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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > If you could give dating advice to your younger self      Home login  
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 kcycrs
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 3
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If you could give dating advice to your younger selfPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I think I would date for fun. And I don't mean going out having wild sex with every girl I can. I mean not prejudging every girl as marriage material before even asking her out for a date. I can't recall ever dating a woman unless I first thought she might make a good wife and/or mother first. Sadly, none of that worked out as I have never been married nor have any children. And I'm not thinking about changing it so I could have had more fun/sex in my younger years. I just think it might have made me a better date/boyfriend as the years progressed.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 4
If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 6/28/2014 7:09:09 PM
Just chop it off - life will be better. Go ahead and become the self-centered person they all thought you were anyway, you will be better off and then will at least deserve the judgment and ridicule (and you will fit in better since you will be like them).
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 5
If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 6/28/2014 8:29:36 PM
My advice to the younger Eric_Summit would have been to not try to "rescue" relationships that were destined for failure.
Life is far too short to spend time rearranging the deckchairs on a sinking Titanic listing in the ocean.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 7
If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 6/28/2014 9:58:01 PM
1)the ones labeled, "easy broads" b/c they date jerks...aren't easy at all. they prefer only guys who make them feel comfortable about being themself.

2)my mom lied when she said, "never be afraid to ask out the beautiful women, you'd be shocked how few get asked out." Every one said, "thanks, but I'm already dating someone." Even if an attractive woman is single...she's not desperate. she's still waiting for a guy in her league to come around and ask.

3)women aren't as interested in substance, so don't list your achievements. women want to hear how things FEEL, not how things ARE.

am I happy how my dating world turned out? not in the least--my dry spells measure in years, not months. Attractive people complain about a lack of options, but its like complaining about cable TV--as much as you think its crappy, you won't dare fix the problem by getting rid of it. you'd rather have the "something" over the nothing.

Like the younger youth here, I had/have what I wanted in life, but no one to share it with, and lamented that to any female willing to listen...and they weren't willing for long :) best to find other passions to put that energy into.

the longer you are single...the more you want out of a relationship, rather than out of a partner. you look at potentials and think, "what are you going to cost me? what do I have to give up to be with you?" we're too used to our schedules and our lives being our own. when you're younger, you want to spend a lot of time with someone. when you're older, you want to not cut into your favorite TV shows :) lol
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 10
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If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 6/29/2014 12:40:42 AM
My advice to my younger self would be just "don't even bother dating. No matter what it is, you will just hurt yourself with overblown expectations, and abysmal results. It's better to just live the life you want and everyone else could go die in a fire." No, I am not bitter...lol
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 11
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If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 6/29/2014 1:14:54 AM

Looking back, anything you'd wish you could pass on to your younger self?


In high school, to try dating someone closer to your own age and see how it goes.

After that, to put education before relationship or family.



Would you change anything?


I would not have put off/slowed down/took breaks with college classes for relationships/his family.

I would have had another child or two


Are you happy how your dating status has turned out?


Wow, that's hard to say because you don't know how the changes would have affected where you are right now.

I'm glad I didn't date more, and that I'd never been "left" in a relationship. I've only gotten little tastes of some of the things people on here are so bitter about these past few years, and I wouldn't have wanted to be a bitter person or to have gone through all of that throughout my adult life or at a younger age.

I still believe in love and that most people are inherently good. (shock :)
 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 14
If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 6/29/2014 7:12:29 AM
I would tell myself, and continue to actually tell myself, that I need to stop pursuing people who are not interested in me. Dont try to change the situation, dont try to become what you think they want. Dont insert myself into their life with the goal of convincing them of how great I am, etc.

And dont put up with crappy situations just to "be with someone." Dont allow yourself to be used. Know when to walk.

I would have warned myself not to marry the man I did. Or to marry at all.

There is still time for all of us to be out "younger selves." We will never be more younger than we are at this moment. You can always make new standards, rules and boundaries to carry with you from this day forward.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 15
If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 6/29/2014 9:42:54 AM
The advice I'd give me, actually live my weird sense of humor, the girls love it for some reason.

I'm not sure I would have changed anything. My life isn't perfect right now, but if I didn't make the mistakes I did, I don't know where it would be right now, I could be worse off.

And if I'm happy... Yes and no. Yes because all the dating mishap I've had in my past built me into what I am today. I'm quickly becoming a real life sitcom character. There's bad days and great stories. But right now, I don't think I'd trade this life. Definitely would LOVE a different job, but that's the only thing I'd want to be different. But where I'm not happy, is how I'm getting to that point that I just can't find any kind of quality. At some point, I want my own kid, but all I ever meet is single mothers who are done, and that's the one thing that's not negotiable to me. I keep meeting girls who relapse on drugs, girls who steal from me... It's like everyone who's actually worth dating is taken. It's always on the back of my mind, where would my life really be right now if I just took a chance back then that I didn't?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 16
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If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 6/29/2014 10:17:35 AM
I know the me of then wouldn't even understand anything the me of now was saying, but if I could pound anything home, it would simply be:

"You know all that stuff we've been telling you about how people do things and why?

It's all CRAP.

Wishful thinking on our part.

You know how your fellow children treated with you so far? The folks you are dealing with now are just as prone to the same desires and lies to get what they want as they were a year ago when they were also still officially children too."

If I'd believed me, then MAYBE I wouldn't have been repeatedly run over by all the people who DID realize it was all BS.
 kennith131
Joined: 9/7/2012
Msg: 18
If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 6/29/2014 10:54:26 PM
I'd tell myself to slow down, don't enjoy so many short-lived events, and use the extra time to keep a better eye out for someone you'll appreciate later in life.

I'm the perfect example of the "girl in every port" guy that's finding himself alone later in life. It's not just a comedic supporting role in movies, guys. It happens...
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 19
If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 6/30/2014 6:30:44 AM
Just be yourself. Don't pretend to be something that you're not in order to impress a woman. Otherwise, you might miss a potential chance with a woman that likes you the way you are.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 24
If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 7/1/2014 1:47:30 PM

Looking back, anything you'd wish you could pass on to your younger self?


Eat more vegetables.


Lots of cynicism here. Is that really necessary?


Yes, it is. After all, this is POF, where the twin mottoes are "no one owes anyone anything" and "nothing is real until you meet" (neither of which was originated by me), yet somehow, meaningful relationships are still supposed to blossom and flourish.


staying healthy and watch how it rubs off on your dating life.


While staying healthy is obviously important to one's well-being, being the extremely healthy person that I am and always have been has never specifically garnered me a date, to the best of my knowledge. At least no one has ever told me that they dated me because I was so healthy.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 11/30/2012
Msg: 25
If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 7/1/2014 3:27:26 PM
My advice to myself would be to pay attention to your feelings. Don’t discount nagging misgivings. LISTEN TO YOUR GUT.

In my 20’s I dated the Seattle YMCA physical education director. I met John M. by taking his ski fitness class. I noticed that he had a wandering eye – eyeing other women lustfully- that continued even after we moved in together. But I discounted my feelings, thinking, “He’s a photographer so of course he appreciates beauty.”

“You’d better get up here to meet Kathleen before my bubble bursts,” I overheard John saying to his brother on the phone. I thought that was a weird comment.

I was busy working full time as a YMCA program director while in graduate school. At pool parties I studied in the shade beside the pool. I noticed John sensuously smoothing tanning oil over Margie’s bikini-clad body. Margie was a single lady who downhill skied with our group. The sexual tension between John and Margie was palatable, even from a distance. I’m not an idiot. I could see something was going on between them.

When I asked John if he was interested in Margie, he protested, ‘I love you. She’s just a friend.” My gut told me differently.

Six weeks after I moved in with John, I stopped by our house to grab my schoolbooks before hustling between work and the University of Washington. Margie’s car was in the driveway and John was home.

John ran out the front door, intercepting me, barefoot and wearing nothing but running shorts. “What is SHE doing here?” I asked. “We’re just talking,” John said lamely.

Then why wasn’t he letting me into the house? It looked like he had been naked, and hastily pulled on running shorts.
I didn’t believe him.

I promptly broke up with John and moved out. Of course he and Margie became lovers after I left. Over 30 years later, John still regrets losing me. I never trusted him again.

I learned to listen to my gut.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 28
or avoid the advice your younger self was given
Posted: 7/1/2014 5:50:16 PM
its only cynicism if its wrong, or you're telling it out of sympathy, or you think others are equal to you, so what fails for you won't be childs' play for them. (Its not that I completely stopped asking women out after high school, there's the occaisional 10 who seems friendly enough, so I ask just to get the "no" out of the way and we can be friends)

when its a lifetime experience of matters ending the same way, its listening to your gut. when you can quiet the "i wanna, i wanna" voices in your head, so that you can see what's really there in front of you...its an excellent tool for your toolbox of life.

sometimes, having options as a youth is a bad thing...you tend to take them. me, I listened to people complain about their problems, and that lead to them talking about how they got into them. i avoided a few problems that way.
 Debisue64
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 29
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or avoid the advice your younger self was given
Posted: 7/1/2014 8:01:50 PM
ahhhh.. if i could tell young self some wisdom.. it would be THIS..

DO not plan to marry your first.. thats just plain stupid..

Take birthcontrol.. and figure out sex FIRST.. then contemplate finding marriage material..

My mom always told me to be a virgin till i was married.. what crap was that?

AND.. you do not have to marry a man JUST because you have sex with him!
 MS.ICENI
Joined: 2/3/2007
Msg: 30
or avoid the advice your younger self was given
Posted: 7/2/2014 6:37:53 PM
I would have taken better care of my teeth. Not dating related but good advice just the same.
Always trust your gut.
The only person you can change is yourself. You'll never change any man at any time.
Don't believe it when a guy tells you he can't father children.
Of course you can't live it over...but sometimes you are allowed to wonder...at least for a little while.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 39
If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 7/3/2014 4:51:15 PM

If you could give dating advice to your younger self


" Learn to drink more"

No, seriously, I should have told myself to quit taking myself so seriously.
Now?????

I laugh at myself basically every waking moment of the day.
Though, I can't figure out why those others are turning and running away during my periods of laughing?
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 42
If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 7/10/2014 1:34:21 PM
thinkingcapon- Here are the top five..............
1) Take your time! People can hide who they really are for up to a year. If someone really loves you and you really love them, there is no reason to rush. True love will stand up to the test of time.
2) Words are cheap, it's actions that truly speak. It's easy to say I love you, it's how someone treats you that you should pay attention to.
3) Don't overlook warning signs. Your gut will tell you when to worry or walk away, if you can't shake the feeling that something is wrong, there probably IS something wrong.
4) NEVER settle. This one really needs no explanation
5) You can't change someone. In love, you have to be accepted for who you are and you have to accept the other person as they are. If there is something major in the way and you are thinking you can change the person or that they will change, you have already set yourself up for misery.
Yup, those are my top 5 :)
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 43
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If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 7/10/2014 2:06:52 PM
In chronological order:

Try a whole lot harder to convince your parents they need to send you to boarding school in another state, rather than let you be bullied, lampooned and treated like a leper almost every day from ages 6 to 18. Or succeed at suicide. Either will do.

Don't bother with athletics, especially football and powerlifting. It will never get you a date and only leave you crippled with tons of arthritis.

Major in computer science -- you're a computer programming prodigy who was writing code in C and assembly at the age of 12, you idiot, at a time when Silicon Valley is exploding -- 3 years of suffering with 95%+ male classmates (as opposed to 3 years of suffering with 60%+ female classmates) will be worth it for the next 20 years of your life after that -- I don't care how much you want to be a writer, you can't get dates being a struggling writer (not that struggling writers can't get dates -- YOU can't get dates as a struggling writer).

Don't toss aside your good LSAT scores -- go to law school -- attorneys have no problem getting dates.

Don't throw away opportunities to move to Los Angeles (only because I know I wouldn't survive a single New York City winter -- heck, I barely survived a NYC spring a few months ago) -- there are far more open-minded, diverse young women even in La-La Land than here or any other place you've lived, and many more better career opportunities that will also improve your dating options.

When you finally miraculously land a meeting with your lifelong dream girl via Match, don't say anything outrageously stupid to her like "Most smart women are smart enough not to go out with me."

Don't waste nearly 8 years on POF. And the next X years on POF. You will never have any dates to show for it because the site is like a casino game with the odds a million to one against you.

Stop sinking deeper into massive debt chasing dead dreams. Take a trip abroad and chase women. Before you get so old that it won't do you any good.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 44
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If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 7/11/2014 12:46:46 AM
1) Never interpret a woman's flirtation as a sincere sign of interest.

2) Never give a woman "the benefit of the doubt".

3) Get off the wall, walk over there, introduce yourself, and ask her the hell out! She's dated several losers in the past. She will date more again. There is no good reason that she wouldn't date a winner, if she just had the chance.

4) Never get, or remain in, a relationship where the main focus is sex. Sex is way overrated. When you're 60 years old, sex won't even be in your "Top 5" relationship problems or concerns. Even in the case of two, 20 year-old nymphomaniacs, who have sex 30 minutes a day, 7 days per week, it's still far less than 10% of a relationship. Find a woman you're reasonably attracted to, and the reverse, and that you two love talking to each other, that's the woman you want to be in a relationship with.

5) Life passes most people by, while they're still making plans for it. We are only here for a very short time. If you want to be married (to a high quality woman) by age 35, make sure that you are either dating a "top shelf" woman in your late 20's OR pursuing "top shelf" women relentlessly, because, after about age 30, too many women will have been hurt, bitter, damaged, and/or emotionally unavailable.................and then, after 35, when you're not "out and about" like you used to, you'll be too reliant on the masochism of online dating.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 46
If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 7/12/2014 8:12:44 AM
Don't be so nice, innocent and true to a man that did, or does not, deserve it.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 52
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If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 7/19/2014 1:18:40 PM
Growing up without brothers or even the benefit of an older male relative to 'take me under their wing', and having had a great father (but, who was 40 years old when I was born), I had a late start, made A LOT of 'rookie' mistakes, and had to learn most of it the hard way, by having a stiletto crushed and twisted into my balls.

If I had a young, male, dating aged relative, here is what I would share from MY experiences....................................People are infinitely complex, so none of this is absolute however, the odds will play in your favor much more often than not with this advice. Wish I could have advised myself:

1) Women always do the choosing and selecting. A woman KNOWS in a matter of 10 to 180 seconds, whether she has "interest", and, whether she is going to let you see her nekkid. As long as you don't say anything stupid, there is no further action necessary on your part.

2) A woman's flirtation is just as often her way to satisfy her own ego and insecurities, and about HER (and what's going on inside her own head), as it is about you. In a lot of Latin cultures, flirting is the national pastime.

3) Never over-think or analyze what a woman says or does. They are driven by emotions, which change from one minute to the next. Forget about your head or your heart. Go with your gut instincts (assuming that they have generally been "on point", the majority of the time, in other areas of your life).

4) Get to rejection quickly! Anything other than a very clear, direct, and overt, "Yes!" is a, "No." ("Let's get to know each other as friends first." "It's complicated." "I'm going through a lot in my life right now." "I don't know what I want." "I'm focusing on me now." "I'm concentrating on my career.") Woo, woo, woo..............all ="Not interested."

5) If a woman says, "I don't get along with other women." or "Most of my friends are guys." Woo, woo. Stay AWAY!

6) Avoid any woman who admits to being involved in, or having been involved in "drama", in any shape, form, or fashion.

7) Avoid any woman who admits to, or has endured ANY type of (emotional, verbal, and/or physical) abuse. If she hasn't had professional help, she's damaged goods, and often, even those who have had professional help, still can't get past their past. They are very often their own worst enemy. You are not qualified to help them in any way. If you treat them well, they will just as often as not, (attempt to) take revenge on you, as a way of avenging the hurt and pain that they have allowed to be visited upon them.

8) Avoid any woman with more problems than you.

9) Never compete for a woman's attention. Most women (under 40) are overly emotional and have developed "feelings" for (types)..............a guy or series of guys, who are completely unworthy of their time. She will complain about it to anyone who will listen (once the proverbial, "last straw", finally breaks the camel's back), but until then, she's "into" him. She cannot explain it. ("I don't know what I ever saw in him.") It is illogical. Let him have her. Let them have each other.

10) Lean back. Don't do too much, too soon. Less is more. If she is "into" you, she is not going anywhere. If she is NOT "into" you, she'll always have an eye on the, "next best thing".

11) Generally, women (18 to 40) are notoriously flakey. They change their minds at the drop of a hat. Much easier typed than done, but your goal should be to ALWAYS have 3 to 5 women that you are dating, seeing, interested in, pursuing, etc. (until you find YOUR woman), that way, you are not at all subject to, her emotions, flakiness, etc., or invested in, the outcome with any one specific woman. Most women will deny it, but they prefer a man with options. The more, the better. The handful of women who have really pursued me, did so because they knew there were other women in the background, and they wanted to feel like they "took" me away from someone else. Many a man "in real life" has said to me, "Women never gave me the time of day, until I got into a relationship or married."

12) Yes, quality interpersonal relationships take "work" however, with, "The One", it will NOT feel like work. It's the equivalent of people who say (about their jobs), "I am so lucky, I can't believe they actually pay me to ........................."

13) A female 'friend' who is not winging for you, or otherwise, actively helping you to meet other women, is of little value. Even a significant number of women acknowledge that men make better 'friends' (especially in terms of sharing your interests and hanging out). Once she meets her Prince Charming, you will be relegated to her time scraps, if you even get that.

14) A verbal agreement isn't worth the paper it's written on.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 53
If you could give dating advice to your younger self
Posted: 7/19/2014 1:26:01 PM

6) Avoid any woman who admits to being involved in, or having been involved in "drama", in any shape, form, or fashion.



8) Avoid any woman with more problems than you.


Great.
Now I have to avoid every woman on the planet.

Maybe I can find someone on Jupiter.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 55
Jupiter? Have you checked Uranus? :)
Posted: 7/19/2014 3:48:24 PM
I have to say, not all women get to always do the choosing. I know one or two women who can't choose me, b/c I'm not interested in the least. Ironically, even people who have a lot of options, ignore what they have to focus on what they don't have--I used to work w/ a guy who had a lot of offers, but bemoaned dating b/c he couldn't get the one he wanted.

some women--I'd say, the best ones--flirt b/c its fun. As long as you have the same frame of mind, you can have fun, too. I used to work w/ some good-lookin' married women who would give me extra attention, sometimes even a b00b rub on the back, and since they were married, I accepted the crumbs off the table, since I wasn't ever going to get invited to that particular table.

for sure, don't over-analyze what a woman says. let them go to the bathroom together and do it for you :) lol

any woman you think is easy b/c she chases the losers....isn't easy. she's picky, she only wants the losers to try to fix whatever turmoil she suffered as a child. don't think you're the "nice guy" trying to "help" her someday unzip her fly and let you in, too.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 57
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Jupiter? Have you checked Uranus? :)
Posted: 7/19/2014 4:54:10 PM
No "Deal-breakers". They are MY "Lessons learned." I never purport to be the spokesman for mankind. I am very opinionated, as most here seem to be, I just do not apologize or back away from it. YOUR mileage may vary.

If both of you are nekkid, it's because SHE decided/selected/chose for it to happen, not the guy.
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