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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > I've officially graduated online dating 101.      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 cityislesicilian
Joined: 11/10/2014
Msg: 1
I've officially graduated online dating 101.Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I scored 100% on my online dating test and I'm passing the answers on to the rest of you who haven't completed the test. Thank me later.

1) "I will NOT reply to Hi, Hey, or Hello" = "Now I already know the vast majority of people often start conversations in real life with Hi, Hey, or Hello but since I'm on POF and getting my ego stroked anyway from countless one handed emails that every guy sends to every other chick I want each one of you to make me feel like the special one. Type out your best, unique, interesting first introduction email to which I'll delete anyway based off how hot I think you look in your pictures. *Guys who I think are hot I'll make an exception for and reply to pretty much anything they send me."

2) "Willing to lie about how we met" = "I'm willing to lie about anything, everything, to everyone...even to you."

3) "No players/cheaters" = "I'm only attracted to players, and have been for my entire life. This is just my weak attempt at reverse psychology/ a public relations job on my profile that damn well isn't fooling the same players I'm really crying out to get with because unfortunately for chicks like me...It's all I know and all I'm attracted to. Players apply here."

4) "No Games" = "Game on. I expect you not to play games while I play them on you as it's all I've ever known how to do with dudes."

5) "I'm fluent in sarcasm and witty." = "Well, there's really nothing sarcastic or witty in my profile as you can see. I just love hot guys who can tease and provide me with a challenge to make my juices flow."

6) "Where are the real men?" = "The real men are right where I left them. I just want a hot guy for arm candy with money to take care of my financial/ life’s mistakes. That's a chump...Ooops..I mean..a REAL MAN."

7) "Don't catfish me!" = "All I reply to is based off of how hot the guy looks in his pics. As I would never be catfished by someone who I don't find hot. Duh."

8) "No shirtless guys!" = "My weak reverse psychology attempt at trying to appear "wholesome" in public on a free "dating" site knowing that if you look hot enough with your shirt off, I'll reply regardless and most likely sext you with risqué pics of my own later on."

9) "I like to have fun" = "My attempt at appearing to the public nerds and undesirables whom serve as nothing more to me than ego boosting read/delete material as meaning innocent fun, but if you're hot enough then you'll catch my dual meaning drift of 'fun'. Wink. Wink. "

10) "Make me laugh" = "No, I'm not meaning I'll laugh if you aren't attractive to me. You could be all comedians in the world rolled into one and if you aren't "hot" I won't find you funny and won't reply, CREEPER. I'm not meaning I want a clown. I'm meaning: Make me laugh as in: I must find you hot and then anything you say that doesn't crack my eggshell thin insecurity I'll find "funny". Give me butterflies. Tee-Hee."

11) "No Pic, No reply" = "If you have a pic and I don't find you hot. I won't reply anyway no matter what you write but thanks for at least giving me a heads up that you aren't hot by adding your pics to your profile."

12) "I love my kids" = " I should love my kids regardless, but I'm feeling a small twinge of guilt for being a single mom posing on my bed/ half naked the way I am on a free dating site so I need to announce that I love my kids to complete random strangers who don't know me from a can of paint to make up for my poor choices in life."

13) "I'm down to earth" = "I'm nuttier than a squirrel's turd."

14) "I've been hurt too many times" = "I'm a professional 'victim' to players, jerks, azzholes etc. And I'll never learn my lesson. It's not my fault I keep tripping over myself to get involved with them. Players please apply. Just try to play the nice guy role till you're done with me."

15) "No Drama" = "I'm ALL about the drama."

16) "Ask me/ I'll get back to this later/ Just looking" = "I'm lazy as hell. I'll put the absolute minimum into a relationship. Actually I'm in a relationship now but I'm just putting this profile up to online shop for a possible upgrade and if I get caught by my significant other I can always claim someone "stole" my pictures."

17) "No perverts/Creepers" = "I don't know why I felt compelled to type that on my profile as it's not going to stop them at all. In fact it's just going to egg them on even more knowing I'm showing cleavage pics and posing provocatively in the first place to attract the hot guys, whom I don't consider perverts or creepers, because they're hot."

18) "I'm adventurous/ I'm open minded" = "I'm adventurous and open minded in the bedroom with a hot enough guy. Hot guys reply plz. Wink Wink "

19) "6ft and over only!" = "I'm dopey enough to have a Channing Tatum pass me by after seeing I only date the tallest dudes because I like to wear my 5 inch high heels at all times, while needing to feel 'protected and safe' from what, I don't even know. Possibly from my own attention seeking on Flakebook, Tweeter, and IG followers?"

20) "I'm independent/ I love to shop!" = "I make my own money and plan to keep it while I let you spend yours...on me. Take me shopping and "invest" in me."

21) "Looking for a Gentleman" = "I'm a working girl (I mean a 'classy lady') looking for a hot rich guy and or a sugar daddy. No money, no honey, and I’m not trying to be funny."

22) "Follow me on IG/ Add me to Kik!" = "I'm an insecure attention seeker who fiends for it anyway I can get more. A pseudo 'celebrity'/ legend in my own diseased mind."

23) "Is anybody on POF REAL?" = "Why are all the hot shirtless guys I actually reply to FAKE profiles! This is sooo much frustrating “work”!"

24) "No drug addicts!" = "I've dated several drug addicts. I'm 420 friendly and I don't consider pot a drug. If you're down to smoke send me an email."

25) “I’m not here to hook up/ NOT here for a ONS!” = “Who am I kidding? If I find you hot enough, you take me to dinner, and go for it. I’ll hook up with you. Or If you're hot enough just invite me over to your place for drinks and "cuddling watching a movie". Just be hot damn it!”

26) “I’m a princess.” = “I’m really spoiled, entitled, expect you to be hot and kowtow to my every demand till I grow bored of you and look for my next prince charming. I’ve watched way too many Disney movies growing up and believe I’m a special little snowflake.”

27) "I put the wrong age on my profile and POF won't let me change it!" = " I purposefully put the wrong age on my profile and left it that way. I'm also using years old pictures. But don't worry. I look EXACTLY the same in person!"

28) "My friend made me do this!" = "My friends also do everything for me as I can't even leave my house without them. My friend also isn't the person in my pictures and will show up to meet you instead."

29) "I'm just trying this site out/ I'm new here" = "I'm just trying this site out/ I'm new here....for the 7th time as well as five other online dating/ social networking sites.”

30) "Get me off of here! / I'm closing my POF account soon. This site svx!" = "I'm really not going anywhere. I'm just crying out for more attention as my incoming emails have been slowing down but hopefully some hot guy or guys will come and pay attention to me till the next go round. I'm addicted to this online dating stuff!”
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 2
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/15/2014 10:17:50 PM
Heh. Pretty funny.

When I peruse the women's profiles (for some reason I am getting women along the top of my forum page) I see so many of them posing like sluts and tramps, stickin' their boobs and butts out, looking all seductive...and then the disclaimer that they dont want you messaging them just for sex.

The ones that actually disturb me are the ones with a very young mother (age 18 lets say) posing with her newborn and saying "here is one of my children."

ONE of them?

At 18..how many does she have...and here she is with a newborn...on a dating site!

Not even a few months go by before hopping back on the internet to look for her next penis.

Yeah, I've read several of these same cop outs on guys' profiles too..especially the one about not being able to change his age..and the most used one is "I'm new to this online dating thing."

Which means he's been here for years, trolling for poon.
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 3
view profile
History
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/15/2014 11:27:56 PM
Depressingly accurate.
 Railrunner
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 4
view profile
History
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 12:04:43 AM
Number two is absolutely spot on. If someone, male or female is willing to lie to their friends and family on where they met you, run far and fast. Because that "Hot" member of the opposite gender they supposedly met "at work" was most likely not met "At work". Except for the gold diggers, because sites like POF are "Work" for them, in that they "work" victims to bring home their "pay".

I can also add that "I'll try anything once" basically is a statement that nullifies any other criteria or requirements she might have. In that if she says "6ft and over only", and elsewhere says "I'll try anything once". she'll go out with you even if you're only 5ft tall, provided you look like a MiniMe Johnny Depp with the cash to match.

By the way, 13 made me laugh hard.
 cityislesicilian
Joined: 11/10/2014
Msg: 5
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 12:15:59 AM

Depressingly accurate.


No need to get depressed over this nonsense. POF is infamous all over the net for a reason.

You have to take this as downtime passing amusement. I do!

Never forget: Profiles are ONLY as good as their worst looking picture.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 6
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 1:14:38 AM
Personally, I kinda like those up-the-nose, green fluorescent lit webcam shots of men with bovine stares. Sort of quaint.

Plus all the baseball caps w/sunglasses, super close ups of noses, the "Mongo gonna rape you" look....all classic faves.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 7
view profile
History
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 2:15:16 AM
Now VK....tell the truth...I know that you REALLY think those guys are "HHHaaaawwwwtttt!!!!" even if they can't spell a simple word like "Hot"...ROTFLMAO

OP...

Funny list,gave me a giggle,....

What's even funnier....

I can turn it around and it pretty much ALL applies to the men on here,too....LOL

Yup...OLD can chew you up and spit you out, if you let it...all of the BS can really destroy your faith in humanity...

For me,personally, I just refuse to let it...

I know that some people look at it as the "Great Evil" and say that it's SO much worse than IRL...but I remember a time when there WAS no OLD and I gotta say that dating IRL can be JUST as exhausting/disillusioning/disappointing...And it always fascinated me how WELL some people can LIE to your face, never mind online or text/phone!!!

It is almost comforting in a way, that human beings are so predictable...LOL
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 8
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 2:55:15 AM
All of this could have been just mere farts in passing wind, by not giving them any credance. Really, this nonsense didn't need a post of its own, when there are dozens of others similar to this, in whiny posts from people who didn't get the type of date they wanted.
 SD2131
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 9
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 4:32:32 AM
Its really sad someone can be this pathetic and cry out for attention.. POF works for those who aren`t completely dysfunctional and wants to blame everyone except themselves... I truly feel bad for you and hope oneday in the near future you gtfu!
 SD2131
Joined: 7/29/2014
Msg: 10
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 5:15:09 AM
Not to mention someone who`s been on this site for two years and is afraid to post a pic. That in itself is a true Freudian slip...
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 11
view profile
History
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 5:20:41 AM
Well, I thought his post was funny. Maybe it's a "you had to be there" kinda thing.

Also, VK, I don't know what's worse--someone with sexy pictures saying they're not available for sex, or someone with sexy pictures who says they're not available at all.
 JoeBnD
Joined: 3/23/2012
Msg: 12
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 6:25:49 AM
Personally, I kinda like those up-the-nose, green fluorescent lit webcam shots of men with bovine stares. Sort of quaint.


C'mon now, they're showing off their mad nose hair trimming skills. Be nice.

Or maybe they are giving the women who only want to date 6 foot and taller the view they desire.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 13
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 7:09:31 AM


29) "I'm just trying this site out/ I'm new here" = "I'm just trying this site out/ I'm new here....for the 7th time as well as five other online dating/ social networking sites.”


Said the pot to the kettle. You've had previous accounts here and posted nearly the exact same thing before. My condolences you had to re-take online dating 101. Good you finally scored 100% after retaking the course so many times. Maybe this time you'll evolve and post new good material instead of doing reruns of your older good material, and you'll maintain your account instead of deleting and creating new incarnations.

I'm glad to see your material is new to some people and that they enjoy it. Looking forward to future posts with more advanced observations.

I remember your profile broke a lot of supposed "rules", for example you had photos with pretty girls, and you did better than the nice guys who follow the profile guidelines.

But you point #29 is all too true. Once a gal I knew had been on countless sites for years tried to act as if she were brand new. "I think I may have a picture somewhere". I prefer when people keep the same account, hiding it or taking down photos or putting intent "friends" when they're not looking.



30) "Get me off of here! / I'm closing my POF account soon. This site svx!" = "I'm really not going anywhere. I'm just crying out for more attention as my incoming emails have been slowing down but hopefully some hot guy or guys will come and pay attention to me till the next go round. I'm addicted to this online dating stuff!”


In online profiles, this is a bluff. Reminds me of the furniture store "going out of business" sales, then the stores stay in business indefinitely. Handle them the way Dirty Harry handled the guy who claimed he would jump off the building to commit suicide. Dirty Harry knew the guy had no intention to kill himself.

But when they post "About to delete my account" in profile reviews, they're telling the truth, so don't waste your time reviewing their profile.



27) "I put the wrong age on my profile and POF won't let me change it!" = " I purposefully put the wrong age on my profile and left it that way. I'm also using years old pictures. But don't worry. I look EXACTLY the same in person!"


This is probably even more common since they enacted the 14 year rule. People who want to have sex with someone more than 14 years younger deliberately lie about their age, or they encourage people to make fake accounts with an inaccurate age. Recently a forumite who lied about age claimed she was distracted by her kids when she made her profile. Not bloody likely! She had a whole week to edit her birthdate. I've also seen text by women in my age range begin with "I'm not really 42, I'm 22". She's probably a scammer, not really 22 either.



21) "Looking for a Gentleman" = "I'm a working girl (I mean a 'classy lady') looking for a hot rich guy and or a sugar daddy. No money, no honey, and I’m not trying to be funny."


"I must be treated like a lady" means "You must spend a lot of money on me". On the forums, the word "gentleman" usually means a guy who got victimized by a meal whore. He was a "gentleman" for paying the entire tab after she went into the women's restroom at the end of the meal and climbed out the restroom window.



13) "I'm down to earth" = "I'm nuttier than a squirrel's turd."


I guess people who are actually down to earth have to show it in their photos and text.



8) "No shirtless guys!" = "My weak reverse psychology attempt at trying to appear "wholesome" in public on a free "dating" site knowing that if you look hot enough with your shirt off, I'll reply regardless and most likely sext you with risqué pics of my own later on."


Even more common in the profiles I read are claims she doesn't want any X rated photos (sometimes she uses specific terminology about what's in the photos she "doesn't" want). The ones who actually don't want dirty photos don't say anything about them. The ones who claim they don't want unclothed pics want them.

One female friend told me about the first time a guy from an online dating site sent her a vulgar photo. She messaged him back asking, "What do you want me to do with this?" She was asking for trouble. She says he didn't respond (her tone of voice showed possible disappointment). I told her he probably expected her to reciprocate by sending him naked photos of her.

Those are the same women who have webcams in their bedrooms, wearing lingerie with a deep plunging neckline, then they feign umbrage when the guy makes the conversation sexual or touches himself. I've had two female friends tell me about that situation and I didn't enable them.
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 14
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 7:22:53 AM

Its really sad someone can be this pathetic and cry out for attention.. POF works for those who aren`t completely dysfunctional and wants to blame everyone except themselves...


QFT.

It's hard to comprehend things right now, but this is what I think I would say.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 15
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 7:44:26 AM

Not to mention someone who`s been on this site for two years and is afraid to post a pic. That in itself is a true Freudian slip...

OP has also been here before, and as everyone knows, a picture doesn't mean a thing - they can be stolen from anywhere or be years old. Get over the 'no picture' thing.

Or maybe they are giving the women who only want to date 6 foot and taller the view they desire.

Riiiight, I can look a 6'0" man in the eyes. Can't look up his nose until close to 6'5".
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 16
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History
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 8:04:29 AM
I'm with dee4166. I'm old enough to have suffered dating before the internet was conceived of, and (no surprise to an historian) people haven't changed a bit.

Way back before I was even born, guys would ride up to a "princess" on an old nag of a donkey, and tell her "my other thoroughbred stallion is in the shop." Then it changed to cars, now it's excuses about why we can't see the real them in a profile.

I, on the other hand, think it should all be taken in stride, not whined about, not complained about, not agonized over, and certainly not self-righteously demanded to change. You don't want to deal with the infirmaries, the common defects, the almost-wonderful, but actually-dreadful way that all humans are, try another planet. Make sure you get a DNA change yourself before going though, or you'll get kicked right back here as soon as the Angels meet you.

It's all about finding compatible defects, and complimentary skills. You don't graduate "dating 201," until you are okay with that.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 17
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 8:54:44 AM
I hate reading that #2 one. I think "really, grow up, accept yourself, message me when you aren't ashamed to be here".
It might just be a joke they're writing, but it's not worth it to chance it with all the options out there. It's like a joke backfire.
And #27 says to me "ok then, so you're telling me you aren't intelligent enough to create a new profile...a correct one...and copy/paste the bulk of your writing. gotcha".

Love the cynicism.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 18
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 9:11:36 AM

3) "No players/cheaters"....


An added part to this statement is: "I will either have my friend send you flirty messages or I will set up a fake profile and send flirty messages to see if you flirt back. If you reply in either case, you're a player, liar and cheater. Forget about actually meeting in person or being one of my Facebook friends."
 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 19
view profile
History
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 9:17:31 AM
The OP has hit the nails on their heads. It is a jungle out there!
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 20
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 9:41:25 AM

in whiny posts from people who didn't get the type of date they wanted.


I'm not saying men are perfect. But I think there is some truth to this. Some women that complain about not having success on dating sites have some of these statements on their profile.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 21
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 10:03:20 AM

When I peruse the women's profiles (for some reason I am getting women along the top of my forum page) I see so many of them posing like sluts and tramps, stickin' their boobs and butts out, looking all seductive...and then the disclaimer that they dont want you messaging them just for sex.

The ones that actually disturb me are the ones with a very young mother (age 18 lets say) posing with her newborn and saying "here is one of my children."

ONE of them?

At 18..how many does she have...and here she is with a newborn...on a dating site!

Not even a few months go by before hopping back on the internet to look for her next penis.


Eye-opening, isn't it?
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 22
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 10:22:18 AM


I'm not saying men are perfect. But I think there is some truth to this. Some women that complain about not having success on dating sites have some of these statements on their profile.


When I read stuff like that I just think, "so you don't use your smarts, as hard as that must be, oooooo so very hard, to look at things objectively and use your instincts, if you did you wouldn't have this prob. cool, delete".
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 23
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 11:27:44 AM
Meh, OLD passes time if nothing else, introduces you to other people and helps you feel better about your own life's choices, if it was all perfect, what the hell would we talk about on the forums???
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 24
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 12:08:29 PM

OLD passes time if nothing else, introduces you to other people and helps you feel better about your own life's choices, if it was all perfect, what the hell would we talk about on the forums???

ding ding ding right answer!
 mike11091
Joined: 8/25/2013
Msg: 25
I've officially graduated online dating 101.
Posted: 11/16/2014 1:17:31 PM

what the hell would we talk about on the forums???



Doughnuts and whiskey.
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