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Show ALL Forums  > Profile Reviews  > What is it exactly that I am missing?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 wbt29
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 1
What is it exactly that I am missing?Page 1 of 1    
I've had this profile for a few months now and I do get visitors, but that doesn't go anywhere. I find it very difficult as most women that I have managed to get in contact with, state that they get hundreds of messages a day. They should add a flag section with enough flags, person gets marked with like a "don't date this loser" icon. Anyway, I would appreciate any feedback on my profile.

http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=80958501
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 2
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/26/2014 1:09:56 PM
Friends.

They tell you how many messages they get because you're already in the friend zone.

Flagging wouldn't work. People might flag good people.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 3
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/26/2014 1:31:10 PM
Hi OP, you are missing about 12 interests, as well as a description of your personality as well as the unique personality traits you find most attractive in a woman.

Best wishes

Jerry
 PurpleZebra12
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 4
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/26/2014 2:01:39 PM
You realize that "friends" means women you don't shag/date/have romantic encounters with, correct? If you wish to go on a date with a woman, don't lie about trying to be her friend and then fretting when she dates other men.

Also, don't make demands. If a woman isn't smiling in her photo, you are under no obligation to interact with her. Telling a woman she has to do anything comes across as controlling.
 wbt29
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 5
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/26/2014 5:42:03 PM
I appreciate your feedback. Obviously, you can't have a quality relationship with someone if you are not friends first. I assumed I would get to know the individual and see where it goes.

I had put that there because of the women who would message me, in which all of them were so unpleasant (photos and conversation). I will re-examine my profile.

Thank you for your kind remarks back, it is appreciated.
 wbt29
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 6
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/26/2014 5:45:45 PM
Thanks... I went ahead and took those pictures and marked 'em as hidden. I don't necessarily take a lot of photos of myself, but I'll try to put some more up. I do try to switch around my photos, but as you can tell, not a lot to choose from.

I vape, but it is the same as smoking in my opinion, minus the smell.. Trade lung issues for heart issues, but that is besides the point. Recently divorced is a catch-all. Married for almost a decade, divorced over a year ago due to an affair. Rather then putting that all out their, can only put what my choices have. Either way, you make valid points and I appreciate that.

I'm a fun person, but putting that into words, not my best quality. I will take your feedback and try to come up with something a little bit more "exciting & inviting".

Thanks again!
 PurpleZebra12
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 7
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/26/2014 7:11:32 PM
Your daughter is two of your interests. I say don't put her in the interests box at all and just stick ONE sentence mentioning her age range and how often you have custody of her. "I have a toddler I take care of every other weekend" or "My twin newborns are with me four days a week" or whatever is applicable to you. That's it, you don't need to ramble on about her (for her own safety; there are a lot of crazies online).

How is "not really a gamer" an interest? Until you mentioned it, I didn't think you were a gamer. Geeks and nerds come in all flavors. Computer tinker-er, science reader, champion chess player, etc. Don't put an image in her head that wasn't there.


Appears my description was lacking some details, so let me try this one more time.
Don't start off like this. Remember, the women reading your profile are probably only reading it for the first time and don't read the forums.

If you were married for almost a decade, why is your longest relationship only "over 6 years"?


Have been divorced for several years now
But in this thread, you say it's been only 1 year. Are you trying to deceive women into thinking your marriage ended a long time ago in order to fight the recently divorced stigma? I personally don't think you need any details of the divorce at this stage. Too much mention of your ex-wife first thing in your profile suggests unresolved baggage and tension. Plus, there is that kind of snippy comment about her mother being jealous of you.


I enjoy all things sci-fi
Such as? This is the place to share specific details. Do you have a favorite science fiction author? Do you draw art of dystopian futures? Are you a classic sci-fi TV junkie? Do not be afraid of specifics. Listing a science fiction TV show or author you like will *help* your profile stand out.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 8
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/26/2014 8:15:35 PM

Obviously, you can't have a quality relationship with someone if you are not friends first


Really? My first marriage lasted 26 year until he died and we were complete strangers when we started dating. I guess it just wasn't mean to be, eh? I'm coming up on 5 years with my second husband, who I also didn't know when we started dating. May as well just get divorced now and get it over with.

If that were actually true, you'd be literally dating your friends. Can you see how ridiculous that statement sounds?

You spend way too much energy taking digs at the ex-wife in your profile. It just sounds like you're still bitter and want to rub it in her face. Get over it already, lose the trash talk. It's also nobody's business at this stage.

Having things in common with your partner is very important. Other than your daughter, I don't remember any other particulars about your interests or activities. I'm not saying you didn't mention any, just that there was nothing memorable about it. Description and humour would help that.
 wbt29
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 9
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/26/2014 9:36:40 PM
[Forums_only] - You know, you are particularly negative in your comments. This is called "constructive criticism" for a reason, not "negative criticism".

I think that's wonderful that your first marriage lasted 26 years, that is just great. However, based on my first marriage, I don't believe marriages will last without a solid friendship, it's as simple as that. To just marry someone, without knowing how they are as an individual, in my personal opinion, that is just doomed for success. Unless one of the parties just doesn't care and settles, then it's already over. Not that I am saying that is what is currently happening in your 2nd marriage, but I am just saying that there is nothing logical in the fact of marrying someone and not even knowing them. You took this as an insult towards you, how do you feel now?

I referenced my ex twice and the only thing negative I could say was that I get my daughter more than my ex would like (as she is use to me only getting her on the weekends, now its multiple times a week). I'm not bitter to say the least. I have a great relationship with my ex wife and her husband... I have to for my daughters sake.

With regards to my interests, outside of my daughter (considering I am just not situated), I don't have too many interests. Everything interests me, but I can't name individual things off the top of my head. I'm into whatever the moment presents itself with.

Again, when you make comments (aka: constructive criticism), please try not to be so negative about it. It takes a lot for an individual to put ones business on the internet, let alone ask people to take a look and take all there input and improve upon it.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 10
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/26/2014 9:45:00 PM
wbt29...welcome to the Profile Reviews forum.
My suggestion is to remove the references to your ex-wife and the dirty laundry about your divorce.
You mention your daughter on multiple occasions. Mentioning her once is entirely sufficient.
 wbt29
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 11
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/26/2014 9:50:29 PM
[PurpleZebra12] - Thank you very much for the constructive criticism, it is appreciated!

You correct on your 2nd point, I stated earlier I was married for almost a decade, it was 6 years, 2 years before we officially filled the paperwork and got divorced, which was over a year ago... I should have stated 6 years from the beginning. It feels like 10 years, although, its 9 and some change since it started... Been a very long day.

I've improved a little upon the sci-fi and I removed that first sentence... I also took "not really a gamer" out.. The reason I put that in there was I wanted it to be clear, that I'm not really into playing games. Very seldom and I know a lot of men my age, who are single, that's pretty much all they do in there spare time (generalize). I prefer to spend my spare time studying and learning, but that's just me... Trying not to bore anyone, but the reason I study and learn in my spare time now is because it seems like a worth-while thing to do.

I think I am good on the feedback, it has been very helpful... If this works out, great, if not, hey... I learned a little bit from a woman's point of view. I really do appreciate you and every else who was helpful on this, for taking the time to let me know your thoughts.

One final thought to that person "Forums_Only". You are a married woman, you wouldn't necessarily be on here. Most of the people I know who have been in a marriage who are currently divorced, rush into things too fast. I apologize if that offended you, but again, a lot of women will agree, that rushing into things isn't necessarily the correct course of action.
 wbt29
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 12
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/26/2014 9:51:47 PM
[Eric_Summit] - Thanks, I went ahead and made those changes as you had suggested. Much appreciated! Have a great night!
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 13
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/27/2014 3:05:02 AM
Hi Brad,
The pics you have are decent but you could do with a couple more.

Your headline is an immediate kill-joy, makes you sound like a no-life loser. Good first impression?

"Wants to date but nothing serious" translates in POF-speak, to "wants to have sex with no commitment". Is that the impression you want to give off?

Your interests are mostly just filler. The only one of these that is actually an interest is "long walks", and that would be better if you change it to "walking" or "hiking". The interests field is used for matching and searching so best to make sure your interests match the ladies. You should have 12-15 interests ideally, and make sure they are genuine interests and hobbies, not generic stuff like "smiling" or "music" or "movies".

Your first sentence is a bit meaningless, everyone with a kid feels this way. Better to give details: how many, how old, how much contact.

Your second paragraph starts off too negatively and ends totally generically. Better to talk about what you have achieved. Third paragraph is totally generic., as are the last two. Delete them all and replace with interesting and exciting things about yourself that would make a woman want to meet you. At the moment all you've said is that you like Star Trek and Tarantino, and like hikes. Is that all there is to you?

First date is too rambling and negative. The "anything" date is a cop out. You are the man, it's up to you to invite her out somewhere, not say "anything you like". Women hate indecision.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 14
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/27/2014 7:05:12 AM

One final thought to that person "Forums_Only". You are a married woman, you wouldn't necessarily be on here. Most of the people I know who have been in a marriage who are currently divorced, rush into things too fast. I apologize if that offended you, but again, a lot of women will agree, that rushing into things isn't necessarily the correct course of action.


No offense taken as you completely missed my point.

I was here and in your position, that's how I met my husband. I did not rush into anything and didn't marry a stranger. I'm absolutely not saying you need to propose on the first date but if you go into this process looking for a 'friend', you'll have to be content with your new 'friend' continuing to date other men who will have a romantic interest in her while you waffle on what you're really looking for. See the difference?

If you're trying to say you want to date someone for a while and enjoy their company before moving to the next level, that's called 'dating'. Common sense. No need to spell it out in your profile for the mature adults that already get it.
 tennistown
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 15
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/27/2014 12:56:36 PM

What is it exactly that I am missing?




Clarity.






Interests
Enjoying life





In the past few years I have improved so many aspects of my life and have exceeded even my own expectations.

I believe that life is mean't to be lived and I do my very best to enjoy it, but not too overbearing, if you catch my drift.


Rather than having a woman try to "catch your drift."
Instead, you could just spell it out.


You might just have some Politician in you.


Talk about beating around the bush!
I suggest adding positive detail to your writings.
 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 16
view profile
History
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/27/2014 1:06:45 PM


I believe that life is mean't to be lived and I do my very best to enjoy it, but not too overbearing, if you catch my drift.


Whenever anyone uses the phrase 'if you catch my drift' I assume there is some sort of sexual innuendo involved. "Bob and Mary went to the cinema together." compared to "Bob and Mary went to the cinema together, if you catch my drift" (Bob is ****ing Mary in the second one)


How exactly do you live life? How are you enjoying life to the fullest? Cos from the sounds of your profile all you do is sit around watching star trek and taranino movies. Is this living life and enjoying it? Or do you do other things as well? Talk about your passions in life.


Your pictures should be you AT YOUR BEST. Remember you are trying to make a great first impression, so a rule of thumb for the main is look how you would want to be seen on a first date. I would hope you wouldnt rock up to a first date in a zelda tshirt, so maybe switch things around.
 PurpleZebra12
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 17
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/27/2014 4:11:04 PM

Everything interests me, but I can't name individual things off the top of my head. I'm into whatever the moment presents itself with.
The interests list isn't exclusive nor exhaustive; just because something is NOT mentioned on there doesn't mean you cannot be interested in it. There are plenty of things that hold my attention that I haven't mentioned in my profile, simply because I don't want to list 100 things I have a mild-to-moderate interest in.

Overall, it is still annoyingly unspecific. You are right on the verge of saying something tangible, but keep veering into vague territory. I feel like a woman would have to play 20 questions just to figure out your favorite color. Stop being afraid of being decisive.

To help you figure out possible things to mention in your profile... What is the last topic you researched for fun? What is something on your bucket list? What is the last song that made you bop your head and groove a little bit? What is the last goal you set out to do and accomplished? What is the last topic you discussed in a social setting? What is the last meal you truly enjoyed?


wbt29 Wants to date but nothing serious
Finding your future best friend isn't serious? You are seeking a long-term relationship, so why not have "relationship" as your goal?


life is mean't to be lived and I do my very best to enjoy it, but not too overbearing, if you catch my drift
To be honest, my first thought was that you partake in recreational drugs to help life be enjoyable, but not too overbearing. Obviously, I did not catch your drift. And please do not tell me this means that you are "laid back" and "easy going". Those are two of the most overused phrases on this site. Avoid them like the plague.
 RainTree46
Joined: 1/8/2014
Msg: 18
What is it exactly that I am missing?
Posted: 10/27/2014 5:32:35 PM
the commenters are making it seem like pof is really judgemental.

honestly I usually look at the pics and just skim over the text. they shouldn't be giving you advice to lie or fudge the truth. dating isn't a competition. leave the truth up and if someone comes along they will.
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