Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating during a bad economy?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 2
Dating during a bad economy?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Dude,

You and perhaps two thirds of the male dating population had your problem. And we are all in different stages of overcoming. Unfortunately when it comes to dating, you're going to find women that want that man that is super successful, has that big boat on the water and is a bastion of success. You can spot those women a mile a way. Stay away from those. Unfortunately a lot of those women are attracted to clubs, and boating like bees to honey, so you may have to search elsewhere for the other type of woman, who values a hard working man, who is focused, who had his share of failures and successes and is determine to make things work.

So stick to your plan. If you need to be frugal on your dating practices, then set a budget of how much you can spend a week and stick to it. When I started dating, and since I like restaurants, not coffee dates, I knew I could afford one date a week. Once I found the woman that has become my partner, we switched to cooking together, with an occasional outside date when it doesn't break the bank.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 4
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 9:38:48 AM
Your profile suggests you have lots of disposable income, able to indulge in cigarettes, jet skis, ATVs and other luxuries. Not surprising if some high maintenance women think you might be able to go on expensive vacations and other expenditures.

I'm a king of "the best things in life are free". Have often been self employed, underemployed, or underpaid. Am accustomed to not spending much and being wise about expenses. Recently retired from working for anyone else; no more paychecks!

Some girls are not high maintenance.

The likely ages of the girls you're dating are often at their peak sex drives.

Over 17% of American men in the prime job ages of 25 to 55 cannot find any job at all. An even higher % are underemployed. Many of these men get action.

Try talking to girls on the beach if you're not already doing so.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 5
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 9:59:21 AM
you aren't wrong, Jace. People do expect someone in their 40's to be in a certain place in life.

HOWEVER, i'm a year older than you, a retired millionaire...and I'm not even getting the dates you're getting. If I send out a bunch of emails, I might get one back and the return to that one doesn't get a return. So, either you're doing better than me or I'm doing better than you or...who knows?

If any human being is looking for a partner to travel with...well...can ya blame 'em? they want what they want, we want what we want. they have a right to want it, we have a right to want what we want. If a human being has been burned in the past...I can't blame them for wanting to duck a hot stove in the future. by definition, someone who wants what I can't give...is not in my league.

heck, when I was 18, i had my own place. but the girls i met wanted to fool around in the backseat of a car in December with snow on the ground. the idea of a bathtub with bubbles and candles...didn't interest them b/c it meant they had planned for sex, and it "spoiled the mood". I was dating the wrong types back then, they still thought like 16-18yr olds, and I was already thinking like an adult. i'd talk about the books I was self publishing, and yes, they couldn't imagine a success, they had to see a success to know it was a success. some people are like that.

you'll have to pursue a different type. There was a post a while back here about paying for dinner, and my feeling is, if you can't afford to feed someone, either you're at too expensive a restaurant, or you should be doing dates that don't hinge around dinnertime. Go to a park that has excellent food trucks (its the "in thing" in some places) or just, you know, be creative.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 6
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 10:13:17 AM
Your profile is totally selling the 'Cosmopolitan' lifestyle with lots of toys/luxury items. Maybe that's where you want to to be, or will be in a couple of years, but if you're not there right now - the ladies hunting for designer label boyfriends NOW will pretty much be instantly repulsed.

You don't need to be horribly rich to date a woman - but 'those' kinds of ladies are pretty much looking for sponsors for their buying habits, not a companion to share the load. Usually there's signals in their profile indicating such - they don't talk about their current status at all, only bragging about where they're been and where they want to go, things of that nature. Their interests in dining, entertainment and such tend to be the high-end locations, as are the places they tend to use in their pictures with friends. I usually group the habitual shoe collectors in that group as well, especially if they brag about in their profile.

Men DO need to show some sort of provider status regardless of income level - that's an instinctual part of female attraction - so it's up to you to keep selling up your potential and not degrading yourself for your current status quo. Above all - don't lie. Selling the luxury stuff in your photos may seem to be selling your potential well, but some people online have little or no patience and expect that kind of status instantly, and feel lied to when it isn't completely true from the word 'go'.

Try selling your relationships with friends and family instead of your toys and trips. Women looking for those things are cut from a completely different cloth.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 7
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 10:26:14 AM

a retired millionaire

How do you RETIRE from being a millionaire? Why in the world would you want to?
LOL.
OP perhaps you would be better served to look for ways to meet people(women) offline.
Cindy O
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 8
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 11:18:55 AM
Take care that you are not aspiring to woo the type of women whom you feel validate you as "successful."

I think you are the common denominator, and while it is true, many established people of both genders will not be interested in "waiting" for a partner to "catch up," there ARE people who are able to look past that.

However, you can't have it both ways and try to attract a Material Girl while espousing Humble values.

Why do you wave around the "going out to eat" carrot, then say you're seeking someone who "is okay with dinner and a movie at home"?

You can date a modest gal, for now, and dump her when you make it big, in favor of a trophy GF, which you seem to crave.
 BLoNDeANGeL845
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 10
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 12:14:08 PM
If a man has all of these high end toys in his profile but then doesn't have $ to date, I'd imagine some women would not be interested in meeting/dating.

If you cannot afford a woman but can afford jet skis, etc....???

Something does not compute.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 11
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 12:21:24 PM

I would have a tough time justifying penny pinching all week so we could blow $100 on Saturday in gas for a boat.


And boating is not only an expensive hobby, but it attracts a lot of those wanna-be women looking for men with money. So while you may have access to a ton of those women, they are not going to be your ideal partner.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 12
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 12:25:48 PM
"Men DO need to show some sort of provider status regardless of income level - that's an instinctual part of female attraction"

There was a big debate going on in another forum about this...about who should pay for that first date, and if it is biological, the whole provider thing, and what women want to see demonstrated. The thread seems to have vanished.

And I will be totally honest about this-I would pass on a guy who was unemployed, didnt have a car and/or is living in an arrangement akin to that of a college student- i.e. room mates, etc..always broke, etc. I am past that stage of my life. I am not 19 anymore and do not want to date anyone that age. It took a long time to build what I have, and want to be with a man who is at least my equal. I dont think this is unreasonable.

And Im not talking about "between job" temporary unemployment, I am taking about a chronic "cant get his sh*t together" sort of thing..mooching off relatives, lazy etc..so that it is evident it is a lifestyle, not a transitional phase in his life. I think we can all tell the difference.

If you are between jobs and hustling, this is *not* what I am referring to.

These days, women are not looking for men to take care of them, they are looking for a man who can take care of *himself*. That's a big difference now that many of us have careers/finances/property of our own.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 13
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 1:35:01 PM
In my mind, building a business from scratch, earning a livable wage and paying off debts in less than 5 years is an accomplishment,


It IS an accomplishment.


but as far as dating is concerned, I seem to fall way short of the bar.


That's because the dating world is a whole other animal than the business world.
If you deliver a great product or service, people will buy from you or hire you, and you will get referrals.

How often do you get referrals in the dating world?

Recognizing and appreciating a quality person for a romantic relationship is harder to come by then recognizing quality products or craftsmanship.
It's easier to pick out a good cabinet maker than a good significant other, since there are so many additional variables involved with the S/O.


Go to a park that has excellent food trucks (its the "in thing" in some places)


It's the "in thing" all over Southern California.


OP perhaps you would be better served to look for ways to meet people(women) offline.


Yes, offline.
Is the ease of success they were having OFFline what compelled millions of people to go ONline?


they are looking for a man who can take care of "himeslf"


I can open my own "microwaveable" packaged products all by myself.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 14
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 1:42:10 PM

Im by no means a loser, but feel like at my age, no one really wants a guy building something. It feels like if you are not set up, have time and money to travel and play, you need not apply. Has anyone else been running into issues dating when money is tight, or that you are for some reason starting over with a new career, or back in school?


Often the things that we need and the things that we want don't match.

As a women, I don't have the issue of nobody wanting to be with me because of being a" woman building something", but then again I'm 29. It's either an expectation that only applies to men (as providers), or men only care that a woman is able to support herself. Either way, men don't seem concerned about how much money I make or have, what I own, or anything like that. There is a societal expectation that you should have accomplished something by a certain time, but if we factor in the market crash of 2008, the impending recession, very few people are where they want to be.

My apprehension on dating someone who is building something is really something based on superstition. I feel like there is a syndrome of being a "starter wife" that I need to break. I've always been in relationships in which for some mysterious reason, starts with someone either having it together and then restarting, or never having it together. At this point in my life, I do not desire to be with someone who is still working on getting it together, I'm tired of being neglected in relationships. I'm dramatizing it, but it's really how it feels when you're with someone who is in the process of building and it absorbs every aspect of them and bleeds into the relationship. The whole "we can't do this, we can't do that, we have to wait", like don't date when all you have to offer is limitations. So the superstition is that people don't stay with those they struggle.

It took 5-6 years in my last relationship for things to look the way they used to when we first met. Goodness gracious, the struggling broke me. After all was said and done and we were able to do all we couldn't do during that time, I was not interested in doing any of those things with him. I felt it was extremely selfish of him to have nothing to offer me, while I was younger and could have had someone else give me the world. In my early 20s, I felt like I was living a teenager's romance, where you don't really go anywhere or do anything but hangout and have sex, and that's a relationship. That's why I say that you have to believe what men say, when they say "you could do so much better", that's your cue to get the f*ck out, because he knows he is doing less than someone else would.

So nowadays, the only thing I desire is dates (where people are on their best behavior and you do something fun, and that's it). I honestly cannot see myself in a relationship anymore, I've grown allergic to problems, and relationships contain a fair amount of those.

I have to ask, why do people who are fully aware they cannot offer a woman (or man) everything they believe such deserves, still want to date or have a relationship? How is cheating someone out of ingredients fair to the person they plan to get involved? Too many stories day in and day out of people in situations no one would deem ideal, still wondering how to date under such circumstances. Who are they trying to date? The same people everyone else is after?
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 3:18:42 PM
Well, no one ever "arrives"--we're always building toward something. Unless today's our funeral. Anyone that sees the natural work in progress as too much or too little should walk on by.

But the magic fairy dust that gets inhaled when people get involved unrealistically minimizes obstacles and maximizes perceived potential.

"We'll do it together!", he's thinking, and proceeds to invest everything he's got into the situation. What he doesn't know is that in the meantime the effect has worn off for her and she's realized this isn't the fairy tale she's envisioned, and he isn't a mythical, doting prince. Just a regular guy with many priorities. Loser!
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 16
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 4:00:56 PM
If you been reading the many threads on here. You would have came across one thing that comes often. Dating is expensive, If you feel you cant afford to pay then you shouldn't date.
Many women like to travel all over the world. Just remember with most of them its not you able to pay your own way but her way as well. As a man it would be expected of you. Try and come across as someone who does not have a lot of money. You just might catch one that is more down to earth.
I would say that first off you should not worry about dating. Too many people worry too much about dating. Make sure you get your self set up with your own future in mind. Do what makes you happy and do it often.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 17
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 4:48:48 PM
I agree with someone else, I'd seriously think taking off the pics with your "toys" it sends out the image.

Also, you have to remember that it's YOU who's picking the girls you write to, so maybe you need to put a little more thought into what criteria you're using when looking at the profiles. You can also screen better by suggesting more low key first meets. There are a ton of things to do that don't cost that much, I know in our area there are always festivals and outdoor concerts, for one.

Just a thought, but I'd keep the talk about your financial situation and the bad economy out of the conversation. I don't think you need to feel bad about yourself just because you don't have tons of money to toss around. Lots of innocent people got hurt by other people's greed. I'm in the same boat, and I've not yet totally come out of it, but I don't beat myself up about it.

Lastly, I'd try to think of it as a positive experience (yeah I know I'm try to do that myself!! haha) but when you have had money to throw around on others and then don't, it can tell you real quick who really cares about you and who hangs with you for the good times.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 18
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/14/2014 5:10:05 PM
You know, less disposable income to date could be a good thing. You have more things to show for yourself then a bunch of dinners with strangers.

So you have more things and less date money? No problem. Be pickier about who you to choose to date twice a month instead of 4x a month.

You can afford the things you have because you date less now.

Not such a bad thing. You just need to flip this around and make it a positive:)
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 22
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/15/2014 7:53:07 AM
Jace71...my suggestion is a visit to the Profile Reviews forum. People can provide specific suggestions there that forum rules prevent them from discussing in detail in this particular forum. Suffice it to say, simple adjustments could be made to your POF profile and captions for your pics that would radically help shape the results you obtain.
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 23
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/15/2014 7:55:57 AM
many women my age are educated and make great money. They are already set up in a house, or have the house after a divorce, or own a condo and have the money to travel, or go out each week with friends and I currently don't, if I want to achieve my goals. I can't keep up with them and I think that has been hurting me.


Nope. YOU are hurting yourself. You have a high school education and a limited income, yet you are pursuing "career women" who seek someone who may have more equitable assets.

Like I said earlier, try to quit pursuing the trophy GF. It sounds like they are on the same checklist of acquisitions you gave: boat (check), new truck (check), house in five years (check), professional, degreed woman with own house (check)

Oh, well ... I still think you are looking outwardly for "evidence" to support your success. Getting an accomplished and financially solvent GF to place in your curio cabinet just sounds like another manifestation of that.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 24
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/15/2014 8:59:01 AM

I am trying to set my self up for financial security, but that does not mean I am emotionally unavailable.

You can set yourself up without getting others involved in the hardship. If you are trying to date with intention to form a relationship, be realistic and tell her that you're not financially stable and you are currently rebuilding yourself, which means there are real limitations on what you can do with her (financially). If she's ok with that fine, if not, fine. Most people want their equal, so perhaps you can find someone in the same process who also has to be budget conscious with their own money.


You could be with someone for years and they could lose their job and have to start over again. They could get into an accident, or get sick costing you 100K in medical bills. Life is hard and not all about having fun.

I've already been there as I explained before, so I know the struggle. I went through it in my younger years and that's why I don't desire someone who doesn't have it together.


With that being said, a man should be able to handle what life throws at him and still love his woman. Thats maturity.

Loving someone is not the issue, the fact that life short and people are looking to enjoy life, is the issue. A man's ability to provide for the woman in his life is something taken very seriously and something that affects a man's masculinity, so much of his thoughts are self-defeating when he sees himself not able to do so. Same as his ability to perform. If he is not able to do what he believes a man should, it affects not only him but also the woman involved.

Maturity is the ability to prioritize what's important even against our on desires (like putting on a condom, when you would rather not use one, as the consequences are not worth an orgasm.)


I have dated women who had troubled family histories and turned to wine, or partying a lot to forget it I would imagine and that seemed to make them emotionally unavailable to me. The problem with these people isn't that they have a problem, or that they are building something...thats life for all of us and it can change at any time for better or for worse. The problem with them is they are selfish and are only thinking of themselves.


And you don't think you're only thinking of yourself? You misrepresent yourself by displaying things you cannot afford, activities that seem like what you have to offer someone joining you when you can't go boating yourself due to cost, you're well aware it's gonna take years to become stable yet your concern is how to date when you have very little to offer. None of it is mature. You're trying to live beyond your means in several aspects. You want to be at the beach with your friends all the time and can't afford it, want to date but can't offer anything stable. You're trying to have your cake and eat it too.

Be upfront about it on your profile and any woman interested will know what she's in for, and why the dates are budget friendly. That way, you won't attract women who are used to a lifestyle you cannot join her in or provide her with.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 25
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 8/15/2014 10:15:58 AM
...and that's why I don't desire someone who doesn't have it together.

I'd like to point out that perspective of having it 'together' is an EXCLUSIVE viewpoint based on the dater's own past experiences. It's rarely ever defined the same way twice. Some consider 'together' being completely debt-free, others consider it having a surplus of disposable income, others yet just want people to pay their bills and live frugally. CONFIDENCE in one's own financial situation usually wins over whatever line gets drawn, because as long as people don't show stress over money, it's easy for the other to turn a blind eye to it.


A man's ability to provide for the woman in his life is something taken very seriously and something that affects a man's masculinity, so much of his thoughts are self-defeating when he sees himself not able to do so. Same as his ability to perform.

No argument there - but having a label like 'bankruptcy' loom over your head often creates a cloud darker than any 'performance' a man can give. Circumstances beyond one's control are still included in the evaluation, whether it be 'fair' or not, so whatever opinions are made by an internet stranger cannot - and should not - be taken personally.


Be upfront about it on your profile and any woman interested will know what she's in for, and why the dates are budget friendly. That way, you won't attract women who are used to a lifestyle you cannot join her in or provide her with.

No offense, but listing 'bankrupt' in a profile is about as detrimental as saying 'criminal record' or 'pregnant'. Some things are better left for real-life conversations and NOT remote online judging. The OP can sell himself better by NOT emphasizing wealth and luxury than he ever could by honestly explaining his financial crisis.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 26
Misrepresentation and it's consequences
Posted: 8/15/2014 11:20:53 AM

I'd like to point out that perspective of having it 'together' is an EXCLUSIVE viewpoint based on the dater's own past experiences. It's rarely ever defined the same way twice. Some consider 'together' being completely debt-free, others consider it having a surplus of disposable income, others yet just want people to pay their bills and live frugally. CONFIDENCE in one's own financial situation usually wins over whatever line gets drawn, because as long as people don't show stress over money, it's easy for the other to turn a blind eye to it.

Whatever definition you want to use, it's a mechanism that places stress on a relationship by virtue of one party not having options available, which translate to a relationship not having many choices available. So if you have limitations, it is incumbent upon you to inform the other party before they make you one of their choices (lacking pertinent information).


No argument there - but having a label like 'bankruptcy' loom over your head often creates a cloud darker than any 'performance' a man can give. Circumstances beyond one's control are still included in the evaluation, whether it be 'fair' or not, so whatever opinions are made by an internet stranger cannot - and should not - be taken personally.

I just can't believe the level of selfishness displayed. So it doesn't matter what someone else wants in a relationship, let's just have them deal with someone who cannot be 100% in the relationship, someone whose mind is focused on building and whose approach at it will set limits in the relationship.

Sure, don't consider the opinion of a woman who already went through being with someone who had it together and then had to start all over, after all, who cares about a woman's needs in a relationship, who cares about what a woman may want, who cares about what women feels when all there is is a struggle to not fall apart. No one seems to give a f*ck about who they asking to be their life partner, men just want to stick it in and not be judged, f*ck consequences right? Nothing ever changes.


No offense, but listing 'bankrupt' in a profile is about as detrimental as saying 'criminal record' or 'pregnant'. Some things are better left for real-life conversations and NOT remote online judging.

That's like suggesting that people lie about things that directly affect the quality of relationship one has to offer, let's omit having children (if they like you, they'll accept you and the children you'll only disclose in real life, right?), being employed (because it's inconsequential whether I can build a future with whose equal footing with me, right?), a physical disability (because if they like you, they won't notice they can't go hiking or do any physical demanding activity with such, right?), let's not disclose unresolved marital status (if she likes you, she'll understand, right?).

To not disclose something important, such that it really paints a picture of what can be expected, is the same as lying. I'm not suggesting he disclose details of the issue, just mention he is in the process of rebuilding himself. Whether disclosed in the profile or not, it will affect dating and it will be obvious.

Would you like someone whose 2 weeks pregnant not tell you anything until you're at a 2-month mark and then she goes "surprise surprise!'? Lol. Wouldn't you feel like you were made a fool from a very beginning? Like you were left out on something crucial which would shape the relationship.

I agree that certain things need not to be disclosed before it's relevant, but anything that will limit the relationship in the short run and then the long run are things to be brought up rather soon so resentment doesn't happen as a consequence.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 27
Misrepresentation and it's consequences
Posted: 8/15/2014 12:22:01 PM
I would never mention a bankruptcy in a profile. There are appropriate moments to disclose private information and a dating profile, which is visible to the entire world, is not the place. I know several people personally from work and other areas of my life who are on these sites and I have seen they have looked at my profile over the years, and I don't think they need to read about something like this.

Not just that-people have a right to reveal what they want when they want, unfortunately you can't make demands about laying it all out right upfront in a public arena..that's not your call to make.

I also would not expect that people would reveal they have STD's, medical issues, mental health/medication stuff...no one has to list this in a profile. Some stuff is private, to be discussed IN private between two people who are interested in sharing one another's lives. There's PLENTY of stuff people can hide, just because one thing is listed on a profile doesn't mean they are being forthcoming about *everything.*

I know in this day and age of cameras everywhere, the pressure to lead public lives all the time..it's still good form to leave SOMETHING off the grid. No one needs to know anything about me on the internet other than what I choose to reveal, and it is not going to be personal financial information.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 28
Misrepresentation and it's consequences
Posted: 8/15/2014 12:27:29 PM

Sure, don't consider the opinion of a woman who already went through being with someone who had it together and then had to start all over, after all, who cares about a woman's needs in a relationship, who cares about what a woman may want, who cares about what women feels when all there is is a struggle to not fall apart.

My point is that if someone dismisses you because of a label like 'bankruptcy' without bothering to consider who you are, you don't need to waste time on them. What they want or need is INDEED totally irrelevant - because they already decided to stay an internet stranger. What I meant is in the context of rejection - you can't take it personally because it ISN'T personal at that point - it's a judgement call - their opinion - and they are free to make their choice - and I am free to dismiss it and not let it bother me.


I agree that certain things need not to be disclosed before it's relevant, but anything that will limit the relationship in the short run and then the long run are things to be brought up rather soon so resentment doesn't happen as a consequence.

But disclosing them in a PROFILE is NOT a 'relationship' - it's advertising - a personals ad - and really is no place to disclose those kinds of details. That kind of stuff gets discussed in early phone calls and first dates - but NOT advertised. How many men AND women are willing to show full side profile photos of their waistlines in the interest of being 'honest'? It doesn't happen much for a reason.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 29
Misrepresentation and it's consequences
Posted: 8/17/2014 11:11:15 AM

To not disclose something important, such that it really paints a picture of what can be expected, is the same as lying. I'm not suggesting he disclose details of the issue, just mention he is in the process of rebuilding himself. Whether disclosed in the profile or not, it will affect dating and it will be obvious.


Talking about bankruptcy with this... Mistakes happen. I'm only finally almost done fixing mistakes I made when I was younger. Is it fair to have a woman judge whether I'm datable or not based on something that happened years ago? Yeah, 5 years ago, I was TERRIBLE with money. As a result, my credit score is still only in the low 500s, I can't get a loan for anything. But I'm not that same person anymore. Now all my bills are payed on time. Those debts are almost done being payed off.

Who's more important when it comes to dating... The guy I was 5 years ago who really screwed up, or the guy I am now, who pays his bills on time, and is paying back his old loans and credit?

Labeling yourself as being bankrupt, or rebuilding yourself leads to this kind of thinking. As much as I love drinking, when you're so drunk you can't function, that's a huge turnoff to me... Should I decide that any girl who got that drunk 10 years ago in college isn't worth dating because of a mistake in her past?

Bankruptcy is on your credit for 10 years. That's a long time to hold any kind of judgment on someone's character.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Misrepresentation and it's consequences
Posted: 8/30/2014 10:27:29 AM
[qoute]How do you RETIRE from being a millionaire? Why in the world would you want to?
That's easy; because you have to WORK to make money. It's not always fun, like you see on TV. At some point in life, especially if you've been working all day every day, you'll want to start to enjoy what you've earned! Kind of funny, but your statement reminded me so much of my ex wife. I've never been unemployed, there's always some kind of work out there to do; and I told my wife before we got married that I would always work. She took that to mean that I would never take any time off, ever. She expected me to be working to make money for her to spend every waking moment.
and

"Men DO need to show some sort of provider status regardless of income level - that's an instinctual part of female attraction"

Exactly. Women will always look for the best 'catch'. It's always been that way, and it always will (lots of women will lie and tell you otherwise, but look around and see instead of believing the lies). When you ask women what they're looking for in a man, 'ambition' is always right up there near the top. Women want guys who will make a lot of money. Better get used to it, because that's never going to change. And if you find out that she makes more than you, just put the fork down and get up and leave, because the chances of THAT relationship ever succeeding is virtually zero (unless you're still a student and see a huge increase in status and income when you get out of school).

Jace 71, you're simply dating the wrong people. However, until you learn to meet women and talk about things before you actually ask them out on dates, you're going to have to live with learning about things during that first date, and be prepared to pay for that first date. Good luck. You're going to need it.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 31
Dating during a bad economy?
Posted: 9/5/2014 1:08:17 PM
You represent yourself as somebody who isn't exactly struggling. Then again, who am I to judge?

Are you aiming for women with excessive disposable income? Do you think they are characteristically superior to somebody who is more frugal, has less money to spend on frequent salon visits and clothes?

Maybe the problem is actually you. If you weren't busy pretending to be of a status that which you are not and impressing the same kind of people with whom you once fraternized when you were at that status, you'd find somebody more down to Earth, more realistic, and one who knows how to hand a buck. But it seems you don't want this; you're bemoaning how certain PoF people don't appreciate you. (I wonder how many people with less means you turned away because you thought they'd be a financial burden on you.)
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Dating during a bad economy?