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 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 2
Profile review requiredPage 1 of 1    
Lose the "I" focus. Almost every "paragraph" begins with "I".
 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 7
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Posted: 3/30/2014 10:22:06 AM
It's funny that you say you can't do anything with the photos, as your current one was clearly taken from a webcam or phone. It takes what, 5 seconds to take a photos, then a minute to upload it to the site?


You claim to be a writer and an author of detective fiction. I am not a big fan of the genre but what I do know is crime fiction is often fueled by passion, desire and lust. Your profile makes you sound quite 'nice' but not really datable. Like I could imagine women wanting to be your friend from it, and wanting to talk about books, but you may never get out of the 'friend-zone'. Where is the passion and romance??


Also why is this there?


"It is a little known fact that the ‘Infinite Monkey Theorem’ stating that apes with typewriters and enough time could produce the entire works of Shakespeare, has been tried out in real life. The apes wrote five pages of ‘S’, hit the keyboard with a stone and then defecated on it!

Now you may be wondering what that has to do with my profile, well, the answer is; nothing at all, but it just goes to show how your mind can wander at the worst possible times.

So, onto the profile…


In a world where you have around 8 seconds to make an impression you have said exactly diddly-squat. As an intro to one of your books, this might be interesting, but all it will do is make the reader think NEXT.


As a writer, how would you get a reader hooked on a character, your leading man, in 3 paragraphs? So much so that the reader is desperate to find out more about him.
 ryuoki
Joined: 11/15/2013
Msg: 11
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Posted: 3/30/2014 3:17:12 PM
Don't take the lack of response as you are the entirety of the problem. As poster stated:


In a world where you have around 8 seconds to make an impression you have said exactly diddly-squat. As an intro to one of your books, this might be interesting, but all it will do is make the reader think NEXT.


There are severe ADHD sufferers looking for somebody. Perhaps you are better off as who wants a woman with that kind of attitude in the first place. In a relationship with them, they are primarily only focused on themselves and what they get out of it as opposed to what they can bring to it. I for one give a bit more thought before considering contacting a lady, but that is just me. Though I have also tried to show what I could bring to a relationship, especially a long term one, and that meant diddly too. Use your writing skills and make yourself look like a million bucks. I wish I had writing skills, but this already made you all suffer enough.

Skill to ya, and handsomeness too as luck tends to run out.
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