "I don't know how he feels about me", "is he interested in me" "Where's our relationship headed", "how do I know if we're exclusive or not" "is he using me just for sex"? And most of the time people respond and say "I don't know go ask him/her". Most of these situations arise because their partners aren't opening their mouths and saying what it is for one reason or another leaving them in a state of wonder. But here's a situation where the OP is trying to actively communicate, be an active participant in his relationship, which so many do not and we're telling him not to! WTF? I'm confused here!

Personally the only time I've ever dipped out when a guy told me he liked me was A) when they told me on the first meet and mentioned marriage and/or over the top stuff or B) when I knew I wasn't into him or at least I was pretty sure I wasn't into him. Both times he saved himself wasting more time with me and visa versa by opening his mouth. Guys that I was into I respected for having the ability to communicate clearly and put themselves out there. On top of it I never had to start threads about how he felt about me or where the relationship was going because I already knew. Is that such a bad thing?
 phule
Joined: 4/8/2004
Msg: 14
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getting emotional
Posted: 3/19/2014 12:40:47 PM

Can somebody please explain to me how telling someone you like them and are serious about them is a bad thing because I just don't get it!


Now... with what you quoted, I can see your question here, because you quoted someone who gave the specific advice to not make any announcements on how he felt. I would postulate that having the exclusivity talk and having a conversation about feelings are different things. A venn diagram on this would definitely show two overlapping circles, but not identical ones. So I am going to stick with the idea that having the exclusivity talk at this point would be a bad idea. Talking about feelings? Sure. Nothing wrong with that though... providing he stays away from the whole "You are mine only, and I am yours only" conversation.


How many times a day do we read threads here, written mostly by women but some men to, "I don't know how he feels about me",

Jessie... you are smarter than this. Do not attempt to manipulate the thread like this. You know damn well that when people come on here and start a thread asking what you state here, the REST OF THE CONTENT OF THAT PARTICULAR THREAD details how there were mixed signals, or confusing actions, and the person starting the thread couldn't figure out what to make of it. Moreover, in those threads it was clear that the couples needed to work on their communication skills. In THIS thread, this is about a SPECIFIC conversation that the OP wants to have to make sure his brand new girlfriend doesn't start having sex with other people. He wants to get that set in concrete as soon as possible, so he can continue to be the only person having sex with her.

Maybe she'll like to hear that he's wanting to be possessive this early on. However, maybe she won't like it. At any rate, this thread is most definitely NOT about a guy wondering if he should tell a girl that he likes her. This thread is not about a girl wondering if a guy likes her. This is about a guy who, after he has parted her legs, wants to know if he can talk to her about locking out any other guys.

We are just telling him to NOT push this specific conversation so early on.

Look. He wants to be exclusive. He doesn't have to TALK about it at this point in order to consciously decide not to go sleeping around with other girls. So this is most definitely not about him being exclusive with her. That means that it is all about getting her to not sleep with anyone else. I bet you that she hasn't even done or said anything to even HINT that she wanted to date other guys. It is strictly his paranoia about losing access to the trim he was just allowed into.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > getting emotional