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 mnhockeyguy
Joined: 9/3/2014
Msg: 1
Casual no commitment etcPage 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
So just curious, if there is an answer for this. How or what is the meaning if someone is looking
for casual no commitment dating? Vs friends etc? I mean if you were to go out but have no commitment
wouldn't that be more friendly??
 PDAapproved
Joined: 5/19/2014
Msg: 2
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/9/2014 8:28:26 PM
Casual dating/no commitment translates into "I WANT SEX ONLY' ... really, there's no other way to look at it. Some people say they put that to just date around without sleeping with people, but the majority of them are not being honest about what they are looking for.

Friends ... well, that has a couple different meanings ...

And, depending on your definition of 'friendly', I guess casual dating/no commitment could be considered VERY friendly ... at least for a few minutes.
 gingersnapOH
Joined: 7/22/2014
Msg: 3
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/9/2014 8:30:55 PM
there are quite possibly a million answers to this questions, as there are so many different types of people and relationships out there.

Some people like to just go out and date, for fun. (I think for women it equals free meals)
Some people want to find friends
Some people dont want a friend they just want sex
Some people want sex on a regular basis
some people want sex one time
some people want to be your friend and have sex with you

I could go on forever.

You have to ask each and every person who you meet what exactly they are looking for. Some might actually tell you the truth.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 4
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/9/2014 8:56:31 PM

Casual dating/no commitment translates into "I WANT SEX ONLY' ... really, there's no other way to look at it. Some people say they put that to just date around without sleeping with people, but the majority of them are not being honest about what they are looking for.


- Many women on dating sites have been hit on so much by the players and married guys, this is what they will think.... their radar is on high alert and they are on guard. I'd change your intent to "looking for a relationship".
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/9/2014 8:58:00 PM
You have to meet, then decide if you want to date, then date long enough to know if you want a commitment/exclusive relationship with this person. I'm not a multiple person dater, but I have no problem with those who do, but I stay far away from someone who thinks going out on a few dates when you first meet someone, then wants a serious commitment with a stranger. They move in a direction I'm not interested in and usually end up being in many *committed* relationships out the wazoo, because they treat every date as a relationship. Too much drama and insincerity for me. It doesn't mean I'm going to date anyone else, but I'm certainly not going to pretend to love someone I hardly even know. For me, it cheapens the meaning of love & commitment.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 6
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/9/2014 9:11:53 PM
Casual no commitment = sex only, or FWB at the most. Then again, I've met my share of guys who claimed they were looking for relationships and lied about that. But I would still not bother with someone who puts casual/no commitment in his profile.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 7
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/9/2014 10:26:30 PM
It is a pretty clear indication that somebody who seeks long-term won't find somebody with that status very comparable. Anybody who is looking for casual dating/ no commitment is out for a piece of non-committal ass; nothing else. They don't even care to know the person's name (I believe this is the "new" casual/intimate encounters, though pof discarded that about a year and a half ago).

And no, this doesn't have anything to do with defensiveness (keeping our guard up or being in high alert); it's reality and common sense. It is as if we women aren't capable of distinguishing between a kind of relationship we want and one we don't want and deciding ourselves if that's the type of temporary, superficial, uncaring and temporary exchange of stupidity is what we want. If somebody lies to us about their intentions, the blame is placed on us for their dishonesty, because there is no mechanism for accountability in place, though civil suits have been brought forth against people who did this, under the pretext of being single, when they were actually married. What a sneaky, vile thing to do somebody; and you know what a person is who takes it upon themselves to steal affection and uses somebody's body without their ongoing (and informed) consent, right?

When people with this status approach me and don't bother to read my profile or read it and ignore it and they write anyway, I block them. If there were a mechanism for me as a basic member in my mailing feature, which there once long ago, I'd have preempitvely filtered out prospects that are looking for this.
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 8
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/10/2014 3:05:27 AM
I think the POF question is useless. It is subjective and too open for interpretation. All dating is casual until two people get to know each other and decide if that person is the right one. If a woman checks "Hang Out or "Friends" I don't jump to the conclusion she is just trying to get laid. Just because someone is looking for a long term relationship does not mean that every date/relationship they have turns into long term. I assume that most people go on a couple different dates a week and most will not show up on the first date with a copy of Modern Bride to plan their wedding. Regardless of intent, feelings change. The "Friends" or "Casual No Commitment" can also turn into a life long love. No question on a dating profile can decide if that person is right for you. One needs to take a chance and invest time to know a person.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 9
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/10/2014 4:57:05 AM
^^^^Well sure, you are married.

A lot of women think if the guy puts "looking for dating", that also means he's married or a player. But we date to find a relationship.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 10
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/10/2014 6:19:22 AM
A question for the women: If a guy approaches you in real life and asks for your phone number, how soon do you ask him if he's looking to casually date, or looking for a long term relationship, or looking just for sex? It seems like a lot of women want a commitment leading to marriage right away before the first meet with a stranger.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 11
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/10/2014 6:31:38 AM
Yes, I totally agree there should be an option like “Friends only” or something. I’m not looking for dates here anymore and much less for casual sex yet keep the profile for the forums.

Having it all spelled out further down in my profile is of very limited use as too many members here can not bother to actually read the profile anyways.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/10/2014 6:36:31 AM
When I see casual dating on a persons file. I think it is a FWB deal. I put the freindship tag on mine because I actually just want platonic friendship. If something grows out of it, great. If not, there is no pressure and you can appreciate them for who they are without this mindset that "Is this person a match for me" or "How good are they in bed"
But, I had no luck making friends on this site yet with this new profile. Oh well, I will keep trying.

Edit: For some reason my profile still says intersted for casual relationship. I have been trying to change it since I noticed it, but for some reason POF still says it....annoying...
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 13
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Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/10/2014 6:59:07 AM
'Casual no commitment' would tell me that there are other probably other partners involved but you don't feel any connection/chemistry deep enough to warrant any level of commitment from you.

I don't like to put labels on a relationship because you can date for fun. Add sex to the mix after giving it some thought, you have to know what the expectations are of your partner. No woman wants to feel that she is wasting her time or not worthy of a commitment. You have to be very honest.
Don't make that person an intergal part of your life while holding the relationship carrot over their head like some kind of trophy. It means you go out sporadically, you don't meet family and you do not spend multiple nights a week in their bed. Constant contact causes a lot of confusion for women, we assume if a man wants to be with us all the time he is in a sense committing to us.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 14
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/10/2014 8:06:23 AM

Msg 6: Casual no commitment = sex only, or FWB at the most. Then again, I've met my share of guys who claimed they were looking for relationships and lied about that. But I would still not bother with someone who puts casual/no commitment in his profile.


TIK: You claimed in other threads (mostly the one about FWB) that you're in a FWB situation with a guy that's in his 20's. What was in his intent box? Were you looking for a serious LTR with a 20-something guy, and was he looking for a serious LTR with a 40-something woman?

So if a guy puts his intent as looking for a relationship and it doesn't work out to have a fairy tale ending, it's OK to change the relationship to a FWB situation. But if a guy puts down he wants a FWB relationship right off the bat, he's suddenly pond scum and a player in the eyes of many women.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/10/2014 8:22:13 AM
maleman, I dont think she is saying that. Its more like she is saying that FWB is not her deal so she would pass them by, not that someone who clearly and honestly states that FWB is what they want is pondscum.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 16
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/10/2014 9:07:51 AM
On POF, when setting up ones profile, one has to choose/apply an answer to,
"I am looking for"
- options given are, Hang out, Friends, Dating or Long term.
Then there is "Intent"-
options are, Isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment, Wants to date, but nothing serious, Is looking for a relationship, Is actively seeking a relationship, and Wants to find someone to marry.

I make NO assumptions. When in doubt ASK!
I am currently dating someone, so my profile states, "I am looking for" Friends, and my "Intent" is, Isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment.

Does this imply I'm just looking for sex or a FWB? Good grief! Not at all! I can only use the options POF offers!
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 17
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/10/2014 10:17:25 AM

I make NO assumptions. When in doubt ASK!

Exactly.

People can put in their profiles whatever they want. Nothing is stopping them from stretching the truth to an obscene amount. Profiles are ADVERTISING - an image they portray to get you to answer the AD - nothing more. Ads use horses to sell beer, circus clowns to sell a billion cheeseburgers and a camel to sell cigarettes.

That being said, whatever they claim in their profiles NEEDS to be takes at face value at first blush, until a few questions prove them wrong. A lot of times people really do NOT know what they want for the rest of their lives, but many of them know EXACTLY what they do NOT want.

Finding the truth takes REAL time and patience, and can't be 'forced' to be spelled out in a profile so you can avoid wasting any time on them yourself. Time is a price we all have to pay to find the right person, and if you're too impatient with each individual, you'll end up wasting a LOT more time in the long run. We all have our own perspectives on what we consider 'truth', and it's rarely ever the exact same opinion as someone else.
 Nj2ut
Joined: 11/5/2012
Msg: 18
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/10/2014 10:37:23 AM
As a man..does it really matter what you put down? Your either going to be accused of just wanting sex, being married, or lying about your intention.
 PDAapproved
Joined: 5/19/2014
Msg: 19
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/10/2014 11:38:32 AM
A question for the women: If a guy approaches you in real life and asks for your phone number, how soon do you ask him if he's looking to casually date, or looking for a long term relationship, or looking just for sex?


How soon? Before I end up in the sack with him ... I don't care if he wants to 'casually date' or just wants sex ... but I'm not going to be the one to provide it for him if he just wants to move on afterwards ...



It seems like a lot of women want a commitment leading to marriage right away before the first meet with a stranger.


Commitment leading to marriage? That's laughable ... never going there again ... However, before I am going to have sex with someone, I want to know they are going to want to see me again ... no fun if they get up and run out before the stains are even dry ...

So, casual dating/no commitment doesn't work for me - not because I want marriage, but because I don't want to be a notch on the bedpost for some random guy ...
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 20
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/11/2014 5:35:20 AM
well unless they are a total dud in bed - in which case suddenly casual no commitment means
" thank god I didn't give you my real name" :/
I don't think it means just looking for a leg over, rather see that than wants to Marry
 averagewhitechick
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 21
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/11/2014 8:42:55 AM
Casual dating, in my opinion, is really just a nicer term for FWB. They want to have sex with you but not be obligated to buy you a birthday present or introduce you as their girlfriend/boyfriend lol
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 22
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/11/2014 8:43:30 AM
POF and their assumptions....

For a while I was only looking for that, casual, no commitment. I wasn't only looking for sex, but I wasn't looking for any kind of long-term relationship. I just wanted to date and just see where it goes... But a recently had to change that, because apparently it means I'm only looking for sex.

Against what some of you woman might believe, some of us guys do have control of our "stuff", and not everything has to be about sex. Maybe we just want someone to go eat with, maybe go to concerts, you know, just go out and do stuff.

Its meaning is going to depend on the person themselves. Not everyone treats it the same way.
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 23
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/11/2014 9:24:20 AM
So.... I've been back on here (active) for a week and I'll admit that I've checked the 'who has viewed me' a time or two :)

But to the point, saw what looked like a nice smile and I clicked to find a profile that had this 'Casual/No Commitment' line and the guy's profile had some text that indicated he was looking for someone to hang out with, get dinner or a movie, see a game, not looking for anything serious.

Nothing wrong with people wanting what they want, but I personally would not communicate with someone stating that because I already have people in my life to get dinner with, see a movie or a game with.

While I'm not in a hurry to meet 'the one' (ok, I don't believe in 'the one') or even necessarily shooting for an LTR (I figure if it a relationship evolves and that becomes a possibility that both will entertain, then it will happen naturally) but to make an effort to meet someone who is only seeking a casual friendship? Nah, not me - seems like if I did end up liking them it would be a recipe to just get my feelings hurt.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 24
view profile
History
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/11/2014 10:27:43 AM
How is casual/no commitment being compared to FWB? First off, you are just meeting someone and maybe dating them after meeting them, not locking into an instant relationship with a stranger. So they are not your friend. And who dates their friends? Friends with benefits is about someone who is your friend, you know someone you aren't dating but will have sex with because no one else was available at the time. Your friend will be remembering your birthday and holidays, they will know you quite well, they will go on platonic social dates with you, but they will not be dating you as in seeing where it goes or even just casual dating. What is the big confusion? If someone you are having sex with but not dating and not friends, someone who would not be seen with you in social situations, or buy you presents for your birthday, etc., those are not FWB, those are booty calls or FBs. The lines between these things are pretty clear. Someone on a dating site hoping to meet people are not using casual dating as a way to get booty calls, if you are ending up with booty calls then you are not spending enough time on what you want, what your boundaries are, and how to live a life that fits what you need. Nobody accidentally has sex with a stranger thinking they are in a relationship, that's just an excuse used to not have to be responsible for your own life.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 25
Casual no commitment etc
Posted: 9/11/2014 6:35:38 PM

TIK: You claimed in other threads (mostly the one about FWB) that you're in a FWB situation with a guy that's in his 20's. What was in his intent box? Were you looking for a serious LTR with a 20-something guy, and was he looking for a serious LTR with a 40-something woman?

So if a guy puts his intent as looking for a relationship and it doesn't work out to have a fairy tale ending, it's OK to change the relationship to a FWB situation. But if a guy puts down he wants a FWB relationship right off the bat, he's suddenly pond scum and a player in the eyes of many women.


When I met my FWB on POF, I wasn't really interested in seriously dating anybody. I think he had "wants to date but nothing serious" stated as his intent. I just wanted to get my mind off another guy and tried to get myself out there to get distracted. I wasn't looking for a FWB but not for a relationship either. I really didn't know what I wanted, but I knew for sure what I DIDN'T want, and that was being a booty call or ONS. We talked online for six weeks before we met in person (he was in CA for training at the time), and he was always VERY respectful, polite, funny, and kept my attention for six weeks, which is pretty rare. When we finally met in person at a pizza place, we clicked right away, talked for hours and just had a good time. Kissed in the parking lot but he never groped me or tried to get me to go home with him that first night.

The difference between my FWB and the garden-variety player is that my FWB treats me with respect, shows interest in my life (he knows more about my family and hopes and dreams than any guy I've dated), is there for me when I need to talk, and even said that I could call him anytime if my car broke down somewhere, lol. That is just sweet. We spent nine hours together last Friday, hanging out at his place, then had lunch out in a nice restaurant (I paid because I have more money than him, which made him feel uncomfortable, lol, but it's no biggie for me at all), went shopping together, went back to his place, talked, watched movies, until I had to finally go home. Planning on doing something like that again this weekend. We text almost daily. Never exchanged sexy pics or sexted, never. He's just fun to be around. Is it going to lead to anything "more"? Who knows, he's not promising me anything and I'm not pushing for more. I know that I"m definitely more than a booty call or fvck buddy, but I'm not his official girlfriend either. SO his intent "wants to date but nothing serious" was pretty accurate I think.
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