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 Erin_Cat
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 1
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Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Does anyone else have this problem when it comes to fantasizing? I can have fantasies, but I can't put myself in them! If I'm attracted to a guy, I fantasize about him with another girl. I simply can't put myself in it unless it's just kissing. Beyond that I just can't. I'm just not comfortable. =\
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 2
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Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/16/2014 2:01:48 PM
Sounds like your fantasies might be to real, or too serious to you. Some of us have the feeling that everyone can see what we are fantasizing, or that what we imagine has more to it than just cartoons under our control and so we are uncomfortable imagining things that we aren't ready to actually do.

For myself, I have also only fantasized about kissing someone I am interested in. I have plenty of wild sex fantasies, but it feels like I'm being rude, or intrusive, or somehow betraying the person I am interested in, if I put THEM in there without their permission.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 3
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Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/16/2014 6:15:46 PM
When I fantisize, it usually about me giving oral sex to women I am attracted to. That type of fantasy will always be in first person. All the scents and tastes leave me with a stupid look on my face usually.
When I fantasize about sex though, I always visualize it in third person. Probably watched too much porn...(shrug)
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 4
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Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/16/2014 10:10:09 PM
Some of us have the feeling that ..... what we imagine has more to it than just cartoons under our control and so we are uncomfortable imagining things that we aren't ready to actually do.


Interesting.

My first daydream/fantasy was of my 8th grade science teacher coming to my desk to lean in to look at my paper and the reaction it caused in me. That's all I really knew at the time to fantasize about ... lol. I had nothing else to go one.

For about 20 years after that I did not fantasize at all. Sometimes a scene I read in an erotic book came into my head, but I didn't 'act' on it. The 'scene' was me watching other people. I was a bystander. I did have sexual dreams throughout those years with a 'faceless/nameless' person that were very vivid sometimes, a couple times even waking me right on the verge of an "O" They were so 'real' feeling it was like having a middle of the night/sleep visit, which was a bit disturbing in the sense of feeling like it was a bit of an intrusion (but not in some victim / psych type of way, just that that is not "supposed" to cross over to a physical affect.

It wasn't till I neared my sexual peak that I started having fantasies with a person in it, but the person was nameless/faceless.

It was only a couple years ago that an actual lover (the current lover) became a part of my fantasies. They were an interplay of both the things he did/said mixed with what I WISH he did and said :)

I've never fantasize about anything during sex. I'm too present in the moment.

I think if someone wanted to analyze my fantasies, it would be (in general) a progression of accepting/owning and being comfortable in my sexuality, in that it went from standing far away watching, to interaction, but with a nameless stranger (first in dreams, then in active imagination), to accepting/integrating into my fantasies someone I actually knew.

Except the voyeurism example, my fantasies were always strongly focused on how things felt and the things said, not what they were visually about. I wonder if this is another male/female difference gender thing.

I'm sure you not being able to put yourself "into" the fantasies would be fun thing for a psychologist to analyze, just as most of our would be, I'm sure :)
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 5
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/17/2014 6:28:12 AM

Sounds like your fantasies might be to real, or too serious to you. Some of us have the feeling that everyone can see what we are fantasizing, or that what we imagine has more to it than just cartoons under our control and so we are uncomfortable imagining things that we aren't ready to actually do.


It's interesting how different each of us is in our fantasies. I am sort of in fantasize are real camp and they aren't cartoons at all. Though I never have any feeling that anyone knows what I am imaging. I mostly fantasize about things I intend to do, though maybe 10% of the time some of the fantasizes I create I realize are likely to not play out in real life as pleasantly as I imagine, so for those I don't have a plan of action.

For me, I only fantasize about real people that I have either had sex with in the past or am currently having sex with, or occasionally I will add in another real person into the mix as a FMF threesome.

Most of my fantasizes aren't really fantasizes so much as going over detailed plans of how a sexual scenario will play out in the future. I like to imagine all the details of how things will feel to her, how things will feel to me, what to say, the total environment, meaning lighting, bed, anything needed to realize the fantasy.

Then at a later date if it was about a current lover, I like to enact the fantasizes as closely as possible. So when I fantasize, I only include scenes that can be carried out and will enhance the sexual feelings, either for myself or my lover. Sort of like creating a movie script in my mind.

If it is about past lovers, then mostly I reenact what we did in the past, once in awhile I will include other scenarios that were 100% likely to have happened had I thought about doing that at the time. But for past lovers, I have no intention of going back, been there done that, and it was over for reasons that aren't likely to have changed. I never fantasized about people I was dating but had not had sex with, since I don't know what they will like and how either us will mesh and I can't create a scene that I know will work out.

I have experimented with including real people that I am associated with but am not sexual with into the script as a supporting player with my lover. But it's always another women, never a man.

I never fantasize about movie actresses or porn characters or Internet people or anyone that I don't actually meet physically on a regular basis.

My fantasizes are much more like active imagination. And I could never think about a fantasy while having sex with someone, I am totally concentrating on real time events. But recently I have tried to include a fantasy while receiving oral sex, to see if that can be used increase my own sexual intensity.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 6
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/17/2014 7:39:04 AM

See that's the thing about fantasies. You can make them whatever you want them to be, with no limits or conditions. I don't think fantasies are a "problem" unless they're spilling over into your real life in some negative way.


You see, I think that is often a problem. I think our fantasies do affect our real life, and if we fantasize enough about something, it makes it more likely we will act of this when a circumstance occurs that triggers the fantasy. The fantasy can become an obsession. So for me, I tend to avoid fantasizing about anything that wouldn't be acceptable in real life.
 averagewhitechick
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 7
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/17/2014 10:01:35 AM
No, I only fantasize that Mark Wahlberg will ride up on a white horse wearing nothing but his Calvin Klein undies and we'll live happily ever after ;)
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 8
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/17/2014 2:24:21 PM
No. All my fantasies have one thing in common. I am in it.

I hardly have any fantasies left. All I have to do is whisper something different that we can do and my gf is all excited about it. So we may tell each other what we would like to do, only to later on go on and do it. And instead of fantasy, the memory of what we did last night or this morning creeps into my thoughts and I go hmmmm.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 9
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Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/17/2014 2:34:34 PM
Fantasy is my BFF.
 fuglygirl
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 10
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/17/2014 3:28:11 PM
I fantasize about a woman who was shunned as ugly in high school & college..so is emotionally scarred & has low self-esteem for life. but who is now a beauty. that way I get a beautiful girl who still has low self esteem and will be more willing to bend to my will
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 11
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/17/2014 3:37:30 PM
I don't have sex fantasies either. I replay memories of actual events from my first-person perspective.
Damn I miss that guy.


I fantasize about a woman who was shunned as ugly in high school & college..so is emotionally scarred & has low self-esteem for life. but who is now a beauty. that way I get a beautiful girl who still has low self esteem and will be more willing to bend to my will

Or you get (more likely avoid) the gals like me who compensated for being ugly by building other talents. While it hurt to never be thought attractive until about my mid-forties, by then I was almost immune to compliments on appearance and set the bar pretty high for a man who complemented me in other ways.
 sunsetsam
Joined: 8/25/2014
Msg: 12
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/17/2014 3:54:26 PM
Yes !

Every time I try to start a fantasy a big msg flashes in my mind saying " sorry, you must be at least 6 feet tall "

LOL
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 13
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Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/17/2014 7:53:12 PM
"I fantasize about a woman who was shunned as ugly in high school & college..so is emotionally scarred & has low self-esteem for life. but who is now a beauty. that way I get a beautiful girl who still has low self esteem and will be more willing to bend to my will! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA"-fuglygirl

Fixed
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 14
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/18/2014 6:39:50 AM

I fantasize about a woman who was shunned as ugly in high school & college..so is emotionally scarred & has low self-esteem for life. but who is now a beauty. that way I get a beautiful girl who still has low self esteem and will be more willing to bend to my will


This is sooo fvcked up in kinky kind of way that is really cool. It reminds me of those seventies European Erotic movies like "the night porter" or even "Last tango in Paris."

;-)
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 15
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Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/18/2014 3:51:13 PM

fuglygirl wrote:

I fantasize about a woman who was shunned as ugly in high school & college..so is emotionally scarred & has low self-esteem for life. but who is now a beauty. that way I get a beautiful girl who still has low self esteem and will be more willing to bend to my will


HA HA HA!!!! You're a real piece of work - you know that don't you.
 fuglygirl
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 16
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/18/2014 4:10:17 PM
Muwhahahahah ..I'm so glad people can appreciate an evil girl ;)
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 17
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/18/2014 4:37:36 PM
I'm always in my own fantasies. I have a stable of images I draw upon, mostly made up of people I 'sort of' know, or see on a 'sort of' regular basis, but really have no 'knowledge' of what they are about. This way I can conjure up scenarios of what could happen between us (and others as the case may be) without 'reality' getting in the way. After all, it is just a fantasy.

I've always tried to avoid fantasizing about those I DO SEE in my daily life as a matter of course, even if I am attracted to them. Lest they wonder why I turn 'Fifty Shades of Grey' haha (really blushing red) when I see them and recall scenarios where they have been my costar< ;-)
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 18
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/22/2014 6:58:54 AM

Muwhahahahah ..I'm so glad people can appreciate an evil girl ;)


I love evil women. Particularly when they stop pretending that they do not like sex, or that sex is a thing guys only think about, and they become active participants in the pursue of that sexual fantasy.

Take for instance, turning the whole evening into one erotic scene. How? At the beginning of the evening, she takes her panties off and asks the partner to go deep. Yet, they do not finish. The partner then places the panties in a pocket and they go out to eat, party, dance, whatever. Every now and then, sneaking a hand in there to feel how wet she may be, and her not only wanting it, but insinuating that she wants to be tested.

So this turns a whole evening of Opera, Ballet, Club dancing, or whatever into one huge erotic experience. But it takes an evil girl to do that.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 19
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/22/2014 7:16:53 AM

Take for instance, turning the whole evening into one erotic scene. How? At the beginning of the evening, she takes her panties off and asks the partner to go deep. Yet, they do not finish. The partner then places the panties in a pocket and they go out to eat, party, dance, whatever. Every now and then, sneaking a hand in there to feel how wet she may be, and her not only wanting it, but insinuating that she wants to be tested.

So this turns a whole evening of Opera, Ballet, Club dancing, or whatever into one huge erotic experience. But it takes an evil girl to do that


My scenario involves a remote wireless vibrator like Club Vibe. She wears the vibrator while having dinner, ideally with me and her parents. I can then remotely turn on the vibrator during dinner conversation.

Now that really turns into a explosive night afterwards.

Works for me.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 20
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/22/2014 8:23:48 AM

Now that really turns into a explosive night afterwards.


You dog!!! Now, the problem for me is that these are no longer fantasies but things that well... happen. It's all a matter of communication with your "evil girl." Very important, however, is the input of Evil Girl into the fantasy, she may have some ideas that are even far beyond what you had in mind. For instance, while people are exiting the Opera you arrive at your car and she proceeds to give you fellacio while people walk around the car (without any tainted windows so people can clearly see that two people are in there doing something.)
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 21
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Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/22/2014 2:22:34 PM
Since fantasy is all I have, I am always the star player.........
 Consensuality
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 22
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/25/2014 11:28:06 AM
Erin when you're having sex are you sexually aroused and into it? Do you fantasize about something else while doing it? What kind of men do you find attractive? When you fantasize sexually do you imagine yourself literally in a room watching two people have sex or is more like a third person perspective and you as a person aren't even present?
 budderz101
Joined: 8/24/2014
Msg: 23
Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 9/25/2014 2:43:08 PM
I have that problem too. but I am usually using my hand
 buckmaker
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 24
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Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 10/1/2014 3:12:45 PM
sounds like you are a voyeur which means a bisexual [lesbian]
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 25
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Fantasizing...does anyone else have this problem????
Posted: 10/1/2014 8:20:04 PM
^^^ That would mean every man or woman who watches porn is bisexual or gay, also.
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