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 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 1
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Profile Help, Please?Page 1 of 1    
I'm coming off a long-term in-home 24/7 intensive caregiving situation where I put my wants and needs behind my ear and did my best. Then it ended as all does ... I'm easing back in, a new person yet feeling as if I'm rejoining myself where I left off, optimstic and yet changed ...and would appreciate a gut read/feedback/pulse about my new profile's tone, impact, confidence, unintended turn-offs, snubs or offenses, and any stumbling details of my own ... or whatever you've kindly got for me! Thanks ...
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 2
Profile Help, Please?
Posted: 4/24/2014 4:58:10 PM
Hey Pluto - Welcome to the profile reviews, and if it's any comfort to you, I built a support structure for my own tomatoes today, out of 1/2" black pipe. We have to make things earthquake-proof over here:)
I would remove some of your pics and some interests too. You do have some very interesting photos, but realistically, how many women will want to date you based on no fish being in a lake?
You need a strong main photo, you have a few possibilities but noting jumps out at me, maybe you can do some fresh ones with the intent of using them in your profile.
When I look at your thumbnail pic I see a man in a T-shirt, it's not exactly spellbinding and I think most women would pass you by.
 Smthn_Like_Olivia
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 3
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Profile Help, Please?
Posted: 4/24/2014 5:00:02 PM
Pics are decent, but I think you need a better main photo. Just a simple, clear, close-up head and shoulder smiling headshot. The captions on your pics are way too long. Short and simple.

At 49 you're still undecided about kids? I would make a decision here.

I gotta tell you. The creative writing is an attractive quality, but I find it to be a bit too much. It almost feels like you're trying more hard to be creative than to find an actual date, and if I were considering you, I honestly wouldn't know what to go on for conversation besides the situation with your mother, which I imagine could be a bit uncomfortable right out the gate. It needs more info about you with less of the unnecessary. What kind of woman piques your interest?

The first date section is also waaayy too much. I couldn't even read through the whole thing. I skimmed, then skipped to the bottom, and was relieved to see the coffee date.

Less is more.
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 4
Profile Help, Please?
Posted: 4/24/2014 5:39:30 PM
Pirate as a profession?
No need to speak of your Mother - sorry for your loss.
I tuned off, it rambles and smacks of trying so hard to be erudite it just left my cold.
I'd not have up the Shorts picture.
Not a fan of the Main, thumbnail makes you hard to actually see.
Really don't like those shorts :/
jmo good luck
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 5
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Posted: 4/24/2014 9:58:24 PM
Thanks to each of you so far!

Greenthumb – You’re way ahead of me on the tomatoes – I’m still trying to get the foundation right while the seedling turn into an indoor jungle… Excellent point on the T-shirt main, and if I don’t have generally well taken photos, I need to listen carefully about cutting back. But the interests – is it a big strike if they all stay?

Smthn -- You got me, for the better or worse, no pulling punches. The kids section was needlessly difficult, and I interpreted it as ‘want to bear kids’ vs. ‘adopt’. I would have loved kids, but right or wrong, it was a messy terminal situation for Mom for years. My other half would have to be your age or so. Then again, modern technology – her decision in other cases. If I put I want kids I feel I am scaring off my likely match, but if I put no kids, then I’m scaring off anyone who is still willing and wanting them. Should I put prefer not to say, something else, explain … it feels like a political hotpotato that isn’t a good idea. “If you want to have children I am ready and willing, and if not I just missed out and want a great life with my soulmate.”

Piques … I guess I figured putting myself out there, by magic or osmosis the ladies would see similarities and recognize some of the things I have fun doing and be interested. Probably you just want me to make some decisive observations – well taken. You started off on the ‘undecided’ up top and it flowed through. Not your place to read much in first date. Frankly I probably think that a field to fill in about First Date is a waste. But you take it seriously. Hmmmm – that’s actually a viewpoint I missed and need to rethink.

Ouija … ‘JMO’, don’t underestimate yourself LOL That Pirate thing is new. On the bright side you stumbled over it, on the dark side, I probably already lost you there. It does apply to my work as I transition from caregiver to life. I tried to express that I’m into intellectual banter to keep the pot stirred. It’s hard to do this. Maybe the gem in your opinion is the place for this is not in the profile, but later, or just plain too much…and that my profile needs feel more like the ones I click by without a second glance. When I find a woman who has this sort of profile, I get excited about it. Thanks for the condolences. It’s been years 24/7. For the same reason some women put up front they have kids and even the ages, it seems way too massive to delete out. I don’t mind it filtering away women who couldn’t give a crap about caring for others, on the other hand I don’t want to scare anyone away talking about Mom and imagining a Momma’s baby getting apple pies baked watching tv on the sofa. It was an ICU in the house and she couldn’t even move her tongue to eat. I averaged 3-4 hours sleep a night. For several years. No regrets, but not unscathed. Need to give it a go again. I’m with you. - Shorts are gone (In my defense it’s Florida, but you’re still probably right).

Thanks again. Guys, I don't need coddling, it's all great advice and send any more.
 GreenThumbz18
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 6
Profile Help, Please?
Posted: 4/25/2014 4:29:44 AM
"Excellent point on the T-shirt main, and if I don’t have generally well taken photos, I need to listen carefully about cutting back. But the interests – is it a big strike if they all stay? "
Pluto - Remember why you are here,,,you are here to get nice attractive women to want to message you. Post up whatever photos you think will lead to that. I personally love your pics,,, but again, that's not why you're here. Women typically respond to other images, and it's your job to create good feelings with your photos and text, so that when you message them they look at your profile and think to themself" I'm glad he messaged me, I want to know more about him." That is your goal.
I would try #7 as a main photo, which might seem odd, but I'll tell you why: That is a very compelling graphic image and when you glance it quickly it makes you stop and look. You need a cheesecake pic or two, a sweet headshot, which you lack.
You have too many interests, many are rather similar and should be deleted. I think 9 is the magic number here, and again, try to have things that resonate with your target audience, and things that are easily searchable, like cooking, gardening, travel. You can incorporate some into your text, so they get the idea that way. Again, make believe that they have a limited attention span, so don't bore them with minutia ,, give them enough to chew on, and some that will create positive emotions,,, that is very important here.
I would slow down your writing style, make it more me to you, less choppy thoughts with better flow of concepts. Also you need to talk about what you hope to find in your new friend/lover/partner. Make it read more like your first date, in that style, right now it's too much like an infomercial.
You get a lot of space on a profile, and as long as you don't bore your audience,,, then use the space if you have something to say.
I revise bits of my own profile whenever I get the urge, if certain things are bringing compliments then I expand them, and other things seem dull, I shorten or drop them. You can tweak the text as much as you like, and also it's wise to have several main pic possibilities , so you can rotate them every month or so. I change headlines a lot, too. Do what works for you, and if not, then modify it.
 Smthn_Like_Olivia
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 7
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Posted: 4/25/2014 4:59:47 AM

Smthn -- You got me, for the better or worse, no pulling punches. The kids section was needlessly difficult, and I interpreted it as ‘want to bear kids’ vs. ‘adopt’. I would have loved kids, but right or wrong, it was a messy terminal situation for Mom for years. My other half would have to be your age or so. Then again, modern technology – her decision in other cases. If I put I want kids I feel I am scaring off my likely match, but if I put no kids, then I’m scaring off anyone who is still willing and wanting them. Should I put prefer not to say, something else, explain … it feels like a political hotpotato that isn’t a good idea. “If you want to have children I am ready and willing, and if not I just missed out and want a great life with my soulmate.”


If you're still open to having kids, then put yes, but explain further in your about me. In your age group, there's not going to be a lot of women still open to having children. At my age, I'm not open to having more children. My oldest is 14, my youngest 10, and no way I want to start over with diapers and daycare at this point in my life. I'm ready to start launching in 4 years and then move on to a life of leisure and travel in my mid 40s. My guy had "yes" marked for children and I still initiated first contact. Like you, he has decided that he is okay with not having more because he sees a strong future with us. Good luck.
 ouija2013
Joined: 12/9/2012
Msg: 8
Profile Help, Please?
Posted: 4/25/2014 5:53:02 AM
"I feel good, I walk alone
But then I trip over myself and I fall
I, I stand up, and then I'm okay"
I rarely stumble. Pirates ( with the exception of Depp) aren't viewed as very date worthy
I've been a care giver as well, meanwhile to me it reads likes looking for a pity/he's such a saint kinda date. No. I agree, save it for when you connect with someone.
Your profile is like a movie trailer - you show the best 2 minutes to convince people to ante up the coin to see the whole show.
 firefly416
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 9
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Profile Help, Please?
Posted: 4/25/2014 9:52:33 AM
I loved everything except the first date. Keep in the part about Mom. It speaks volumes for your compassion, integrity, ability to love, etc.

A woman who would pass you by due to the t-shirt is not right for you.
 sandytm
Joined: 9/25/2013
Msg: 10
Profile Help, Please?
Posted: 4/25/2014 10:44:03 AM
It looks good to me....up until the "First Date". Then, I have to cover my eyes and hope it goes away.
Pics in focus, please.
List is long and makes you appear like you have trouble prioritizing. Maybe you're a secret hoarder or like to talk a lot.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 11
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Posted: 4/25/2014 11:23:48 AM
Thank you Green Thumb, CampfiresX2, Smthn Like Olivia, Ouija, Firefly, Sandy! It is very kind of you to take time out of your day to be kind to strangers. Each of your profiles is superb, and the review points to a need to overhaul the profile, limiting and choosing when I need to keep my head down and duck the bullets and when I should stick my neck out to get my personality out there without drowning a good prospect in it.

Pictures, Yes, I got it. Inviting headshot lacking. Big time.

Writing style, Incoherent. Potential, but simply all over the map and too overbearing with my things and not decisive enough on your things.

Prefer not vs. Undecided/Open: . Tastes great or Less Filling. Are my targets going to see POF’s lumping of “Undecided with “Open” if I don’t do some ‘splainin’? Doubtful. Causes potential red flag on commitment, and that is the bigger problem.

Confidence, No direct comments, but preferred/undecided is an indirect one. SLO wants me to confidently say I want kids and let the cards fall where they may because it worked for her (and I do guess she’s a real keeper). I want to avoid dealing with this point in the profile. Some ‘splainin’…

Looking for a Relationship vs. LTR – my screen doesn’t read ‘dating’, it reads ‘relationship’; LTR was a little clingy sounding. I’m looking for a woman who’s got some of her own opinions, so I’m probably playing to the audience rather than myself here, since I don’t see much of a difference. I like seeing LTR in their profiles, though.

Interests, I’ll reduce it somewhat (perhaps 2 lines shorter = 6 less), to revert to the norm a little, but this area is not a high priority to do too much cutting unless someone says it is a red flag, vs. only a stylistic preference.

Coffee, Campfire, clearly you haven’t been introduced to a good pot of cowboy coffee made on an open fire. Coffee is a safe way to test the waters. Starbucks is not up there in my places to have a date of enjoy coffee, but if a woman doesn’t go for my version, I certainly wouldn’t insult Charbucks before the horses leave the gate. Maybe this can be an angle to use somehow in ‘first date’, as I can easily see a coffee addict as a target (quality coffee – not chain coffee drinker). "I'm not going to read all that". Which one do you want to date? Excellent advice on strategically limiting the interests! Very few women seem to be using the interest search in my area, but it is what it is…

Caregiver/sympathy. Rats. I’d prefer a slap in the face than sympathy any day. I hear you. The question is whether I am ready to remove it all or need to broach it in the profile. I need time, and to go through several profile versions. Abrupt change on this subject isn’t an option since there is still transition going on, but detailing it differently is an option. I’m stuck between a Firefly and a Ouija board. Some great women will view this as a negative. Didn’t think of this as a deal breaker nor a weakness, though.

Sandy … for you shy Perdue chics may I be an overgrown carrot just a little? Concise, constructive critique. I do talk a lot. I also listen a lot. I prefer to listen to positive and stimulating conversation, and then she gets to talk a lot! LOL. It’s a legacy from care giving in silence and no doubt will change for the better when I find that special someone who takes my words away, and we get down to business…
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