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 AUTHOR
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 2
please help the n00bPage 1 of 1    
Nevermind the church stuff, or the drinking. It's irrelevant in the overall impression.

You have 4 almost identical selfies. No. Just NO. Get one of your daughters to take some pictures of you around the house, in the yard, outside in daylight near some lovely background greenery... you get the idea. SMILE. Shoulders up, big ol' cheesy smile. It really is your only chance at a first impression.

With online dating, you really have to let go of any shyness or idea that it's all about looks. Some of the attraction, of course, is physical, but for anyone over 25, you really need to prove you can hold a conversation. It looks like you can from what you've written. You can totally fake confidence online. Trust me, I did, and it worked! By the time you get face-to-face with someone, you'll have had several emails or phone conversations so it shouldn't be TOO awkward. It still will be a little bit awkward, but hey, that's just dating in general.

How old are the girls? Are they with you full time or part time? Someone viewing your profile may have a problem with toddlers or teenagers, or they may want to age-match their own kids. No need to give more info than that, but do mention their ages in on your profile where you mention them.

I'd love to see some smiling photos from maybe a recent holiday or event, or get the girls to take new ones where we can't see the camera. I suspect you will ultimately have a good experience here. It does take time and it is a numbers game, though, so keep your sense of humour!

ps - the "meet me" feature is really only useful if the woman is not playing games. Even at your age, there are still some that are on here for attention and nothing more. You'll get a sense of which ones those are pretty quickly.

Good luck!!
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 4
please help the n00b
Posted: 11/2/2014 8:19:36 PM

I would like to think that there are attractive and intelligent women here who might be interested in me.


Just about all the guys would like to think that about themselves.
Unfortunately a disappointing reality crops up.


(church people don't drink much and drinkers don't go to church, in general).


That's why I am an admiral; I drink AND go to church.

Best advice I have is to use as much humor as you can in your profile and messages. It used to work well, and may come back in vogue soon.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 7
please help the n00b
Posted: 11/2/2014 10:05:49 PM

I think I need some hobbies, but how to find the time...


Not necessarily... you have Reading and Restaurants in your Interests field. Do you have a favourite author or genre? Is there a favourite cuisine or local restaurant you enjoy? These little details change the generic to the specific and help leave a clearer image in your viewer's mind. (I love Nando's, for example. Someone that has been there will know why.)

These may be things your viewer has in common, or at least will be conversation starters.
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 8
please help the n00b
Posted: 11/3/2014 1:43:58 AM
These 2006 and 2008 pics are WAY too old. Even the 2013 one is pushing it. The mirror selfies with the camera in shot might be acceptable for a 12 year old but come on man. You can get good selfies but this is not the way to do it. The main is much better, good lighting but crop your arm, lose the headphones and SMILE!

Prefer not to say if you want kids - why not? If you're undecided then put that, but at age 44, time to take a stand.....

First paragraph, CUT! All the "again"s sound like you're still hurting, and the whole thing really doesn't say anything anyway.

Saying you're busy is probably not a good idea, says you won't have time for her. Don't say the hobbies you don't do... say what you do do, with more enthusiasm!

Don't talk about people who hate their jobs, it gives a negative vibe. Don't say it isn't sexy..............

You don't really mention the exciting parts of your life much. SCUBA diving, walking, camping... why not talk about these? Where do you go, what do you do, why do you like them, where are you going next? That's far more interesting than talking about work.

First date, most people don't like dinner/movie because you're stuck for 2 hours interview-style opposite each other, then you're in a dark quiet room. Not good for first internet meets. And lose the negativity form the 2nd part.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 9
please help the n00b
Posted: 11/3/2014 4:51:00 AM
The church and drinking DO matter a lot. I'm in the same region and same age, and there isn't much overlap between my saved advanced search on non - religious and my saved advanced search on gals who claim they don't drink (many alleged sober people actually drink). This is the Bible belt so most people are religious. Most people here drink.

You could have a non alcoholic drink when going out with a drinker, and could be the designated driver.

I don't believe it's wise to say you make big bucks. Gold diggers and meal whores are most likely to find that appealing.

Intelligent people don't say they're intelligent. If you do smart tech stuff and write well, it should be obvious.

The large rivers are a big psychological barrier. People in Illinois or on the other side of the Missouri seem reluctant to meet anyone on the other side of a river. I've met only one POFer from north of the Missouri.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 11
please help the n00b
Posted: 11/3/2014 6:02:16 AM
Your Life is like most others - working, keep yourself and fam afloat.. but you are already quitting after a couple of weeks? tsk tsk.
You can improve the profile, easy/peasy
First, new current pictures ( and don't do the " I look young for my age"
Speak about the present and the future, not was the past ( you sound rather sad saying " again" as often
Lordy I did not like the relationship box, Life has to blend.
Get rid of the negative bits ( most everyone hates their job for example) Unless of course you know everyone :)
Are you serious about dating or just looking for a rebound? I ask cause you seem bitter about the ex. Makes me thinkk the divorce is new and you are kinda lost re the dating game.
I think you have a lot to offer hope you decide to work on the profile and stay.
Good luck
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 12
please help the n00b
Posted: 11/3/2014 7:47:22 AM
No need to apologize or qualify your Van Halen music interest. It can stand on its own.
Some of the most brilliant and popular men to whom the ladies flock enjoy that band.
 irishgirl772
Joined: 6/3/2013
Msg: 13
please help the n00b
Posted: 11/3/2014 2:51:19 PM
Your profile has a negative vibe to me. Even in your replies to other posters here regarding your divorce, ex wife wanting out because you werent interesting enough. All negative. It sounds like you arent ready to date/meet anyone yet. Women can pick up on these things.
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