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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?      Home login  
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 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 1
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?Page 1 of 24    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
I'm hoping to get answers from men over 60.

If you’re dating again, what do you think about getting married again?

I know there are lots of things to consider (assets, retirement, kids’s inheritance, health issues, etc.), but do you or have you considered marriage again?

How long would you want to date a woman before considering marriage?

Would you want to live together first, and for how long?

And if you’re thinking “I will never marry again”, do you tell your new love this? And do you expect her to ‘stay with you forever’, with no form of legal commitment? Would you want her to legally become part of your family, or only be a FWB until death at which time she is a nobody in your family tree? Would you expect your new love to accept this as “that’s all it will be”?

I realize these are tough questions… I’m just hoping some of you have thought about this possibility, and can share your thoughts on marriage.
 forumitejunkie
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 2
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 6:47:45 AM
OP ... out of the curiosity I have when I read posts like yours ~ is it your intent to simply generate conversation on the topic? The reason I ask is that, even if you found some kind of consensus here from the "target group" (which is quite unlikely) ... it'd mean diddly as far as you, personally, are concerned. It doesn't matter what "men over 60" generally think about marriage ... what DOES matter is that YOU be very clear about what YOUR wishes/expectations are on the topic and then find ONE man who shares them ... :-)

Right? I mean if you want to find someone, fall in love, AND get married ~ would that want change simply because you learned the majority of men in your desired age group don't share it?

At any rate, from the perspective of a woman who has known/dated men in the 60 age range ~ some very much hope to find someone to marry, some wouldn't dream of it. Very GENERALLY speaking, my experience has been the "simpler" a man's life is (grown kids with stable lives, reasonable finances but no great wealth, etc) the more likely he is to view marriage as desirable. Those whose family/personal/financial lives are already complicated for whatever reason are less amenable to making new legal entanglements.

My two cents!
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 3
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 7:14:11 AM
OP, I think it mostly depends on who I was dating. Do I really want to stay with her for the rest of my life?

Once we became intimate, I would likely want to continue to date at least another 18 months before entertaining any idea of marriage. I don't care about moving in together, I would rather not. I am not particularly monogamous when dating, meaning that unless you asked me and told me you wanted that, I would likely continue to date regardless of becoming intimate or not. But if were together often, I wouldn't go out of my way to date anyone else, but I wouldn't avoid it if the opportuntity came up. I seldom if ever lie about anything, but don't volunteer information that I think might upset someone.

If married, I never cheat.

I don't think anyone would consider it a high priority to become part of my family tree. I don't really think of relationships as FWB, I think of those I never want to leave, don't want to hurt their feelings, others where I can't see any possibility of wanting to stay with them long term or stay with them without the easy option of leaving, I would continue to date them as long as it was fun and didn't create problems for me.

I agree with the poster who said, what does it matter want most posters want, it's important what you want and to find someone that wants the same things.
 averagewhitechick
Joined: 4/21/2014
Msg: 4
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 8:21:09 AM
Here's my rather jaded take on the subject: A man over 60 would get married in a heartbeat ... provided the woman was under 30 LOL

If you're looking for a man your age who's willing to marry someone his age, well, that isn't very likely to happen.
 VoxClamantis
Joined: 2/19/2008
Msg: 5
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 9:17:33 AM
Depends on how good a shot she is.
 Reeder2
Joined: 4/27/2011
Msg: 6
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 9:43:04 AM
Good question. I am 64. I think that everything could be handled with a prenuptial agreement. One should be honest and not waste time. If I were to find someone who I could love and trust. I would marry.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 7
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 12:14:56 PM


OP, I think it mostly depends on who I was dating. Do I really want to stay with her for the rest of my life?

Now that is truly the crux of the matter. Over the last 5 years, I have dated quite a few different women. Not counting “coffee meets”, perhaps 15 or so where we had a minimum of 2 dates. Of those, there was only one that I would have ever considered marrying. And in the end, she rejected me, so as far as I’m concerned, the question is moot.



I would continue to date them as long as it was fun and didn't create problems for me.


Those words, in a nutshell, describe the majority of the relationships I have had. For the right woman, yes, I would do anything. For most of the women I have met, “as long as it was fun and didn’t create problems for me.”

For the OP: If you’re wanting to get married, then you are going to have to find a man that truly lights your fires, and for whom you are “the one for whom he would do anything”. Finding either one of those two things is damned difficult, finding both together would seem to be akin to the search for the Holy Grail. But yet, there is hope, others have managed to do it, why not you?

On Edit: The one that I would have considered marrying? She was not the youngest (contrary to what averagewhitechick said). Nor was she the prettiest, nor the best in bed. She had the best heart, and seemed to truly like me and appreciate me (at least while it lasted).
 april1963
Joined: 5/28/2014
Msg: 8
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 12:30:13 PM

I think that everything could be handled with a prenuptial agreement.


Yeah!!..That prenuptial agreement, should say , "Everything you have and will have, it will be mine".....:) :)...


Nah,...I DO seriously agree with the prenuptial agreement.That is the way it should be.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 9
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 12:59:03 PM
The first question any older person who is dating someone is: What is the purpose of getting married? Is it worth the hassle after marriage with both sides trying to protect any assets they gained beforehand by having legal documents drawn up so the other partner can't gain by it? None of that is an issue if there's no wedding. I agree with the above assessment:
I would continue to date them as long as it was fun and didn't create problems for me.

The biggest argument from the pro-marriage army has always been: Getting married proves you are committed to your partner. Try telling that to people who had a cheating husband/wife. They are committed all right-to more than one person. Just a minor detail they fail to mention when taking the wedding vows. If a person says their partner has to prove their love and commitment, and that can only be done by marriage, then clearly there is no trust and respect to begin with, which means getting married would be a big mistake. How many people want to go through the hassle of divorce one more time?
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 10
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 1:42:06 PM


The first question any older person who is dating someone is: What is the purpose of getting married?



The biggest argument from the pro-marriage army has always been: Getting married proves you are committed to your partner. Try telling that to people who had a cheating husband/wife. They are committed all right-to more than one person. Just a minor detail they fail to mention when taking the wedding vows.

The last time I was cheated on was more than 30 years ago. I have gotten over it, and moved on with my life. It doesn’t sound like you can say the same.



How many people want to go through the hassle of divorce one more time?

I don’t think anyone here wants to go through another divorce. Certainly not me. Yet, for the right woman, I would get married again.

If it were left up to me, then I would probably not get married, just live together, or even be in a committed relationship while maintaining separate domiciles. But I am a romantic, I believe in love. And if I loved a woman, then I would do anything within my power to make her happy. And if she wanted to be married, then by god I would marry her 6 days a week and twice on Sundays.
 benartflick
Joined: 3/8/2012
Msg: 11
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 2:38:39 PM
Becky, I don't believe the following is true: "a man your age who's willing to marry someone his age, well, that isn't very likely"

I think most men over 60 want to marry. I do! Finding the right woman seems rather difficult.

Dating period before marriage? Whatever time it takes to fall in love and be convinced she's in love with me. Well, at least like and somewhat respect me. I can tell - sometimes.

I wouldn't marry someone just to have a companion I like for the rest of my life.

Would you want to live together first? No, but I wouldn't mind.

I wouldn't bring up marriage until I fell in love with her.

I would answer her questions about my thoughts - honestly.

Good luck, Becky.
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 12
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 4:10:16 PM
OP I think you've struck gold here with the overly cynical, negative feedback. I think there are some people here on the forum that love to try to crush people. Here's the antidote:

My father, Mr. Forever Bachelor, whom my mother divorced back in 1972, as been single all these years.

Three summers ago he was contacted by an old flame..from 1975! The timing was not right back then-but in the summer of 2011 when he heard from her again, it changed his life.

I was STUNNED to find my forever alone dad actually fall in love for the first time in his life, and I have NEVER seen him cry until he told me about her and how happy he was. He's like a new man. He moved out of state and completely changed his life to build a new one with her, and now they just finished buying a summer and winter home. And he's going to get married.

My dad is 73. And again, the LAST person I could imagine falling in love and getting married. Talk about a surprise out of the blue. You never know.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 13
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 4:25:22 PM

A man over 60 would get married in a heartbeat ... provided the woman was under 30 LOL



Or rich and couldn't speak a word of English!!!!!

At least, that's my hope.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 14
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 7:31:51 PM
Another thing to take into consideration is at age 60, 60+, many people are already retired, And if not, approaching retirement soon. When both are retired, it means being with the SO 24/7. How many people want to be with a spouse 24/7? Especially the people who have been on their own for a number of years and got used to the freedom of a single's lifestyle.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 15
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 9:13:38 PM

Another thing to take into consideration is at age 60, 60+, many people are already retired, And if not, approaching retirement soon. When both are retired, it means being with the SO 24/7. How many people want to be with a spouse 24/7? Especially the people who have been on their own for a number of years and got used to the freedom of a single's lifestyle.


I get what you mean, but when long married people retire what do you expect will happen?

BTW, I have been with my wife for a year now 24/7.
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 16
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/18/2014 11:00:31 PM


The first question any older person who is dating someone is: What is the purpose of getting married? Is it worth the hassle after marriage with both sides trying to protect any assets they gained beforehand by having legal documents drawn up so the other partner can't gain by it? None of that is an issue if there's no wedding. I agree with the above assessment:
I would continue to date them as long as it was fun and didn't create problems for me.

The biggest argument from the pro-marriage army has always been: Getting married proves you are committed to your partner. Try telling that to people who had a cheating husband/wife. They are committed all right-to more than one person. Just a minor detail they fail to mention when taking the wedding vows. If a person says their partner has to prove their love and commitment, and that can only be done by marriage, then clearly there is no trust and respect to begin with, which means getting married would be a big mistake. How many people want to go through the hassle of divorce one more time?

I'd want to try really hard to not have to divorce twice. I've learned from my mistakes. So it means, choose wisely!
I am certainly pro-marriage. Like Sapphire said, "I know that when I am with the right person there isn't "too much" of them." Having someone to end most days with, to talk about the day, to do chores together, to go to bed together with... what more could you ask for?
Maleman, I sense you've had one or more bad experiences, and maybe trust has been broken. I can only say that I hope some day, there will be a special woman who will change your mind.
Volcano, what a special story you have told!
Reeder, Ohenry, benartflick, dragonbits... it is very heartening to hear your comments, it gives some of us ladies hope!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 17
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/19/2014 4:35:52 AM
There are two things here.

Marriage, as in the Government interference into the private lives of two people and how they want to lead their lives, and Marriage, as in the dedication of two (or more) people to live out their lives together.

The first, I never wanted, and still don't want.

The second, I always wanted, and never found.

I'll never again jump through the governments little hoops. But since I'm relatively poor, it has nothing to do with protecting assets. I have no need or desire for prenuptial agreements, because I have always been dedicated to the people I love. Everything is fodder for our lives, even my few remaining precious, for-fun collections of little bits of junk.

Lots of people I run across online, at least TALK as though they see all relationships as interactive service agreements. This is especially true of the ones who most bitterly complain about marriage as a set of shackles, tying them to "putting up with" someone who is not giving them the list of things they think of as relationship "food," such as regular sex, and emotional support and praise.

The women who have done by far the most damage to my life, have all been of that sort: they never wanted to BE married or dedicated to anyone. They essentially wanted a full list of pleasures, and didn't care where they came from. They mistook the idea of self-realization and fulfillment, to mean that they should IGNORE the people they dealt with, and measure their lives by what fun they had, and what things and experiences they acquired. People who talk about what they GET out of their relationships are not my kind.

So I will never again waste what little I have on anyone who believes in and spends their moments counting out what pleasures they are or are not getting from their designated target-of-the-month, and deciding how to nudge me into providing them with a steady stream of personal fantasy fulfillment. I WILL give 100% of what little I am, to whomever I love, always.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 18
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/19/2014 8:53:18 AM
I'm hoping to get answers from men over 60.

I'm close to 60.

If you’re dating again, what do you think about getting married again?

I already married again. If single again, I would consider it yet again, but would not find it to be necessary.

I know there are lots of things to consider (assets, retirement, kids’s inheritance, health issues, etc.), but do you or have you considered marriage again?

Most of these issues can be handled with appropriate legal documents, whether or not you remarry. If I did, perhaps a prenup, and certainly carefully written wills and probably trusts would be necessary to be sure that children from prior relationships are protected, etc.

How long would you want to date a woman before considering marriage?

To consider it, I'd want to date at least a year, ...

Would you want to live together first, and for how long?

and live together at least a year after that. The reason being that it takes at least two years to truly know someone, and preferably three to know them AND be sure that the relationship is strong beyond the period in which hormonal attraction is skewing perceptions.

And if you’re thinking “I will never marry again”, do you tell your new love this? And do you expect her to ‘stay with you forever’, with no form of legal commitment? Would you want her to legally become part of your family, or only be a FWB until death at which time she is a nobody in your family tree? Would you expect your new love to accept this as “that’s all it will be”?

That's a mutual decision. If you're not in agreement, then move on or decide to accept things as given. Besides, marriage is NOT a guarantee - divorce is always an option. So are prenups and postnups, when needed. In some cases, marriage can become a financial disaster - which is why some people purposely divorce later in life (e.g., a "medicaid divorce").

I realize these are tough questions… I’m just hoping some of you have thought about this possibility, and can share your thoughts on marriage.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 19
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/19/2014 10:01:08 AM
I would assume people over 60 are more practical and not hung up on that fairytale version of 'Happily Ever After' - and have probably already used the wood from the white picket fence for a bonfire some time back. As others have said, marriage is not needed to commit to a relationship - it's more about a state of mind than a legal contract. That's true at ANY age. For those who have made mistakes before or failed at making it to the 50th anniversary, I would assume they are much more hesitant to get into the legal part of the commitment - or at least any part a bloodsucking lawyer can easily sink their fangs into. 'Bouncing Back' only gets harder with time. You can argue it's cowardly to have such a fear of commitment, but I believe by age 60, I'd be smart enough not to take any dares I couldn't handle.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 20
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/19/2014 10:19:48 AM

Msg 22: Marriage, as in the Government interference into the private lives of two people and how they want to lead their lives


The government will get you coming or going. If you do the live-together-common-law route, in many places, after a specified period of time, the government will consider that a marriage and the local divorce laws will apply to the live-together-but not married couples equally as a married couple who are getting a divorce. Somebody has to pay for the divorce lawyers' sports cars and million dollar vacation homes in the Bahamas.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 21
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/19/2014 11:09:10 AM

and can share your thoughts on marriage.


A good marriage between any 2 people who are right for each other is fine at any age.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 22
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/19/2014 11:09:26 AM
I think we can lower that age to anyone 50+ when it comes to that marriage thing! Most by that age have had their children, raised their families, and now look for the next adventure in their life. If one is 50+ and still wanting children, then marriage makes sense, but having more children might not, but that is another topic altogether.

If two people are joining in marriage, and conception is not the intent or issue, then what is? It comes down to combining lives, assets, and futures, and most of that can be done without that paper, which once signed, can and does create many potential hazards if divorce happens.......and let's be realistic and use the norm of 50+% ending in yet another divorce. When this happens and there are no children together, then the assets (yes all of them), are on the table for each to try and take, keep, or use either for or against each other.

The realistic part of this, is that all those wonderful things that can be done together, can be done without a marriage license, and if two people care enough for each other, and their already raised families, they should be willing to do whatever is necessary to protect each other, now and in the future. Unfortunately for far to many that I know, once a second or third marriage is dissolved, so are the retirement pensions, investments, homes, and all other assets, unless they both think with their heads first before opening their hearts.

I say, enjoy and love me for me, and not what I have or can do for you or others, and care enough to make sure that not only are you protected, so am I.........and that my friends becomes the real issue because most times two are not true equals and when a marriage breaks down, pay backs are hell!!

cd
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 23
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/19/2014 4:42:30 PM
Since we're talking about people in their 50+, 60's age range, it's safe to assume that we're talking about people having a second or more go around with marriage. Any time I see or hear about any studies or reports about the success rate of marriage #2, #3 and so on, it's always a doomsday figure, saying second and subsequent marriages have a very high failure rate. You think it would be the opposite because a lot of people get married very young, when they're still half child/half adult, or are not ready for marriage, but do it because all of their friends are doing it, and they want to keep up with their peers, but don't realize what's involved in having a good marriage.

And once the first marriage fails, you would think people would learn from their mistakes and make better choices the next time around. So why are so many second marriages doomed? Is it because people have the attitude "I'm not going to put with any BS like I did in the first marriage, and will walk out at the first sign of any BS" and feel it's easier to walk away from a marriage instead of trying to fix it? As people get older, do they lose tolerance to make a marriage work and have a view that marriage is something that's disposable instead of the fairy tale vision that they had as youths?
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 24
Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/19/2014 5:07:43 PM

And once the first marriage fails, you would think people would learn from their mistakes and make better choices the next time around. So why are so many second marriages doomed?


I think the real rate of divorce is more like 40% and it's been falling for the last 10 years. The 50% is just a popular myth.

But why do most 2nd marriages fail at an even greater rate than first marriages?

One good reason is that if you make it to 35 years on the first marriage, there is only a very small chance you will ever get divorced and the marriage ends when someone dies. And by that time, you are likely in your 60, 70s and not interested in dating at all. Or if you do date you are more likely to run into a lot more second rate daters that were never good at LTR. So those that are the best at staying married don't get counted in the 2nd marriage divorce rates. The best “players” are retired from the marriage game, the worst players are up for bat a second and third time.

So I think the most obvious reason is staring at us in the mirror.

If you accept that 50% of the failure of a marriage had something to do with us, and if you believe that people don't change much, why expect that some new relationship will be all that much better? Whatever problems we had in the past are still with us waiting for a second chance to shoot us in the foot.

Tiger Wood wins at golf, you expect him to keep winning. I suck at golf, I don't think I will suddenly become a winner. It isn't as bleak as all that, but I think a large part of why 2nd and 3rd marriages fail is that we weren't that good at picking relationships in the first place.

I think another reason is, most people can't think outside of their box. They keep trying to marry the same basic type of people, meeting in the same ways, having the same dating styles. Then getting the same results.

I am hoping I beat the odds.
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 25
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Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?
Posted: 6/20/2014 5:17:17 AM
A good marriage between any 2 people who are right for each other is fine at any age.

There is a TED talk by writer Jenna McCarthy which shares surprising research on how marriages (especially happy marriages) really work.
I don't know if we're suppose to put youtube links here... but you can find it on youtube by searching for "Jenna McCarthy: What you don't know about marriage "

Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Over 60, what do you men think about marriage?