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 CrimsonGT
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 1
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Profile Rewrite - Review RequestedPage 1 of 1    
I've had decent luck with my old profile but I realized I wrote it a few years back and it didn't really stand out as much as it could. I have just rewritten mine (photos are fairly recent so I left them) and would like to get some feedback if possible.

I don't mind abuse so feel free to tear me apart in the spirit of criticism if desired.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 2
Profile Rewrite - Review Requested
Posted: 11/16/2014 7:23:20 PM
I love your sense of humour and am glad to see it translates onto the page. However...

It does sound more like you're looking for a travel buddy than a romantic partner. How about another line about who you'd like to meet (personality traits beyond frequent flyer miles and a valid passport). Do you have some place in mind to travel next? It could be a conversation starter.
 Smthn_Like_Olivia
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 3
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Profile Rewrite - Review Requested
Posted: 11/16/2014 7:24:59 PM
Hahaha...I didn't read the headline till last, and it made me laugh out loud. I think you're cute as a button and show just enough wit that I'd take you for a spin. Pics are great- different looks, activities. Only one looked a bit outdated. You look very early 20s in one. Other than that, for me personally, it was the kinda profile I always went for when I was still dating. No boring diatribe, not too long, and a hint of personality. You'll do well. Don't break too many hearts.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 4
Profile Rewrite - Review Requested
Posted: 11/16/2014 8:26:36 PM
You have a very good start OP, the only thing it lacks is personality. Try to add at least 2 unique personality traits for both you and the woman you seek.

Avoid what I call assumed givens, they are basicly any trait that nobody wants the opposite of. A few examples would be honest, genuine, smart...

Best wishes

Jerry
 CrimsonGT
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 5
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Profile Rewrite - Review Requested
Posted: 11/16/2014 9:56:23 PM
Thanks for the feedback, I certainly appreciate it!

It definitely lacks a few lines that are more personalized regarding what I am looking for and felt the same as I wrote it. I am still debating what I want to say to that regard but will definitely add a bit to the end and hopefully improve upon that. The problem is I have a very dark sense of humor and am easily taken the wrong way, even by friends I have known for years. It can be hard to word to really get that across in text, why I am a bit perplexed as of now.

@Olivia - Congrats on your 1 year anniversary! Which picture was it that you though looked old? All of them were taken within the last 2 years, however I do cycle my look every few months (shaved head/fohawk/etc. shaved face, beard, shadow, etc) and apparently look really young when clean shaven.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 6
Profile Rewrite - Review Requested
Posted: 11/17/2014 1:18:37 AM
I liked the headline, and the last paragraph. The "partner in crime" is what numerous participants on PoF seem to seek, and it isn't original. It takes away from the originality of that last paragraph. You're creative enough to conjure another description, I'm sure.
 CrimsonGT
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 7
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Profile Rewrite - Review Requested
Posted: 11/17/2014 2:40:20 PM
Very good point, I really dislike "partner in crime" and feel like I slacked off writing that. It fit into the paragraph better than anything else I could think of like accomplice in atrocity, companion in crime/corruption, etc. I changed it to the "the Bonnie to my Clyde" for the time being even if I am still not quite satisfied.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 8
Profile Rewrite - Review Requested
Posted: 11/17/2014 2:55:16 PM
Pictures from 2 years ago - too old
Why in the name of Prada are you featuring your Mother? First thing I thought of was " Momma's boy" She isn't going along on dates with you is she?
Try, try harder - to come up with a couple to reference that don't die in a hail of gunfire, end of the noose, etc.
Mickey and Mallory - yea nothing says oh I hope he msgs me like serial killers. Sigh
 CrimsonGT
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 9
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Profile Rewrite - Review Requested
Posted: 11/17/2014 3:12:13 PM
Appreciate the criticism, I tossed the picture with my mom (liked it of myself but get what you mean) and the halloween 2012 photo. Not sure if the replacements are any better, one is of the same day but with my best friend and the other is a caricature from New Orleans. Don't take many pictures alone and try to avoid selfie overload.

Bonnie and Clyde were serial killers as well but I suppose a lot of people view them as romantic, where Mickey and Mallory are a lot darker of a picture since it was a modern movie. I'm just leaving it as partners in crime for now before I shoot myself in the foot.
 tennistown
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 10
Profile Rewrite - Review Requested
Posted: 11/17/2014 4:49:58 PM

..... would like to get some feedback if possible.




Sure!
You have the uncanny ability
to write coherent sentences that
do not set off the snooze-o-meter.

That is a good thing.

Why not write out a first date idea?
As your profile reads relatively short now.
Seems like it's missing something.....



Contrary to what the movies had led me to believe, planes apparently do not just simply fall from the sky.


That is true.
However when they do fall, watch out!
Airplanes are very large gas tanks with wings.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 11
Profile Rewrite - Review Requested
Posted: 11/17/2014 4:51:40 PM
The pics are not good. Start over and get some clearer full length shots. Keep smiling. From what I hear online dating is not what it used to be. SO many more onboard and so many more fakes flakes and undesirables with the increased membership it seems. So whilst the stigma of online dating has lessened a lot, the type of people available this way seems much less eligible. I am no expert, I met a few a few years ago and that is it. They were okay but no spark or interest and if there was, we wanted different things.
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