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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > How long to give POF before calling quits?      Home login  
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 Chayanna24
Joined: 5/17/2014
Msg: 1
How long to give POF before calling quits?Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Soooo....I'm curious

How long would you (meaning anyone on here) give POF before calling it quits?

Quite a few bios I've read, have stated that this was their 2nd, even 3rd time re-inventing themselves
on this site and giving it another whirl.. and so having read this situation as often as I have, has prompted me to ask this question.

So would most of you remain on POF for years on end?
Have you?
Or do most of you give it 6-12 months and then you're out?
 Chayanna24
Joined: 5/17/2014
Msg: 2
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/6/2014 4:27:29 PM
LOL !!! touché Asereco

Frankly... I have no idea how long I would/will give POF
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3
view profile
History
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/6/2014 4:40:25 PM
I gave it as long as it took. It's not as if it costs you anything.
 drivingharmony2
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 4
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/6/2014 4:40:30 PM
I think many people come and go with online dating sites for various reasons:

1. You find someone, get off online dating
2. You break up with said someone and come back to online dating
3. Or you remain online dating forever
4. Or you take a break for awhile because you are burned out and then come back on
5. Or you give up altogether with online dating

Really, it's not unlike in real life dating. The above can apply there too, but not everyone sees it.

I have done online dating off/on since June 2011. I have been successful in as much as meeting guys I would not normally otherwise meet. Many first dates, lots of second/third/fourth etc....dates and some mini relationships. Online dating is not the end all, be all. It's a useful tool to assist those seeking something (relationships, friends, etc...) Once the two people meet or make contact, it's up to them to figure out the next step.

FYI: Double thread/Broken Hearts
 ladymercury
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 5
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/6/2014 8:00:33 PM
I've been kickin' around these parts for a hell of a long time and can count the amount of dates from POF on both hands. No plan to leave the site because I enjoy the forums. Now and again I'll click through the profiles, but very rarely.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 6
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/6/2014 8:07:25 PM
I enjoy the forums here but never actually made a date off POF..it's too "craigslist" for me. Too many bottom feeders.

I gave online dating as a whole 2 years. A mere blip for some, who have the stomach to eek it out longer. My experiences were disappointing/weird/strange and by 2012 I realized, as I looked thru profiles, I no longer trusted anyone. I had been lied to so many times about age, marital status and relationship intent I felt I was too jaded to give anyone else a try, and I knew it was time to stop.

When times up for you, you'll know.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 7
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/6/2014 8:36:27 PM
There certainly are a lot of scumbags around and yes, this site is chock-full of desperate losers who will lie and cheat and do absolutely anything to get what they want.

How is this any different from every other aspect of your life? The people you work with probably aren't much better, the folks at your church share all of the same shortcomings as well...school, sports, dining out, walking your dog, going to the movies, etc. All of the "problems" on POF exist everywhere else you might hope to go.

POF, or even online dating in general is just one option available to us. The only thing "wrong" with it is that it is entirely incapable of delivering upon the false promises people have demanded from it. Your "soulmate" cannot be located by a web-browser or a search engine and delivered to your front door.

People who are convinced that everlasting happiness can be had with a click of your mouse button will become frustrated very quickly. People who take a more realistic approach and treat POF like just one more tool to help them meet people will likely stick around for a much longer time.

I came in here a few years ago after my separation. I went out with one woman two or three times before hanging up my hat and taking a break from dating entirely. Recently, I came back to give it another try. That very same woman is still in here and again, she has been the only human being that I have actually met offsite.

Ten years or so ago, I went out on three or more dates each week. One of those dates became my wife. Although that didn't work out into the happily ever after I'd dreamed about, it isn't the fault of my computer or POF. This site is still just a tool to facilitate meeting people.

I intend to keep a profile as long as I'm interested in dating. It's that simple.

My method for dealing with liars is quite simple - I ask questions. When I suspect that the other person might be genuine and interesting, I'll want to go out and meet them. The sooner this happens the better. The first five minutes of a face to face meeting is worth more than several years of exchanging email messages. Of course, none of this matters if no one can be bothered to even return an email message.

In the meantime, I still go out and do things that I find interesting. Life goes on.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 8
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/6/2014 9:00:08 PM
My online dating experience is similar to what DrivingHarmony2 shared above.
I have been in committed, monogamous, long-term relationships the vast majority of time I've been on these forums.

My profile has been hidden for years. Given the absurd ways POF changes policies like the *how ambitious* question and removing the ability to hide/unhide a profile at no charge...my profile will therefore remain hidden and unmodified.

Give it a whirl for as long as you are comfortable.
Should online dating become unrewarding, you can determine what you wish to do at that time. Good luck!
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 9
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/6/2014 9:48:48 PM
When I was using a different dating site, I was actively looking for dates about 3-6 months. I would take a break. Then start looking for dates again sometime in the future.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 10
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How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/6/2014 10:14:45 PM
I have been on and off of online dating sites for a little over 5 years. OLD (OnLine Dating) is just one of the tools that I use to try and meet attractive members of the opposite sex. It is worth the effort, after all, the end result that I seek is someone to share the rest of my life. In the meantime, I try my best to enjoy the experiences that I have, to laugh at the unfortunate things that happen, and try to remain hopeful / optimistic. Whenever I find that I can no longer be optimistic, then I know it's time to take a break.
 Chayanna24
Joined: 5/17/2014
Msg: 11
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/7/2014 6:29:19 AM
The reason that prompted me to pose the question was because
I was going thru the different forums and I saw that many people have
been on here for years on end

However, thru all the responses so far, I see that perhaps the
general census is that each person is getting fulfillment
in different areas on this site, meaning, some are on here strictly
for the forums and the socializing that brings, some soley for the dating experience

Overall, it's all good unless of course you have been the recipient of some horrible experience
but in my opinion, maybe such horrible experiences could be
avoided if more questions are asked, gut feelings are followed, etc. etc
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 12
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How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/7/2014 7:15:00 AM
I'm kinda new here, but I'm trying to keep a positive perspective on all this.

It's about meeting people, which I actually enjoy, even if the person has deceived me about age, appearance, marital status, etc.--which most of them have.

You can't completely eliminate misunderstandings or being lied to, but you can control how you handle it. I always stick around during first meets and try to get real, so that rather than taking it as a negative experience, I might actually get to know them as a person regardless of compatibility or their methods, and that's nearly always a positive experience in the end.

Otherwise, I might become like others who are so jaded that they just give up and refuse to acknowledge a geniune possibility of connection, or, worse, insulate themselves in some dehumanizing, impersonal assembly line qualification process.

Which is really sad, because we all came here to get closer to people, not to be driven further away.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 13
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How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/7/2014 8:44:50 AM
As for people being on here for years, unless you know of some horrible reason why they have been here for years, what good does judging them do you? Maybe they haven't found the right person, maybe they use the forums, maybe they see this as a dating site (imagine that) and aren't looking to be in anything serious, maybe they forgot they signed up here, maybe they are perfectly good people who have been here a long time. Who knows, if you are interested in them from their profile, send them a note, if not, why waste so much time wondering what horrible things must be going on with them or this site?

How long should you be here before calling it quits? I would imagine that if you feel the site is effecting you badly, you should leave, otherwise what harm can possibly come from being here for years?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 14
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/7/2014 9:01:32 AM

I was going thru the different forums and I saw that many people have
been on here for years on end



Some of us, decades.


Why quit ? I never really "quit" fishing. I may stop for the day but, sooner or later I go back to some piece of water and start tossing the feathers again to the finned creatures. And every so often, I get to bonk one for the barbeque!!!!
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 15
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/7/2014 9:29:31 AM

So would most of you remain on POF for years on end?

Yes, I don't see a reason to get off. This is my first attempt at learning about dating, since I never dated before. I'm just experiencing it as it is, I'm not looking for a relationship. The pressure is off so to speak and I'm willing to explore, meet people, have fun, no matter where it goes. So far, over 50 dates total, and haven't even kissed one, met great people in greater amounts than those who clearly had no business meeting me.

You get to swing it however you like it. If you want to date outside of your race/ethnicity/culture? you can do that. You want to date people who are not your type at all? you can do that. You want to try your luck with people who are very different from you (socioeconomically, regionally, upbringing, profession, etc)? You can do that. You can do whatever you want to do..

The pressure of looking for someone for a relationship is what damages the process because your whole focus is on learning enough to know a relationship is possible versus just getting to know someone and let it unfold organically. The focus makes it so you eliminate most people who would otherwise make a good match, because you focus on details rather than the grand picture.

I came on this to gain dating experience so I've dated all kinds to get a feel for what I'd prefer. As I am now familiar with dating, I know what to do if I encounter/meet someone I end up having feelings for, and don't end up f*cking it up due to lack of experience.

The other thing that gets to people in the online dating world, is the concept of time, there is some sort of rush to garnish results in X specific time. While I may be out of line with that, since I'm only 29, it seems people are in a rush to find a life partner, whereas my only rush is to enjoy my life and be grateful for what I have up to now. My focus is my happiness and well being, not someone else, it will come in due time if it will. Isn't life wonderful as it is, can we for once live in the present moment and not in the future?

I'm not looking for a relationship, marriage, cohabiting, children, or anything like that, so these factors are contributing to me not feeling like I NEED someone or I'll grow old and lonely, never that. On the flip side, I'm not saying I'm looking for a hook up or anything similar, I haven't even kissed any of my dates so far, I don't believe in kissing people I wouldn't sleep with, lol. I'm not broken, damaged, or bitter, I've had lovely 3 long term relationships and I'm perfectly capable of having another, but I'm in no rush. I'm enjoying the freedom of doing whatever I want whenever I want, for however long I desire, getting into as many activities as my heart desires, and going to as many meetups as I can fit into my schedule, without feeling guilty that my free time should mostly go toward a significant other..

I'm enjoying meeting lots of people (some who I've hung out with outside of the group), and not having to deal with sitting across from someone who wants to get into my pants, lol. I've actually not been on a date since April 26, lol. The happier and more satisfied I am with my life, the less I'm seeking for someone to ruin it for me (demanding my time and attention), I've already got nieces and nephews calling and texting when we're going out again or when I'm coming over, that's enough to put a huge smile on my face


Have you?

Yep, been here a little over a year and a half.


Or do most of you give it 6-12 months and then you're out?

No, the forums are enough to keep you coming back, lol.

The problem is that people focus on time, instead of finding the one that is for you. The less people you meet, the less chances you have of coming across that person. There should be no time limit in meeting your match, isn't not like looking for a pen that writes well (where it only matters that it writes)
 Chayanna24
Joined: 5/17/2014
Msg: 16
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/7/2014 9:46:14 AM

As for people being on here for years, unless you know of some horrible reason why they have been here for years, what good does judging them do you?

Daynadaze,
I am NOT judging anyone


Maybe they haven't found the right person, maybe they use the forums

I said as much


Who knows, if you are interested in them from their profile, send them a note, if not, why waste so much time wondering what horrible things must be going on with them or this site?

Good Lord woman, I never said I'm wondering what horrible experiences people are having on here, I used that statement based on the fact of what I've been reading in the forums


How long should you be here before calling it quits? I would imagine that if you feel the site is effecting you badly, you should leave, otherwise what harm can possibly come from being here for years


The site is not effecting me badly in any way, shape, or form

I'm surprised that my question has prompted such adverse comments as some of the ones being posted.
It really wasn't such an in-depth question so as to lead people to insinuate that I'm having
a horrible experience on here, to that I should psycho analyze my inner self.

Honestly people my question was meant as a very surface-based supposition and nothing more
and it certainly was NOT meant to insult anyone or make any judgement towards any person
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 18
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How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/7/2014 2:42:37 PM
OP, I no longer pursue anything on POF, except to spread a little hate and discontent in the forums that is. That gives me all the happiness I could want. ;-)
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 19
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/7/2014 4:05:10 PM
I'm going to call it quits when I'm with someone who feels the same about me, takes his dating profile down and has a monogamous relationship with me. Until then, I might as well leave my profile up, but honestly, I can't wait for the day when I take it down.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 20
How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/7/2014 8:12:23 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^
Do you ask them or wait for him to ask?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 21
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How long to give POF before calling quits?
Posted: 6/7/2014 8:41:14 PM
I was just answering the topic, nothing was meant to be directed at OP personally, just the types of things about why people are on here for years that get posted numerous times.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 22
I'll get off when someone gets me off :)
Posted: 6/8/2014 7:11:03 PM
As others pointed out, its free, and there's a variety of things you can get from it. Everyone's looking for a different type of success, so those who find it, go. It would suck if you have a bad experience, but if you listen to what people are telling you, focus more on their red flags than their looks, make following your gut an instictive act (in everything you do), then you better your odds.
 9Pluto
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 23
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History
I'll get off when someone gets me off :)
Posted: 6/9/2014 5:22:42 PM
OP, you got some great answers to your question and seem to better understand now, and I like the way you confirmed and summarized your new thinking --that's a great tool for better communication and I bet you are good at that. Posts are so easily misinterpreted when they are ambiguous when not expressed with that sort of precision.

The way your question was phrased initially, it suggested to me you viewed the site simply a lifeline to get a significant other. But this is just one venue, so there is no reason to depend on a certain amount of time, you find that special person whenever that happens and "how long to stay on PoF" simply doesn't cross your mind, any more than how long will I spend looking for pretty partners in the supermarket, 6 months, 12 months? LOL! If it happens it happens of course.

I can't speak for the millions of others, but I can speak for myself. I got an account a long time ago. I am proud I was an early adopter. It is a badge of honor! Each time I came back, I thought about creating a new account because I wanted a new username. But I prefer to keep my "member since". It shows I am a stable, commitment minded guy (kindly permit my style of humor!).

Despite all the complaints and perceived shortcomings, the site is a gift and I am thankful it is here and that is why. There is an overworked server dedicated in part to you and there is a programmer behind it that created an enormous resource by the seat of his pants. Isn't it great to be part of this?

It isn’t how long you give PoF, it’s how long PoF gives you ;-) People seem to have an entitlement to free software and service on the Internet. I prefer to say thank you when it is well-deserved. BTW, I have basically used it for a couple of months in around 2007, a couple of months in 2010-2011, and a couple of months in 2014. I hope that clears a little up in your mind about the sign-up dates you are analyzing and trying not to generalize.

Good luck swimming!

(reference: inspired by Gordon Sinclair on CFRB radio in Toronto on June 5, 1973)
 roch64
Joined: 5/10/2014
Msg: 24
I'll get off when someone gets me off :)
Posted: 6/9/2014 11:01:26 PM
OP, don't judge POF by the POF forums. With very few exceptions the posters here aren't interested in dating, but in rationalizing why they're not dating.

Quit the forums right now; that's a no-brainer. But there's not much downside - and a fair bit of upside - in keeping your profile up and seeing who might be around in your area with whom you might like to connect.
 Chayanna24
Joined: 5/17/2014
Msg: 25
I'll get off when someone gets me off :)
Posted: 6/10/2014 3:28:55 PM
Quit the forums right now; that's a no-brainer


Uhmm roch64, I have no intention of quiting the forums..lol
As I mentioned previously, the forums are actually a tad more interesting to me than
the dating side of pof

I think to answer my own question, after being on here for approx a month or so, after what I've read
on the various threads, personal experiences so far, I'm not sure how long I will stay around on the dating side of pof.
I believe, I might want to give some thought about enrolling in one of the paid sites.

I believe, and please people.. this is just MY opinion, and of course I could be totally wrong on this since I don't have any personal experience on a paid site, but perhaps a paid site, yields more concrete results and by this I mean that maybe the people on a paid site, are more willing, ready, dedicated, more serious about connecting with someone. And the reason I believe this could possibly be true, is because people are actually dishing out their hard earned money for a service therefore are more receptive and eager for results.

It seems to me because POF is free, people are not as dedicated and have almost adopted a non-chalant attitude?
Of course I could be totally way off on this percetion so please, no one throw daggers at me and crucify me to the cross thinking that now I have stepped to belittling, knocking down this site

It's just a summerization of mine based on what I've read and experienced thus far
I am NOT, I repeat NOT disrespecting, judging or persecuting anyone on POF or the site itself.

Oh, and one more thing, cause I know that someone might just throw this out at me....nope, I had no preconceived notion that I would be on pof for a week and wham!! meet my knight in shinning armour and live happily ever after..nothing even close...therefore I am not disillusioned, frustrated, unhappy or anything remotely close to any of these sour emotions.
I merely was pointing out a plausible observation regarding the differences there might exist between a free dating site and a paid one
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 26
I'll get off when someone gets me off :)
Posted: 6/10/2014 4:37:25 PM
Most of the people on paid sites also have free profiles in here. The costs of most paid sites are not prohibitively expensive so any thoughts of finding "higher quality" dates to choose from is ridiculous. The idea that someone dumb enough to pay money for a service they can get for free somehow makes them more dateable is kind of funny to me. Then again, look at how many people pay for plastic bottles filled with tap water?

I know a woman who found her husband through E Harmony and they are now embroiled in a bitter and acrimonious divorce, making some lawyers very content, no doubt. Ever notice how these sites love to go on and on about marriages but never once mention anything about divorces?

No computer can find you a soulmate. You have to do that on your own and giving your money to some third-party to do the work for you isn't going to help one bit.

Just recently, I paid Match.com some money and all I got for it were frequent phishing scam offers. You'd be amazed by how many Russian women who can barely speak English live in places like Edmonton, Ontario.

Do what you want, stay or go, it's up to you. Meeting someone, falling in love and having a long and happy relationship has absolutely nothing to do with who you give your money to or how many days you keep your profile up. This isn't something you can "fix" with money.

I wish you luck but taking your ball and going home isn't going to help much, I suspect.
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