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Joined: 3/27/2014
Msg: 1
Don't Drink ProfilesPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
When you come across a profile that states they don't drink, do you assume they are recovering alcoholics? Is this usually the case from your experience? If you find out they are an alcoholic in recovery, is this a deal breaker? Would you be willing to take a chance with a former addict who could relapse? How long would they need to be sober before you would consider dating them?

Are you a recovering alcoholic/addict? Have you experienced prejudice while out there fishing?
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 2
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/3/2014 6:47:15 PM
No, I assume they don't drink :/
Usually RAs will tell you up front they are, they are ALWAYS in recovery
What is the past is the past.. everyone has something in their closet. ( wish I had Chanel)
Joined: 3/27/2014
Msg: 3
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/3/2014 7:00:00 PM

everyone has something in their closet. ( wish I had Chanel)

Hahahaha. Love it!

I dunno about dating someone in recovery. I have had experiences with alcoholics. It makes me nervous. Maybe if it was just dating. Not sure I would want to take a risk. Maybe it is just a matter of having trust? I have seen alcoholics fall off the wagon though. So much damage can be done in one small slip.

I in no way think addicts are immoral or unintelligent or even weak. I think there is a genetic component to it much in the way there is with depression and OCD. I just don't know how tolerant I could be. Would I date someone with bipolar? Not sure.
Joined: 8/11/2013
Msg: 4
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/3/2014 7:06:33 PM
"I don't drink" is a dealbreaker because I like pubs and I'm into craft beer. I'm not gonna drink by myself while they sit there with their sober long face and look at me.
Joined: 3/27/2014
Msg: 5
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/3/2014 7:09:16 PM
^^^ Haha. Especially when out dancing. They are nursing a seltzer while you are doing shots. No fun!
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 6
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/3/2014 7:30:24 PM
It's not a dealbreaker to me. Provided that they don't give me a hard time about drinking. I can do other things with them and go to a bar with my friends on my own time.
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 7
view profile
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/3/2014 8:06:47 PM
I don't drink. But it's not for any moral or religious reason. I just don't see it as being necessary to enjoy my life. The same principle applies to smoking. I used to drink socially when I was in my twenties, just to be sociable. So I'm okay with dating someone who drinks in moderation. But smoking is an absolute deal-breaker for me.
Joined: 4/19/2014
Msg: 8
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/3/2014 8:26:40 PM
When I see a person has checked off "does not drink" I just ask him (before me meet) if he is in recovery. No one has seemed offended by the question. I don't drink often myself, but I wouldn't want to be with someone who judges people for enjoying some drinks on occasion.
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 9
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/3/2014 8:31:00 PM
No. Assuming a profile "drinks: no" is a recovering alcoholic would be as moronic as assuming "drugs: no" is a former drug addict, "smoking: no" is a former heavy smoking nicotine addict, etc.

I would not date an alcoholic. Would not date an AA member.

Ideal for me is non-drinking, non-religious. The 12 steps are "accept a higher power", so an AA member would be Judeo-Christian.

The first two gals I met from POF claimed they don't drink. Both had wines at home. "It's for cooking", "They're for friends and relatives". The first gal seemed addicted to coffee / caffeine. The second had episodes of rage that resembled an addict's withdrawl phases.

The fourth gal I met from POF also claimed she didn't drink: early on our 5th date, she suggested taking the train out to the country for *wineries*! When I pointed out the non-drinking claim, she said that just means she doesn't drink beer! Wine doesn't count to her.

One of my saved advanced searches has no for the drinks setting.

The first gal I met through the ok site was a lush. She put "socially". That site has more options (I put "rarely"). She should have put one of the higher levels of drinking.

On POF, the most believable setting is often, 3+ times a week. Many "socially" are actually 3+.

Never been addicted to any substance.
Joined: 3/27/2014
Msg: 10
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/3/2014 8:40:43 PM
Hi Ainen. I almost get the impression you are a teetotaler. Am I right?

The AA thing is a turnoff. I agree. And most alcoholics in recovery are working a twelve step program.

Do you avoid intoxicating substances out of fear of losing control? I have met many who hold this view.
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 11
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/3/2014 8:53:59 PM
Actually, I would not lose control if drunk. My mind/body would fight the undesired substance. I would be quiet and withdrawn. Any behavior by me resembling a drunk would be while totally sober: honesty (don't need alcohol as a truth serum), saying wild and crazy things, etc.

When I told the OK lush this, she said, "Too bad" in a disappointed voice. She apparently would prefer a fellow wino.

I'll give POF gal #3 credit for not putting a fake non-drinking setting. She wanted to extend our first meet to her home restaurant/bar where she was friends with the bartender who would bring us a bucket of beer.
Joined: 5/25/2011
Msg: 12
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/3/2014 9:32:21 PM
I don't assume anything. Mostly because I know a ton of people who don't drink ... some also are in recovery, my best girlfriend, for example.

I have "I don't drink" on my profile because I generally don't drink anymore, not even socially. Definitely have been a drinker, and a binge drinker at that. Over the last few years that's really, really slowed down though. Nearly to a complete halt and refusal when offered (except for this past week on account of a four-day bachelorette for my sister in South Beach, Miami - there I drank, and heavily three out of four days).

Drinking is a tough thing and it kind of caters to the person so, yes, I could find myself a bit leery about approaching someone in program recovery specifically, knowing the program and how it operates. Time is of the essence with AA so it would be tough to place a specific time on when I would date a person in that program ... as far as I understand, dating is pretty well not an option for the first few steps. Or how I understand it anyway. Recovering alcoholics know they are in recovery for a very specific purpose.

I'm not in recovery as I've never entered the program, and I definitely don't party as much as was done during my teens, twenties and working-in-the-bar days. Just can't do it anymore. To be honest though, being drunk is a spiritual experience if you get the whole drunk thing. If you're not a drinker and get drunk once or twice you won't get it. I find being sober more interesting these days 100% for sure. I've never felt better physically, to be honest.

Yah, so I've known myself as a good, fun-loving drunk chick, and have also been a bit over the edge where drinking is concerned. One drink leads to 20 kind of girl ... not in that place in my life anymore and really thankful for that. I enjoy myself more on the sober side of life.

Still tough to have one glass of wine or one beer though, I'll admit, I'm an all or nothing kind of woman. All this has nothing to do with dating and/or relationships, but it does give some perspective where prejudices may come in.
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 13
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/3/2014 11:03:53 PM
Why are so many assumptions about people so negative?

I dont drink and I had it stated in my profile. This is to let those know who like to crack open a bottle of wine on the first date that I wont be participating. For some, alcohol goes hand in hand with socializing and dates, and I dont want that to be a source of tension between anyone I meet.

I try to be as honest as I can upfront about things I know many other people enjoy, but I dont.

Funny, teetotalers are seen as a "red flag"...people in recovery are a "red flag"...sheesh.
Joined: 6/26/2014
Msg: 14
view profile
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/4/2014 4:01:35 AM
"12 steps..higher power...Judeo-Christian" a common but erroneous assumption
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 15
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/4/2014 4:04:27 AM
I drink a bottle of wine, 1 bottle, every single damn evening before bed.

I make sure I'm in for the night so no driving impaired either.

I do make sure to turn my phone off though. Nothing worse then trying to explain a drunken text the next morning.

It's a lifestyle for me. No, I'm not proud of it, but I'm not going to hide it from someone I'm interested in either.

Take it or leave it. That being said, if someone says NEVER to drinking, I stay away. I applaud them for their choice but we're clearly not a match.

I always get a kick out the profiles that mention 'wine tasting'. Is the hotel room the last stop?

Are you reallyyyy going to have less then 4 glasses of wine in a 2 hour period? Hahahahaha

I sure as hell won't. As a matter of fact...I'm gonna get inebriated and wake up in a 5 star bed the next morning:)

Interestingly...I'm surprised how many women I've met that also have the wine o'clock mindset after work like I do.

They've probably been on PoF for several years and realized the wine is a better alternative to a bad date:)

A bottle in front of me in better then a frontal lobotomy.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 16
don't eat 'em, either
Posted: 7/4/2014 6:19:35 AM
Don't drink, never did. If anyone's censoring me on POF as a result, they haven't had the guts to mention it. In real life, women have obviously noticed. If we were at a bar, they didn't care and drank anyway....likely enjoyed me being the designated driver :)

outside of a bar, they decided to not drink. apparently didn't need it around my personality. whenever someone looks at what you're doing, and assumes (you may have heard the expression, "makes an ASS out of U and ME") something...that tells me what they'd do if they had been in my shoes doing the same thing.

frankly, I don't care if they do or don't, just don't to it to excess. If I wanted to be a babysitter, I'd hire myself out. and I don't do drunk sex. besides that, if someone drinks like an adult, there won't be a problem.
Joined: 8/25/2008
Msg: 17
view profile
don't eat 'em, either
Posted: 7/4/2014 7:08:30 AM
I was diagnosed with a blood disorder a couple of years ago and the doctor put me on warfarin(blood thinner) and said I can no longer drink. So I changed my profile to non-drinker after that.
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 18
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/4/2014 7:28:02 AM
I enjoy wine with a meal...but that's pretty much it.

My preference when I was looking to date from here was non drinking men. (not recovering alcoholics, just men who choose not to drink often)

I have no history of alcohol abuse. I just want to live a healthy lifestyle and if I have more than a couple drinks in a short period of time, I get a wicked migraine that can last for over 24 hours. I dont want to sacrifice the entire next day recovering from only a few drinks. The risk versus reward analysis I do when making any choice...tells me that I am better off to not drink for the most part...and it is just easier to surround myself with like minded folks.

It gets sooo boring always having to 'defend' my personal choice to feel good in social gatherings and I must admit as I age my tolerance for drunken people is waning.....especially the types who wont leave it alone all night...insisting I have 'just one drink'. Whats the point? 1 or 2 drinks is not going to get me tipsy....but it WILL give me a headache!

I learned a long time ago how to dance and have fun sober. I dont need a drink to loosen up.

To each their own.

Someone who doesn't drink is not always someone who is addicted or formerly addicted.
Joined: 3/27/2014
Msg: 19
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/4/2014 8:28:29 AM
Nobody from the recovering pool has chimed in.

Thanks for the the replies so far.

ClooneysMentor, yours is hilarious! Love your candor.
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 20
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/4/2014 8:34:28 AM
Lol, I'll be back to chime in when the cheap stuff ain't cheap anymore:)

NJGirl116...I invited someone out for a glass of wine and she ordered a water. What would the server think if we both ordered water??
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 21
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/4/2014 8:36:33 AM
I don't need alcohol every night and go months without it. However, there are times when I crave a robust sweet wine at my favorite PA wine store. I'd say if someone doesn't want to drink is that they are a recovering alcoholic, some pious religious nut, can't take due to meds, has diabetes or doesn't like the taste of it. Other than that, I wouldn't want to hang around a super pious person nor a recovering alcoholic. It's great to have someone out to a meal who can enjoy some wine with a meal or by itself.
Joined: 3/22/2014
Msg: 22
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/4/2014 8:47:24 AM

When you come across a profile that states they don't drink, do you assume they are recovering alcoholics?

No, I don't.

Is this usually the case from your experience? If you find out they are an alcoholic in recovery, is this a deal breaker?

Once, I went out with a recovery alcoholic (12 years and still very involved with AA) he seemed fine so not necessarily a deal breaker.....but again it was just one date.

Would you be willing to take a chance with a former addict who could relapse?How long would they need to be sober before you would consider dating them?

I think this all depends on the person and how long they have had their shiat together. As far as time frame goes, I would think a few years....maybe?
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 23
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/4/2014 9:53:20 AM
I live in the South. When they say that they don't drink, they don't drink for religious reasons. So, if a woman said she did not drink, I never asked them out. Period.

When I was married and would go to a restaurant with my ex's sister, she would freak out when I asked a second glass of wine, and looked at you as if you were some freaking alcoholic. So no. I don't like dating women that do not drink at all.
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 24
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/4/2014 11:48:53 AM
No, I don't assume that they are recovering alcoholics but yes, it certainly is a thought that crosses my mind.

They may have lived with an alcoholic, work(ed) with and/or loved people with substance abuse issues. It could be religion, health, dietary/allergies, culture and other things I haven't even considered.

The only consideration for me is how open they are to people who make different choices. I like to have a drink or two from time to time and almost all of my friends like to drink as well. Being around someone who doesn't drink isn't an issue but being around someone who is going to make everyone else feel uncomfortable about having a beer would be.

Seeing "Drinks Often" is more of a concern to me than "Does Not Drink". Even so, I wouldn't judge someone for having "Drinks Often" on their profile until I've had a chance to talk to them about it. Her idea of "often" might be radically different from four drinks a week, for example.
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 25
Don't Drink Profiles
Posted: 7/4/2014 2:14:15 PM
if someone's worried their date may be a recovering alcoholic, they may wish to research the expression, "dry drunk thinking." Learn how to spot it with the words coming out of a person's mouth, and you won't need to figure out if they're a recovering alcoholic or even if that's gonna be a problem.

unless they really like drinking. few people are as dedicated as a reformed smoker or drinker :) lol
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