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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Did I rush asking her out?      Home login  
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 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 2
Did I rush asking her out? Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
No, you did not rush.

Better too early than too late.

Usually when the girl says she's not ready, she never will be. Find another girl who isn't a time vampire.

You are not needy.

Over a week, hours each day is too long. I would have brought up the idea of meeting much sooner.
 Halthyguy
Joined: 8/12/2014
Msg: 4
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/19/2014 5:20:44 PM
NO !

You should have asked her after the first phone call went well, she's not ready.

Nothing is real until you meet IN PERSON, so don't waste any more time than ONE phone convo before meeting .

Live and learn.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 7
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/19/2014 6:03:22 PM
A week of online banter is more than sufficient to migrate to seeking a live meeting.
It is just for a simple glass of wine, a cup of coffee, and pleasant chat...
You were perfectly reasonable to seek a live meeting after that volume of interaction.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 8
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/19/2014 8:00:37 PM
Don't over think this.

You're fine.

I personally think that expecting a meet/date within several messages is normal.

A week? They're having fun with you while there at the checkout line at Walmart.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 9
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History
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/19/2014 9:22:02 PM
Eh, she's separated. For all you know, she hasn't been on a date in 10 years or so. I think it's perfectly normal to say a week of chatting is too soon to be meeting for a date. People have different intentions. Some want to plow through the first meets and not "waste time", playing the odds of the numbers, and some don't.

I wouldn't.

I only met 3 people from POF and although I can't remember exactly how long I emailed/messenger chatted, I know it as at least 3 weeks for the quickest meet. Two of the people who I got to the point of meeting with I had relationships with for 4-6 months or so. One was never intended to be more than a friendship meet.

In the example of one person, he suggested phone and I declined. He suggested a meet a little after that and I hesitated. He didn't push, just continued talking (it's not like I was the only person these people were talking with) and then when he suggested again, I agreed.

There were also people I talked with that I never met, though a couple suggested it.

I'd say just decide within yourself how much time you want to wait. If you never met her, do you enjoy the conversations or would they have been a waste of your time?

Things sometimes have to build naturally, or sometimes they don't and die away. I suppose your mindset within the 'relationship' is what matters ... if you are not wanting to "waste time" or if it never occurred to you that talking with her would be a "waste".

I think if someone that I had a good interaction with backed away because they didn't want to 'waste their time" talking with me, then that was a very good thing for me. Things will happen as they should, good or bad, you just have to let it flow if you want to see ... until you don't want to invest into that 'let it flow' anymore or not interested in seeing.

I will agree that her being separated, if she hasn't dated, will probably mean she's just getting her feet wet and feeling her way around, so she might not meet at all, but on the other hand, if she does, you have someone likely not jaded with the whole dating thing bringing along values and considerations that you might not get with veteran daters.

I think the biggest problem in both of those relationships started on POF WAS that they were veteran daters. I think things might have been much different if not.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 10
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/20/2014 12:21:04 AM

Well, it wasn't phone conversations. Just messaging on here, if that makes a difference??


I'd get off "messaging on here" and at least give her your phone# (she can block callerID), or whichever way, and actually talk on the phone and hear a voice.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 11
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/20/2014 8:05:32 AM
You're going to meet women like that a dime a dozen. The problem is that if you wait, you will become her pen pall, not a potential lover. If you wait, then either you or her, can fall in the illusionary love of an idea.

So, read the forums and what you will learn from most people is that the sooner you ask them, the better. Besides, we are in a DATING site, not a pen pall site.

So my advice is that you should ask for the date within two weeks of making the first contact online. If they feel is too soon. MOVE ON.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 12
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/20/2014 10:41:04 AM
No.
I can usually tell early on if a man just wants a "pen pal". And that's OK, it is, was it is. ( LOL Yes Innergorilla I have a few of those.) MEH!
If a man is genuinely interested/available in meeting me face to face, he will "step up to the plate" and offer a suggestion, such as, "Are you free anytime this coming weekend?"
Could be the same day as first contact or within a week.
To me anything that drags out to weeks, of ONLY contact here in POF, no phone/voice conversations, tells me he is "otherwise busy". This works both ways, IMO
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 13
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/20/2014 11:34:37 AM
Separated means she is married. Married people often don't even begin the healing process until after the divorce papers are signed, and even then they can be on the rebound for years (not ready for love yet).

You did the right thing... ask them out after exchanging 3-5 messages. The only thing you did wrong was talking to a women who was not emotionally available. She's not ready, you are wasting your time with that one.

Like the sign says, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Don't try to date married people.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 14
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/20/2014 3:15:21 PM
Asking a her out after a week is fine. Chances are this woman was not ready to start dating again.
 IrishRedM
Joined: 7/22/2014
Msg: 15
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/20/2014 3:30:17 PM
No, you didn't.

She is separated and likely not emotionally ready to date, no matter what she may tell you.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 17
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/20/2014 7:19:54 PM
I usually ask out a woman within 1-2 weeks after initial contact If she is interested, she will agree or a suggest a later time if she's not available at the moment.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 18
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/20/2014 10:14:00 PM
Separated or not, no, you did not rush.

But you would be better off avoiding separated women anyway.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 19
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/21/2014 8:08:39 AM
She said she thought it was a bit early to be talking dates.




translation: I'm friendzoning you until (if and when) I change my mind
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 20
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/21/2014 12:47:11 PM

Separated means she is married. Married people often don't even begin the healing process until after the divorce papers are signed, and even then they can be on the rebound for years (not ready for love yet).

You did the right thing... ask them out after exchanging 3-5 messages. The only thing you did wrong was talking to a women who was not emotionally available. She's not ready, you are wasting your time with that one.

Like the sign says, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Don't try to date married people.


This is especially applicable in the case of a young man such as the OP, who wants to start his own family. He can't very well marry a woman who's already married---definitely a waste of his time.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 8/23/2014 9:12:22 PM
It's more likely that she's IN a marriage and is just looking around in here to see what's out there.
 Ailand
Joined: 3/5/2016
Msg: 23
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 4/10/2016 9:52:17 AM
don't be worried about how you look. If she thinks your too needy, then she's not for you anyhow.
 JJBean21
Joined: 8/12/2015
Msg: 24
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 4/10/2016 6:21:03 PM

don't be worried about how you look. If she thinks your too needy, then she's not for you anyhow.


Agree with Ailand....this is very true. I think you gave it a reasonable amount of "talk time" or emailing before asking to meet. If she doesn't want to meet you, then maybe she just wants a pen pal. So my advice would be to back off. If she contacts you, then tell her you'd like to chat in person. If she says no....there ya go and there's your answer. In the meantime, contact other women. Don't wait for her. Good luck.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 25
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History
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 4/10/2016 10:11:33 PM
It has been just a week but she may not be who she says she is, after all and is playing games. She says she is separated and that could mean anything. A few hours a day, really? who has time for that with a stranger? I guess you mean that you are texting throughout the day, on and off. Have you actually spoken on the phone??

She could be fearful of putting herself out there perhaps. If she wont meet up in the physical in the next week or two, I would move on. Personally I would not bother with anyone who is separated and for a short time.
 wineaboutit
Joined: 2/18/2016
Msg: 27
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 4/11/2016 12:04:03 PM
I disagree, the piont of exchanging messages is to determine if you want to meet up. I think she has no intention of ever meeting up if she says it is too early. Realistically the first time you meet it should be for a short time, a coffee, one drink, an hour or two should tell you if you want to plan a more extensive date or if you just had an enjoyable time with somebody but not enough in common.
 halcyon_skies
Joined: 7/27/2015
Msg: 28
Did I rush asking her out?
Posted: 4/11/2016 1:51:21 PM

It has been just a week but she may not be who she says she is, after all and is playing games. She says she is separated and that could mean anything. A few hours a day, really? who has time for that with a stranger? I guess you mean that you are texting throughout the day, on and off. Have you actually spoken on the phone??


It hasn't just been a week. It's been almost two years---the OP is long gone. I fail to understand why you never bother to check to see if the OP is still present before you ask them questions and offer advice.
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