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 Tatsinda
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 1
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Lying about being off from workPage 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
My BF of three months took a week off from work, from his job, and hid it from me. He did not ask to see me during this time. I never heard of this before. An alibi of an entire week seems extreme. Is this normal behavior? Am I being overly dramatic by being offended by his lie?
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 12:07:54 AM
does he know he's your bf?
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 3
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 12:35:55 AM
I agree three months is not a long time. He may have had secret business or problems of some kind and doesnt want you to know about it. I would be wary and just watch for further deceptions. That he lied to you is a concern, I agree and I couldnt trust him. The worst case scenario is that he is seeing someone else. He is entitled to do that if he has not made any promises to you. You still have a dating profile up so obviously you are open to other options. Does he know about that??
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 4
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 1:27:39 AM

does he know he's your bf?


Seriously. Maybe if I was dating someone I wouldn't feel obligated to mention a vacation, but I see being someone's boyfriend as exclusivity and commitment. (a step up from dating)...a MENTION that I might be going somewhere. Maybe not specifics. But I wouldn't want my GF to think that I fell off the planet.

But....

You still have a dating profile up so obviously you are open to other options. Does he know about that??


There's that...you guys don't seem to take each other very seriously.
 SD2131
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 5
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 2:48:17 AM
Look who`s calling the Kettle Black!
Your BF? Why are you on pof, if you have a BF? I`d be concerned if i were your BF, that you were screwing around on me!!
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 2:58:10 AM
Reminds me of the classic "The Lost Weekend" but maybe for another reason.

Normal for a BF? NO

I would say he does not think of you as his GF.


does he know he's your bf?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

He may know you refer to him as a BF , but please.
He isn't even a good friend.
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 7
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Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 4:53:59 AM
This comes off as grotesquely possessive and insecure.

I don't understand why adults willingly engage in relationships that include this sort of suspicious--and on the other side, sneaky--type of behavior.

When my gf and I started dating, we had talks about healthy boundaries, communication, and what it means to be an individual. When I need to take a break, I just let her know so that she doesn't pester me with calls and knows to not expect to see me.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 8
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 5:04:26 AM
I've been told, more than once by some, that if you don't say anything I can't define it as a lie. I don't believe it but, supposedly if I'm told something, more than once, it must be "true".
 ChaChucky
Joined: 10/23/2014
Msg: 9
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 5:38:02 AM

Am I being overly dramatic by being offended by his lie?


Clearly, there's always scope for a higher degree of confected outrage.

Hard to assess your claim that your boyfriend


took a week off from work, from his job, and hid it from me.


Clearly, your CCTV footage from the unmarked car across from his workplace
rendered as folly his amateur attempts at creating


An alibi of an entire week


Time to microchip his soul, and upload it to the cloud,
so his every indiscretion never escapes your scrutiny.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 10
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 6:00:58 AM
^^ I like how you think
Alibi - well hardly, he took a week off. I suggest that you get clarity re the relationship.
OP - do you know where he went?
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 11
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 6:13:41 AM
Did he actually lie? What specifically did he say he was doing that week? Or did he simply not mention it, a sin of omission?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 12
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 6:43:56 AM
If he hid it from you, how do you know he took a week off from work? If he mentioned it afterwards, what did he say?
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 13
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 8:33:16 AM
Did he speak to you, during this week? How do you know he was off work if he hid it from you?
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 14
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 8:43:55 AM
Perhaps he was attending to an extremely personal family matter for himself and/or others?
If a family member has a terminal illness, he may not wish to share it with someone he only recently began dating.

You will simply have to ask him about things in a friendly and non-accusatory manner.
Perhaps it is just something he wishes to address alone at this time. Good luck.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 15
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 10:25:20 AM
eric brings up a good point,however, I think you need to take it very slow as far as getting your life more intertwined with his.
And, it might be a good idea to clarify whether or not you and he are in fact on the same page. If he considers himself as just someone who is dating you, he may feel that he doesn't need to fill you in on every detail of his life.
Cindy O
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 5/3/2014
Msg: 16
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 10:42:02 AM
It is interesting hearing the different takes based on people's mindsets. Some he's lying, dump him.

Some you're spying, he should dump you

Some is he REALLY lying, if he did not say exact words... they like to spin

Some you are on a dating site while claiming a boyfriend, are you HIS girlfriend...


I agree you are pretty early in, you really don't know why he disappeared and only you guys know how close you are to know if this is a jarring disconnect while you're usually pretty good at communication. I think there personally is a difference between lying and secretiveness.

Lying is using words to convey misdirection. Secretiveness? Is someone who on purpose puts on a mask where actions behind the mask? Are very different than the obvious persona they put out. Some people come across secreative but really aren't. Some people have hidden wives, girlfriends (or husbands, boyfriends), and are doing this entire thing in secret (some obviously wonder if the OP is one of those people based on the fact she has an active profile while claiming to be dating someone).

OP, I'd say keep the lines of communication open. It could be, like Eric said, that he had something difficult he was not really wanting to share or broadcast that had to do with illness or something like that. Some people do like to go dark sometimes and just hide and get away from it all, even significant others (if he is one of those he should tell you before he goes dark that he's going to; so you don't worry about him).

Find out how open your communication is, and find out how easy you are to share with. Some people are more difficult to open up to than they think; because they come across judgmental, accusatory or non caring. Be a good listener, be a good communicator yourself, and see if you learn more about him than you know now.

But chill out; and talk with him. The worrying and stewing isn't doing either of you any good.

Best of luck
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 17
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 11:50:24 AM

My BF of three months took a week off from work, from his job, and hid it from me. He did not ask to see me during this time. I never heard of this before. An alibi of an entire week seems extreme. Is this normal behavior? Am I being overly dramatic by being offended by his lie?


Have you ever thought about asking him? Have you told him that you still have an active profile in POF?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 18
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Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 12:44:39 PM
Gosh, there could be so many reasons for this, from the benign to his baby mama giving birth, who knows. At three months I wouldn't be that involved yet, but if you are then you've been lied to for some reason and only you can figure out if that's a deal breaker or something to work through. Does he know you know? Has he explained why? Does he need distance and not wanting to move so quickly or ....., it could be anything. I could see myself doing this, because I love my solitude and it would have no bad meaning behind it, but I do know that others often don't take that sort of thing well. You'll have to decide if this can work for you. You will need to discuss this with him.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 19
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Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 12:44:50 PM
Did he have a hunting trip planned with his male friends or family that you may not have enjoyed or not wanted him to continue? Maybe he had a cruise or diving vacation planned from long ago and did not want to hurt your feelings by not including you in the adventure, or maybe he had it planned with someone else from long ago?

Taking a week off from each other is nothing huge when only dating three months. Does this man know that you want it to be more and that you call him your boyfriend? Does he call you his girlfriend to not only you, but his family and friends? Does he know that maybe you can not afford what he was doing during this week, but may still want to go and that puts him in the position of either paying for you, or denying you the opportunity?

Maybe.....maybe.....maybe......can go on and on. Why not ask him or did you snoop and now you are caught between a rock and a hard spot? How did you find out, and why would he feel the need to NOT discuss this with you. Me thinks that there are many many holes in this entire story and the puzzle has yet to even have its border done!!

Time to have a I want you discussion with this person and see if he feels the same way and says I want you tooooo!!

cd
 Iam_RFSF2014
Joined: 9/4/2014
Msg: 20
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 1:14:31 PM
At this point I think we need the OP to come back on and sort of fill in the blanks. A lot of questions have been posted that will give all of us (I mean, she asked, right?) a better idea of how to comment.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 21
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 1:29:10 PM
After three months of seeing someone, I'd think he would be able to
take a vacation without it being a secret.
She seems to think they're in a relationship, perhaps he doesn't seem to
think so.
I'd ask.
If he agrees they're in a relationship, then it sucks he lied about this...doesn't
matter to me what the reasoning is.

I'm guessing he doesn't see himself in a relationship, I'm just wondering why
she doesn't know this.
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 22
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 2:06:23 PM

Does he call you his girlfriend to not only you, but his family and friends?


Chris Rock said it best:
If you have been dating a man for 4 months, and you haven't met any of his friends, you are NOT his girlfriend.
 Tatsinda
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 23
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Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 2:08:58 PM
My profile is on "hidden". I do not appear in any search results. I guess you guys have access to it so you can see who the poster is, but I assure you, no man searching for women will see me. And all of you know I am/ was seeing someone.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 24
Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 2:14:05 PM
ChaChucky- The last two lines of your response was priceless, I laughed out loud, in a good way :D
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 25
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Lying about being off from work
Posted: 10/28/2014 5:46:00 PM
OP...I see you have come back to the thread, but you haven't given us more details concerning the situation at hand. At this point, it's inconclusive.

All I can offer at this point is...Ask him.
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