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 AUTHOR
 Alex_0_X
Joined: 10/4/2014
Msg: 1
Constructive criticism is most welcome!Page 1 of 1    
Positivity is what makes the world grow, share your positivity with others and the worlds expand. Exploration is infinite.
Stop basing yourselves on labels and stereotypes. The only way to success is to stay true to yourself.
Don't assume, don't accuse, don't judge, don't forget.
But always do remember who you are.
- Alex

In saying that, I know people on here may have a racial standard... but I'd like to know what needs improvement. :)
As the title says! Thanks in advance! :)
 Deedeelogan
Joined: 12/1/2013
Msg: 2
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/7/2014 4:24:25 PM
Alex there is just something a little off about your profile. Maybe someone else can put their finger on it.

There's a thread in green above with profile writing tips. Take a look at those and have another go at rewriting.

Get rid of the pictures where you're not smiling and playing cards with your buddies with the "play your cards right" line. Comes across you guys are looking for a gang bang and you might have to be very patient waiting for just the right kind of woman to come along for that activity.

Get rid of the quote in About Me. Find a better way to line up your facts.

You say you're an entrepreneur. Possibly in eBay sales? Whatever it is put in what you do for a living. If you knock on doors selling vacuums a woman would want to know that too. Also don't say how much money you made in the past few months. That's pretty good money and it sounds like you're bragging. Also could set you up with a woman and her boyfriend hiding in a nearby van who plan to mug you instead of her dating you.

You ride a motorcycle - CBR250R ABS. If that's your way of weeding out women who don't know a thing about motorbikes - good job it worked. It also turns off women who do have their motorbike license and have a more high performance ride. Put it in there but just say you ride a Honda and that'll be good enough. Trust me its nothing to brag about CBR250R ABS to a woman (such as myself) who rides a more powerful bike.

Talk more about some of the other things on your list. A sentence or two.

Also for first date put something in that's real. Just saying "Spontaneous" is creepy. A woman wants to be safe when meeting a man for the first time, in a public place, say the good old popular coffee house stand by. Or choose somewhere else where there'll be lots of people around.

Give it a rewrite and let us know how its progressing. Good luck.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 3
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/7/2014 5:18:59 PM
Hi Alex, you REALLY need to get rid of the bold text, I didn't read it, the bold bugged my eyes out. Let us know when that is corrected.

Best wishes

Jerry
 BeachBikeHike
Joined: 8/15/2014
Msg: 4
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/7/2014 5:23:54 PM
Your profile doesn't contain much. There's a quote, then there's a list. The quote comes off as too preachy. I'd leave it out.

I think a few well-written paragraphs would be more effective.

 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 5
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/7/2014 6:26:55 PM
It still needs the same things as the last time you had a profile review.
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 6
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/7/2014 11:34:15 PM
Hi Alex,

Welcome back.
I guess you quit for a bit...still using the same pics...huh.

The original quote does nothing for you.
The write up is still bad. Format hurts my eyes.
"Facts about me" is just a brag list.
 Alex_0_X
Joined: 10/4/2014
Msg: 7
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/8/2014 2:13:45 AM
Thanks guys. The whole profile has just been rewritten. I feel as if I'm still preaching... but I would like your honest thoughts.
Pictures have been replaced, most of them anyway.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 8
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/8/2014 4:55:42 AM
I'm a righty who is a political and social lefty; and I'm creative and curious, balanced and worldly, even at my advanced age. I don't like this bit in your profile, what-so-ever.
 Alex_0_X
Joined: 10/4/2014
Msg: 9
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/8/2014 12:06:40 PM

I'm a righty who is a political and social lefty; and I'm creative and curious, balanced and worldly, even at my advanced age. I don't like this bit in your profile, what-so-ever.

Cut me some slack, I'm ambidextrous if you want to get technical. I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. If that helps you understand me a bit better.
 Alex_0_X
Joined: 10/4/2014
Msg: 10
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/8/2014 12:08:27 PM
Sorry for double posting. But It's girls my age around the 18-22 mark I'm looking for. Sure you may be double my age... but maybe we share the same insight and wisdom?
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 11
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/8/2014 12:43:45 PM
Hey Alex,


About Alex
Hi there, my name is Alex


I am sensing a huge disconnect and going off on tangents.
Writing style keeps changing, no fluidity, random thoughts, jumping around...
It's very difficult to follow and you seem to value yourself as an armchair philosopher.

Try just telling about your personality, what you like to do in your free time, the type of woman you want to meet.

First impressions do matter and your profile is your first impression before you ever meet.
 Alex_0_X
Joined: 10/4/2014
Msg: 12
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/8/2014 2:54:42 PM

I am sensing a huge disconnect and going off on tangents.
Writing style keeps changing, no fluidity, random thoughts, jumping around...
It's very difficult to follow and you seem to value yourself as an armchair philosopher.

Try just telling about your personality, what you like to do in your free time, the type of woman you want to meet.

First impressions do matter and your profile is your first impression before you ever meet.

Thank you. Advice I could get. Now let me know your honest thoughts once more. :)
Just had a yoga session... and I feel good. :)
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 13
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/8/2014 3:10:04 PM
Alex - you overuse certain words.. once is fine, no need to mention healthy lifestyle 3 times in the profile.
You are blessed with a young face, however a few of the pictures are not good. As well you shouldn't be featuring your lil Cousin on an adult dating site.
It is a bit of a word salad.. try to write instead of just offering a stream of thoughts, k?
You have some interesting bits in, and I like the idea of Bubble tea as a first date aka meet
Are you msging women?
 Alex_0_X
Joined: 10/4/2014
Msg: 14
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/13/2014 12:59:09 PM

Alex - you overuse certain words.. once is fine, no need to mention healthy lifestyle 3 times in the profile.
You are blessed with a young face, however a few of the pictures are not good. As well you shouldn't be featuring your lil Cousin on an adult dating site.
It is a bit of a word salad.. try to write instead of just offering a stream of thoughts, k?
You have some interesting bits in, and I like the idea of Bubble tea as a first date aka meet
Are you msging women?

I am messaging women, but they aren't in my age range. It seems realistically the only girls left on POF my age are just 'girls' rather than women. Any thoughts on messaging 'women' who are at least 3 years above my age? It seems to be a more realistic approach to what I am looking for in a partner. Also I fixed my profile up, let me know your thoughts!
 AquamarineBlue8
Joined: 10/1/2014
Msg: 15
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/13/2014 1:26:57 PM
I have never been a fan of the hat on backwards thing, makes you look too goofy and not serious about this quest.

I'm sorry, but I don't like all the negativity in your profile and to me it seems slippery: you say something then negate it in the next breath. Nothing for me to grab on to and keep my interest. It will probably not appeal to an older OR younger woman. There are quite a few pictures I would dump or change the captions on. They just don't portray you in a very favorable light.

Keep working at it, don't give up. This stuff doesn't come easy for any of us.
 VirtuousDonkey
Joined: 4/18/2012
Msg: 16
view profile
History
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 10/13/2014 6:58:22 PM
Yeah, what she said...disjointed. First thing I thought was - I hope he doesn't talk like that I person. It has a very robotic feel.

I don't think most 25 year old gals are too interested in younger guys. You'll have to wait until your late twenties to go after the older ladies. Not that it couldn't happen, it's just unlikely.
 Alex_0_X
Joined: 10/4/2014
Msg: 17
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 11/1/2014 4:08:20 PM
I was suffering from word salad speech earlier to speak.
My profile I believe now is much more well written, please let me know your thoughts.
And this is just internet speech, I generally don't speak like this in person. But usually it may depend on my 'mood.'
As well as the atmosphere I am in. :) Also meeting real girls is cool too, been doing that more often.
Kind of giving up on POF, as the online dating traffic here in Brisbane is actually ridiculous.
It is almost as bad as trying to meet someone on Tinder. It just doesn't work anymore.
But let me know your thoughts once again. By the way, if it helps to know... I'm a Gen Y 90s kid.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 18
Constructive criticism is most welcome!
Posted: 11/6/2014 9:42:23 AM
Hi Alex, it is still somewhat disjointed and or rambling, try to bring your points home with more authority.


Best wishes
Jerry
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