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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?      Home login  
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 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 1
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
After last nights s--t date, I've decided I'm done with online dating. All the BS you have to put up with online dating is just not worth the time and effort. I would still like to meet someone and date. At this point I'm thinking about asking women I know in my social circle if they know anyone they can introduce me to. I beginning to think this may be the only way to meet women other than the doing the bar/club thing (I'm not oppose to it..it's tends to be a crap shoot in terms of knowing who is single). I work from home , so there isn't the opportunity to meet women in passing. My concern is that I may look desperate to the friend of my female friend if I'm being asked to be set up versus meeting women in other ways.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 2
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 6:31:00 AM
I think it's not a bad idea. I went on a date yesterday with someone from one of my friend's Facebook. He sent me a friend request, I checked out his profile, thought he was hot, and then asked my friend who he was, etc. It was a really great date and we have another one planned for Saturday. It's better than online dating, because at least you "know" the person a bit and they will probably not flake on you because they don't want to look bad to their friends. So dig through your friend's Facebook friends list and see if there is someone that looks good to you. Good luck :-)
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 3
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 6:32:12 AM
Never had a female friend try to set me up, but then again, I don't have female friends.

I can tell you that one gal I had a first date with, whom had no chemistry with me, tried to set me up with her friend.

Well, guess what?

Her friend was curious why me and the first gal (her friend) didn't 'click'?

I'll never let a woman set me up again. Yikes!
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 4
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 6:42:47 AM
NJ2UT...there is nothing wrong at all with your suggested technique.
It certainly helps both people because they are "vetted" by a mutual friend.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 5
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 6:56:45 AM
Better yet, expand that social circle of friends to where you all go out together to restaurants, Karaoke and do stuff. They invite those friends and you see each other in a no pressure context. Then let nature to it's thing.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 6
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 7:33:02 AM
What you are talking about is blind dates.... it's famous... it's one of the top two ways people meet, along with online dating.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 7
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Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 7:38:15 AM
After last nights s--t date


Bro...Starting a thread and leaving out the juicy details? Sacrilege!

I went on a date yesterday with someone from one of my friend's Facebook. He sent me a friend request, I checked out his profile, thought he was hot, and then asked my friend who he was, etc. It was a really great date and we have another one planned for Saturday. 


Was this guy also younger? Does he know about the FWB and what happens to the FWB now?




I was set up on a date around 11 years ago by a close female friend. Her friend was around 5'10" and appeared years earlier in a music video. She knew my height (5'7") going in and the date was ok. She was aspiring to be a singer and played some of her recordings for me. Her singing ability was marginal in my opinion.

It was a bit of a drive to where she lived as she didn't have a car. I figured it would become a grind if this went anywhere. She decided I was not tall enough anyway. Oh well.



I would rather have somebody offer to set me up than asking to be set up.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 8
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 7:58:55 AM
Funny how "old fashioned" ideas that have been around forever are now seen as "desperate."

Just the fact that people are so paranoid these days about being perceived as "desperate" is such a sad commentary about how much pressure there is to act as if you are detached, disinterested and need no help or suggestions from others.

Yes, ask your friends.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 9
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 8:01:55 AM
VolkanoKing...completely concur with what you just posted above.
This notion of "planned aloofness" is terrible for meaningful dating.
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 10
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Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 8:10:30 AM
"planned aloofness" 


I simply don't feel comfortable asking to be set up. That's just me. I'm open to offers, though.




vvvvv I was joking about the details my friend.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 11
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 8:11:38 AM
In hindsight, she wasn't even worth the $3 beer I paid for...so I'm not investing words to describe the s--t date with her. The bigger picture is that I've just realized online dating and everything that I've experienced with it isn't for me and what I'm looking for.

@IG great point.
@eric. That's what I was thinking. Maybe I should look at the qualities my female friends have to see what aligns with what I'm looking for dating wise and who knows maybe they have friends who those similar qualities. Birds of feather.
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 12
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 8:23:22 AM
NJ great idea. Use the resources you have. Your friends know you and your personality. They can probably find a good match. Just one piece of advice. If it does not go well do not blame your friend for setting you up.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 13
no
Posted: 9/8/2014 8:30:03 AM
"planned aloofness". I think back in the late 1970's, as a kid it was called, "being cool". If you took an interest in your surroundings, you were a nerd, a geek. The cool kids were "Above it all." Maybe that's what got them into trying drugs a few years later, they needed to find something to feel since they didn't want to feel anything going on around them.

I consider "planned aloofness" to be a shot in the foot. Be interested in life, and you'll be interestING. Be disinterested in your partner, and a good one will go, "OK, they aren't interested, let's go someplace else", while the person just wanting your body won't care that you aren't interested in what they offer beyond that, and the game player will go, "hey, I recognize this game! and I know how to play it--game on, baby!"
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 14
no
Posted: 9/8/2014 9:07:22 AM
@volcano

My buddy's wife wanted to introduce me one of her co-workers. She's a teacher ...so she has a good job and she passed a background check for the state (that has to be good for something). She didn't have any family in the area and wanted to go out more (other than with her married co workers). I was all on board with meeting her. I was even open to doing a double date with her and my friend and his wife which is usually a big no in my book for a first date. I sent her a message on Facebook mentioning we had a mutual friend...never heard from her.

Like Cooldog said, it's one thing to be offered to be set up. It's another thing to ask to be set up...that's where my concern about looking desperate comes from. maybe the perception is different when you're a guy.

@cooldog. I knew you were kidding.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 15
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Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 9:17:45 AM
I think it is a good idea. Your friends know you better than anyone. I would suggest a group setting so perhaps it is not very awkward for either of you.

PS: Sending a stranger an email on FB is not how to go about trying to meet them. Ask your friend to arrange a meeting. I personally delete any stranger that wants to friend me.
 PDAapproved
Joined: 5/19/2014
Msg: 16
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 9:52:23 AM
It is in no way desperate ... it is a better idea than online dating b/c at least you have an idea of who they are - whereas online you have no idea at all.

None of my friends have single guy friends or I'd be asking to be set up. I think it's a great idea ...
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 17
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 10:14:02 AM
Approaching a stranger at a bar or other location takes a certain degree of boldness and confidence to do so. Going on a blind date can be even MORE so, because of the expectations of success set up by the friend. It takes courage to do it, not desperation.

A male improvisational comedian doesn't step up on stage in front of a bunch a people and ask suggestions from the audience because he doesn't have any material and is desperate for suggestions - he's got plenty of material to work with - he's just willing and bold enough to let someone else point him in a direction and he'll work WITH them.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 18
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 11:33:43 AM
I get that you work from home-but do you not have spare time that you could invest in pursuing an interest that brings you in contact with other people? How about volunteering, activism for a cause you care about, being involved in your neighborhood or community if such opportunities exist?
IG has some great ideas about forming a social circle that goes out and does fun/interesting things.

Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Hell, I don't know. I wouldn't ask anybody to set me up and I wouldn't get involved in setting somebody up, but to me that's more about privacy and minding one's own business, not so much about "appearing desperate".
Cindy O
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 19
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 11:47:13 AM
Good grief!
Nobody has ever attended a backyard barbecue and seen a friend-of-a-friend and simply wanted an introduction?
One of the absolute best relationships of my life was forged in just that very manner. :-)
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 20
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 12:54:31 PM
I get that you work from home-but do you not have spare time that you could invest in pursuing an interest that brings you in contact with other people? How about volunteering, activism for a cause you care about, being involved in your neighborhood or community if such opportunities exist?

Im not shooting this suggestion down on face value. It's a great idea....if I didnt live in Utah. 60% - 70% of the single women in Utah are LDS/Mormon. The vast majority of them dont date anyone who isnt LDS/Mormon. So any activity or place with a large population of singles is statistically going to have a majority of LDS/Mormon. I have no problem with doing things outside of my home..and I do, I just dont go with the intention or hope of meeting single women. Bars/clubs are the exception. Since LDS/Mormon women dont drink, I know if I go to a bar or club, chances are the women they are going to be non LDS/Mormon.

I've lived here for almost ten years and I notice that even thier social circles tend to be mostly LDS/Mormon. My friend who is LDS/Mormon has a big super bowl every year. The 2 -3 single women that tend show always tend to be LDS/Moron. I stopped inquiring about any of the single womn there so I already know the answer.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 21
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Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 12:56:57 PM
"In hindsight she wasn't even worth the $3 beer I paid for...'

This is your level of respect for women?

I am constantly setting up my staff with dates...especially getting them out to our dances. However, I certainly wouldn't encourage contact with a man who was disrespectful of women. I owe it to my friends to be ethical in what Isay and do.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 22
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 1:21:45 PM

Good grief!
Nobody has ever attended a backyard barbecue and seen a friend-of-a-friend and simply wanted an introduction?
One of the absolute best relationships of my life was forged in just that very manner. :-)


That's fine if the stars align and everything works out. But it could be awkward if things don't work out and you're all still in the same social circle. The advantage of internet dating is if things don't work out, you never have to see the person again.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 23
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 3:06:38 PM
Let me guess....you're now going to go to every thread I participate in and personally attack me. How mature. I guess I'm going to have to waste a few words on her. I was quite respectful of her even when was rude and dispectful towards me at the end. Her sh--Ty behavior was not worth paying $3 for and I stand by that.I'm sure you don't care since to you being a woman means you should automatically get respect regardless whether you act disrespectful towards to other.

I respect women just fine...actually I don't respect you or her.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 24
Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 8:54:07 PM
That's fine if the stars align and everything works out. But it could be awkward if things don't work out and you're all still in the same social circle. The advantage of internet dating is if things don't work out, you never have to see the person again.


Depends on the circumstances. Unless a relationship or a date ended on really bad terms, I can still be cordial with an ex when I see her somewhere.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 25
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Does asking to be set up make you look desperate?
Posted: 9/8/2014 9:16:24 PM

eric_summit wrote:

Good grief!
Nobody has ever attended a backyard barbecue and seen a friend-of-a-friend and simply wanted an introduction?
One of the absolute best relationships of my life was forged in just that very manner. :-)


Interesting you say this, because I attend many such events, but always seem to be the only single AND available person there. It's like a couples only club. It's damned frustrating.
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