|Hi Andy, profiles need to be as to the point as possible, in other words what we call fluff wastes space and serves no purpose.|
Here is an example.
I'm interested in health & fitness because it's important to me to stay active & healthy. It makes me feel more alive, and stops me getting old and fat!
I'm interested in health & fitness because it makes me feel more alive, and stops me FROM getting old and fat!
Fluff makes things VERY boring to read, there should be NO fluff in a profile.
I do not see much personality in your profile either other than the thoughtful part which I liked. Try to think of at least one to add to your opener.
You should have 3 solid paragraphs, read the profile tips at the top of the page in green.