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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...      Home login  
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 averagewhitechick
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 1
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...Page 1 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
... what would be the reason the guy wouldn't follow through with it?

It was his idea. I'm not really the type, but figured what the heck? I'm getting nowhere finding an actual relationship and I'm not getting any younger. And I'm not even sure I want someone around all the time anyway. We like each other. We dated for a while last year and have kept in touch over the past year, but not dated.

It's been a month ago we discussed our arrangement. I've gotten a couple of texts and emails, but nothing about meeting up. I haven't pushed the issue either though.

I don't really need anyone to tell me he changed his mind, met someone else, etc. because I've already been over that in my head.

Just seems odd if a guy gets a woman to agree to a FWB relationship, which is probably what every guy really wants, why would he not follow through?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 2
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/16/2014 12:56:24 PM
Posted by averagewhitechick:
"...if a guy gets a woman to agree to a FWB relationship, which is probably what every guy really wants..."

Not the men whom I know. That is an entirely different topic than this FWB discussion.

Perhaps in the intervening month he encountered a woman with whom he does wish to have a relationship.
You could always call him up and mention you still have an itch that needs to be scratched and see how he responds.
The fact you have a reasonable history with each other has multiple GOOD features over a new person.
 averagewhitechick
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 3
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/16/2014 12:58:45 PM
"You could always call him up and mention you still have an itch that needs to be scratched and see how he responds."

Eric, you make a good point, but honestly, like I said, I'm not really the FWB type. I just thought I'd give it a try. So it's not like I'm chomping at the bit to bang the guy lol
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 4
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If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/16/2014 2:26:44 PM
My first question is, whose definition of FWB are you using to ask these questions?

It's not like there's a government handbook laying out how often you see each other and have sex. Any chance that you thought that FWB meant lots of regular sex and carefree, no strings hanging out, but he thought it meant "oh good, now I'm not obligated to email, text or phone regularly, and I can relax, because she has no expectations" ??
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 5
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If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/16/2014 2:29:38 PM
There are a lot of things we don't know. When you dated (previously), were you intimate? If so, was the sex good?

If the answers are "yes" and "yes", then it's hard for me to imagine why he would leave you hanging and not follow up.

Tell us more, and we will attempt to read the crystal ball for you.

vvvv below:


ohenryx, no, there was no sex last time we dated. I don't even know why -- mutual attraction, lots of PDA. It just didn't happen. Maybe he has E.D. Maybe he's afraid he'll fall in love ... who knows? I do know he had an ugly divorce.


I think you’ve pretty much answered your own question here. If he wasn’t willing, nay eager, to make love to you before, then he probably is still blocked by the same problem. ED, bad memories, fear of intimacy, whatever.

Keep looking, there are a lot of men who are willing.
 averagewhitechick
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 6
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/16/2014 2:37:54 PM
Igor, my only thought was "gee, it might be nice to have sex a couple more times in case I die" lol It's pretty obvious to me that not many men in my area are actually looking for a relationship.

ohenryx, no, there was no sex last time we dated. I don't even know why -- mutual attraction, lots of PDA. It just didn't happen. Maybe he has E.D. Maybe he's afraid he'll fall in love ... who knows? I do know he had an ugly divorce.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 7
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/16/2014 3:00:00 PM
If you're not the type to have FWB situations, tread lightly. Out of all the posts here by women, the confused, lost soul who "thought he actually wanted/loved/me" was into me thing is THE most lamented situation by women. You may think you will not get attached, and are willing to play by his rules (meaning, he's laying down the situation HE wants, not really what YOU want)..just be careful. And ask upfront about STD's.

I have no idea why this guy is backing off. You dont want anyone to tell you it's because he's not interested, so..what else is there to say. He's not actually DOING anything, so his interest level has not superseded his hesitancy.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 8
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/16/2014 4:12:15 PM
Agreed ^^^^
Be careful.

You have agreed to be what HE defines as FWB.
Not what you define as FWB.

His definition could be he calls you at 2am and you go to his house when he cannot get anything better....

Yours may be... live in separate houses, go out, spend time together, have regular, mutually satisfying, exclusive sex but not meet family, nor have joint finances, nor get married, nor breed children etc.

I suggest that you either put this down to experience or ask him.

He may just be waiting for your phone call asking him to come over for some physical stress relief.
 TrustInKarma
Joined: 2/14/2014
Msg: 9
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/16/2014 6:12:34 PM
What's described in msg 8 is a booty call, not a FWB. The word "Friends" means something. Friends do stuff together. Like go to the movies, talk (on the phone and in person), listen to each others' problems/hopes/dreams, etc. I would never be someone's booty call, but a good FWB is wonderful.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 10
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/16/2014 9:20:05 PM
In MY handbook...FWB is settling on 'good enough' until Mr or Ms 'relationship' comes along.

I would only 'not follow through' for 1 of 2 reasons:

1) I thought you were falling for me. I would feel bad that I was wasting your time and stop seeing you. Because I care. I've met some women who have cut me off quick when I fell hard for them. Definitely not gender specific.

2) I met someone else. But...I personally would have told you that and not kept you 'on the back burner'
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 11
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/16/2014 9:32:27 PM

Just seems odd if a guy gets a woman to agree to a FWB relationship, which is probably what every guy really wants


- While more guys than women might THINK they want that (many people don't really know what they need), lets not get carried away... most guys don't really want that.

Well, it's not surprising a half-baked relationship offer would fall through. I would not play with someone who does not like you a lot. The less they like you, the less motivation they have to be with you, and the stronger the chance of rejection.
 HornetRider
Joined: 9/26/2014
Msg: 12
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/16/2014 9:49:19 PM
ohenryx, no, there was no sex last time we dated. I don't even know why -- mutual attraction, lots of PDA. It just didn't happen. Maybe he has E.D. Maybe he's afraid he'll fall in love ... who knows? I do know he had an ugly divorce.


Whether it is ED or some other intimacy issue, the guy definitely has some sort of "failure to launch" problem that he wasn't able to overcome in a normal dating relationship. My guess is that he figured the thought of having a FWB, just adding a "hot" label, would help him overcome it.

His problem, not yours.


Just seems odd if a guy gets a woman to agree to a FWB relationship, which is probably what every guy really wants, why would he not follow through?


Ummm... not this guy. I would see FWB as a situation where the "relationship chemistry" stalled at the friend or really good friend level while the "sexual chemistry" was through the roof, amazing, and thoroughly satisfying for both partners. While "failure" is too strong a word, I would view it as something less than the whole enchilada.

Anyhow, a FWB with neither the "friend" component nor the "benefit" of mutually satisfying hot sex, is really more just meh... or even less.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 13
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/16/2014 10:26:04 PM
If you are not the type for an FEB then dont do it. That he has not initiated sex at all so far I would say he has other women he wants to see and you are may be on the backburner right now or he may have ED problems or he was testing you out to see if you would be amenable. If he was keen he would be contacting you and he probably sensed your reluctance about the FWB. However never make the mistake of thinking once you are involved with a guy that he will change his mind about the FWB situation and want more. Mostly doesnt happen.

We dont know the age group and can only speculate on a forum where we dont know either party. Always judge a man by what he does and not what he says.

 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 14
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/16/2014 10:35:35 PM
^^^
'judge a human' is more politically correct. Thank you.

How do I judge a woman for that matter???
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 15
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/17/2014 12:40:42 AM
Personally, I don't understand why you'd subject yourself to this kind of arrangement. You're settling, and you're prepared to let this inconsiderate prig, who doesn't deserve your body, time, and affection, to use your body.

I should think the reason why he hasn't followed up is his own, and who damn well cares. Anybody who'd consider shagging you without the intention of committing to you and knowing your position and relationship goals and doesn't care about them, isn't worth your concern, at all.

I also don't know why you're concerned about his lack of response. Be glad you aren't his on-call booty call
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 16
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/17/2014 4:40:55 AM

Just seems odd if a guy gets a woman to agree to a FWB relationship, which is probably what every guy really wants, why would he not follow through?


Perhaps, he gave it a second or even third thought?????

Some men are capable of that.
 averagewhitechick
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 17
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/17/2014 5:05:06 AM
Thanks for all the input, fellow posters. I'm not really one to dissect things so like I said early on, my only thought was that it might be fun to have sex a few more times before I die. And I'm not even sure I want someone around all the time after being single for 10 years. At any rate, I'm not sitting around crying over this guy. I just thought it was odd since it was his idea and I agreed to it, that was going to be the arrangement.
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 18
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/17/2014 5:29:41 AM

ohenryx, no, there was no sex last time we dated. I don't even know why -- mutual attraction, lots of PDA. It just didn't happen. Maybe he has E.D. Maybe he's afraid he'll fall in love ... who knows? I do know he had an ugly divorce.


The most obvious reason to me is he has performance anxiety and his initial FWB request was because he knew you were unlikely to follow through. When you did agree, the pressure was more on him.

I have seen a fair number of posts in the past where a woman is agreeable about having sex then the guy blow her off. A FWB relationship is mostly all about sex, IMO increasing the significance of the sex.

Performance anxiety makes sense to me.
 NoBuddies_Fool
Joined: 6/10/2014
Msg: 19
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/17/2014 8:58:55 AM
FWB.....I kind of tried this scenario a few years back...went out with a guy quite a few times...he seemed to always be in the social circle.
Either of us were wanting a permanant relationship with each other or anyone else.. but liked the intimacy...
Anyhoo....It became very convoluted for me.
-Is it alright to initiate every weekend or more..?
-How many times will or can one of us be "busy" with another..?
-Do I wait for him to call me?
-can I just call?
-I felt like a call girl...without getting paid......So, I never got emotionally furthur involved....I just figured out fairly quick...it wasn't for me.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 20
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If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/17/2014 10:01:20 AM
It sounds like this was discussed by phone or text, and not in person. That strikes me as odd. If he really wanted FWB with you, he should have arranged a date, and discussed it in person.

Whatever his reasons, I advise not seeing or talking to him again.
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 21
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If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/17/2014 2:21:26 PM

why would he not follow through

^^^^^^^
Possibly he was just testing you and assumes you agree to all invitations so thought better of it?
Maybe he is waiting on your STD/communicable diseases tests to be shown or for you to ask for his.
Its 2 a.m. somewhere, you can't be the only one.


Anyhoo
SOME men and women of a certain generation also think if you will lay down for one you dont care about , then you may be promiscuous or at the very least wanton/promiscuous/ immoral / fast/loose//degenerate/whorish/disreputable/lascivious/debauched. I just love that word..debauched..debauchery .......whoop!


If he really wanted FWB with you, he should have arranged a date, and discussed it in person.

^^^^^^Go yo jello
SOOO either he didn't want a FWB or this is *another dream* you had .
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 22
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/17/2014 3:08:16 PM
Your answer is located close to the reason why you stopped dating. Also realize, most guys are scared sh it less of getting what they want, so when the ask and get a yes, they panic.
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 23
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/17/2014 3:36:23 PM

It was his idea. I'm not really the type, but figured what the heck? I'm getting nowhere finding an actual relationship and I'm not getting any younger. And I'm not even sure I want someone around all the time anyway. We like each other. We dated for a while last year and have kept in touch over the past year, but not dated.

It's been a month ago we discussed our arrangement. I've gotten a couple of texts and emails, but nothing about meeting up. I haven't pushed the issue either though.


Why did he not follow through?

A couple of texts and emails doesn't generate a whole lot of sexual tension. Sounds like you both are lukewarm about the whole thing. Not enough passion or interest to even get together to be in the same room, much less have some fun sex.

Personally, if a guy isn't lusting after me enough to set something up after I've expressed interest, it would be a total turn -off.

Who wants a FWB thing that is as tepid as a long married couples 'Saturday Night Lovemaking?' (Not that all long married couples have tepid love making on a Saturday night! You get the idea, though~)

You say you're not really 'the type' to agree to this sort of thing, but why not reach out with your own seduction scenario and see where it goes. Life is short.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 24
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/17/2014 6:19:08 PM

You say you're not really 'the type' to agree to this sort of thing, but why not reach out with your own seduction scenario and see where it goes. Life is short.


I agree.Get some dice AWC.Guys like to see some chance of a shot on net.
 averagewhitechick
Joined: 8/28/2014
Msg: 25
If a woman agrees to a FWB relationship ...
Posted: 10/18/2014 6:08:03 AM
"SOOO either he didn't want a FWB or this is *another dream* you had ."

Stop drinking and posting, petunia. It just makes you look stupid. And a little jealous.
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