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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?      Home login  
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 localRenoite12
Joined: 4/17/2013
Msg: 1
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
A big piece of advice around here seems to be just talk to women in public. Seems like it would be tiring for women though to have guys constantly bothering them and stepping into their daily personal space. A lot of my female friends also seem to react in hostility when a guy approaches them while we're out and they say it can be overbearing sometimes. I tried giving a woman a compliment at a coffee the other day and she just seemed to roll her eyes (it was a remark about her tattoo which I thought was well done). Are you better off just trying to build something with people you already know?
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 2
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/6/2014 11:06:45 PM
I lament the lack of male initiative taken in public. Either I'm fairly hideous (which could be!) or men have officially have had it beaten out of them any incentive to approach a female in public for fear of having his face ripped off or worse.

I consider a great deal of basic, healthy human interaction and contact to be dead these days anyway.


But I've also heard from more than one source that the hip thing to do these days is "not care." You act as if it just doesn't matter. Because you're too cool to care. This supposedly is the way to now manage your dating life as well.

Lovely.

PS It could be my age-if I was young and hot, maybe I'd be rolling my eyes too, taking the attention for granted. I've always enjoyed non aggressive attention from guys, and even simple things like a smile or having a door held open. In fact, I love stuff like this.
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 3
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 12:01:36 AM

A big piece of advice around here seems to be just talk to women in public. Seems like it would be tiring for women though to have guys constantly bothering them and stepping into their daily personal space. A lot of my female friends also seem to react in hostility when a guy approaches them while we're out and they say it can be overbearing sometimes. I tried giving a woman a compliment at a coffee the other day and she just seemed to roll her eyes (it was a remark about her tattoo which I thought was well done). Are you better off just trying to build something with people you already know?


No. If they find you attractive, they will be happy you approached them. If you come across as awkward or approval seeking, they will probably just laugh it off. If you don't go away and annoy them, they will be annoyed. You would be annoyed too if a girl you weren't into couldn't tell that you didn't want to talk to her. You should do some more research on "day game" and learn the basics of it. Just shrug it off when a woman is rude or isn't into you, just like you would if you applied to a job and didn't hear back.
 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 4
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 12:36:23 AM
OP ... you need to brush up on the fine art of "body language." Approaching/talking to a stranger in a public place should be Step 2. Step 1 is to make eye-contact and smile (briefly, I'm not talking about a staring contest.) If the person smiles back, odds are you're Ok to make some small social chit-chat remark and then gauge from there if there is some interest. But, if they turn away, don't smile, roll their eyes, etc ... stop.

I'm one of those "never met a stranger" types who talks to folks in the elevator. I'm never bothered by a polite greeting or comment from a stranger. But ~ again, body language ought to let you know if you're merely getting a polite response or if there is interest in more.

The woman you met at the coffee shop was obviously not interested. Her response shouldn't be taken as universal :)
 PurpleZebra12
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 5
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 3:11:47 AM
I agree, body language is key. If she won't smile at you, it's highly unlikely she'll respond positively to a conversation. If she is displeased, leave ASAP. Don't keep engaging in conversation in the hopes she'll change her mind.

As a woman, I tend to get annoyed by men who ignore my not so subtle signals. When I'm wearing headphones or reading a book, I'm not up for conversation. I enjoy being alone in public. But, there are times I am more than willing to chat and I'll send off positive signals as well.

Also, people can tell when you start talking to them with an ulterior motive. Parents can tell when their kids want permission for something, friends can tell when their friends want money and women can tell when a guy wants a number. Again, that's why body language matters. The women are seeing your intentions a mile away and have already decided if they want to talk to you or not. You just need to know how to understand these signals.
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 5:16:58 AM
From a 'player' perspective, many women, especially really good-looking, outgoing ones will always tend to have their '**** shield' up to both protect them from MOST guys & also to TEST guys who they think might just have enough alpha-male potential to melt their proverbial ice berg.

So, the answer really lies in who you are & HOW you approach.

As for me personally, I think if a woman is really mean or icy towards just because I had the temerity to pay her a compliment or whatever.....well, she's probably a fairly low class hoe who isn't worthy of my time anyway.
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 5:23:18 AM
I should have also said flirtatious remarks tend to work better than compliments (though the probability of failure is higher) since: A) Flirting with a girl you have only just met communicates to her you are confident, fun, daring, not an obsequious 'nice guy'etc & B) If you do want to compliment her later, this flirtation lays a much better base for it's reception.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 8
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 5:54:46 AM
Approaching a gal in public has damn near everything to do with her attitude, and hardly anything to do with your message or delivery. Live others have said, body language gives you some pretty solid clues whether or not it's 'safe' to approach. If you ignore everything about the situation and only think of your own goal, you're gonna miss a lot.

It sometimes helps to go to a public place and be a 'fly on a wall' for some time and just observe the situation. You'll see stuff like the hottest woman in the room not able to get in three sentences with her friends without being interrupted by a pickup line, and the 'bookish' gal with glasses get literally stepped on in order for the guy to hit on the hot chick. If the gal has her headphones in and/or her cap pulled down tight, it's nature's way of saying "F--- off." Don't be ignorant of the signs.
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 6:01:30 AM
"Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?"

Well now, this is definately one of the biggest problems in the dating world.

Sure, how you approach, if you're attractive enough to her, if she's available, etc, are elements which certainly have bearing on this question...

However, what really makes this such a problem area is that people are so confused, wishy washy, self-contradictory, and self-defeating just on the concept itself in certain ways, whether or not it's even socially acceptable in the first place - Some women's attitudes about just the idea itself...if it's even "ok", where and how, her liking the idea of it yet responding negatively or as if it's uncool even when conditions are favorable or satisfactory, what's expected of a man's approach and what she interprets from it often being quite inappropriate or illogical, and the fact that some expect it so much from men in the first place and never do anything themselves except employ ways to "get him" to make an initial approach. And part of this are some weird lingering ideas about a man's "confidence". As if the act of approaching or taking initiative is tied into confidence, status, or strength. And yes, it's not made any better by how a lot of men feel about this and how they do it, which makes some women's attitudes very understandable.

It's a sad paradox - how much closer to normal real reality can you get than us Humans interacting with each other "in public"? Where and when else would it happen? (Virtual-meeting is still about ultimately meeing in "real-life", and meeting or approaching initially in public shouldn't be made uncool or superceded by virtual avenues.) Yet, there is that general cultural fear, inhibition, and unnacceptableness about approaching each other in public unless it conforms to sometimes very strange and ridiculous criteria - definately not just about respect and courtesy.

Indication of how bad and mixed up that all is, is the fact that I've relatively recently even seen a dating site that operates in the following way - Men make full profiles. Women practically have none. Men seeing anything at all about any of the women members isn't even an option, nor to even message them. Sounds refreshing or interesting, right? The contradictory glitch in all of this? - When a woman likes a man's profile and messages him, it is still up to him to take her out, spend money, and woo her, if he takes her up on "her offer to let him do so".

BTW: I can't count how many women I've known who, when reminiscing about how her and her guy got together, explained that she was rude and dismissive to him, making it aggressively clear that she's not looking for anything nor interested in him...but they got together because he did what basically would be considered to be very rude, harrassing, and stalkerish by anyone.
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 10
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 6:15:27 AM
Probably was the zillionth time a Man has commented on the tattoo.. hence the eye roll.
I don't like when I am in the midst of something and suddenly a stranger tries to engage in small talk/flirting
 chill78
Joined: 10/13/2013
Msg: 11
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 6:43:23 AM
If a man is attractive and she is single and available, the answer is often ( not always ) no. Otherwise the answer is yes.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 12
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 6:48:08 AM
Its more about timing and the ability to read when someone is saying with thier body language that they want space. Talking to women is not the same as trying your pick up lines on them. Talk to women as you would males, to gain confience and realise women are just people...not things to be put on pedestals...and like some men you run into...sometimes they are busy doing other stuff, so respect that and move along is all. You wouldnt try to stop a man running down the street to make small talk, so dont do that to a woman either.

I dont get bothered unless after I make it clear I need to get moving and they dont respect that. I'll always give directions, tell the time, point out where the restroom is if I happen to know, give a review on a product etc...but if I say I need to get going, then just allow me to make my exit and carry on with what I was doing.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 13
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 6:52:31 AM
I agree, body language is key. If she won't smile at you, it's highly unlikely she'll respond positively to a conversation. If she is displeased, leave ASAP. Don't keep engaging in conversation in the hopes she'll change her mind.


A lot of men will persist just to annoy them. Once they know the woman won't respond positively, they settle for getting under her skin.

Fact is, women are all over the map. Men are too. There is no one way to behave, what one person likes will annoy the next. So just be yourself and don't worry about it. If someone gets PO'ed at you, c'est la vie. It's not like you'll ever see them again.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 14
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 7:01:59 AM
Yes and no.

Single attractive women, love men to notice them. They also like it when men notice their breast, their legs, their tats. But here's the problem, as much as they love to be sexual desirable objects, they hate men that objectify them right away. So my advice is NEVER complement a woman on a physical trait. Complement her on a mental choice that she made. So instead of complementing her Tattoo, which she has heard so much. ASK HER, where did she get the idea of the tattoo, and why did she choose what she choose. Start a conversation, let her tell you about her passion. When you give simply a complement, the woman's shield goes up because it says "I complement you because I want to fvck you."

But if you ask her about something, and engage, her shield will be down. You may even never tell her that you like her tat, or that it's kind of weird, or intense, or whatever, but now she will be more interested in what you think. And in the mean time you can amplify the sexual attraction and go from there.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 15
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 7:08:08 AM
InnerGorilla, that's really true! Women know what man are lookin' at. Haha yet still, it always feels better to be "indirectly complimented" rather than directly. There is just a wariness/safety issue/sizing up thing that goes on with women that men don't really think about. Plus, nature makes us more protective of our more scarce eggs than billions of sperm. We want to (and should!) choose wisely.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 16
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 9:21:03 AM
I find from conversing with many of my nice looking female friends that this form of "hitting on" can be a pain for good looking women many times. They relate it to men walking down the street and having someone ask them for money at every corner. There are times one may want to stop listen and help, but most times it becomes a thorn in your side to have this done over and over and over again, making you feel uncomfortable, and accomplishing little to nothing.

This is one reason that I do not "hit" on a woman at a club, bar, or party, without their letting me know that they are interested in me doing so, and trust me, women have a wonderful way to let us oblivious men know!! Once that happens, then it becomes a mutual ritual of getting to know each other better. I just hate the philosophy of so many men that they need to hit on a hundred women, in order to be successful with a few.........Not my style at all!!

cd
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 17
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 10:04:35 AM
I hope the OP takes the time to learn about these types of social interactions. There is so much information online, it would take you years to read and watch all of it. This is a popular topic and it's always in fashion. The ability to strike up a conversation will pay off if you happen to see a woman that really catches your eye. Start out by talking to everyone, not just attractive women. You need to "warm up". Also, attractive women are told "hi, you're cute, etc, let me buy you a drink, etc" all the time. You'll have better chances if you stand out instead of being like the last ten guys that complimented her.


I just hate the philosophy of so many men that they need to hit on a hundred women, in order to be successful with a few.........Not my style at all!!


You're abiding by the same philosophy, but you're doing is passively instead of actively. By going to clubs and places like that, you're exposing yourself to a hundred women and then taking action when you notice signs of interest. You're doing the same thing, but approaching it more strategically instead of a shotgun method.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 18
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 10:40:00 AM

Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?

Not if you're hot.

If you're hot, I'm wondering how the heck didn't I notice you first. If you're a troll, I'd thinking wtf did I do to make this guy approach me, like why is this happening to me? lmao.

Yeah Yeah, I know it sounds shallow, but admit it, if you were at a supermarket, and an attractive woman approached you to ask a question, you'd be like damn, my lucky day! Let me take a picture of what I wore today since it caused that person to approach me, ahahaha.

I was at a club about 3-4 weeks ago bidding goodbye to a co-worker on his last day. About 30 minutes after I got there, a guy asked me to dance (it was club music: techno, house, some rap), but this guy was like dancing some sort of bachata styled stuff (close together). After 2-3 songs of this crappy togetherness, trying to get his knee in between my legs, I told him "I gotta get back to my drink over there". He asked me out again later on and I said "no thanks". I would gladly dance with someone who knows what we're dancing and keeps a few inches distance from me at least. No reason to be all up in the sauce, not that I wouldn't appreciate a good rub, but from a stranger? hell to the no.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 19
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 11:01:19 AM
wow, its nice to see the honest responses--most people try to deny the impact appearance has. I still remember the time a coworker mentioned hating to walk into a department needing something, and getting an expression of exasperation from the busy people in the department. Another coworker (hot), said she never got that response. I pointed out to her that, "well, you are a welcome distraction from stress and tension. The rest of us, aren't."

for sure, if you walk past ten strangers to ask the (hot) eleventh one what time it is...she knows the score.

one factor that didn't get mentioned was, "what's she doing at the time you bother her?" I used to ask out lots of women (my mom told me never to be afraid to ask out an attractive women, many are single b/c they don't get asked out), but figured out quickly, the ones wearing Walkmans really DID want to be left alone. and if I see someone interacting with friends--not being bored--then bothering her truly is...bothersome.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 20
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 11:03:01 AM
It amazes me a bit, the lengths a guy will go to to get a girl's attention/number, etc.. I've been blown away through the years. And I have been impressed by the approach of some, but even still.. these types of 'cold calls' don't often go anywhere. Usually it's the guy leaving his number, which the female rarely if ever uses. Either that or he asks for hers and gets shot down because let's face it, that's extremely forward for a random meet in public.

I don't think I've ever been bothered though, except for the occasions that I have been with my kids. Seriously??
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 21
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Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 11:24:32 AM
Personally, I think any person that cannot graciously accept a compliment isn't someone I would want to date.
It should never matter how attractive the "compliment giver" is.
If one can't be bothered to say a simple Thank You to a compliment, I would see that as a indicator of other undesirable traits!!
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 22
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 1:35:36 PM
I used to approach certain women in public, but now I can't get within 500 feet of them.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 23
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 2:49:49 PM
I used to approach certain women in public, but now I can't get within 500 feet of them.


Restraining order?

J/K

OP, if you want to meet someone that you see in public, it isn't going to happen if you don't approach them. Some women will be annoyed, others won't. There is no approach that will get you the girl every time without stepping on anyone's toes. It's called life.

Since you're not likely to ever see them again, why do you care if they are annoyed by it?
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 24
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 7:46:00 PM
If a hot guy approached me in public, I'd be all over it, lol. I get a lot of looks, but nobody ever approaches me. I do coe across as "aloof" though, just how I am. Also I'm not really looking for a date when I'm out running errands.

Counter question - for the guys: if a guy is very friendly and chatty, is he just being nice or hoping for something more?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 25
Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?
Posted: 4/7/2014 8:46:05 PM
A big piece of advice around here seems to be just talk to women in public.



Do women get bothered when you approach them in public?


That depends.

If a guy bears a striking resemblance to Quasimodo, then definitely yes.

If a guy is 6 ft. tall and looks like a male model with a ripped physique and a million watt smile, then definitely no.

If a guy falls somewhere in between-like most guys- then it's a definite toss-up.
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