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 TrebleMaker87
Joined: 8/20/2011
Msg: 1
To reply to generic messages or not??Page 1 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Call me judgmental (or what have you), but I have a really hard time responding to generic messages (i.e. "Hi, how are you?"). Does anyone else feel this way??? When I send a first message, it's because there was something in someone's profile that intrigued me (BEYOND the pictures), and I always try incorporate what I liked about a person's profile in the message.

Do men just sift through and send the same generic message to everyone? Do I even want to know the answer to this?
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 2
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/12/2014 7:32:46 PM
When I was looking this is how I looked at it - sure, it is nice to have a more personal message, but I also thought about how hard it is to talk to new people so I would check out the profile before deciding if I'd respond. I preferred "hi, how are you?" to "hi cutie"or "you're hot" type of messages because those tended to come from lesser sincere guys. Now if I responded and a conversation never seemed to grow then, yes, yawn.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 3
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/12/2014 7:43:02 PM

I want men to GO FOR IT!!! Take a risk!!!! It shows a lot more confidence.


Sound familiar? ;)

Judge the guy on his profile, not the initial message. Not everyone is a natural writer or communicator. The way it would start in person at a party, BBQ or whatever would likely be, "Hi, I'm..."
 sun_and_cinnamon
Joined: 7/18/2014
Msg: 4
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/12/2014 7:43:59 PM
That is majority of what I get in my inbox.....I just avoid them. So once in a blue moon someone sends something interesting or more to say than a 'hi how r u' or a 'voiced texted' message
 TrebleMaker87
Joined: 8/20/2011
Msg: 5
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/12/2014 7:46:29 PM
Good point, daysleeper. I also don't thin that men realize just how many messages us women receive each day.

Also, I'm just beginning my "forum debut"...I see that people have voted to remove this thread. I didn't realize this topic was redundant; sorry, everyone!!!!
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 6
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/12/2014 8:01:18 PM

I also don't thin that men realize just how many messages us women receive each day.


We are acutely aware of it. This is why some men choose to play the numbers game. I feel like this thread could easily morph into another battle-of-the-sexes because we have such different experiences on here. It happens a lot on here. *Takes cover* lol
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 7
nice screen name
Posted: 9/12/2014 8:10:00 PM
some send a short msg b/c....well, they don't offer much personality. so, you are right to not bother responding.

others send a short msg b/c they are used to not getting a response, so why invest an hour to get nothing in return.

some don't care if the msg is long or short, if the pictures look great, they'll put up with whatever they end up finding.

there are people out there in Internetland selling cut'n'paste messages guaranteed to work. of course, that's in a populated area like NYC--its merely a numbers game.

as you likely figured, the bummer answer is, "not everyone invests as much as we do." but the right person will.
 rockin-trucker82
Joined: 1/4/2014
Msg: 8
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/12/2014 8:40:21 PM

We are acutely aware of it. This is why some men choose to play the numbers game. I feel like this thread could easily morph into another battle-of-the-sexes because we have such different experiences on here. It happens a lot on here. *Takes cover* lol


Incoming post about men bothering women...


Do men just sift through and send the same generic message to everyone? Do I even want to know the answer to this?


Even a well thought out message, is still up to luck. If you don't think I'm attractive, if you believe the stereotype of truckers, or any of the whole list of reasonable or completely shallow reasons to not respond, then that effort would have been better spent talking to cleverbot, or one of my friends. It's not so much sending YOU a good message, it's the fact that everyone else also expects that good message.

At some point, tons of guys just get burned out on it. It's just not natural. Imagine POF as real life. That great opening message, is someone actually talking. Now imagine you sitting there you just got your drink, and some guy walks up to you and says that message. Who are you going to talk to, him, or the guy that started with hi?

But then there's a whole other side of this missing... You. Even if I just say hi to you, and nothing more, if you WANT to talk to me, you'll make a conversation happen. So really, what do you even lose by sending a generic message? The girl that really isn't that interested anyway doesn't respond?
 patchjoker13
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 9
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/12/2014 10:03:54 PM
Ya, this has been discussed before. When guys start on here they send well thought out messages. Then they soon realize that the response rate is so low that it is better going for quantity over quality. That is why I think the ladies who become disgruntled should look for the guys that interest them and message first.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 12
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/12/2014 10:46:05 PM
No, I never answered generic messages.
 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 13
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/12/2014 11:49:46 PM
I'm not going to go all out and type up long introductory letters to strangers. Even if I just read up on them and seen their pictures, their still strangers. I'll admit when I was totally new to online dating I did that. And after putting forth so much effort and time only to be ignored, you feel like an @$$ afterwards. Why not just quit being so particular and demanding and be greatful that someone thought enough of you to achknowledge you with a few words? I received a simple "Hi" ice breaker once and found it to be cute.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 14
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 12:29:14 AM
TrebleMaker87...you can adjust your inbound message preferences so the writer must meet a minimum number of characters. Let's say you set if for 100 characters...that will go a long way to reduce boring individuals. If you see that it is clearly a cut n' paste note designed to meet the minimum length, those are very easy to spot a mile away.

In my online dating experience, my preference was to engage with women who sent decent, thoughtful, and clever notes. If the sender possessed a really bland profile and sent a ridiculous note filled with spelling errors...it was typically a sign that we were not going to have a match made in heaven. Good luck with your romantic search.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 15
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 4:22:17 AM
aww the "hi" messages.
Personally, I think you should take a glance at the body of the msg before deciding to through it out. If the body is well thought out, and interesting, then move it up to the next level and look at and analyze the profile. If you like that, then msg back.
 irishgirl772
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 16
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 4:39:26 AM
I get 'hi' or 'hello' messages every day. I delete them. If you cant be bothered to write a full sentence, I dont feel the need to reply.
 Iredurbio2
Joined: 4/18/2013
Msg: 17
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 4:55:34 AM
The prettier they are the more competition you'll have.The more competition the greater sense of self.On line brings out
brutal results.It is one of the best places if you need to waste sometime or if you enjoy being two inches tall in a sea of fifty foot women.
 NDTfan
Joined: 6/5/2012
Msg: 18
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 5:29:41 AM

Oh no, of course not. I ignore some messages that I get from women as well. I'm trying to point out the fact that if one had only a message a week, and that message was "Hi, how are you?" then women would pay more attention to it. But if instead of one you get two hundred messages, all of sudden women become picky and demanding.


How is this picky or demanding. I'm not asking for each of these specific men to send a message. If they decide they want to, how it that my fault?

Perhaps instead of whining that getting a lot of messages makes women ANYTHING, you should be whining about how all those boring, unrealistic guys who just say hi make it harder for you to get noticed when you say the same boring things they do?


That's the picky attitude I'm talking about. How do you know if that person is interesting or not? You haven't even talked to him or meet him. Besides, why should we be highly interested in a woman or a men with two photos, two lines of text and that we haven't even had a conversation with yet? Mutual interest grows with the conversation and with dates. It's the first message! Why are we expecting so much from it? This is the picky, demanding and shopping mentality that online dating does to all of us.


It's picky to not find any guy who says hi interesting? And it's expecting too much to see more than "hi"?

Well, I think it's a lot more demanding to insist that because you're only willing to say hi, then the target of your "affection" should be grateful, and spend time trying to figure out whether you're not as boring as you come across. Holy shit, I've had over 10k messages.... how many first dates (and then second dates because if they're boring then too, you still have to put in the effort) am I really expected to go on so that boring men "get their shot".

And I'd like to point out, that until she answers you back positively there's no "mutual interest" to "grow". That's all in the mind of someone who isn't smart enough to realize that he's confusing his "feelings" (erection) for her as being the start of something that was never going to be.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 19
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 5:58:04 AM
I don't pass judgment on a generic first message.

I figure it's a simple invite to check her profile out.

It got my attention. Check.

If she's attractive? I'll read her profile next and decide whether or not to respond.

People are so fast to find a reason to dismiss someone right from the start.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 20
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 7:36:03 AM
Ya, this has been discussed before. When guys start on here they send well thought out messages. Then they soon realize that the response rate is so low that it is better going for quantity over quality. That is why I think the ladies who become disgruntled should look for the guys that interest them and message first.


Agreed. I never wrote something such as short or generic as "How are you?", But I have used different types of initial emails and it didn't have a major impact on my positive reply rate. However I got more emails when I added new and better photos or to a lesser extent when I made changes to my profile. The bottom line is in general the photos and profile are much more important than the content of the first email. If a woman likes your photos and/or profile, then most likely you will get a positive reply.
 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 21
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 7:58:38 AM
If I was using OLD, "Hi" or "How are you?" wouldn't bother me for the first email. My decision for initial interest would largely based on his pictures and what is written on the profile. But if the follow up emails don't have more substance, then I would use interest.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 22
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To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 8:21:45 AM
When in the market and on Match, I received about 75 messages .

The majority were a few sentences. Many of those well thought out. A smaller number were gems.

No coincidence that well written messages tend to go with well written profiles.

So, no, I didn't answer the 'Hi' type message. Click. Delete.

This might just be me. I am attracted to articulate, educated males with good communication skills.
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 23
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 8:23:27 AM
Do men just sift through and send the same generic message to everyone?

Same thing can be said for both genders. I get the Hi:) on a daily basis. No clue why they would not write more. Respond or not depends on more then the verbiage of a first e-mail.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 24
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 8:44:37 AM
Both men AND women are "picky, entitled and demanding" online.

Online dating is hard for EVERYONE. Very few of us can truly cherry pick what we want...and actually get it.

Women may get more messages, but the quality of the people writing is often highly questionable. Lots of angry, abusive men out there who wont take no for an answer, which is why many of us dont reply back..at all, if we are not interested.

Nothing like being sexually berated and trashed by someone you said a nice "no thank you" to.

Women have to be careful about who they reply to.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 25
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 8:52:49 AM
Unfortunately, "Hi, how are you?" is BETTER than average. Many people don't bother with capitalization or punctuation.

When a girl writes "hello you are interesting" or "you are very handsome", I suspect the lack of capitalization and punctuation is some combination of laziness and trying to spam as many people as possible.

Some of the lame "Hello, how are you?" messages seem to be sincere attempts at making contact from picky girls who hardly message anyone.

Hard time responding to lame messages? It's easy for me to think of something to write no matter how bad the profile or intro message. It might be difficult to get motivated to reply. On OKC I might show up as "replies very selectively" because such a high percentage of first contact messages to me are impersonal, out of town, and short enough to include the entire message in the notification email. Typically I don't even view their profiles.

The forums have enough posts on first messages for a thesis. Countless men write good messages unique to her profile and get ignored. Many women admit an attractive man can write a lame message. Some people who know they would never meet or be attracted to the sender will answer a good intro message; can weed them out with any mention of meeting or taking communication to the phone.

I believe it is best to write a good but concise message that takes little time or effort.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 26
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 9:07:53 AM
This might just be me. I am attracted to articulate, educated males with good communication skills.


If there is mutual initial interest based on the photos and profile, then the follow up email / phone conversations and/or dates ( if it gets that far ) can better determine if someone is articulate or not. I responded to women that sent me "How are you?" type first emails or "winks". Their subsequent emails were often longer and contained more information.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 27
To reply to generic messages or not??
Posted: 9/13/2014 9:40:02 AM
Haven't you ever heard the phrase, "You had me at hello"?! It's a number's game for men, they have no idea which women will like them back, but they make first contact the majority of the time... so spending time on a first message is a ginormous waste of time.... the smart guys are not going to do it, it's useless.

That said ladies, if you like their profile, write them back... but don't answer text-speak, and they better know how to write, and that second message should be personalized. And if you smell any red flags, don't play with them.

Welcome to the world's greatest cat-and-mouse game.
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