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 laika100
Joined: 9/15/2014
Msg: 1
Sex drive of men over 40Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
I am seeing this guy who is in this age range and I was wondering about the sex drive of men in this age range.

I read somewhere online that men in this age group don't really care to juggle too many women because their sex drive isn't as what it used to be back when they were young. It said something about testosterone levels dropping 1% every year after 40. He is 46.

So should I just believe him when he asks me to be sexually exclusive to him because he is to me? We are FWBs.
Not that I have time for anyone else but what are the odds of a guy straying if he is getting what he wants, already?
Also, this guy is someone who has never married nor has kids and he is healthy and active. I don't know if that factors in.


Responses from men from this age group would be very helpful. Thank you
 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 2
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Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 9/22/2014 7:51:49 PM
Are you kidding me? I'm still a morning noon and nighter and a little in between now and then...lol. I just wish the sex would always be great from the women, which it sometimes isn't.
 laika100
Joined: 9/15/2014
Msg: 3
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 9/22/2014 8:33:56 PM
^^^Does that mean you are as likely to stray as you were when you were younger?? I mean is the desire to have sex with too many women still on the list for guys in this age group? Or do they want "mind blowing" sex with one woman?


Thank you for your response though :)
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 4
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Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 9/23/2014 4:57:40 AM

^^^Does that mean you are as likely to stray as you were when you were younger?? I mean is the desire to have sex with too many women still on the list for guys in this age group? Or do they want "mind blowing" sex with one woman?


To my understanding, and I've asked this question to a LOT of men over the years, who were just friends, so had no real stake in the answer, men stray for a VARIETY of reasons...Most having little to do with sex, surprisingly enough...Perhaps he's asking for exclusivity simply because he doesn't want to catch anything? Or maybe he really IS satisfied sleeping with JUST you?
All men aren't necessarily interested in "catting about", despite what the women's magazines say...even when they're younger.

As for having sex with a lot of women, I think that's something MORE than sex drive, that is usually who the guy IS, same as for women. If he was sleeping with a lot of women in his 20's, he will STILL be doing so in his 40's if it wasn't just a "phase".
Off topic:
One thing that I have noticed is a higher incidence of ED (erectile dysfunction) in men in their 40's and beyond, but I don't think that really enters or factors MUCH into the equation these days, with the invention of Viagra, Cialis,etc. Again,if he used to be a cheater, he will probably STILL be one! I think knowing his history is really the most important thing.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 5
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 9/23/2014 6:34:15 AM
Are you kidding me. When I was a teen and in early twenties, I did have a sex drive, but went mainly unused and when in action, well, premature ejaculation and done. It took me years and years to understand what women wanted. And learn to slow the fvck up.
Now the big difference is that I have the opportunity to have all the sex that I want. With one woman, of course, since I have not reason to look around. And this will sound unbelievable but we can have sex five times a day, two in the morning, one in the afternoon and two at night. We actually have to take breaks, a day here or there. It's insane, because the more sex we have, the more I crave her and the more she craves me.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 6
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 9/23/2014 7:06:29 AM

I read somewhere online that men in this age group don't really care to juggle too many women because their sex drive isn't as what it used to be back when they were young. It said something about testosterone levels dropping 1% every year after 40. He is 46.

So should I just believe him when he asks me to be sexually exclusive to him because he is to me? We are FWBs.
Not that I have time for anyone else but what are the odds of a guy straying if he is getting what he wants, already?
Also, this guy is someone who has never married nor has kids and he is healthy and active. I don't know if that factors in.


It's a complicated issue, and there isn't any one answer that fits all or even most men.

Many men who regularly cheat aren't going to stop because they get older. And cheating is stimulating to a man's sex drive, a new conquest is always stimulating at first. Some men will risk losing their steady GF for the thrill of a new conquest, most men realize they have more to lose than to gain. I think most men aren't really looking for a whole gaggle of women.

It's true testosterone levels drop for most men by 1% a year, but we start with very high levels, so many men don't notice the decline. And many men didn't have enough early experience with a highly sexual woman in their 20s so now that they are 40+ they don't realize their desire has declined. Because they found someone at 40+ that fills their needs, they think their sex drive is even higher while in reality it's lower but they are getting a lot more sex at 40+.

I did a whole thread on the issue of declining testosterone levels, here is 9 pages worth of responses.

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/15243436datingPostpage9.aspx
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 7
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 9/23/2014 7:29:32 AM

Many men who regularly cheat aren't going to stop because they get older. And cheating is stimulating to a man's sex drive, a new conquest is always stimulating at first. Some men will risk losing their steady GF for the thrill of a new conquest, most men realize they have more to lose than to gain. I think most men aren't really looking for a whole gaggle of women.


Having sex with multiple women, its more about the conquest and the thrill of the hunt than really about the sex. Usually that first sexual encounter is odd, cumbersome and not so good. And even if it was good, imagine having sex with that person for the 100th time, it would be so much better.

Where has been times in my life with the variety was what I pursued, yet I never cheated on any of the women I had relationships with. Once we became exclusive, all others were taken out of the picture and I did not pursue anyone. What I have found is that it's so much more rewarding to have sex with only one person, and to grow that intimacy to accommodate each others fantasies and desires. Well, as long as they do not include third parties.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 8
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 9/23/2014 7:50:50 AM

I am seeing this guy who is in this age range and I was wondering about the sex drive of men in this age range.

In my experience, the sex drive does not change, their ability to perform does, lol. I'm not talking about being able to sustain an erection, that's a piece of cake for most, but their performance overall does decline (versus their younger version).

In other words, their desire to do something has nothing to do with their ability to do such.


I just wish the sex would always be great from the women, which it sometimes isn't.

I have the same issue. It happens when you place the whole responsibility upon someone else while there are 2 people going at it. If you can't make her feel anything (irrespective of what you you feel), it's not gonna make her get into it and she's not going to want to fully participate, that's why sometimes we have to fake it. Faking it:having the tragedy of nothingness come to an end by making you believe you're doing something, so you can come and get off of us. There are so many other things to do much more satisfying over being there and his stick just doesn't ever strike a goody chord and neither does his mouth.
 fuglygirl
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 9
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 9/23/2014 11:14:46 AM
people are individuals. repeat. what does 'average' mean?

the 'average' North American is overweight/obese, but that doesn't mean there aren't many super-fit people as well.
the 'average' income might be about $40,000 per capita, meaning some make $10,000 and others $50 million or more
treat people like individuals?
 Despickabill
Joined: 4/20/2013
Msg: 10
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Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 9/28/2014 3:31:38 PM
Finding at 40 that women my age put out easier than when we were twenty. Old fella fine, in fact after a few diet adjustments he's never been bigger or better.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 11
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Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 9/29/2014 2:38:02 PM

^^^Does that mean you are as likely to stray as you were when you were younger?? I mean is the desire to have sex with too many women still on the list for guys in this age group? Or do they want "mind blowing" sex with one woman?

This presumes that the man you addressed did those things when younger. It's a bad assumption, and at worst, a horrible accusation to level at a man you don't know.

If he's asking you to be exclusive, you have to trust his words and actions that that is what he wants. Or, you know.. you could talk to him to find out what his motivation is. That's probably the best thing to do 'cause, you know, we don't know him and aren't in his head and don't know what he wants, likes or needs. Only he does.

Personally a FWBs doesn't have the right to ask for exclusivity from me if he isn't also offering it in return, not to mention that there'd have to be some kind of change in relationship from FWB to you know, dating/committed relationship for me to consider it.

I haven't had a monogamous relationship for almost 7 years, my previous 5 year relationship started out as FWBs, and morphed into an open relationship. My current relationship is open as well, with the option of poly relationships should we decide to go that route. Oddly enough while I can be physically intimate with someone else, I seem to be emotionally monogamous.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 12
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Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 9/29/2014 9:26:16 PM
Things that you have backwards, OP:

Statistics. LOTS of people get the concept of statistics backwards, so DON'T feel bad, but DO whup yourself upside the haid, and get it right:

First comes the many individuals, doing whatever it is they do.................and THEN comes the statistics, which are the result of some weird, compulsive person taking notes about all the individuals, and then piling all the notes into a mash of confusion.

In other words, statistics will NEVER tell you what to expect from an individual, and in fact, especially in the world of relationships and love, they have a powerful tendency to screw up everyone's ability to perceive what's really going on.

Explanations for Straying. It's very common for people who lie, cheat, steal, and otherwise choose to misbehave and displease others, to use whatever they can find as a cover story/excuse. The thing to get right way 'round, is that the bad behavior comes FIRST, and the cover story comes SECOND.

Cheaters often like to claim that they HAD to cheat, due to their very high sex drive, and the inability of their well-meaning mate to keep up.

Every one who says this is a bald faced lying scumbag. It's really as simple as this: if your mate has a sense of personal honor, they will not cheat. If they don't they will, and it doesn't matter how much or what kind of sex you have with them.

Another way to look at it, or another question to ask yourself, is do you want as your mate, an ex-cheater who has given it up, not because of a change of heart, but because they are old and tired?

Taking me as an example, I'm 61, sex drive still where it was long ago (no one to use it on right now for test purposes, so you have to trust me). What HAS changed, is that I learned over the years, all sorts of things to be concerned about regarding sex. That means that I don't leap at every small opportunity, like I did when I was seventeen, but my passion and intensity hasn't changed.

Though, I doubt I can "go all night" like I could when I was seventeen. So don't get your hopes up THAT much.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 13
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Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 9/29/2014 9:57:48 PM
Following up on IF's post: a man's sex drive, his libido, is not a factor in whether a man (or woman) cheats. That is a question of character. Whether that trait is innate or, say, comes from an external motivation (say, religion) a (wo)man who is disposed to poor character will act of poor character no matter the circumstances whereas a (wo)man with character will exemplify that trait. All too often you hear tails of an aggrieved spouse who who was there 24/7 for their partner and yet the partner found a reason to stray. On the other hand there are those of us who had spouses who provided plenty of reasons to to seek greener (temporary) pastures and yet we stayed at home whilst still sharing the marital bonds.

As to the quality of a man's libido as he ages. I am of the opinion that in the greater proportion of men a man's libido, his desire for physical intimacy remains relatively unchanged over time, barring physical defect or injury. Speaking personally, while I do not have the opportunity at this time to test my theory I am as desirous for the company of a lover as I was half a life time ago. What has ebbed is the physical pressure I experienced those many years ago. Refractory time is longer; relative to "did we actually have a refractory period in our 20's?"

Yes, age does rob us of some of our vigor. And as our muscles have lost some of their tone, regardless of exercise or work, so, too , have other parts. This is where, again barring injury or defect, maintaining a healthy diet, an active life style, and regular practice, most men can fulfill with their body what their soul is willing.

TK
 Spifflog
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 14
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Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 10/1/2014 4:52:03 AM
OP, it seems like you either have trust issues in general, or you have trust issues with this guy. You need to fundamentally ask if it's you, or if it's him.

I understand that anyone can BS you early in a relationship, but I think you need to press the "I believe" button early on while keeping an eye out. But if you don't trust him to be faithful, and you don't trust that he has a vasectomy, than you have to ask why you don't trust him on any front. Hoping that this guy is so old that he couldn't possibly cheat on you doesn't seem like a great strategy.

Specifically, I'm in my 50s and I could have two sexual relationship with two separate women. I think most men could.

Most of the sexual relationships I've had I've been asked to "condom up" early in the relationship, no matter what I said on the STD front. After a while, the question was asked again (are you STD free, in your case somewhat similar to have you had a vasectomy) and when I said "yes" there was then enough trust to toss the condom.
 buckmaker
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 15
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Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 10/1/2014 3:08:55 PM
Any guy who has not been married by age 46 must look like a troll or he is a "sport" meaning in "lay women" terms,
he is a cad who wants to string you along and keep the competition at bay.
 co1983
Joined: 10/11/2014
Msg: 16
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 11/9/2014 3:42:52 PM
Do guys lose it after 45? I'm on this site looking for someone else because my bf who's 48 doesn't like to have sex like he used to 4 years ago? Me on the other hand- I like it a lot.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 17
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 11/9/2014 4:10:41 PM
Innergorilla

What you describe wont last, you know that. It cant. What you are describing is manic and really not the norm.
If you are telling the truth. Sooner or later she will probably taper off or you will. Until then, enjoy.
 sigungq
Joined: 1/4/2013
Msg: 18
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Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 11/9/2014 5:56:26 PM
Yes OP, it's true that sex drive does tend to drop a bit after 40, and each year thereafter. Usually when the average man hits around 110 years old, it is about equal to the sex drive of the average 30 year old woman.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 19
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 11/10/2014 12:29:20 PM

Innergorilla

What you describe wont last, you know that. It cant. What you are describing is manic and really not the norm.
If you are telling the truth. Sooner or later she will probably taper off or you will. Until then, enjoy.


I see what you're saying. I have also talked to her about it. How to keep it fresh, how to keep it exciting, so we both know that the quantity will go down eventually. But also there are beautiful things into that equation, for instance last night instead of jumping our bones right away, we spend about an hour and a half alone. She read her book, I worked on my novel. It was immensely gratifying to have "presence" yet allowed the room.

But we have not been the norm from the beginning, so I doubt that we will be the norm, one, two or five years down the road. More importantly we are growing spiritually and the things that we do complement each other outside of the bedroom as well.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 20
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 11/10/2014 12:58:54 PM
A persons sex drive and their potential to cheat
are not automatically inter-related.

Maybe he's worried about you cheating within
A relationship being that you've kept your option
Open by keeping this a FWB situation.

And a persons age also isn't a way to label
their sex drive high or low.

Whole lot of generalizations being made in you
Original post.

My guy is 45 and I'm 50 and we've had sex
Almost daily the entire almost 6 years we've
Been together.

Add that to your stats.

Sex for us is about expressing love,lust
Intimacy and care for each other's needs.

If you have that there's no need to stray
And no need to worry about stats!
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 21
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 11/10/2014 1:21:46 PM

My guy is 45 and I'm 50 and we've had sex
Almost daily the entire almost 6 years we've
Been together.

Add that to your stats.

Sex for us is about expressing love,lust
Intimacy and care for each other's needs.


I applaud that. And I've heard your story, your trials and tribulations and what is important to you. The thing that keeps it together in the end it's love. Out capacity and desire to GIVE love. You're my role model there and I hope in 5 years that is the relationship I still have with my girlfriend and that we care and want to nurture each other.
 Hearton64
Joined: 12/18/2012
Msg: 22
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 11/10/2014 1:46:46 PM

I applaud that. And I've heard your story, your trials and tribulations and what is important to you.
The thing that keeps it together in the end it's love. Out capacity and desire to GIVE love.
You're my role model there and I hope in 5 years that is the relationship I still have with my
girlfriend and that we care and want to nurture each other.


You will what you want in life.

I must admit having failed to find what I have
Now in any of my past relationships
In part due to my issues and who I chose
As a husband if 24 year and what I chose
To settle for was my own fault.

I realized it was up to me to find happiness
Even if I didn't know what it looked like.

I yearned for love and intimacy and couldn't
Find it for a long long time but once I threw
In the towel and stopped beating a dead horse
And ended a very unhealthy dynamic I willed
Love into my life and bed and I've never felt
So loved and loving towards anyone!

It comes down to trust and integrity
Heart and mind
And keeping your HEART ON
No matter how many times and ways
You've been hurt in love.

As long as sex isn't the only thing you have
In common and you're willing to keep your heart
And mind open....the sky is the limit.

So screw the stats!
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 23
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 11/11/2014 9:34:13 PM
My current relationship is open as well, with the option of poly relationships should we decide to go that route. Oddly enough while I can be physically intimate with someone else, I seem to be emotionally monogamous.

^^^
I would LOVE to know how this works because I've been wondering if this is optimal with my current beau.
He's 40. There's no lowering of his sex drive, that's for sure. We have it the way we have meals. I love it and want more. The poly route is for other reasons.


OP, don't read stats then paint all your guys with it. Please don't
Listen to your man ... really listen.....then listen to your gut.


So should I just believe him
^^
Is it really fair to him that you don't believe what he says. Not much of a good basis of a relationship is it?
Just keep the communication open and going. Trust him. Go with your gut (I've been saying this ALOT in the forums lately, what the heck?!) and all should be well.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 24
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 11/13/2014 7:53:47 AM

I would LOVE to know how this works because I've been wondering if this is optimal with my current beau.
He's 40. There's no lowering of his sex drive, that's for sure. We have it the way we have meals. I love it and want more. The poly route is for other reasons.


I am curious about this statement. I am in a relationship where the sex is intense and very, very frequent. I love it and want more. So why wanting it to go the poly route?
 Supersoulson
Joined: 10/21/2014
Msg: 25
Sex drive of men over 40
Posted: 11/13/2014 8:45:05 AM

Do guys lose it after 45? I'm on this site looking for someone else because my bf who's 48 doesn't like to have sex like he used to 4 years ago? Me on the other hand- I like it a lot.


I'm now in my 50th year and I still desire and think about sex as much as ever.

HOWEVER ..... once I have an orgasm , not only does it take a while for me to get back to the plate but my second orgasm isn't nearly as intense.

So, I hold off my first orgasm as long as possible, and my partners never seem to mind this.

Whenever I'm in an exclusive relationship I don't allow myself to have an orgasm every time we have sex. No, this isn't easy to do but well worth it, not only to be able to perform more often but when I do finally come the build up amounts to an exquisitely intensely powerful orgasm ! The kind where you actually laugh after because you feel such a natural high !
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