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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Women in their 30's not having time for men      Home login  
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 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 1
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Women in their 30's not having time for menPage 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
What happened to the days of women wanting to spend as much time with a guy as they possibly can. I have noticed more and more women in their 30's or older want a relationship but only if it fits into their schedule. I realize peoples work schedule doesn't always make it easy. I work steady afternoons with friday and saturday off. I know how hard it is to make time for people. It goes well beyond that. It seems that a lot of women are not willing to change what they do in their free time to make a relationship work. I see a lot of profiles that one of the first lines is I have a busy lifestyle but would love some one in my life.

The last few women I have been with seemed to have something going on almost every day of the week and was lucky to have a friday or saturday free to do something. I know a lot of you are going to say that she wasn't that interested in you. That is not the case as she texted almost all day every day. Cause of this I have become sort of jaded towards women and am thinking of taking a break from dating again.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 2
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 11:53:38 AM

What happened to the days of women wanting to spend as much time with a guy as they possibly can.

Those ended during the final credits.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 3
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 11:59:45 AM
I think one date a week is perfectly normal for the beginning of a relationship. Nobody stable and balanced changes her entire life for a stranger right off the bat.

If you're talking about several months into it, that's a different story. If she's not interested in seeing you more often at that point, the relationship is really not progressing, and I wouldn't waste any more time on her.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 4
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 12:19:17 PM
I am fine with one date a week. I don't expect that to change but I find a lot of women fill up all their free time doing things even before they start dating. Once they start dating it feels like they try to "fit" you into their schedule. It seems like women have become so independent that a relationship is the last thing they want. That is including friends. This world would be a better place if everyone just slowed down.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 5
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 12:35:01 PM
LiliMarleen said it perfectly. A man is not always (but sometimes you are! When that happens, great!) going to become their number one priority for a least a couple of weeks, if not months, until their feelings grow and they are falling/ fall in love with you. If they are negotiating dates with you, that's a step in the right direction.

If however, you offer them a day for a date and they don't say "yes", or counter offer with another day, move on. If they wait for you to come up with another day when you have already stuck your neck out and risked rejection by offering one, move on to the next woman. You only need one.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 6
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 12:47:58 PM
I never wait around for a woman. If their answer is no and they can't pick another day then I just stop trying to setup anything with them. I realize people are busy but I remember when I was younger when people were interested in each other they made plans right away to see each other. Now it seems women and men are so focused on their career and independence that relationships are far down the list, even if they do want one.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 7
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 12:52:34 PM

I find a lot of women fill up all their free time doing things even before they start dating.


Oh, yeah, now I understand. How dare they have a life BEFORE meeting you.

What are you talking about, OP?
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 8
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 12:59:43 PM
I know they will have a life BEFORE meeting me. Its the ones that refuse to change their life after dating some one for months that are the problem. I was with this one girl for almost a year and her life never changed. She has always said she loved me and still cares about me but she was never willing to have time for me other than once a week.

I just find people refuse to change their lifestyle even after dating some one for awhile. They want a relationship but only if it fits their schedule. Most people seem happy to see their friends and the SO once or twice a week if that. They want their independent life with some that "fits" into that schedule.
 hemingway114
Joined: 6/16/2014
Msg: 9
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 1:00:09 PM
Do you have weekday evenings off? Yes, most healthy women single women will have full lives, busy with friends and family until they really start falling for a guy through the course of dating. Your best bet is to ask for weekday dates, Sunday through Thursday - she's more likely to be available then. Their weekends are usually full until they develop feelings for you. Asking for weekday evening dates benefits both you and her... it reduces rejection and helps bring people together.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 10
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 1:07:09 PM
My schedule is steady afternoons with friday and saturdays off. It makes it hard to ask some one out during the week. I thought weekends we made for dating. No wonder dating is so hard anymore. Women and Men have become so focused on themselves that its hard to have time for others in their life.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 11
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 1:16:50 PM
One of the reasons my wife and I had a successful marriage was not because we spent every waking moment with each other. It was because we made our alone time a priority, too. That way, we had something interesting to talk about when we did get together.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 12
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 2:46:35 PM
I actually understand what the OP is saying.

We are all living such jam packed schedules, working loads of free overtime, taking work home, dealing with kids, long commutes...I think there IS a big issue with "down time" because it is seen as unhealthy somehow, to have some actual free time. We are obligated to be busy constantly, to the point we are totally stressed out.

I think it is evident we do not put human needs over that of the "machine"..whatever your personal machine may be. Certainly it dictates your schedule. It could be your job, your drive, your lifestyle choices. I think alot of people use these things to avoid others, to avoid intimacy. You know, distractions.

One of the worst things to come along for this is the celphone. Yes, the device that is supposed to connect us all. Once you finally DO find someone to go on a date with, out comes their celphone. I have friends now that, when we go out to eat..first thing they do is start to screw around with their phones.

So not only is it tough to encourage people to MAKE free time for you, now you have to compete with this device that allows other people and information, distractions, etc to permeate into that precious block of time you have with them.

People are being programmed to not be "lost in the moment" but "distracted into another moment" and they dont even realize it.

I actually DID give up dating for alot of reasons, one of which is I cannot compete with celphones men are carrying around and staring into, and I am tired of going on dates where out comes the celphone so they can screw around on it while we order.

I also get the feeling that people in general just dont need one another like they may have used to. We are so independent and disconnected we just go thru life by ourselves. We've managed to make relationships obsolete, now we have our devices so we can fake it.
 tortoisemom2
Joined: 1/28/2014
Msg: 13
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 3:09:05 PM
As a woman in my 30s, let me give you my perspective.

I work, I'm not able to alter my work availability or schedule.
I have kids, most women that age have kids, and its not always easy or affordable to get a sitter. There are things in their lives I dont want to miss either. So between tball games, dance classes, birthday parties, and homework, this cuts into a LOT of "free time" that I would otherwise have if I was childless.
I'm a single mom, running a household alone. So that means I also need time for things like laundry,groceries, and various household chores and repairs. I also have to do these things around my kids. Gone is the days of midnight walmart runs or late nite trips to the laundromat.

If I've gotton to know a guy, and he's fine with some family oriented outings, or pizza and movie at my place after bedtime,then I have more time for him.

Things were much different when I was in my 20s and child free. I was able to stay out late and only needed to plan around my work schedule
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 14
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 3:15:43 PM
I understand single parents not having a lot of free time to spend with someone. Its the single people who have no kids that I am mostly referring to. This world has become a me first society and it is really sad.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 15
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 4:11:23 PM

What happened to the days of women wanting to spend as much time with a guy as they possibly can.

This is really good stuff. When were these days? I don't remember - outside of 1957 when it was a societal thing to stay home and tend to the house while your husband kicked his feet up with the paper at dinnertime.

I have noticed more and more women in their 30's or older want a relationship but only if it fits into their schedule.

People have lives. Don't you have a schedule?

I realize peoples work schedule doesn't always make it easy. I work steady afternoons with friday and saturday off. I know how hard it is to make time for people. It goes well beyond that. It seems that a lot of women are not willing to change what they do in their free time to make a relationship work. I see a lot of profiles that one of the first lines is I have a busy lifestyle but would love some one in my life.

While a relationship with free time every two weeks is a bit sparse, people who have active lives that include friends, family, work, hobbies, and a healthy bit of alone time won't have 24/7 to spend with an SO - unless they live together, and even then it won't be easy to pull off. A relationship should be part of your life, not your whole life.

The last few women I have been with seemed to have something going on almost every day of the week and was lucky to have a friday or saturday free to do something. I know a lot of you are going to say that she wasn't that interested in you. That is not the case as she texted almost all day every day. Cause of this I have become sort of jaded towards women and am thinking of taking a break from dating again.

You have to find someone with the same amount of free time you have - or you need to have less free time. Call friends, get involved in hobbies, get a second job, grab the keys and head off in the car and enjoy life outside your door.

I tend to see this complaint from the men who expect their women to be their friends, family, and everything else. Women tend to split that up amongst other people.

And of course unless/until a person becomes a part of our life where we prioritize them more we're not going to drop what else we're doing - and neither should you.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 16
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 4:29:03 PM

While a relationship with free time every two weeks is a bit sparse, people who have active lives that include friends, family, work, hobbies, and a healthy bit of alone time won't have 24/7 to spend with an SO - unless they live together, and even then it won't be easy to pull off. A relationship should be part of your life, not your whole life.


I do have a very busy schedule cause of the fact I work steady afternoons with fridays and saturdays off. I don't expect to spend 24/7 with an SO but what I do want is 1 or 2 nights a week to spend together. If that person can't give that to me then you aren't worth my time. That seems to be the hardest thing for a lot of people to give up an evening or 2 to get to know some one new.


You have to find someone with the same amount of free time you have - or you need to have less free time. Call friends, get involved in hobbies, get a second job, grab the keys and head off in the car and enjoy life outside your door.

I tend to see this complaint from the men who expect their women to be their friends, family, and everything else. Women tend to split that up amongst other people.

And of course unless/until a person becomes a part of our life where we prioritize them more we're not going to drop what else we're doing - and neither should you.


I don't expect anything from anyone. I never wait around for anyone. My way of life now is if you can't give me one night a week to date then I move on. I am sorry but people these days are too wrapped up in there own life to give time to anyone else. I hate this ME FIRST generation. They seem to want everything handed to them.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 17
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 5:34:37 PM

I do have a very busy schedule cause of the fact I work steady afternoons with fridays and saturdays off. I don't expect to spend 24/7 with an SO but what I do want is 1 or 2 nights a week to spend together. If that person can't give that to me then you aren't worth my time. That seems to be the hardest thing for a lot of people to give up an evening or 2 to get to know some one new.

That is a lot of time for someone you're not sure you like or have much investment in. A coffee here and a lunch there maybe - but two nights a week would be hard for me to do before really knowing someone. And everyone needs time alone after a work week where you don't have to entertain someone else. Usually if I work a 50 or 60 hour week the last thing I want to do on Friday night is talk to anyone longer than 10 minutes. I want to lock my door and recharge after talking to people for 5 days (and that's one job - when I work three I am really burnt out on human interaction).

I'm a DJ on the side of my full time job - so I've pissed someone off more than once for saying yes to a gig on date night...so I don't usually have weekends free either.

I don't expect anything from anyone.

Then you're OK with their schedule? Yet you posted this OT.

I never wait around for anyone.

That's certainly your right.

My way of life now is if you can't give me one night a week to date then I move on. I am sorry but people these days are too wrapped up in there own life to give time to anyone else. I hate this ME FIRST generation. They seem to want everything handed to them.

You seem to be wanting someone to give you what you want here - I can't say you are thinking any differently than those you are fed up with. Does it have to be a night? Can't it be a couple hours here or there? Maybe open that up to other times and stretches of time so that it's not that consuming (at least in the early stages).

Agreed that once you establish interest and know someone a little better once a week is fair.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 18
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 5:44:28 PM
Really - society?
You can only date for your reasons on the weekend
Yet you want a woman to drop everything to cater to you? Son you living in a make believe world
Keep brow beating but know
end of the day
She will do what she wants when she wants
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 19
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 5:55:12 PM
No I don't want anyone to cater to me. She can do want she wants but if she can't give up some time on a weekend when most people date then I don't have time for you. I never said I could only date on weekends but how many women want to go for a breakfast or lunch date during the week.? Not many do. I used to be the guy that would wait around for a woman to decide when she is free to do something.

My whole point is I find its not like it used to be when a woman was interested in a man she would make time for the guy. Now it seems that they look at their schedule first and find a spot to "fit" you in. So many people lose great relationships cause they are to wrapped up in their own world.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 7:33:36 PM
I have one friend who was married for 10 years - she met her husband and when they started dating she stopped a lot of her personal schedule to spend time with him - over time she lost touch with friends and fell out of habit with hobbies. She got divorced and realized most of her schedule was based on him.

She swore never to put her stuff aside like that again if she ended up in another relationship. I suspect a lot of women have done the same and learned the hard way as they got older it wasn't the healthiest thing to do. While I am sure many women naturally begin to adjust their schedule for someone who they are getting serious with and are happy to do it - they will likely be offput by someone who is demanding it and dig their heels in (or decide it's not for them and end it).

I was with this one girl for almost a year and her life never changed. She has always said she loved me and still cares about me but she was never willing to have time for me other than once a week.

This is a matter of personal preference and is more about whether or not you match someone's level of time spent. It's better to just find someone who will put more time aside for a relationship then wonder why someone else won't put more time aside. Mismatch.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 21
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 7:40:18 PM

What happened to the days of women wanting to spend as much time with a guy as they possibly can.
I read this sentence and every part of me cringes. I cannot for the life of me imagine wanting to spend as much time as possible with any one person. Not my kids, not my friends, not my anyone.

But then, I like my me time, I value it extremely highly and I don't like it when someone tries to guilt me about it. ("It seems that a lot of women are not willing to change what they do in their free time to make a relationship work")

I can deal with and have dealt with a lot more than I probably should have in my past relationships, but I seriously cannot handle a man who wants to spend every waking moment with me or wants to talk constantly ("texted almost all day every day"). As soon as I get that vibe, I am soooooooo out of there.

She can do want she wants but if she can't give up some time on a weekend when most people date then I don't have time for you.
So if she isn't available when you want, then you don't have time for her? Kind of ironic, no? It comes across as a bit petulant too.

I hate this ME FIRST generation.
And some more irony..

Perhaps you should seek out women who are all about enmeshment ?
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 22
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 7:53:46 PM
I have never demanded any woman to spend time with me. I would hope the woman doesn't give up her friends for me. That is not what I am saying at all. It seems while women want a relationship with a guy, they really only want it when it fits their schedule.

What I am really looking for is a woman that knows how to balance her life so she has time for me as well as her personal life. The last few women I have met never had time for me. They always enjoyed the time we spent together but I was lucky to get maybe one night every couple of weeks. They continued on with their life as if we never met. It gets frustrating when you want to make a relationship with them. What happened to people making time for relationships?
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 23
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 8:08:54 PM

What happened to the days of women wanting to spend as much time with a guy as they possibly can.

I didn't mean that literally, I meant as in sending a message on missing them and looking forward to seeing them again.


So if she isn't available when you want, then you don't have time for her? Kind of ironic, no? It comes across as a bit petulant too

I guess should explain better. The only time I have to date is either weekends or early during the day during the week. I do work around my work schedule but if she isn't willing to do the same, then I have no time for you.


but I seriously cannot handle a man who wants to spend every waking moment with me or wants to talk constantly ("texted almost all day every day"). As soon as I get that vibe, I am soooooooo out of there.


I don't want someone around 24/7 but once or twice a week shouldn't be that hard to do. I don't like to talk constantly either but usually when you first start dating some one that is what happens. I like having my space but I also would like to have an SO around to share my life with.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 24
Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/6/2014 8:23:15 PM
Well, if you are coming off how you did in the first post, I can kinda see why a woman would back off a bit. Especially if she does have a lot going on in her life. No one wants to feel guilty over how they spend their time, absolute necessity or not.

It's your own schedule that creates a bit of a barrier, so maybe some more understanding is in order as well?

But at the same time, there's nothing wrong with wanting enough time for a relationship to grow. That's completely understandable. There are women out there with similar frustrations, so all isn't lost. Maybe just avoid the ones who admit they are busy and where weekends aren't always available. You can weed out a certain amount of that from the outset.
 jrb1979
Joined: 11/19/2011
Msg: 25
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Women in their 30's not having time for men
Posted: 11/7/2014 4:44:34 AM
I still do say women don't have time for men. Texting each other is nice and good but there is more to it than that. It is enough attention for me but when she can't make any time to hangout then there is a problem. Why show interest in a guy if you never have time to go out with him. All I am saying is don't send texts saying you can't wait to see the guy if you never have time to see him.

When I say wanting to spend as much time with a guy as possible I mean when people first start dating each other and are into each other most people are excited to see each other. They want to see each other as much as possible at the beginning. I honestly believe people are so busy now that they think sending a quick text makes up for spending time with the person.
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