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 Erin_Cat
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 1
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I don't kiss till the third datePage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I don't kiss till the third date and I don't care if it's old-fashioned! I have my morals and my values. The way I see it is if I'm worth it, a guy will stick around. One of my female friends said that's very outdated but I do not care. I'm a good Catholic girl and I try hard to follow my faith. What are your views on it?
 HotNSC123
Joined: 10/17/2014
Msg: 2
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I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/21/2014 7:38:37 PM
Honestly, 3 dates isn't that long, some women have longer deadlines. Personally, I'm of the mind, if both parties are feeling it, than they should go for it, regardless of when it is. I do think your view is old-fashioned, but I also believe you're entitle to your opinion and can do as you please.

I will say this though, you do make it seem like you're of higher moral character than others that don't put a time frame on a kiss and that's not the case. Your views are just different, doesn't mean they're right, or right for everyone.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 3
I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/21/2014 7:39:08 PM
Go with the dating timeline that makes you comfortable.
If you are attracted to a man and wish to await the third date to kiss him, that is OK.
That is totally fine to embrace your Catholic upbringing.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 4
I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/21/2014 8:06:16 PM
No, three dates is reasonable. You may have two dates in a week for instance and that is only two weeks that you have known the guy. Of course the question is when are you comfortable having sex as he would want that sooner rather than later unless he is strictured by religious beliefs. Most men wont wait around more than about 4 dates these days before expecting some sort of sexual encounter, from what I hear. .
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 5
I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/21/2014 8:47:16 PM
I can understand religious people waiting until marriage for sex. But you know that kissing is not sex, right? I know that in some countries, the couple don't kiss until marriage (and some religions). But in America, this is extremely rare.

When I was dating, I never got turned down for a first date kiss, when I went for it. I'm glad I did not meet one like you, you would have broken my perfect record, lol! I think you are acting like a control freak under the guise of your religion. Hope you don't let a good one get away.
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 6
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I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/21/2014 8:51:35 PM
Whatever floats your boat. What is right is not doing something you are uncomfortable with. Not letting others form or re-form your belief system. Just be true to yourself.
Yes, this may make your dating pool smaller, but that is not necessarily a bad thing.
 John255317
Joined: 12/28/2012
Msg: 7
I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/21/2014 8:55:45 PM
OP, who cares what other views there are to kissing when you have your own view?
 traveltheworld811
Joined: 5/8/2014
Msg: 8
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I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 1:11:43 AM
I have two responses.
1. Nothing wrong with waiting till the third date to kiss. I don't really get these hard-and-fast rules about dating, as it seems inauthentic in some ways. But I strongly support your right to live your life by whatever code and whatever rules you choose.
2. If you actually say to another person, "I don't kiss till the third date . . . I have my morals and my values.", then that's really gross and insulting. (As the obvious unspoken implication is that people who kiss sooner than that don't have values. Or have values, but crappy values.)

I tried to put myself into the shoes of one of your dates. If you said to me, "I had a great time. I'm really interested in you, attracted to you [etc etc]. But I have a little rule that I don't kiss until the third date. I hope you understand and you're okay with that.", then I'd be fine with that. I'd be better than fine . . . you just did a great job of letting me know that you are interested, and the fact that you don't want to kiss goodnight is absolutely no reflection on me, or on our date.

But if you gave that spiel about "having morals" I'd probably run in the other direction. The last thing I'd want to do is date someone who thinks that I have no morals.

Only you know how you communicate the above to your dates. Hopefully, you do it gracefully, well, and in a manner that is not off-putting.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 9
I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 2:48:11 AM
This, made me chuckle.

I have met men, I didn't feel an urge to kiss them, 3 minutes, hours, days , dates or even 3 months, later!
Last night I met a man, and had the urge to kiss him, 3 seconds after I laid eyes on him!

Before pulling out my driveway, on my way to meet him for dinner. I texted him, "I'm 20 min away and driving a black Dodge pick-up. He replied, "I'm here, waiting inside, drive careful."

As I stepped inside the restaurant, the hostess inquired, "Just one tonight?" Looking around, I replied, "No, I'm meeting a man here," and then I spotted him sitting to my right, in the waiting area.
I smiled, pointed to him, he smiled and stood, we took a few steps towards each other, he placed his hands on my shoulders and I leaned in, as he kissed me ever so lightly on my lips.

Long story, short.
First message 10 days ago, phone number given, texted, planned a day and time to speak on the phone, I had to text, "Sorry, going to the hospital with chest pain, in an ambulance". Spent 3 days in the hospital. Received 2-3 text messages a day asking about my condition and once, teasing me, "I think you are playing hard to get".

I don't follow any unwritten rules determined by, who knows who.
Each person and each situation is unique.
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 10
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I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 3:34:14 AM
I hope you don't eat meat on Friday either, don't use any form of birth control and attend Mass every chance you get, otherwise the whole being Catholic thing is irrelevant. You would be picking and choosing things that work for you while claiming the title " good Catholic girl", much like your rule on kissing and having morals.

No problem with any of it, but why the need to toot your horn about it? Obviously nothing anyone here says matter one whit either way.

If it works for you, great. *shrug*
 PurpleZebra12
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 11
I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 4:03:18 AM
I won't be kissing you (unless you become a bad Catholic girl), so I don't care.

However, waiting until the third date for a kiss does not put you on some moral high ground. I'm not Catholic, but I'm pretty sure the Bible doesn't have a third date kiss rule (do feel free to provide a source if I'm mistaken). The rule you've set for yourself is fine, but don't think waiting an extra date or two makes you better than anyone else.
 SD2131
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 12
I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 4:23:44 AM
Interesting.. If someone pulled that on me, i wouldn`t waste my time calling or seeing you again.. A man`s got to know if there`s some interest, by stringing along a simple kiss at your age, is very immature IMHO..
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 13
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I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 4:34:30 AM
I wasn't previously aware that the Pope specified which date was the kissing date, but there are always new things to find out.

I'm a very slow and cautious person too, due to my other 60 years here. I don't schedule affection though.

I've run across much wilder personal systems. People who thought that a BJ on the first date was okay, but that sleeping over had to wait until they got to know someone, people who thought having sex as a way to save money and time on hotel rooms was logical, and even people who thought sex was inherently bad, so they should only have sex with people they don't give a crap about, and remain loyally celibate with the ones they loved.

My opinion, again based on experience, is that whatever system a person has is fine, as long as they are clear in their own minds WHY they have the system they do. The ones who have problems, are the ones who put a system in place without realizing that what they were really doing, was making a contract with the universe, that the universe had to obey. That's a problem, because the universe doesn't sign contracts or obey them, and can't be manipulated in any way, so the people who think they've managed to do so, always suffer hugely the day they find out that their deal is entirely one-sided. In other words, as long as you realize you can't buy the life you want, by trading sacrifices or bribes for it, you'll be fine.
 Erin_Cat
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 14
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I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 5:12:51 AM
(In response to petula1908):

Well they're just going to have to deal with it. I am celibate. I haven't had sex since 2008. I'm a born again virgin and I've decided that sex is going to wait until marriage this time. So he'd better put a ring on it and marry me before he gets any.
 SD2131
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 15
I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 5:34:34 AM
Honestly, I hope you`re honest with the men who are going out with you. many, i`m sure if they knew this before hand wouldn`t bother you.. However, if it works for you, best of luck...
 overunity
Joined: 8/16/2014
Msg: 16
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I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 6:11:17 AM
Being non religious, I'm curious where this 3 date kissing rule is stated to the faithful in the scriptures. Can you point it out OP?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 17
I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 6:51:52 AM
I had a couple of dates with a woman that had this rule. I lost interest in her for other reasons though.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 18
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I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 7:05:01 AM
Something interesting to note about the 3rd date rule:

My daughter, who is 15, and who has had her first 'group date' this year informed me (while she was telling me about the 'reputation' some girls are already getting) that she won't kiss a boy until the 3rd date. She said that her guy friends said that was good and agreed that this was the right thing to do so that the boys won't think she is "one of those girls".

No one I know has ever mentioned this "rule" to her, so she acquired it through her peers.

I don't think it's as old fashioned as people think, and, as this examples shows, that kids learn this "good girl" and "slutty girl" concept pretty early.

It's difficult for me when she tells me s0-and-so is a 'slut' (in nicer words) or stops hanging out with her friends who have recently had sex or are heading there. She's pretty smart, saying she doesn't like the choices they are making, which is great, but on the other hand, I try to explain to her the situations that might have preceded that or what can happen with pressure in a situation you have not dealt with before (so don't know how to deal with on the spot like that). I feel bad that she is abandoning them during this time, when maybe they need sensible friends, but, on the other hand, I know the strength of peer pressure.

 gingham7
Joined: 7/26/2014
Msg: 19
I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 7:27:53 AM
I didn't kiss some men until the 3rd date. It wasn't general rule though. It took a few dates for the chemistry or connection to develop. Having said that, there isn't a general good or bad answer for this. The OP is entitled to feel this way. Other people will have a different viewpoint.
 HotNSC123
Joined: 10/17/2014
Msg: 20
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I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 7:27:57 AM
Born again virgin? How does that work? Time machine?
I'm pretty sure once that's taken, it's a done deal. Being celibate is one thing, but being in denial that you can somehow regain your virginity is quite another.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 21
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I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 7:35:05 AM
I didn't kiss some men until the 3rd date. It wasn't general rule though. It took a few dates for the chemistry or connection to develop.


Same here. I don't want someone's tongue in my mouth that I just met if I'm not feeling it (to do so just to give a kiss). On the other hand, I was ready to clear the table at a restaurant and put it to good use within 30 minutes of dinner with another person. It depends.

I've also been in the situation you mentioned about the connection and chemistry developing. I've also NOT kissed someone because the connection was so strong that I needed some time to sort it all out in my head.

Individual circumstances.
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 22
I went to Catholic school, I understand the term
Posted: 10/22/2014 7:39:17 AM
If you're looking for a specific type of person, then you need a specific type of guideline(s).

Not to get everyone's knickers twisted into tiny little knots, but...read thru this entire thread. Look at the people who agree with you, who ridicule your idea, and the ones who think your idea is for older people. Which ones have the personality and goals in a relationship, that you would be looking for in a partner?

In other words...your guideline seems to be working.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 23
I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 7:45:45 AM
Whether you kiss on the first date or the third date or the tenth date, a kiss is an indicator of attraction and a beacon NOT of what is going to happen next, but how you feel about it.

Take for instance, you kiss a guy (on the third date as you wanted) and you feel absolutely NOTHING. What next? Do you stop. Do you see if you may feel something later? Many people, out of politeness, continue to finish that kiss and then part their ways. Once that other person is away and they have time to run through the memory tape of the date, they may feel like they do not want to see that person again. Or that there was still something interesting and they want to find out more.

The same thing can happen, when you kiss and you suddenly feel all this butterflies or connections or an intense attraction that makes women wet and men hard. This again, can be date one, or three, or seven. You may decide then NOT to continue kissing, because you find the other person irresistible. You may in your head start visualizing or planning what it will be like to be intimate with this person.

There's nothing MORAL or IMMORAL about the exchange above. People of all religions and different moral compass engage in the above events. What we define morality is perhaps a balance between sexual desire, and personal compatibility. We want in the end, the other person to like us and eventually love us for who we are, not just the sex that may be involved. Even with highly sexual couples this is important. This is the dilemma of timing, and finding a compatibility in that timing. So while, kissing on the first date, is quite acceptable and morally permissible. Sleeping on that first date carries a bigger stigma. Will it be a one night stand, or the love of your life? I've seen both happen. Men do it, women do it. Some men will not respect the women, because they now know that if they sleep with them on the first date, they may do it with others as well. Women, also can feel bad about it, because of the slut factor and reputation factor. Yet, I know of couples that slept together on that first date, and are still together after 25 years of marriage.

If anything, what you are doing is protecting yourself from a negative outcome. That can be reasonable. But why wait for the third date? Why set time limits? What if you go out with a guy and you find him extremely attractive. He finds you attractive, but feels a little confused and discouraged. On the second date, he tries to kiss you and is rejected. He becomes now reluctant. On the third date, now all he can see is the negatives and when you are ready for him to kiss you, he does not want to deal with the possible rejection and does not initiate. Date is over. You still like the guy, but wonder what happened. He may think you are hot, but is ready to move on, and in his head he is saying, "I am sick and tired of the games."

Whatever rules you create for yourself, you're entitled to have, but whatever they are, you're going to have to find common ground with a guy. If a woman told me on the first date that she did not kiss until the third date, I would tell her that it was fun to meet her, but that we will NEVER have a third date. I find that as a form of CONTROL. People like this want to control the outcomes and set rules for everything. There's no spontaneity in their lives. This is the type of person that once in a relationship will WITHHOLD sex and use it for whatever purpose. So I would tell her, it was nice to meet her, and I would move on. She may even tell me that she is not a controlling person. But my life experiences tell me otherwise.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 24
I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 7:53:04 AM

So he'd better put a ring on it and marry me before he gets any.


I had not read this until my post above. And this simply proves my point of using sex as a form of control. You will not have sex with the guy until he has put the ring in your hand. And I could not spend my life with someone that I did not know if we were sexually compatible. So it would never happen.
 hotdogshop100
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 25
I don't kiss till the third date
Posted: 10/22/2014 8:35:28 AM
Good that you have your values, however, why do you need to justify them on here?
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