Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Using big words ...      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 averagewhitechick
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 1
Using big words ...Page 1 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
I can't help it. I work at a law firm. Met a guy recently who finally told me he needed a dictionary to talk to me. I've been working in the legal field so long, I'm not sure I can dumb myself down enough. I don't do it intentionally and I'm certainly not trying to impress anyone. I just use them on a daily basis, so it's kind of second nature to me. Since when is lack of intelligence attractive?
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 2
view profile
History
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 12:51:46 PM

I'm not sure I can dumb myself down enough.
I know what you mean ...

I recently got told I'm too uppity because I told a man I recently met here on POF that I found it annoying that when he was using English that I know he wasn't taught in school. "I seen ... " --- "I done ... " --- "He/she don't ..."

He actually said, "What difference does it matter? At this age, who am I trying to impress?"

I told him my mother was an English teacher and insisted on proper English while we were growing up. I also told him that there was no way I would have passed English in school if I had not used proper English in my themes. Also, in my line of work, I have to use proper English because I have to deal with doctors and other professionals. I'm not necessarily trying to "impress" anyone, just being appropriate in my documentation.

Since when is lack of intelligence attractive?
Since men can't handle smart or articulate women ... since men can't handle women with any kind of talent or abilities that they don't have.

I made the plans for and physically helped build our home in Germany (every aspect ... bricklaying, electric, plumbing, roofing, flooring) and did the same here in the US back in the 70's and 80's but most of the men I've met can't deal with that, so I have to act dumb when it comes to being handy around the house.

If you tell a man "I'm complex and I'm able to fit in ... I'm skilled in many aspects", they hear "I'm complicated and you should consider me challenge."

Men are used to being competitive and many of them will compete with you ... in every way. When I find a man like that, I distance myself from him and if he bothers to ask why, I tell him, "Because I'm not looking for a 'competition', I'm looking for a partner ... a team player."
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 1:25:41 PM

I can't help it. I work at a law firm. Met a guy recently who finally told me he needed a dictionary to talk to me. I've been working in the legal field so long, I'm not sure I can dumb myself down enough. I don't do it intentionally and I'm certainly not trying to impress anyone. I just use them on a daily basis, so it's kind of second nature to me. Since when is lack of intelligence attractive?


An intelligent person should be smart enough to communicate with anyone and be understood. If you're speaking to a group of people, speak at the level of the dumbest person in the room. That way, everyone will stay engaged. I don't really understand why working in the legal field would affect dating unless you're throwing around legal jargon on your first date. It can be confusing to someone that's not interesed in that field in the same way you might be confused by something said by a person with a degree in music or economics.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 4
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 1:28:22 PM
While I admire a great vocabulary, I even more so admire people who can communicate and be understood to people across all demographics. Even 'dumb' ones. To me, this is a sign of a good communicator.

Maybe practice using 'laymans' terms more often. Not to appear less intelligent-just that if no one outside of your profession uses those words, you will be mis understood. (as you say, people think you are trying to talk over their heads)
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 5
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 2:40:10 PM
I totally get where the OP is coming from. I work in a professional field as well. But I must say, even since my teen years, I couldn't stand it when someone said "I seen you at the store" or "I don't got no apples" etc. When you work daily with words, both spoken and written, when you run across those that don't seem to know "proper" English, it is grating to say the least. I remember one particular conversation (actually, yelling) about the difference between "regard" and "regards" and I have not forgotten that day.

I am not above everyone, I just find certain ways of speaking (the incorrect way) annoying. But, the same applies to someone who can't hold their knife and fork properly. I can't imagine spending my life with someone who makes me shudder every time they pick up their fork and say "Don't we got no salt?".
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 2:41:31 PM

An intelligent person should be smart enough to communicate with anyone and be understood.
So if she's dealing with a man who communicates at a 1st grade level, she should speak like a 1st grader. Understood.

If you're speaking to a group of people, speak at the level of the dumbest person in the room.
I think she's smart enough to get that concept. She was (from what it appears in her post) speaking with only one man ... one on one. So if he's only capable of communicating at a grade school level, that's what she should do ... right? There should be no expectation that he can communicate at a high school level or even collegiate level.

I don't really understand why working in the legal field would affect dating unless you're throwing around legal jargon on your first date.
That would be to insinuate that being highly trained or well-educated doesn't involve an expanded vocabulary?

Once we have achieved that "expanded vocabulary", it does indeed feel like you're dumbing yourself down to revert back to "baby talk" especially when you're sitting across from an adult. When we're sitting across from a baby or young child, it's easier to revert back to the less expansive vocabulary words.

In my case, I didn't even have the sense I was talking to a young child, because even young children are taught appropriate English in school. I am not so old that I don't remember when fellow classmates did not speak proper English they were corrected immediately in the classroom.

I went to nursing school with young adults who could not speak appropriate English and I've also seen their nursing notes ... documentation was no better than their ability to speak. It's a sad state we live in these days when we are passing students on to the next level in spite of their inability to properly speak and write English.

It can be confusing to someone that's not interesed in that field in the same way you might be confused by something said by a person with a degree in music or economics.
I seriously doubt she is using "legal jargon" with perspective dates.

Maybe practice using 'laymans' terms more often. Not to appear less intelligent-just that if no one outside of your profession uses those words, you will be mis understood. (as you say, people think you are trying to talk over their heads)
Are you people serious? Do you all really think the OP isn't capable of speaking in "layman's terms"?

I fully understand where the OP is coming from ... I've experienced it. I finally dumbed down my profile and just act dumb until I get to know a man and can determine if he can handle it ... that I know how to do lots of things. I play several musical instruments, I sing, I speak a second language fluently, I'm able to assist in any kind of handy work that needs to be done, but I've also learned that there are an awful lot of men who can't handle that. I've even met men who want to be better at cleaning and cooking and washing clothes! Who cares?

All I'm looking for is a partner ... not a competition. If they can do something better than me ... then go to it. It will mean I never have to cook again, or run the vacuum or the washing machine.
 averagewhitechick
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 7
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 2:45:37 PM
Hahaha, ok I totally get what y'all are saying ... I dun gots to act reel stoopid and I'll ketch me a feller LMAO
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 4:09:02 PM

I fully understand where the OP is coming from ... I've experienced it. I finally dumbed down my profile and just act dumb until I get to know a man and can determine if he can handle it ... that I know how to do lots of things. I play several musical instruments, I sing, I speak a second language fluently, I'm able to assist in any kind of handy work that needs to be done, but I've also learned that there are an awful lot of men who can't handle that. I've even met men who want to be better at cleaning and cooking and washing clothes! Who cares?


I'm really skeptical about this. Are there really that many stupid men out there? I've never had a date that I had trouble understanding or "keeping up with" intellectually. I like it when you meet someone that wants to talk about something more philosophical rather than their job or how their cat kept them up last night.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 4:51:16 PM

Hahaha, ok I totally get what y'all are saying ... I dun gots to act reel stoopid and I'll ketch me a feller LMAO
"average" ... Ya dun got that right sistah! Ah don't know nothin' bout nothin'. Ah cain't even whistle a gull dang tune and ah ain't seen the inside of no book in over 40 years.


I'm really skeptical about this.
Really? Because I know this has been discussed before in here in some way ... and I recall several men "skeptical" about it too. It doesn't dismiss that it in fact happens ... all the time.

Are there really that many stupid men out there?
Are you insinuating we might be making this up? I'm certainly not.

The man I most recently encountered with the language problem called me a "snob" and "uppity". Then he totally got in my face and his eyes got really big and he said, "You think your sh1t don't stink because you can use them big words. Well I don't have nothing to prove to no one and I don't feel like I need to impress no one either. You're just trying to impress people with all your 'uppity' talk." If you ask me, he's not only ignorant but also has an anger management problem.

The guy grew up not too far from me during the same time I grew up and I know that the Columbus Public Schools (at least back then) did not tolerate that kind of illiteracy. Then he told me he went to Catholic schools, and I was even less impressed that he was allowed to advance through school in that manner. I have a feeling the guy passed with nothing more than a D+ average in English and took up with equally stupid people after he graduated as he has nothing more than a high school education.

Are there really that many "stupid" men out there ... YES! Some aren't so "stupid" as they are arrogant and can't stand for a woman to know anything better than they know. I've met them as well.

I like it when you meet someone that wants to talk about something more philosophical ...
Good ... but I assure you that you are in a minority ... at least as far as I've experienced.
 fuglygirl
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 10
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 5:29:18 PM
^

I have to wonder how, or why you ever meet these people.

surely within one e-mail exchange you re clearly able to see they are not your 'type', and they do not use proper English?

why then go to the trouble of meeting someone you know will repulse you, for this reason alone, if not others?

I really don't understand that.
 Hawaiianluau
Joined: 6/4/2014
Msg: 11
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 5:48:40 PM
I have a cousin who's the best doctor on the planet and I have a hard time keeping up with his vocab .... But only when he's talking in medical terms. I have a techy friend who knows prit much everything and there is no way I can keep up with every tech term. ..... But only when he's talking about computers. I have an uncle who can listen to a song once and then write it down on paper. Do you think I understand every diminished ninth chord or K flat seven? Hell no. But the ambiguity disappears the instance the convo switches from music theory. These are people I've had the closest heart to heart talks with about every aspect of life for years, decades, lifetime. Is law really that much different?
 Doremi_Fasolatido
Joined: 2/14/2009
Msg: 12
view profile
History
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 5:54:11 PM
OP, other than your date having a hard time picking up what you were putting down. Other than him feeling like an amoeba in the presence of your obvious intelligence. Other than you feeling you'd have to lower yourself to his level. Other than all of these seeming negative aspects to you two forming any kind of bond.

How did you feel about him? What had you originally found attractive about him that his seeming lack of intelligence could override? Why had'nt you screened out this charachteristic before even meeting? Was it hope? Hope he could be the man of your desires even though he was dumber than a fencepost? That even though he was dumb there may be hope he could be housebroken and taught a few key phrases to use when you were together in public?

Ability to speak and form and use words is a wonderful skill to have indeed. Intelligence comes in many forms and is not just verbal. It's an ability. Math, Language,Art. Or even having a set to hands that can build a house. Intelligence is attractive, I'd say. ... In all it's forms and it takes a special kind of intellect to recognise it when its seen and experienced. OP, don't let your intellect prevent you from finding out the abilities that some have but lack the means to express.And don't dumb yourself down to someone elses level. Try instead, to lift them to yours.
 rftv1020
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 13
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 6:12:47 PM
The conversation went from "using big words" to poor grammar. There is a difference. No excuse for slaughtering the English language. Also there is a difference in having not been exposed to certain words and being an uneducated redneck. I hate to read always have. I am athletic and active. Sitting still on the couch reading is not my thing. Someone who enjoys reading by nature will be exposed to a greater depth of the English Language. Or, someone who works in an environment where there may be a broader vocabulary.

My last girlfriend had a PHD, she worked in a field where it was needed. I have a BS and for the most part hunt Hadji for money. I large vocabulary is not needed in my chosen career field. Did she at times use words I had never heard. Yes, she did. I am sure many times I had the deer in the headlight look. lol Did she think I was stupid. Never. Did she understand she had more education and a need for a certain vocabulary more so then me. Yes she did.

Did we let any of that get in the way of a mind blowing relationship and all that life has to offer two people in love. No we didn't.

OP if it really bothers you that much just date in your own world. Stick to the Attorney's. Which are apparently not beating down your door. Shun all others. But you may miss the man who will adore you and cherish every minute he spends with you.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 14
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 6:20:59 PM
OP, your thread talks about using big words and not sure what you mean by that. "I seen you" or other sentences like that are not big words, they are just not used correctly. Like another poster said, one or two sentences like that and that would be all I would need to not be interested but still interested in what you mean by big words used.
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 15
view profile
History
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 6:21:32 PM

I can't help it. I work at a law firm. Met a guy recently who finally told me he needed a dictionary to talk to me. I've been working in the legal field so long, I'm not sure I can dumb myself down enough. I don't do it intentionally and I'm certainly not trying to impress anyone. I just use them on a daily basis, so it's kind of second nature to me. Since when is lack of intelligence attractive?


Well, well, well! Isn't that a load of hogwash. The fact that you work in a law firm does not necessarily equate to using legal terminology and, in particular, Latin phrases or even big words in everyday conversation. I suspect that more than the words you state you use it is your demeanor and perhaps a projection of self-importance whilst in conversation that comes across as objectionable.

For the record, I spent close to 3 decades in the legal field as well as having worked for economists, engineers, environmentalists and other professionals. I have yet to be told that I cannot be understood by the words I use to communicate with all and sundry probably because I don't feel the need to talk above to impress others. Maybe it's time to put away your big words and legalese and come down to earth with the common folk.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 6:28:27 PM
i work at a law firm too.

but i also write for a weekly paper, read by people from all walks of life. i have to keep that in mind whether i write about ballet, like the article i just finished, or snowy owls or horses or theatre or painting or music. i have to know my subject matter as an expert, but i have to write so that the layperson can understand and relate. i don't want to alienate my readers. i want to engage them and hopefully introduce them to something different in a non-threatening, intriguing way.

so i try to talk to everyone in a manner they can relate to. i'll frequently stop and say 'am i making any sense?' this question puts the communication burden on me, implying that if they didn't understand me, it's my fault and i need to reword whatever i'm saying.

if you like the guy, and want him to like you, meet him where he is. if he doesn't come from the same background or doesn't seem to understand what you have to say, then you need to decide if you want to pursue the relationship. linguistic differences indicate cultural differences that may impede a fulfilling romantic experience.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 17
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 6:30:50 PM

Since when is lack of intelligence attractive?


it evokes the notion of getting an easy lay, which is always attractive to most men
 Coma_White
Joined: 9/15/2013
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 7:25:15 PM

Really? Because I know this has been discussed before in here in some way ... and I recall several men "skeptical" about it too. It doesn't dismiss that it in fact happens ... all the time.


I can see why others are skeptical about it. It is pretty unbelieveable. I guess online dating can attract the bottom of the barrel. A friend of mine tried online dating before she met her husband and the first guy she met tells people he's a vampire. Another guy said he was blind and saw with his mind like Daredevil. He also claimed he never slept in his entire life since his abilities would make his sleep eternal.




Are you insinuating we might be making this up? I'm certainly not.

The man I most recently encountered with the language problem called me a "snob" and "uppity". Then he totally got in my face and his eyes got really big and he said, "You think your sh1t don't stink because you can use them big words. Well I don't have nothing to prove to no one and I don't feel like I need to impress no one either. You're just trying to impress people with all your 'uppity' talk." If you ask me, he's not only ignorant but also has an anger management problem.

The guy grew up not too far from me during the same time I grew up and I know that the Columbus Public Schools (at least back then) did not tolerate that kind of illiteracy. Then he told me he went to Catholic schools, and I was even less impressed that he was allowed to advance through school in that manner. I have a feeling the guy passed with nothing more than a D+ average in English and took up with equally stupid people after he graduated as he has nothing more than a high school education.

Are there really that many "stupid" men out there ... YES! Some aren't so "stupid" as they are arrogant and can't stand for a woman to know anything better than they know. I've met them as well.


Having only a high school education doesn't mean anything. A lot of people a few generations ago only had primary school education because they became housewives or went to work. I dated a woman that said I had a big vocabulary. I didn't really expect her to say that because she was really into acting and probably read more books than I did. Maybe there are just a lot of dumb people in general that are too impatient to care about the difference between "your" and "you're".


Good ... but I assure you that you are in a minority ... at least as far as I've experienced.


Trust me, my city can be pretty redneck too. There are plenty of uneducated and ignorant people here. When I drive to work, the left lane (passing lane) is usually slower than the right lane. I've had first dates where people told me they just got out of jail or they regularly go to church to steal cases of pop. I'd be a bit freaked out too if some guy got in my face just for saying a word he wasn't familiar with. I'm glad the people I've met have been less confrontational.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 19
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 7:42:32 PM
I have not noticed gratuitous use of big words in any posts I've seen by the OP.

Coma White is correct. The most intelligent people maximize understanding by using words others will understand.

For forums such as these, a 7th grade English level seems good. English is not everyone's first language. Many forumites are middle aged and have forgotten words they almost never use or read.

I'd rather have a dictionary handy for the occasional unknown word than clog up mental resources with every word. Truly smart people allocate mental resources for the most important tasks, usually social ones.

Which kid is smarter: the one who gets an 800 on the verbal SAT for knowing all those analogies involving words nobody uses in real life, or the well rounded one with a score in the 500s and good social skills.

Using big words unnecessarily is often a sign of insecurity.

I sometimes drop a "big" word because I give people the benefit of the doubt and guess they would know what it means. At one job I asked the trainer if a part was symmetrical. The trainer wasn't familiar with the term, so I had to ask are they the same on both sides.

The girls I date tend to have above average vocabularies, and they tend to be perceptive enough to understand context and non verbal cues, so I can get away with slipping "big" words. But I wouldn't use terminology from dry / boring / nerdy work unless absolutely necessary.

The attractive personalities mislabeled as "stupid" are fun, ditzy, obtuse, ironic, playing fun games. Often these people are quite intelligent.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 20
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 7:47:45 PM
Msg 12: "Hope he could be the man of your desires even though he was dumber than a fencepost? That even though he was dumb there may be hope he could be housebroken and taught a few key phrases to use when you were together in public? "

__________________________________________________________________________________

I agree, how do women even get to the stage of meeting men that can't speak? Do they not talk to them first before meeting? With women, I can talk to them the first time and know exactly whether they can't use correct grammar and if they can't, I don't meet them. Even the women on here who say "I am "quiet" the social person, or "I love quite evenings". Right there I am not interested, pretty simple really to see and here someone who speaks poorly.

I think some people need to screen people better then they do.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
History
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 8:20:06 PM
OP's profile: 'It depends on how much money you got'. Maybe just a joke.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 9:17:13 PM

Did we let any of that get in the way of a mind blowing relationship and all that life has to offer two people in love. No we didn't.
Which is exactly why you're divorced and on here looking for a new partner ... right?



OP if it really bothers you that much just date in your own world. Stick to the Attorney's.
I don't think the OP is a snob and I don't think she comes across as one. I also don't believe she's insinuating that there's a problem "talking down" to men who are not so well-educated. I really do believe she was wondering if it's going to be the norm that men don't understand an extended vocabulary.

She clearly states she's not trying to intentionally talk over anyone's head. I think she has a valid point.

It does seem that there are an awful lot of men who appear to be quite challenged when it comes to a smart, articulate woman. If the men in here don't believe it ... it's not her fault. It's just too bad more of the other women who have experienced it aren't posting in this thread.
 Double Cabin
Joined: 11/29/2004
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/22/2014 10:05:02 PM
How is it people that think they're smart don't know the difference between education and intelligence?

People that actually don't share a common language fall in love every day. Stop making excuses and own your own failures.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 24
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/23/2014 1:09:04 AM

Which is exactly why you're divorced and on here looking for a new partner ... right?


Dare I say it? You're... omg.... divorced too. Some people's kids.


First, you shouldn't be dating anyone you don't like. Why would you do that?


OP, I'm just quoting you from another thread. So why were you dating someone you didn't like?

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts16244029.aspx
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 25
Using big words ...
Posted: 9/23/2014 3:42:55 AM
Your profile is also overtly negative. You can go to the profile review forum for tips, if you so choose.
Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Using big words ...