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Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 2
how to find a kinky partnerPage 1 of 1    
Have your tried the sites that are geared towards that lifestyle? Fetlife or collarme, etc?

They are out there! It's like a lot of's best to just get it out there and talk about it early on (but not obsessively). If they are opposed they'll go running and you'll be better off for it. If they are open minded, they'll talk about it.

I had one guy send me a music video that was depicting some s&m type scenarios. He asked that I watched it and tell him what I thought. I didn't know if he was into that and that's why he was showing me the video, or if he just liked the song or what....but it opened up a discussion for what our sexual interests were in a way that wasn't about him wanting to do stuff TO me (you know what I mean...kind of like that it's too soon to be getting that perv-ey with someone vibe). It helped when it was phrased like, "what do you think of having so-and-so done?" versus "I like doing so-and-so, is that something you'd consider?" Let her describe her interests without having to worry about "impressing" you by claiming to be into something she's not.

And don't waste time with someone where there isn't sexual compatibility. It is sooo important. And your "kinky" desires aren't going to go away. So don't find a nice girl not into the lifestyle and hope that you can learn to accept vanilla.
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 3
how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 4/14/2014 9:47:33 PM
If there was a magic formula for all of us to find that special person that can fulfill our needs/visa versa none of us would be sitting here pecking away on a dating forum.

You just have to keep on dating. Date date date. That's what the rest of us do. If you get to the point where you are talking about sex, then you can bring up what you're into. Factors such as her attitude, trustworthiness and being well mannered are just all things you have to access during the dating process. There is no fast and easy answer.

I've found that men who are into a specific thing tend to bring it up before we actually get into anything-if you click then you'll find the conversation just flows. Heck, once on a first date I got along so well with one guy we ended up talking about *just* that, after dinner hanging out on a bench-kinky stuff.

It's amazing how, when you meet the right person that is on the same wavelength as you, conversation flows so easily. And when you are NOT on par with the other person, the LAST thing you want to do is know anything about their sex life!

I think when you run into that right combination you are looking for you both will know it. But you have to get out there and start meeting people.
Good luck!
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 5
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how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 4/15/2014 2:33:32 AM
It depends on how kinky you want. I would say the websites that specialize in that sort of thing is your best bet. The vanilla kinks just have to be discussed between the you and the woman you are interested in when yall are comfortable enough with eachother.
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 6
view profile
how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 4/15/2014 3:12:29 AM
As others have started there are specific websites for those lifestyles, they may well serve you better than pof. I would defiantly refrain from mentioning it in your profile or in early messages. It does however sound like it would be an acceptable 'third date' conversation.

how do I find a chill girl/woman whos kinky yet well mannered loyal and truthful?

I would say if this is what you are looking for then mirror this in yourself. If you want well mannered, loyal and truthful, the show you are these things in your profile.

If you say as your headline
i work alot plz dont waste my timits limited
The you come across as someone who is of limited intelligence and who wont give a woman the time and attention she needs. Similarly your photos are of you drinking, shooting and playing with guns. They make you look like a party frat boy, who's only interested in getting drunk and shooting stuff.

If you want well mannered, loyal and truthful PROVE THAT YOU ARE well mannered, loyal and truthful.....the kinky stuff will come later down the line.
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 7
how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 4/15/2014 3:45:44 AM
I am not sure about the third date thing.

This time last year I had a first meet with a man that started as morning coffee...
we got on really well and it continued to lunch, then afternoon and dinner.
We got on famously.

At the end of dinner he brought up his sexual preferences and wanted me to be his sub.

My raucous laughter was not the response he was seeking.

I suppose it depends on what you mean by kinky?

Sorry but as I stated in profile review I cannot for some reason see you profile yet I can see others.
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 8
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how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 4/15/2014 4:16:56 AM

Yes BUT had he told you he was a dom looking for a sub, on the 5th, 10th or 20th date would have been any more likely to take him up on his offer?

I'm guessing not.

So better he was up front about it relatively early on than waist both of your time.
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 10
how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 4/15/2014 7:33:26 AM
People are not profile DOES and WILL take time to unravel peoples inner desires, and if you cannot invest the time required, then dont bother looking.

A woman with some class is not going to advertise blatantly on a public dating site that she is into kink. And I doubt she would want to be linked up with a man who pronounces it publicly either. Kinky or not, people like thier privacy. So, get out and meet people, get to know them one on one and take your chances like the rest of us. Be classy, loyal, well mannered yourself, as 'like attracts like' in most cases.
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 11
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how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 4/15/2014 7:37:45 AM
You need to state clearly what you are looking for. Define what "kinky" means to you.. because believe it or not, it means different things to different people. For some 69 or anal sex is kinky. Be clear in what you are seeking.

If you aren't comfortable on a mainstream dating site to state you are looking for kinky fun, then stick to ones that are geared towards kink. Fetlife is NOT a dating site, but it will give you the opportunity to seek out get togethers in your area so you can go out and meet people face to face.

I'm not a big fan of CollarMe or Alt... but I know people that it works for.

As someone who also seeks out kinky partners, I look for someone that I can build a non-kinky/vanilla relationship with, because I know I need both in my life.
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 12
how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 4/15/2014 10:15:34 AM
An old saying I remember seeing:
Erotic is using a feather... Kinky is using the whole chicken.

OP, You need to define your own needs (and limits) before you go out into a GLOBAL website looking for something quite specific, and need to realize there is a huge variety of 'kink' interpretations that can have trouble with your translation to their own needs. I fully agree with others in here that if you indeed NEED that specific angle to your relationship, the more specialized websites are a better way to go. People have enough trouble in here just finding someone with the 'right' height or eye color and hair color, so getting into sexual preferences gets even more difficult.
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 13
how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 4/15/2014 10:35:59 AM
Your profile might very well be creating some relationship barriers for you.
Perhaps a visit to the Profile Reviews forum would pay some dating dividends.
Good luck with your romantic search.
Joined: 12/2/2017
Msg: 14
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how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 2/11/2018 9:27:32 AM
Depends what kinda kinks we are talking.
Most people are open to some stuff, its when you get more off-center they aren't.
Then its best to look on a specific kink site
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 15
how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 2/11/2018 10:47:20 AM
An online search can provide some options. Fetlife,, maybe even or Facebook may have groups for people with certain fetishes. I know these aren't directly dating groups / websites. But at least a person can make new friends possibly meet a future partner from their expanded social circle.
Joined: 1/23/2018
Msg: 16
how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 2/11/2018 2:09:06 PM
If you want kink, try an alt dating site. Google them & see who you find!
Joined: 7/1/2017
Msg: 17
how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 2/12/2018 4:49:44 AM

some options. Fetlife,

Whenever I see someone mention 'Fetlife' my mind automatically thinks of an insurance company---not sexy at all!


Joined: 6/11/2015
Msg: 18
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how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 2/13/2018 12:21:47 AM

so I havent really dated alot of people and the ones I do date dont have all the same interests as me.

They don't need to have all your same interests. You like to have fun, go out -- I'm sure your interests aren't these unique ones held to you and very few. Plus, you're supposed to open up to generic stuff. It's just dating...

im very open minded and would try anything once sorta guy.

Then you shouldn't worry about "not all the same interests" thing.

how do I find a chill girl/woman whos kinky yet well mannered loyal and truthful?

Okay, so really, you want a girl who's sexually open -- willing to try some different stuff here and there. There's more girls like that than ya think. You can't walk into a bar, start chat with a girl, and ask "So, when you're having a guy bone you, would you like it or not like it if he did [explicit sexual act description] to ya?"

Or maybe you can. :) I would go with the sex sites online sorta thing... but from what I hear, most are couples with much fewer (active) gals going solo for c0ck, who have any decent looks about them. Worth a shot though, just a lot of effort. But in general? Meet girls out at pubs and such -- and land dates with girls who seem a little frisky... and shortly into date #1/#2, mention how you're into that (if she's not out of your league) kinda stuff... starting out as a "Ya know, I always wanted to try...," in some sex-related drinking fun talk.
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 19
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how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 2/13/2018 3:33:46 AM
You live on the coast....
I remember some cool clubs that have a very diverse clientele. Perhaps look into that.
If not like most said....web sites and post what you are looking for in your profile.
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 20
how to find a kinky partner
Posted: 2/13/2018 3:16:57 PM

I remember some cool clubs that have a very diverse clientele. Perhaps look into that.

Yes. Some clubs will have 1 night per week or month for the BDSM/fetish crowd. These events are advertised on fetlife/alternate dating websites or even sometimes general sex/adult/swingers websites.
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