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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?      Home login  
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 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 1
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I see many, many people say haven't found that special someone. They no longer believe in living together or marriage, That they have become more mature, they don't want to be bossed around, they are “content” within themselves, they are more choosey now, they want to be able to do what they want when they want it without interference, they don't want to have to share their assets, they really know what they are looking for. They like to knit or watch sports on TV, whatever it is.

They all also happen to be over 45-50. I am sure at some age we all experience a decline in hormones, be it 45 or 55 or 65, but it starts around age 45.

But a lower hormone level will greatly decrease both men and woman’s interest is sex and in romantic relationships. IMO the desire for sex at some age is more a memory of sex being good rather than a physically driven need. More theory than practice.

I make this observation because I have gotten a good feeling for how hormone levels can change one's thinking about wanting a partner. Both increase desire for this and decrease desire for this. We can think it's our rational mind making rational decisions, but I don't believe the power of their “logical mind” really rules most people's decisions.

Are people really that much more mature, or is it really they no long feel as driven (hormonally) to find a romantic partner? Or maybe they just CAN”T find a romantic partner and are rationalizing the reason why as their choice?

What is really driving people's motivation in dating?
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/3/2014 4:11:30 AM
Meet the right person and your mojo will kick back in, you have sex and more mojo kicks in.
Sex is like a drug.
The more you get good sex, the more you want it.
The longer you go without bonding fulfilling sex the less it matters to you.
"Hormones" can be resurrected!!!

How many times I have heard "I have no interest in the opposite sex anymore", then they meet someone that makes the heart and loins go pitter patter..is astounding.
It happens at many ages over 45

As far as knitting/ other hobbies/routines/habits. ADAPTATION

If I can train an old dog to adjust well to my lifestyle and me adjust to some of hers, I think 2 humans that want things to work ( crazy about each other) can make some alterations in their lifestyles to accommodate/please another person.
You would desire to work around many things.
( except sharing a bathroom possibly)

My motivation in dating is really simple. Find someone that enjoys some of things I do ( the important things to share to me, like loving music and getting out and about) andIf I am attracted to them in personality/humor/integrity/physically I can learn to enjoy what they do unless its abhorrent to me.
( Hunting/NASCAR.)

I think I understood what you asked, if not , fill me in :)
 Proteaus
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 3
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/3/2014 6:58:41 AM
Bad news : Once a male gets to mid 30's hormone production drops off . Good news : there are dietary supplements to get hormone levels back up . With hormones where they are supposed to be your health is much better and you have much more energy . Those supplements are male only , and no , they are not viagra etc .
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 4
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/3/2014 12:35:29 PM
My disinterest in relationships has far less to do with hormones or (as I am sure many here would say) maturity, but more with disgust. The demands and entitlement of the opposite sex infuriates me now and I will have none of it. Even my buddy's fiance who actually treats him well and puts up with a lot of his crap will say, or post on FB, things that make me want to pop her one (and he hears it too and has acknowledged that fact to me). There seems to be absolutely no escape from it.

If things were different, what would my motivation in dating be? It would be the same as when my now ex and I first started dating; the acceptance that I got from her, our common interests, the kind nature that we both had at the time, and the closeness that quickly developed between us. Only now, I would be on the lookout for the entitlement issues.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
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Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/3/2014 3:08:49 PM
OP, I think we could take ten different people in that age group, and ask them the same basic question about their relationship goals, and get at least five or six different answers. Then, listen carefully to the answers, and look inside each person, and we'd find that half of them wouldn't actually be right about why they are doing whatever they are. That would especially include the ones you mention who SAY they are being more careful, but who actually are trying to cover their bruised egos with a proactive-sounding rationalization.

Heck these forums are packed with people SAYING that this or that is what they think is going on with them, and then figuring out it's really something else.

I think it's all you suggest and other stuff, too. Usually, it's a combination. I know that when I'm "off," that I am always at least one part convinced something is true that isn't, one part eating wrong and out of kilter physiologically, one part being asked at the wrong time, and one part confused by all the other stuff.

Since I just got out of a twenty year marriage that was, to say the least, unusual, I have no idea what my sex drive is really like. I AM certain that I don't get turned on just by a woman being available, but that's been true since I was an insane teenager, aching every other morning from BB's. My negative experiences have whittled away some of my areas of doubt, so that there's no point in my giving another try to certain kinds of people. And it's surely true, that money plays a big part. After the state takes a chunk of all your future earnings away and hands it to the person who dumped you, there's not as much left to divvy up with someone else, so you'd better be more perspicacious.

One more thing, I NEVER respected the claim that sex was a "need," even for the most hormonally driven person around. That's because I'm picky about word meanings. A "need" is something, that if you don't get it filled, causes you to DIE.

I know what MY motivation is, for sure, and it hasn't actually changed much from when I was a kid. Only who I imagine might be able to fill the bill has changed.
 Westernguy
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 6
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/3/2014 3:12:47 PM
I know I'm young but ... what does sex and hormones have to do with simply wanting someone to hug and laugh with on a regular basis ?




Westernguy
a ee a ee a !
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 7
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/3/2014 4:40:25 PM

I know I'm young but ... what does sex and hormones have to do with simply wanting someone to hug and laugh with on a regular basis ?


True ....... and as the day, is long......and u are young to, in knowing one of the most profound truth in relationship... & life! Bravo ! and Good for you!
As u are not confused by hormones, maturity.....or even ones ego's......when the real real stuff counts the most, even in being in love too....
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/4/2014 2:48:24 AM

The demands and entitlement of the opposite sex infuriates me now

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I'm very curious as to what these things are that are so infuriating.
Some may think having to trim their toenails, cut their hair once a month and shave "infuriating".
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 9
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/4/2014 6:00:39 AM

Are people really that much more mature, or is it really they no long feel as driven (hormonally) to find a romantic partner? Or maybe they just CAN”T find a romantic partner and are rationalizing the reason why as their choice?
I know that I'm only 41 (and have been reprimanded for posting in here before, lol) but my desire for sex has gone up, not down. I also have no problem attracting the opposite sex for dates both online and off, and usually have no problem with men wanting more when I do choose to meet/go on dates.

The problem I am having is that I just don't want to. I came back here and opened a profile because I started feeling positive about dating again. But then as I was talking to guys, the reality began to sink in. I started thinking about all the effort it takes, how exhausting it is, even just the emails and texts... so I hid my profile.

I don't know if I'm always going to feel this way, but it kinda scares me a bit. I think it may be because I have devoted myself wholeheartedly to raising my kids (still have one at home) and getting my career going for so many years, that now that things are a bit more quiet, I just want to focus on ME. The thought of one more person who needs me and will make demands on me is almost a horror to my sensibilities. I know that probably sounds bad, but it's how I feel. I am not the type of person to give halfway, I tend to give my all in a relationship. The halfway/causal stuff just isn't my cuppa chai, I genuinely view it as pointless.

Plus, I'm very spiritual and those pursuits take up a fair amount of my time and energy. Finding someone who understands or feels similar has not been easy. Anyway, just thought I'd share my reasoning which I thought kinda fits this thread. And it's been something I've been thinking a lot about lately. I don't think it's an issue of hormones or maturity for me though.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 10
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Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/4/2014 12:37:57 PM


Igor in message 6:
I NEVER respected the claim that sex was a "need," even for the most hormonally driven person around. That's because I'm picky about word meanings. A "need" is something, that if you don't get it filled, causes you to DIE.

I could disagree with you here, at least on a small, limited basis. I have seen young men, horny, stupid, drunk, engage in dangerous behavior, trying to show off for women, and wind up dead. So yes, it is possible to DIE from being horny.


_shakti_ in message 11:
The problem I am having is that I just don't want to. I came back here and opened a profile because I started feeling positive about dating again. But then as I was talking to guys, the reality began to sink in. I started thinking about all the effort it takes, how exhausting it is, even just the emails and texts... so I hid my profile.

I think all the veterans, those of us who have been around a while, go through periods where we just don’t feel like it. You have to be very positive, very upbeat, to put in the kind of effort required to find someone, converse with them, meet them, etc, etc, etc. Sometimes we just need a break.

And, there is the matter of just how attracted you are. The older you get, the less attractive (overall) the dating pool that you can aspire to. Let’s face it, if I were on my deathbed, I could still get very excited about Anjelina Jolie.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
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Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/4/2014 1:06:21 PM
I no longer have a need, a driven need, to reproduce or have someone to be with. On the other hand I've not totally given up on the idea that two people can meet and love being together and go from there, but if it doesn't happen I no longer think I will die of loneliness. It took me years to figure out I'm not good relationship material, I use to whine about men and them not being right for me, and I realized I'm not good for what most men are seeking. It made it all much more relaxed for me.

I don't really want to live with a man, but if I found someone I did want to live with, then I'd want to get married. I like the idea of being married as apposed to living together, I've grown way past my rebel days. I think marriage, based on mutual love, attraction and want is a wonderful thing.

Yes, my hormones have settled to a low roar, but mostly it's that I'm disabled and it's painful and I'm tired, but being with a man I know full well I'd want sex, just not as often as I use to. But since I want solitude more, well again, I'm just not want most men are seeking. I have zero interest in a man who's into staying young and hopping about to prove it, give me a couch potato who likes to watch TV and talk about programs, etc. I like TVs and computers and talking, I have no need to prove I'm young for my age or look good for my age or any of that, and not just because I look old and I'm tired, but because I don't feel like proving myself to anyone. I'm not in competition, I don't want to be, and if that means I've left my dating/lover years behind, oh well.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 12
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/4/2014 1:19:16 PM

I think all the veterans, those of us who have been around a while, go through periods where we just don’t feel like it. You have to be very positive, very upbeat, to put in the kind of effort required to find someone, converse with them, meet them, etc, etc, etc. Sometimes we just need a break.
Guess I'm on a VERY long break then, lol. I haven't met or dated anyone in a year. It seems that my desire to do so (or even just socialize at all) wanes more and more as time goes on. Maybe I really will become a monk and go spend my last days in an ashram, lol.

And, there is the matter of just how attracted you are. The older you get, the less attractive (overall) the dating pool that you can aspire to. Let’s face it, if I were on my deathbed, I could still get very excited about Anjelina Jolie.
Lol true. The day that I opened my profile, I contacted someone who seemed to have stuff in common and was (according to his photos) attractive to me. We talked well, but then.. I don't know. I just got annoyed. Started looking for reasons to not like him instead of the opposite. And when I get like that, it's not something I can control, it just happens. I wouldn't call that hormones, but something is definitely waning.

Sorry, not trying to make the thread about me. Just contemplative on the topic I guess.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 13
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Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/4/2014 3:00:52 PM

I think all the veterans, those of us who have been around a while, go through periods where we just don’t feel like it. You have to be very positive, very upbeat, to put in the kind of effort required to find someone, converse with them, meet them, etc, etc, etc. Sometimes we just need a break.
Guess I'm on a VERY long break then, lol. I haven't met or dated anyone in a year. It seems that my desire to do so (or even just socialize at all) wanes more and more as time goes on. Maybe I really will become a monk and go spend my last days in an ashram, lol.


Maybe what is bugging you, is similar to what bugs me. When we were kids (relatively speaking), we put up with, and even actively tried to deal with the rest of the world by accepting what it's rules appeared to be. I think most folks are like that. It's most clear in situations such as standing in line in the dark and cold to see your new favorite music group, or to see the hottest new film. It seems to be worth it to submit oneself to such things, until eventually we wake up and find that we actually do think of ourselves as adults deserving of better treatment.

I wont stand in long lines for fads ever again. My love of music and live performances hasn't changed, but my awareness of the crass disrespect of so many show promoters have for their own customers, has increased tremendously.

When this kind of thing is applied to dating, I have lost all patience with formulaic requirements of any kind. If someone insists on the coy fencing and over-cautious game playing or format following, I feel as though I'm being told I'm still a fifteen year old kid, and can't be treated like an adult. Mind you, that has nothing to do with the game some people try to play, where they declare that now that we are all older that we should go straight for the bedroom and "find out if we are compatible," nor does it mean that I have no sense of grace, or appreciation of the beauty of subtleties.

I just want reality from here on out. And I accept that that has ALWAYS been much more rare, and so I am willing to wait for a genuine chance, and have no desire to pretend to myself that repeated exercises in obvious fruitlessness is worthwhile.

If you find yourself thinking "yadda, yadda yadda" when you read the same uncreative verbiage from would-be romantics yet again, we are probably on the same page.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 14
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/4/2014 3:25:27 PM

I have lost all patience with formulaic requirements of any kind.
I suppose I can see where you are coming from on that, as it's usually the women who insist on such things. I've probably been guilty a time or three. Guys are more about the:
we should go straight for the bedroom and "find out if we are compatible,"
.. in general, lol.

I just want reality from here on out. And I accept that that has ALWAYS been much more rare, and so I am willing to wait for a genuine chance, and have no desire to pretend to myself that repeated exercises in obvious fruitlessness is worthwhile.
Absolutely on the same page here and I agree. It seems sometimes that guys have no idea what I want or how to appeal to me. I don't want their money, I don't like it when they trip over themselves to impress me.. I just want them to be themselves and I will be doing likewise, to determine if we are compatible. Apparently that's a novel idea?

If you find yourself thinking "yadda, yadda yadda" when you read the same uncreative verbiage from would-be romantics yet again, we are probably on the same page.
Oh for sure. I just have a tendency (as you may have noted from another thread) to point the finger inward. As I truly believe that is where the answers and solutions lie..

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 15
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/4/2014 9:07:23 PM

Over45, more mature or decline in hormones?



I prepared an answer for this question but then I realized, I'm not over 45 yet....will come back to this thread in about 2 weeks. ;P
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 16
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/4/2014 10:03:56 PM
Yeah, I think it's more about maturity, or experience, than hormones. I had my hormones checked..I was told I was very fertile! Yet I haven't been intimate in years.

Part of it is the cold hard truth..the "good ones" are taken...and that makes sense. Women are going to snap up well adjusted, socialized men that work well in a family environment...or at the very least, in a give and take. Guys that are into commitments and can go the long haul are *gold.*

Another factor is I just don't have the juice to endure the BS I used to...the game playing, the drinking, player attitudes I didn't recognize back then, the settling for less than what one deserves, on and on. I absolutely put up with stuff I would not get near these days, and that eliminates ALOT of people.

Plus, quite frankly, dating was just EASIER before the net. You met up at school or work, guys would take you out, you made your decision yes or no and that would be the end of it. In your 40's. for some of us women, men never ask us out, ever. Seriously, years can go by. And I assume it's going to get less and less the older I get, until it is no more. This may very well be because many of the men are sick of stuff they went thru, don't want to get stiffed in another lousy divorce, or have found someone worth committing to. Plus, I'm not terribly attractive and LA has a dearth of hot women.

I tend to go with "we're in another phase of life" where there is no pressure to meet, mate, set up household, etc. No one cares about that stuff anymore. Or, most don't. They just want to have some fun and go home.
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 17
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/5/2014 5:32:49 AM

It seems right that decreasing hormone levels might cause older people to have less interest


This Rose is to Live by......or even mate with in ideals.....an excerpt from a friend passed on to me.

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.
I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, 'Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?' I laughed and enthusiastically responded, 'Of course you may!' and she gave me a giant squeeze..
'Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?' I asked. She jokingly replied, 'I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids...'
'No seriously,' I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. 'I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!' she told me. After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.
We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this 'time machine' as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.
Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, 'I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.'
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, ' We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.
There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humour every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.
We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!
There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.
If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.
Anybody! Can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.
The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets..'
She concluded her speech by courageously singing 'The Rose.'
She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those months ago.
One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.
Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. We make a Living by what we get. We make a Life by what we give.
 Crystal_Planet
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 18
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/5/2014 6:50:14 AM
I don't think we lack a desire to be with someone as we age, but I do think the dynamic of that desire changes.

Hormones do decline the older we get, and despite the old "I'm much more sexual than I was when I was young" chest beating we see here, I know personally that I don't view potential relationships in red fog of lust I did when I was in my twenties. I don't need to be with someone just because I haven't been laid in while in other words. These days it's more of a need of companionship - and the undeniable warmth that goes along with it. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy the fact that women give my loins a stir (figuratively) - but it is no longer is the be all and end all of a relationship to me.

Personally, I don't get the whole "I'm happier alone anyways" deal. I get people get frustrated with the games and bullshit of dating - but being ultimately happier alone? That's endemic of something else I think.
 Crystal_Planet
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 19
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/5/2014 7:27:04 AM

And not being happy alone is also an endemic of something else too and because of that, I see many folks make the wrong decisions regarding who they get involved with.

No argument there. Either extreme is not good, because they are, well, extreme...

I would like to be in a relationship - eventually. I'm not putting any time frames on it though.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 20
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Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/5/2014 3:42:47 PM
It took me a long while to figure out why I'm happier alone, and maybe some don't understand that but hey, we are all individuals with out own separate needs. It's not just about not finding the right person, although that can come into play, it's about being an individual who likes being alone for long periods of time. There's nothing perplexing about it, it's just not for some.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 21
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/6/2014 9:29:59 PM
Hahahaha


Yep, burn out. Bring on the porn. :D
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 22
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/6/2014 10:50:40 PM
No decline in hormones here.
Perhaps even more.

I concur with being picky for a relationship.
To live together, have joint finances etc with someone I will want to be very sure.
Having been burnt a few times makes me wary.

Dating on the other hand is a different thing.

e.g. A man I spent some time with last weekend (I suppose you could call it dating) who is bankrupt started to make noises about us being in a relationship, me buying a place that would be suitable for him.
The next time he invites me I think I will be busy and probably busy for a while.
Have already told him my next 10 weeks are hectic.

Perhaps I should start a thread.
How do you tell someone... I really enjoy your company but I have no intentions of paying your debts nor washing your socks?
In fact I think I will start just such a thread.
 Crystal_Planet
Joined: 10/30/2013
Msg: 23
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/7/2014 4:55:53 AM

Perhaps I should start a thread.
How do you tell someone... I really enjoy your company but I have no intentions of paying your debts nor washing your socks?
In fact I think I will start just such a thread.


Oh, that's a dandy idea. And the outcome will not at all be predictable....

;-)
 or_current_resident
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 24
Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/7/2014 7:30:43 AM

Oh, that's a dandy idea. And the outcome will not at all be predictable....


So true.....nothing like getting pigeon holed before you ever open your pie hole or dirty socks ! ^^^^^

And this opinion is not intended to those are very happy and content....but this opinion is for these ones who claim that.....

In why those who on occasion think about trying to date, [aka full moon, etc] ,will pick losers & then complain why repeatedly ! ^^^^ Is there sort of a pattern here or just bad luck ?
And here is my theory why........ cuz "the folks " who are stuck in that mentality ,imo just don't even go there...to let them sulk in their own self pity & morass....cuz your maturity & hormone level will make no difference, if the possibly of dating is on your mind.

As their hormones maybe in high gear.... but their past hurts, rants & a few skeletons are still in their closets, still linger on...... cheers
 HardRic
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 25
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Over 45, more mature or decline in hormones?
Posted: 4/16/2014 4:55:40 PM
Hello my name is Richard, look no further. I read your profile I agree with most of what you said but not all. Then we can talk it over with a glass of wine or coffee. Let me know if you're interested.
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