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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?      Home login  
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 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 2
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I get it. I would never date just to date if I'm not attracted to the person. I'd rather hang out with my friends instead. You're not a bad looking guy. What kind of women are you attracted to? What kind of guys are they attracted to?
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 3
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/21/2014 2:00:49 PM
"Take one for the team" means a group of guys starts talking with a group of girls. One person in one group is unattractive. The other people in that group refuse to do anything unless someone in the other group agrees to be with the unattractive one. Whoever pairs up with the unattractive one is taking one for the team.

He's joking. Better to be celibate indefinitely than to be with someone you don't like.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
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My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/21/2014 4:21:31 PM
A few thoughts on this.

First of all, it's likely that your friends' wife just didn't express herself as well as she might have. The concern shouldn't be with why you aren't pursuing women you aren't attracted to, the concern should be why you are not attracted to more women than you are. That it could be an indication of a problem other than just bad luck in who's locally available.

Something else to consider, is a common human behavior. It's unfortunately true that expressing attraction for someone risks ridicule for many. In our society, it is still generally frowned upon for women to express interest directly first. Part of our "macho man" duties, is to accept that ridicule and risk, and pretend we don't mind it. Perhaps more women find you attractive than you realize. It's been known to happen.

Another thing I sympathize with you on, is that there are too many people in the world who push the rest of us to act as they do, not because they have a clue about what we are really like, but because it comforts THEM, to have the rest of us lead lives similar to them, and thus prove that they made the right choices.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 8
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/21/2014 6:53:09 PM
Take it from me, the smoking thing is a deal killer, 1/2 the women I contact cite it as the reason they would not date me. Everybody wants to date attractive people, there has to be physical attraction, cannot fault you on that. But if your standards are as high as they seem you are going to have to be very patient and keep trying. It has worked for me but I am guessing I am a lot more willing to see the inner beauty

I know this is not a profile review but the last paragraph is killing you. The women you want to date want a social life, staying in is one option and it should be the last one. Asking for messages is begging no matter how well you write it!!!!
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 11
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/22/2014 9:59:12 AM
I'm the same way-if there are no men I find desirable in my reach, I basically hibernate from the dating world.

Id rather hang with friends in those times, than lead some man on by agreeing to spend time with him, when I already know there is no pull..I feel no compulsion to get to know him better. I already know he is not a man Id want to kiss.

However, when you start saying 'it has been 17 years' there is an issue, if your goal is to partner up at some point. You may have to start getting out more so that you DO come across the types of women you would consider dating. Granny used to say 'there is a worm for every bird, but you gotta leave the nest to go get it'. Online is not always the way to go. especially if you find you are not reaching the types of women you desire.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 12
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My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/22/2014 11:59:23 PM
Dude, you need to start seriously thinking about what's in it for the ladies.

What do you want? Hot looks and let you go make money, your profile says. What is a woman going to be valuing in you? Start looking for that in their profiles.
ED BEAR
 lelenc1
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 13
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/23/2014 2:28:33 AM
Jace, have you ever given any thought to dating attractive men? They are a dime a dozen, and they would be available for sure.

Maybe that's why you find so many eligible women unattractive. I have had my share of seeing not-so-good-looking women become absolutely ravishing and desirable, after they got a steady boyfriend. Because most people's self-esteem rises when they are in love, or got a partner, and most people are extremely happy in a love-sort-of relationship. So these women I had dissed for not being gorgeous enough laughed at me, so to speak, or made me eat the humble pie, so to speak, after they got another guy to be their steady boyfriend, and these women then became very, very, very, very , very, very, very attractive.

Same thing would happen to me: I'd meet a girl, become steady with her, and then I'd meet all kinds of gorgeous women who show some (but not significant) interest. They, people, like the energy, enthusiasm and -- yes -- happiness radiating from someone who just scored a new, adequately good-looking lover.

I wish I could advise you to give a girl a chance who is not top-of-the-line, but would become a reasonable facsimile if you gave her a chance.
 lelenc1
Joined: 9/10/2014
Msg: 14
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/23/2014 2:50:52 AM
Be yourself and do not let them dictate what you have to follow and adhere to, fly upwards and be elevated.


I like this advice very much.

Unless of course the friends and the person are part of a kabal, in which case group coercion can't be avoided and it is equally applied to all in the group; "thou shalt marry, otherwise ve shalt carve out your liver on the altar while you are still alive, and shalt feed it to the bald eagles that shalt live in the bellfry. Pash the shalt please, this liver shoup is not shalty enough."
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 15
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/23/2014 12:06:41 PM
You need to make an assessment of two things.

One. Look in your mind's eye at all the women you've dated before? Were they attractive? Ugly? Fat? Good looking?

If some of them were attractive, then realize that you can find that range again. And again.

Two. Look at the women that you NOW desire. Are they above what you have been able to attain in the past. If the answer is Yes, then you need to change things about your approach, your persona, something, so that you will attract more of what you want. If the women you desire NOW are still within the range of women you slept with before, then all you have to do is keep approaching and wait for the right one to arrive. DO not settle for less. People that settle for less END up with less.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 16
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My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/23/2014 4:28:13 PM
Hard to believe that with your outdoor interests and active lifestyle that you don't have numerous opportunities to meet fit, attractive women that share your passion for the water. Are you very shy and passive? Are you able to initiate conversations? Any guy who's over 6 feet and handsome should clean up in person or online. I think there might be something wrong in your approach; maybe you're emitting the wrong vibes. Incidentally, how long has it been since your last LTR? Did it end amicably or badly? I'm just wondering if maybe that has had some lingering effect on you.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 17
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My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/23/2014 8:56:01 PM
You lose interest not because they are generally not attractive to you, you lose interest because they are are probably boring. I would lose interest in a drop dead gorgeous lady if she was a dud while a average woman who has a nice outgoing personality would easily hold my interest.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 18
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My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/24/2014 4:23:45 AM
Is it perhaps a case of Madonna&Whore complex? You know, where anyone who refuses you is a goddess, and anyone who accepts you is worthless and beneath you?

One of the more self-destructive ways to seek miser,y, that is.
ED BEAR
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 19
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/25/2014 3:22:58 PM

Tumuchfun wrote

You lose interest not because they are generally not attractive to you, you lose interest because they are are probably boring. I would lose interest in a drop dead gorgeous lady if she was a dud while a average woman who has a nice outgoing personality would easily hold my interest.

This!!!!!

I am sure Tumuchfun would agree there has to be some physical attraction to start with though.
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 20
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/25/2014 4:45:35 PM


No, there hasn't have to be any physical attraction to start with. I fell in love with a girl I didn't find physically attractive at first. We just went out many times because we had a great time together, but like any other friend.

Until one day we had sex...from that moment I found her the sexiest, hottest girl on earth. And extremely fun to be with.

So no, there hasn't have to be any physical attraction to start with.


As one of the forums I spend time on say "pics or it didn't happen". LOL

If this was actually the case though my almost 30 years older eyes may see physical attraction differently then you. I am shallow enough there has to be a physical attraction and I bow to you as the better man.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 21
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My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/25/2014 6:36:26 PM



I am sure Tumuchfun would agree there has to be some physical attraction to start with though.


Well maybe a tad, but for me I just enjoy chatting with someone who's fun and interesting, would I be looking for romance...Naaa but I love to gab.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 22
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/25/2014 9:43:01 PM

I just do other things than dating to stay busy and have fun. Whats wrong with that?


Nothing.
 Sartems
Joined: 4/12/2014
Msg: 23
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/29/2014 5:38:01 PM
Sounds to me perhaps you are meeting people that meet your physical expectations and they have no personality ...
try a happy medium. I always say...
no one is perfect... if there does not appear to be any faults on the outside... good luck ;)
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 24
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My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 9/30/2014 9:28:49 AM
So I have this friend, he plays in a R&R band. He's young (he's in his early 50s) and always was dating girls 20 years younger (groupies...lol.) he was never happy but he just like the fact that he got to date girls in their 30s...he finally went out with someone similar to his age and never let her go, they have been together going on 7 months and he could not be happier. So the saying goes "try it you might like it."
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 25
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My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 10/5/2014 7:57:14 AM
Don't let your friends push you into anything. They aren't paying for your dates. They aren't dealing with them. You obviously are not miserable, or upset that you haven't found a mate. And as for that "Team" business, they just want you to be like them. Tell those old busy bodies where to get off. They aren't you. My dad told me once, If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 26
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 10/22/2014 9:19:42 AM
Why do you owe them any explanations of why you don't date? Why don't you ask them personal questions about their sexual positions and which is their favorite? This is what gets me about married people, nobody should know about their private lives but what you do is EVERYONE'S business.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 27
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 10/26/2014 5:00:20 PM
jace71- I have a question-
Let's say you meet a woman that is EVERYTHING you ever wanted as far as looks, the attraction is THERE.
After a few dates, you realize she's got the IQ if a goldfish, is rude, selfish, basically her PERSONALITY is awful.
Would you STILL want to be with her?
Getting someone is only Half of the battle.
What maintains an attraction past the superficial?
There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to be attracted to someone physically, but surely you want someone that has something to offer OTHER than looks?
This has me thinking about a guy I met a LONG time ago, I was NOT attracted to him physically when I met him, over time I realized that he was smart, kind, fun, etc. and it wasn't long before I WAS attracted to him. Granted, this was high school, but I think the point is relevant at ANY age.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 28
My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?
Posted: 11/3/2014 8:24:13 PM
I doubt Im making excuses not to date in general, I think I'm making excuses not to date the women I meet.

Isn't that pretty much the same thing -- just the "why"? :)


However, since I don't seem to attract women that excite me sexually, it seems Id rather be doing anything else than dating and is why Im not really willing to get up at 430 or 5am, get my work done, rush home to shower and meet up on a work night by 630pm for a happy hour date. If I was going to meet someone who I really desired and was jazzed about them making time for me, Id be making time for them.

Well, do that once in a while to change things up. You're in a "blah" gear that's been going on for too long, because it's become a part of your comfort zone. And yes, much of that is because the women you find attractive, you don't seem to be able to pull in. But what's really holding you back is Rejection. You're scared of it. You've dealt with it. And being fair, those who have higher standards than they probably should have -- are going to deal with more of it.

I know what it's like. Single life can be very fun. How much or how much in the opposite direction depends on the person & their environment that's suitable for the single life.

You should put yourself in position TO attract some girls -- without going relationship scavaging. Change things up. Your game is probably worn out so that only increases the amount of women you'll not attract. Get out there, have fun, set aside emotion of rejection -- and get laid. :) Then getting your game/groove back on, you can begin to take rejections more easily + re-see the benefit of female interaction on that side of the field... and get a gal who's relationship-worthy at some point.
Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > My friends wife says I make excuses not to date...but do I?