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 Mixedmisty
Joined: 7/29/2011
Msg: 1
Very confusedPage 1 of 1    
I met a man at my place of work and a few days later he emailed me asking me out for coffee or a bite to eat. I initially said "thanks but no thanks", but somehow from that point on we started talking and continued talking through out the day. I was actually enjoying talking to him so we exchanged information. Well he told me he was going out of state for the next week and kept saying how he can't wait to get back to hang out and get to know each other.

Well this is where my confusion comes in. From being really into me the conversation kept getting less and less on his part until he just completely stopped responding. Yesterday evening he asked me what I was doing and I said I was in for the night and he never responded and I haven't heard from him all day today. I of course haven't wrote him either because I don't want to come across as needy, but this is really starting to annoy me. What's the correct way to act/ not act in this situation? Should I write him? Should I wait and then respond? Should I give him the taste of his own medicine and not respond back if he writes me? I don't want to play games, but it seems like that's what he enjoys doing.

Thanks :)
 Deadliest_Snatch
Joined: 10/25/2012
Msg: 2
Very confused
Posted: 9/25/2014 6:47:26 PM
Oh, what fun !!
Haven't been on a date yet, and you are already couching your exchanges as some sort of power/control contests.

If you sent the last message, there is no reason to contact him again, until he has something to say in response.

If you want to initiate, ask him out.

It's possible that the exchanges you had since his initial interest were enough to demonstrate that you had less in common than he originally thought and he has lost interest.
Or, maybe he got a run in his stocking and had to dash out for a new pair.
Too bad.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 3
Very confused
Posted: 9/25/2014 8:42:44 PM
Seems like speculation and head games are more your sport. Fickle aren't we?

God forbid you lift a hand to further communication for the prospect.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 4
Very confused
Posted: 9/25/2014 9:30:23 PM
What is with this trend of people fearing to reach out because they will be perceived as "needy?"

Why is it that aloofness, indifference and silence is the way to go? Why is it that "the first person who talks loses?"

That seems to be how people act nowadays.

The only thing this is going to do is drive a wedge between anything that can start between two people.

And, quite honestly, I am not even sure you are really interested in HIM, or the control you think you have over him, by first being disinterested, then warming up to him..then waiting for him to do allllll the work and keep contacting you.

Then, when he stops (when he starts acting like YOU have been, essentially) you're all huffy.

Imagine-you're annoyed now. And you guys havent even had a date. I can just imagine how fun this is going to be for him if you guys actually start to date. UGH.

He may have dodged a bullet by going silent himself.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 5
Very confused
Posted: 9/25/2014 11:39:25 PM
Leave him alone.

If he wants to carry on a conversation, he will. If you're already power-trippin' at this stage, there is clearly no hope in any future, in any relation based on sincerity, trust, and respect. As it is, he hasn't keep his interest long enough to keep that fantasy alive.

Personally, I'm glad he hasn't responded...
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 6
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 2:54:06 AM
I powertrip before I powertrip, and then I powertrip some more.
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 7
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History
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 3:57:16 AM
Ahhhh yeah... You initiated the "I'm gonna let you chase me 'til I catch you" game.
Now you are upset that it backfired?

Stop playing childish, grade school games.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 8
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 5:12:54 AM
A guy initially asks you out and you deny him.
And then he has the gonads to continue talking to you??? And with this conversation he concludes that yes, it is better off to not even ask for a coffee or whatever the second time. Happens everyday.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 9
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 5:59:41 AM
OP, with your initial “thanks but no thanks” yet continuing to talk with him throughout the entire day, you seem to have set the stage for that same game which now confuses you.

However, he told you he will be out of town for the next week, so how about waiting until he’s back and if you still feel like contacting him by then ask how his trip went?
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 10
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History
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 6:22:32 AM
He technically asked you out twice and you begged off both times, I'd say he was moving on to someone more interested in dating him.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 11
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 6:30:09 AM
This whole scenario seems totally backwards to me. He asks you out for a coffee or bite to eat, and you say "Thanks, but no thanks", but you expect him to be your pen pal, and get your nose out of joint if he doesn't text you as per your schedule. Go ahead with your revenge tactic of "giving him a taste of his own medicine" by not responding to his texts, and see how that works out for you.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 12
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 6:36:36 AM
Maybe she feels entitled because she felt like she was a better person? Or could do better? As evidence by her indifference when she was winning the game she was playing.

The only time she got upset is when she felt that she didn't get her closure, and is now losing. So instead of think rationally (as normal people do) she thinks impulsively in order to feel like a victim in the game she is now losing. The game she created for herself.

Sounds like somebody who loses to her own insecurities. Very confused? Yes I agree, but you're confused for all the wrong reasons.

Confused would be a step in the right direction. You have unjustified paranoia to work on.
 Mixedmisty
Joined: 7/29/2011
Msg: 13
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 7:18:17 AM
I think I failed to portray in my original post that before he left and even 4 days into his trip he would text me every day which set a pattern. Most days we would have conversations, a few days in between he would at least ask me how my day was. So my confusion kicks in due not understanding why he just disappeared. Without even all the advice on here I already sense what happened. Considering he would tell me every night he is at a bar, I figure he met someone and just having fun, and yes I am not his girlfriend so quite honestly it's doesn't bother me. I can do my thing out here. What is bothering me is him just disappearing. Basically he was texting me at his convenience, but as soon as he found fun out there he decided to just go ghost on me.
 Mixedmisty
Joined: 7/29/2011
Msg: 14
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 7:46:42 AM

Were you expecting a more formal announcement: "Hello today I met this hot chick at the bar so you won't be hearing from me anymore but it's been real. See ya."


Well of course not. When you put it this way I feel rather silly. I realize that's not how it works. But I guess I still can't stop wondering what his deal is. Why constantly email me about how he can't wait to see me and then just disappear into thin air.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 15
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 8:11:53 AM

...but as soon as he found fun out there he decided to just go ghost on me.


If you would've went out with him when he asked you out, or made plans to go out with him shortly after when it's convenient, you might be the one having fun out there with him. Did he say he was specifically only looking for a text buddy?

" But I guess I still can't stop wondering what his deal is."

It's clear to everybody else. Like most other guys would do, if I ask a woman out and she declines, that's the end of it. There won't be any further contact. This guy is just dragging on the inevitable, thinking it's letting you down gently.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 16
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 8:26:03 AM

I don't want to come across as needy, but this is really starting to annoy me. What's the correct way to act/ not act in this situation? Should I write him? Should I wait and then respond? Should I give him the taste of his own medicine and not respond back if he writes me? I don't want to play games, but it seems like that's what he enjoys doing.


Sounds to me that it's you the one playing some sort of game. You tell him no thanks before, then when he contacts you, you tell him that "I was in for the night." That TELLS ME, that you are tired and that you do not want to talk or communicate or have no interest in him.

When you tell a man enough times, no, I am tired, or any of those lines, rather quickly I would listen to you and stop communicating.

If you like the guy, show interest.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 17
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History
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 12:32:06 PM
Get over it. He was just texting you, he didn't leave you at the altar.
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 18
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History
Very confused
Posted: 9/26/2014 1:19:08 PM

yes I am not his girlfriend so quite honestly it's doesn't bother me.


You can lie to yourself but you can't fool us. This thread wouldn't even exist if it didn't "bother" you. You want him even more now because he doesn't want you. Sometimes there is no greater aphrodisiac than that of indifference.
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