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 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 1
When to cut the Umbilical cordPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Fellow gents... Anyone else notice a pattern of women around our age(45-50) who have children, some already into their twenties, but are still afraid of a man spending the night, a weekend away with a guy, having sex, and what their kids might think of it? afraid of shocking them, that their kids may find out they actually enjoy sex, in case they weren't exactly sure how they weren't brought into the world...lol.
I understand it can be an awkward conversation, but come on, it's 2014, we're adults, can't we be free to do what we want? Especially in our own houses? Is that unreasonable to expect? Was just curious because the last few women I have met all seem to have the same issues, and have to walk on eggshells around their full grown kids, some already in university( but home for the summer) but we seem to have to plan our social life around them not being home.
And for the women, I have really noticed a very strong bond especially with your daughters, was there something about a divorce that really brought you closer to your daughters, and it makes it especially hard to try and date and have a relationship, since perhaps your kids were there when you needed them most??
just trying to be patient with recent woman I met off Match, and understand all the eggshell walking around her daughter as far as me spending the night..my date thinks it would be better if I stayed in the spare room if I spent the night! Seems silly to me at our age..thoughts??
Thank you in advance for any input.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 2
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 12:15:13 PM
The women that I have met that had that attitude in the end were not sexually compatible with me. They were too prude and a libido that sucked. Then there were the women that their kids were HAPPY that now they were dating and seeing other people.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 3
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 2:01:38 PM
Forumfellathesequel- Would you have sex in your parents house with them home? Would you want to be able to hear your parents having sex?
I bet I know the answer to those questions and therefore the answer to yours.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 4
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 2:02:05 PM
Forumfellathesequel- Would you have sex in your parents house with them home? Would you want to be able to hear your parents having sex?
I bet I know the answer to those questions and therefore the answer to yours.

double post, sorry
 traveltheworld811
Joined: 5/8/2014
Msg: 5
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When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 2:17:20 PM
I wonder if this issue varies, depending on what part of the country/world one lives in. Here in the LA area, that does not seem to be an issue that women are concerned about. But it's obviously something that you've come across several times.
 NikonGuy007
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 6
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When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 2:38:02 PM
Have not been in that exact situation per se.

What I have noticed though, is mother's who allow their children (4, 5, 6, 7 year-olds) to sleep in THEIR bed with them. Then, you spend the night, and the kid is looking at you like you're in THEIR (the child's) bed. "No slowflake, you have your OWN bed. Night-night."

Won't be long now........................mom's will routinely be sleeping in the same bed with their teenagers. The teen's bedroom is all dark & scary. Might be a monster under their bed.

However, at the age range you listed, you'll be hard pressed to avoid parents of dependent (and in the 21st Century, "dependent" can mean a 'kid' who is 30 years-old) children. From what I see and hear, A LOT of parents today are obnoxiously "hands on" with 'kids' that are shaving, driving, and whatnot. Their children 'run' them. Can't upset the kiddies, because........................"then my kids won't think I'm cool or their friend."

Back in the day, very few parents that I knew of, gave a d@mn about being their (dependent) kid's 'friend'. As a matter of fact, it was commonplace to hear the speech, "I'm not here to be your 'friend'."

Welcome to The New World Order.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 2:58:57 PM
I have a couple of particular cautions, or queries about details, if you will.

* "the last few women I have met all seem to have the same issues"

This suggests that these were all casual sex situations, or perhaps 'trial balloon" trysts. Not relationships established over a significant period of time, such that graduating to staying over at her place, was a step toward permanency. All these women, in the mean time, are single parents, dealing with trying to set a good example and to coax their not-as-yet adult children to behave rationally and intelligently about the opposite sex.

I VERY firmly side with the women who said no to you, in that case. Your side of things sounds selfish, short-sighted, and petulant, and the fact that you would appeal to a mass audience to try to justify your selfishness, sounds even more immature. You are saying "I don't care what your concerns are about raising your children properly, or even living up to your own personal standards; I want what I want when I want it, and I'm going to make fun of you for wanting to be thoughtful instead of shoving it in your kids faces."

So, does that sum it up correctly, or did I misunderstand part of your rant?

* "Seems silly to me at our age.."

This strikes me as a classic old manipulative trick statement, along the lines of "If you're COOL, you'll just go for it without thinking! It's what all MODERN people do!"

Yes, I do certainly think as well, that we older grown up people probably SHOULD have a greater sense of personal freedom than we felt we had when we were teens. After all, the only reason I was WILLING to get old, was so that I could finally live the way I wanted to.

Where it all falls down, though, is that EVERYBODY is supposed to live the way they want to. Not JUST me. And not JUST you, OP. The women we want to have wild sex with, hanging off the banisters, and in the middle of the day on the dining room table, saying "hi" to their daughters as they slip past to pick something up from their closets, also get to live the way they want to. And that means that if the guy they like has to respect their limits and concerns, then they also SHOULD get to have their way.

That's the trouble with everyone being free grownups. Not everyone thinks that "grown up" means the same thing.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 8
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 3:16:57 PM

I understand it can be an awkward conversation, but come on, it's 2014, we're adults, can't we be free to do what we want? Especially in our own houses? Is that unreasonable to expect? Was just curious because the last few women I have met all seem to have the same issues, and have to walk on eggshells around their full grown kids, some already in university( but home for the summer) but we seem to have to plan our social life around them not being home.


Never had an issue with being around the kids, grown or not - although I would more so 'walk on eggshells' a bit with younger children in terms of 'sexual appropriateness' (restraint). I have, though, always been more self-conscious when it comes to having sex with a child (even adult child) in the house - I remember being in a hotel with one ex-GF, two double beds - her 8 & 11 y/o kids asleep in the one and feeling very 'awkward' about us having sex in the other with the two kids 6' away from us. Was one thing to be in her (upstairs) bedroom with them in theirs downstairs, another to be 6' away without anything but open air between us.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 9
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 3:44:18 PM
I'm sorry, I have to agree with Igor that it's a part of responsible parenting, to not shove sexual activities in your kids' face UNTIL such time as it has become something more than casual sex.

As far as women with young adult daughters, seems to me that it might be important to set an example of judicious and responsible sexual behavior. There are STILL a lot of neighborhoods and communities where people have nose problems and wagging tongues. Do you think that any sane mother wants men approaching her daughter expecting her to drop her panties for the asking, because its' known in town/the neighborhood/the building that her mother "sleeps around"?
You can laugh if you want to but there are still a lot of parts of the country where people aren't letting their libido completely run their lives.
The other thought that crossed my mind is maybe the woman DOES have a low libido. Or maybe she doens't want to have sex with YOU and the kids being in the house is a good excuse. Or maybe she would like to have sex with you eventually but she doesn't want to be a notch on a casual daters' bedpost.
You have kids, right? Would YOU bring a woman you don't know well to your house and have sex with her when your kids are there? Or is that WHY you want to have sex at HER house?
Cindy O
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 10
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 3:48:18 PM
OP, you just "recently" met a woman with a kid and she wants you to sleep in the guest bedroom and you have a problem with that?

The word "recently" says it all. I guess I don't understand why you think that is strange. I applaud the woman.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 11
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 3:57:45 PM
The two posts above me beat me to agreement with Igor. I read the OP and thought and? I would have had to be well into a relationship before I sex in a house with my kids around, even when they were living at home as adults. It is all about respect and appropriate boundaries.

Unlike the OP, as an adult I do understand that we can't always do what we want even in our own homes. This is all part of being a responsible adult.

 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 12
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When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 4:21:14 PM
A man who thinks my home, where my children live, is his sexual playground wouldn't be allowed to know where my home is. A child's home is the place he should be the safest.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 13
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When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 4:56:33 PM

Have not been in that exact situation per se.

What I have noticed though, is mother's who allow their children (4, 5, 6, 7 year-olds) to sleep in THEIR bed with them. Then, you spend the night, and the kid is looking at you like you're in THEIR (the child's) bed. "No slowflake, you have your OWN bed. Night-night."

Won't be long now........................mom's will routinely be sleeping in the same bed with their teenagers. The teen's bedroom is all dark & scary. Might be a monster under their bed.

However, at the age range you listed, you'll be hard pressed to avoid parents of dependent (and in the 21st Century, "dependent" can mean a 'kid' who is 30 years-old) children. From what I see and hear, A LOT of parents today are obnoxiously "hands on" with 'kids' that are shaving, driving, and whatnot. Their children 'run' them. Can't upset the kiddies, because........................"then my kids won't think I'm cool or their friend."

Back in the day, very few parents that I knew of, gave a d@mn about being their (dependent) kid's 'friend'. As a matter of fact, it was commonplace to hear the speech, "I'm not here to be your 'friend'."

Welcome to The New World Order.




I would also add welcome to the age of the coddling, helicopter parent.
Another entertaining post I can relate to. I always enjoy the philosophical waxing of NikonGuy.

OP...Sounds like your dating the typical "My kids are my world" women. Think about why the father isn't there.
 PenelopeLeChat
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 14
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 5:07:09 PM
Modesty.... quite frankly I had an issue with my daughter who is going through a very rough time in her life telling me.... "I am living my own personal hell ...." and me yup I am too but I am dating and she continued to say ... "I dont care about your F of the week.... ". Okay.. fair enough... I talk about who I talk to on here (pof) that never meant I did anything *sex* with them.... In fact I have been conservative. Lesson learned. I will never, ever speak of my dating life to my adult child again.
LePew
"
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 15
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 5:09:28 PM
I only have fur babies
I'd not let someone stay in my house.. perhaps suggest a hotel. Why do you have to be at her place anyhow? Do you want to meet and greet the kids ( and they are kids no matter what age) when you get up to pee at night?
No reason to be at her house at all.. you have your own place, right?
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 16
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 6:12:02 PM
Ouija: We were going out to a blues concert near her house, she suggested staying the night if I had few drinks rather than drive... And not a rant, the "kids" are 26 & 20,,, I was just curious what the norm was.

Where it all falls down, though, is that EVERYBODY is supposed to live the way they want to. Not JUST me. And not JUST you, OP. The women we want to have wild sex with, hanging off the banisters, and in the middle of the day on the dining room table, saying "hi" to their daughters as they slip past to pick something up from their closets
. Lol, MY GAWD Igor, you were peeking through a window, that's exactly how it went down! ;)
 Debisue64
Joined: 1/19/2014
Msg: 17
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When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 7:30:57 PM
I just dont think MOM should be a sexual being in front of her kids.. at any age.. discretion is key.

My son is 18.. he will NEVER meet someone i would have early and indiscriminate sex with.. lol

would a partner sleep in my bed.. .. why YES>. not a "F#ck buddy.. get over it... get a room.. lol
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 18
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 7:50:38 PM
With an attitude like that OP, I would urge you to NOT date women with kids. Life isn't always about ME ME ME all the time-nor does what date or year it is change being a responsible respectful parent. I know your di*k is hungry but you're not the only one in the equation here.
 Br8NuDay
Joined: 6/8/2014
Msg: 19
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 8:10:14 PM
I don’t have a problem with the wishes of a woman as long as we can make time for each other. I don’t agree with flaunting things in front of the kids nor would I want to. I think pretty much every woman I've dated we waited until the kids were asleep and I was gone before they woke up. Some sleepless nights but well worth it.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 20
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When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 8:24:08 PM
I would never invite a man I was just dating to spend the night when my kids are home (16 & 19) for the same reason I don't allow them to have opposite sex sleepovers, I feel it's inappropriate. You may think they should be adult enough to handle it, but all family dynamics are different. The parent may not want to make anyone feel uncomfortable in their own home. Kind of creepy that it bothers you.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 21
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When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 9:01:09 PM
I agree with what seems to be the majority here. It's very selfish and thoughtless to not understand that good parenting requires having boundaries. The kids may be in their 20's but obviously have not been raised in such a permissive environment. Would you rather be with a woman whose kids are used to mom's 'date' sleeping over?
 easterparadehat
Joined: 4/14/2014
Msg: 22
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/4/2014 9:31:11 PM
I'd have to agree with the others, the mom is trying to make an example of her own life on how someone should live it. However, don't know why that can't extend to childfree people too. Maybe she is traditional and since she has kids it is easier to say no to you because she isn't like all the other women who want to get intimate with a stranger.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 23
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/5/2014 5:44:33 AM
I think it is sad that an "adult" man can't seem to comprehend that a parent never stops being a role model for their children. Further, that in HER house, a single mother is entitled to create the kind of atmosphere that is most comfortable for her and her children/family members (regardless of age - what if her mother lived there?). Why not try the approach of being respectful and supportive rather than petulant and entitled?

Her children LIVE with her. You are a GUEST.



We were going out to a blues concert near her house, she suggested staying the night if I had few drinks rather than drive.
And her gracious offer, to allow you to freely indulge in your "night out" without the worry of a DUI, was not even APPRECIATED, but instead was derided because you couldn't sleep with her?

You sound like one self-centered and clueless dude.

we're adults, can't we be free to do what we want?

Says the man who wants her to do what HE WANTS.

Just because you assumed there would be a post-concert fvck fest with HER, maybe she did not have the slightest desire to have S. E. X. with YOU. By the way, if you are an adult, why don't you treat HER like one?


just trying to be patient with recent woman I met off Match

Oh, dear gawd … you should change your user name to "Job."


And for the women, I have really noticed a very strong bond especially with your daughters

I can't believe I have to tell a "grown" man this, but … women will ALWAYS bear the most serious consequences of sexual activity. Their plumbing makes them more at risk for contracting STIs/STDs, and suffering more serious repercussions from sexually -transmitted infections including transmitting diseases to fetuses and consequences of childbirth (like blindness of a baby from herpes), Oh, and let's not forget sterilization from scarring of reproductive organs. When was the last time you ever heard of a man dying from Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID)?


Also, Women will ALWAYS be the only gender that can be visually determined to have had sex, whether through a broken hymen or signs of pregnancy.

Over the centuries, it seems like society has taken the visible evidence of our sexual behavior as a sign that they should somehow have a voice in how we behave (see opening post for data that corroborates this contention).

In spite of the hue and cry about the "branding" of sexually active women as sluts, it has not (nor, IMO, will it ever completely) ceased.

Did it ever occur to you that this woman is still aware of her responsibility to convey a sense of control to her daughters as their biggest role model? I.e. for all the thick skulls out there … that having a man at arm's length is not the only reason to have sex, and that they have the right to set limits for their own comfort AND TO BE WITH THE TYPE OF MEN WHO WILL RESPECT THOSE LIMITS.

You really come off as a person who is immature and short-sighted. I think it's tragic you can not respect the right of a person to conduct their life the way they see fit in their own home. Surely, you can't be so dense and undeveloped as to think it is about keeping SEX a "secret," but rather about having the choice and restraint as to when it occurs.

OTH, maybe you are simply not the biggest joy to sleep with after getting your buzz on with your beer breath.

At any rate, congrats for winning "Insensitive PoF Dork of the Week."
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 24
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/5/2014 6:25:49 AM

With an attitude like that OP, I would urge you to NOT date women with kids.


I agree. Date either child-free women or women whose kids have flown the coop. Personally, I would never feel comfortable being in a home, and especially staying overnight, if there are other family members living there. I would never put myself in that situation.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 25
When to cut the Umbilical cord
Posted: 8/5/2014 7:42:55 AM
I don't date mothers, but a high percentage of the gals in their 30s and 40s I meet (especially from online) have not cut the umbilical cord from their mothers.

Many still live in their mom's home as an adult child.

Many have their mom live with them or she visits indefinitely.

Many live near their mom and visit regularly.

If they live farther away, they travel to see each other often and call each other frequently.

They play the mom card to cancel dates or end conversations.

I guess the female orphans and gals who hate their mothers are already taken!

Many adults take care of ailing parents and adult kids! Good luck dating them!
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