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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog      Home login  
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 VolcanoKing
Joined: 8/6/2012
Msg: 2
POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible DogPage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Of course this dog is an issue. I have dogs too, which I love, but in relationships, *humans come first.*

If there is insanity already with a pet-disobedience, messiness, biting, allergy issues, yes this is a problem and it is always going to BE a problem. Because every visit to this guy is going to be a battle with the dog one way or another. If you like this guy enough, then you put up with it. If not, there are plenty of men out there who know how to train their pets and what priority a human has over them.

Think about this-if you plan on wanting kids one day, does this guy's handling of a dog give you any idea of his level of responsibility with a child..or really, even a relationship with another person.


"Will I ever be able to fit in?"

It's not your job to fit in with an animal.


Life's too short to be hassling around with miserable situations. It's his dog, and he's going to keep it. You, on the other hand, have the option of leaving.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 3
POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/12/2014 5:19:35 PM

Am I being crazy? Any suggestions?


Even if you train the dog; no 2 dogs are alike, so if you want his dog to behave like yours then you are being unrealistic.
That said, it is NOT unrealistic to ask him to bring the dog to training school,
But only if you have serious intentions with this man, otherwise you should not be demanding of someone who you are not sure about.

The allergies are a bigger problem because there are few things you can do to reduce this problem
For 1, you have constantly clean; use an air purifier, and use medications that don't make you too drowsy
and of course you have to bathe the dog
The other one situation I know of that helped is by making a dog house outside the house and fencing the property
and becoming an out-door dog! But he/she has to be trained to do this.


Should I back out now before things get serious?


It all depends on your willingness to adjust, and his willingness to undertake dog training, etc.
I feel it would be unfair for you to tell him to get rid of the dog, and although I do not have pets, I know I would NOT do that for anybody!
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 6
POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/13/2014 8:42:00 AM
It sounds like the same reason why I won't date women who have children still at home. Is there an obedience school for unruly children?
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 7
POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/13/2014 9:10:36 AM
Is there an obedience school for unruly children?



Good parenting. ;)

Your welcome.

 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 8
POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/13/2014 10:06:39 AM
It's hard to NOT equate the discipline of a pet with the discipline of the owner, or how they may interact with kids and such. Training a pet - especially dogs - takes hardly any time at all. Those pet stores that offer group training classes cost very little, and they only take six to eight one-hour sessions to really train the humans how to deal with their pets.

Some pets are indeed just wired 'badly' and sadly end up in dog pounds and relocation centers, but if you can see little or no effort of the owner trying to work with the pet, then it's probably a badly trained human. Shedding and allergies and smells are factors that generally can't be completely controlled and will always be around, but teaching a dog to 'heel' is one of the most basic steps with a pet.

I once had a blind date with a woman who had two yorkies running around in a 'playpen' she rigged up throughout the whole house, I thought the dogs were maybe a few months old judging by their very juvenile behavior, and she said they were close to three years. The owner showed signs of OCD, and seriously treated those dogs like human infants - I was surprised she didn't have them wearing diapers. They had no training or discipline whatsoever. Suffice it to say there wasn't a 2nd date.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 10
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POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/13/2014 10:32:07 AM
All sorts of possibilities and concerns with this kind of situation.

Some general thoughts to consider:

* the idea that a human person is more important than a pet, isn't a simple thing. Yes, if I had had a baby that was allergic to my pet, or the pet couldn't deal with my child safely, I would have found another loving home for my pet right away. On the other hand, if someone up and discarded a pet because it was hard work to adjust things to make a new relationship work, I would fear that they would deal with me the same way, if future challenges arose. In other words, you really have to know the person well, to figure out whether their solution to a situation is encouraging or not.

* the fact that he seems to be oblivious to the problems is a very bad sign. PERHAPS in connection with the fact that he doesn't discipline his dog, this indicates that he thinks of YOU in a "yeah, whatever" way as well. As in, that he wont work at ANYTHING to help a situation. Is he aware that you have to take Claritin to visit? If he is, and is ignoring it, that again would suggest thoughtlessness and selfishness. If he expects you to solve everything about THIS situation, he is likely to do so about everything going forward.

* "Am I being crazy?" Separate issue, no comment.

Anyway, I think you can see where I'm going with this. The facts can be confusing. Instead, watch for how someone DEALS with the facts. That will tell you how they are going to behave going forward.

It's a sub-clause of one of my personal wise sayings that goes something like

" It's not so much WHAT someone does that tells you about their character, as it is WHY they do it."
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 11
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POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/13/2014 12:10:04 PM
Since you are allergic to his dog, and the shedding, I don't understand why you go to his place. Wouldn't it make sense to say, "I'm allergic to your dog, so let's go to my place."
Take it from there.
As for the OP leaving the thread, I started a thread recently, but could NOT post after the replies. Tried several times, but was always just kicked back to the start of the thread. So maybe she's still out there.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 12
POF Guy of My Dreams is a Dog
Posted: 7/13/2014 2:39:46 PM
I have to say, if I met someone who couldn't be bothered to train an unruly dog, I'd have to ask, "why?"

If they failed to do it b/c they're too cheap to pay someone to do it for them, or they just flat out have a habit of taking the easy way out on things....well, does anyone consider these two reasons to be a red flag for anything?

considering some people don't like a sloppy house, a question for the dog owners--is hair all over the place a red flag for you, or doesn't look like one?
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 13
POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/13/2014 5:23:24 PM
No. You will never fit in. He will choose
The dog over you.

You don't say how old the dog is or the breed.

If given the choice over someone- I'm choosing my
Dog. There is no human alive who would be as
Loyal to me as my dog.

As far as advice- you don't like the dog. The dog senses this
And treats you accordingly. You state your dog is the
Perfect little dog. He feels his dog is probably the perfect
Little dog and loves his dog very much.

People who love their dogs are pretty loyal to them
And their reactions to strangers.
He would probably pick the dog over you anyway.
This isn't rocket science. You don't like the dog.
Even I can sense that.
 kcycrs
Joined: 11/23/2006
Msg: 14
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POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/13/2014 6:12:21 PM
^^^^

Sactownromantic, I think we have a red flag.

Canines are pack animals and are loyal to the pack, whichever pack they may happen to be in at the time.

I wouldn't give up my pet for just anyone. But having said that, I wouldn't expect anyone to just ask me to give up my pet. But if my SO had an allergy to any pet I may have I would consider options concerning my pet.

On the point of canine behavior, I always make sure that mine are well-trained in basic commands such as sit, stay, heel, and down. I have no control over cats. I'm just happy if they don't scratch up my furniture.

It's been my experience that the canines whose owners look on them as a family member are the ones who have had the worst behavior.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 15
POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/13/2014 6:44:58 PM
I once dated a woman with older (and entirely incontinent...) Labrador Retrievers who ruled her place.
They climbed on beds, couches, chairs, and anything else they could reach.
Since everything came into regular daily contact with dog urine, her place simply had a "funk" about it.

I suggested removing the carpeting and opting for the hardwood floors underneath as a potential solution.
Another idea was giving them their "own" furniture to limit the contact a bit.
While I love dogs, the whole experience with her gave me the willies and we simply dropped contact after a while.
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 16
POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/13/2014 8:57:57 PM
I have dogs, they are and will be permanent fixtures in my life until I die. Too many people believe they have to change their lives by getting rid of their pets. I'll never do that, there is nothing so sweet and comforting as a canine.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 18
POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/14/2014 9:53:31 AM
I see the OP is gone, but in this case I think she needs to keep dating around and phase away from this guy. It would be extremely unfair to expect him to part with the dog, and I don't think that arguing and "compromises" are going to resolve much of anything in the long run. If he hasn't trained his dog to respect other human beings by now,and no amount of training will resolve the OPs allergy issues. I think this relationship is going to stall out. This is not something that is ANYBODY'S "fault". It's just an unworkable situation. These days we are allowed to reject relationships that put us into unworkable situations, lol.
Cindy O
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 21
POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/14/2014 6:56:06 PM

All of this dog's hair gives me crazy allergies and I have to take Claritin before I even visit him.


So why make an issue about the dog's behavior? That's not the issue. The issue is you're allergic to the hair, which won't change, no matter what the dog does. Find someone who has either no pets or a pet you're not allergic to. Very simple.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 22
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POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/15/2014 9:25:54 AM
Count your blessings......It could have been his kid!!....;)

If something or someone annoys you that much now, it will get nothing but worse, so move on and find another "pof" man that meets your needs and your dreams!

cd
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 24
POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/16/2014 5:18:39 PM

This guy's dog walks all over me, bites at me,

Every responsible and reasonably intelligent dog owner I've ever known-and yes, I too have owned dogs most of my life!-would not for one second tolerate their dog biting at someone.
LOL, I sometimes serve at horse endurance races as a volunteer vet tech. I have disciplined OTHER PEOPLE'S horses for biting at me, crowding me, trying to body slam me, or rearing up...

Jealous my ass. The OP has every right to be upset if this dog is knocking her around and biting at her.
And yes, dogs can be overly energetic and it isn't always "proof" of happiness. LOL I remeber my Mom's Golden spending a lot of time in"jail" for child abuse and tomato murder-because she was such a happy dog.

On the other hand I've known and owned lots of happy dogs who are respectful, they do not walk all over people and get hyperactive.
Yes, some of these issues the OP could try talking to the guy about. But the allergy thing I don't think can be solved by talking.

There ARE such a thing as "hypoallergenic" dogs and cats. Not all of them are necessarily the hairless ones or rare breeds,either.

OP, it's up to you. If you think you can tolerate the allergic situation, try to talk to the guy about getting his dog to be more self-contained. It is entirely possible that the dog is under-exercised and this is why he gets so wound up when around visitors.

LOL, a few years ago, I was coming out of an office building in a nearby small city. 2 ladies were walking this absolutely beautiful big Mal. When he saw me he pulled away from them-literally yanked the leash out of their hands, and ran up to me. I gave him a friendly "stink eye" and he immediately sat down at my feet( almost ON them,in fact!) so I reached down and gave him an affectionate ruffling.
The ladies came up apologizing all over the place. I assured them that I loved dogs and since theirs was mannerly enough to sit down rather than jumping on me, it was all good and I was delighted to encounter such a beautiful dog.

Perhaps the OP needs to act a little more "alpha" around this dog?
It does sound to me more like excess energy and insufficient training moreso than a case of a "horrible dog." But these things still won't solve the allergy thing.
Cindy O
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 25
POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 7/16/2014 9:48:00 PM
Karebear620- Even though the OP is gone I'm going to weigh in on this one.
The male dog owner is obviously one of the types of people that shouldn't own dogs.
If you aren't willing to take the time to properly train a dog, you don't need one.
Now, having said that..........
I am willing to make SOME concessions for the person I'm seeing when it comes to my dog, but if they ever gave me an ultimatum, it's me or the dog, the dog stays.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 29
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POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 10/6/2014 6:01:21 AM
If I am seeing someone,or even if I am just visiting, I don't expect to be mauled by someone's pet...
I am the BIGGEST animal lover, BUT...if you can't control your dog, then I WILL!!

I was a dog owner for 9 years, to a 135lb solid muscle, German Shepherd...As sweet as he was, his appearance was intimidating and I was VERY conscious of that. As a result he had been taught how to behave around people. That meant NO jumping on people or crowding into their personal space, ANY kind of nipping, biting was TOTALLY unacceptable, and even just his sheer body mass could be dangerous to a small child if he were to walk by them carelessly and quickly, so I taught him to ALWAYS "give way" to people and children with NO resistance...and to stay put when it was the better option. Ie.not getting up suddenly if someone stepped over him.
I consider that to be the responsibility of EVERY pet owner.
Let me be clear and say that I ADORED my dog, more than most people that I've met, but you do a dog NO favours by allowing ANY kind of Alpha behaviour from them where people are concerned. That's the type of behaviour that gets dogs euthanized. Even a good guard dog will obey their leader/master.
It's very simple really, you don't allow the dog into your personal space unless expressly INVITED by you when they try, NUMBER ONE...that is how canines generally demonstrate their Alpha position to other canines as well as people. Just do that a few times and you will see a remarkable difference in the dog's behaviour towards you. I DON'T suggest that you do it forcefully or aggressively,merely push the dog away with a firm "NO", or get up and walk away, or use your own body to block any attempts to invade your space. You don't need to be confrontational and that's NOT advisable, just be confident and calm in your actions,most dogs are natural followers and will respond quickly.
For myself, if it's really a problem, then I would speak to their owner and point it out, but if he hasn't noticed it or believes it's"no big deal" then you're finding out some ver y important things about him and his values. Pay attention!
I don't believe that it is your responsibility to retrain someone else's pet for them, beyond how it reacts to YOU, if you choose to continue seeing the guy. It's his. But don't be afraid to introduce your dogs, maybe seeing the difference in their behaviour might be a wake up call for your man. It's even probable that HIS dog may behave BETTER as a result of your dog's presence and attention to you. As someone else mentioned, many dogs act out due to a simple lack of exercise. So that may be a solution as well, to bring your dogs out on "play dates". It's a nice physical activity for you guys and bonding time with your dogs, too.

I've worked for the SPCA and other shelters and I can tell you that they are FILLED with mostly good dogs that were spoiled by people who loved them without understanding that love without discipline and healthy boundaries for your pets, is a recipe for disaster. That includes cats and ferrets, etc.
I even had a tarantula once that I trained to stay on my shoulder when I would go out, even if I sat down somewhere, he knew that he was to stay put until I released him by putting him somewhere else...ie. on my leg or arm.
Most animals ARE trainable, you just need to learn THEIR language and communicate in a way that is meaningful to THEM.
Sorry, that's a little off-topic, but it's a subject that I'm quite passionate about. I wish more people would train their kids better,too! lol
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 30
POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 10/6/2014 7:56:18 AM
To go just a bit further OT...the TV show 60 Minutes had a show this Sunday about intelligence in dogs, that it may eclypse dolphins...anyway, point was, a dog looking its owner in the eyes may result in both animals releasing "the love chemical" in the brain, and thus bonding closer. Assuming this to all be true, it could reflect upon any issues with dating a dog owner and coming in between the relationship between the two. Who doesn't want to feel that rush of chemical--much less, have to share it?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 32
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POF Guy of My Dreams - Has a Horrible Dog
Posted: 10/14/2014 5:13:28 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Wish MORE people thought like this!!!
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