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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations      Home login  
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 droopsie78
Joined: 3/12/2014
Msg: 1
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectationsPage 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I notice it from reading a lot of the messages, seeing a lot of profiles on both sides of the scale that both men and women on here, many of them have very high and unrealistic expectations for their Ideal Partner.

or for some their "perfect Partner" which doesn't exist.

and they wonder why they're spending such a long time on this site having such little success and getting frustrated.

see your limitations and try to work within them. reaching beyond your reality is hampering your success on this place.

both members of each sex seems to think they're way more attractive than they are and then they set their sites on people who they aren't qualified for.

sure we can all try and find that perfect 10 of a man or woman but come on everyone, let's wake up and see the reality of this situation.

face the facts and open your eyes to the possibility that there are good men and women out there for you, they're just not 10's.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 2
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History
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/25/2014 10:06:33 AM
Great idea!

No doubt you've been setting a good example by asking out women you find unattractive who don't have the qualities you want. Soon, we will all follow your shining example!
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 3
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/25/2014 10:12:41 AM

see your limitations and try to work within them. reaching beyond your reality is hampering your success on this place.

Keeping yourself too limited is yours. Your profile is rather vague, generic and too short to give any woman a clear idea what you are like. Add descriptive captions to your photos and add a few honest paragraphs of text describing yourself and what you are looking for. When you go into the 'edit' profile menu - scroll down to the bottom and watch the ten minute video about what guys should do in here for their profiles - most of the advice is pretty sound.

As far as unrealistic expectations - there is utterly nothing you can do to change minds by complaining about it in here. People from the security of their own home computers and cell screens are judge, jury and executioner of all they see and read on these sites - and you'll never change that. The only thing you can do is work on your own profile - and you can definitely do more to 'sell' yourself better.

Keep in mind, there are NO guarantees - with this dating site or any other - you only need one good match in here to be 'successful' - which means a 99.999% failure rate. You already sound like you've built up your OWN expectations for success a bit too high, and that IS definitely something you can change. It's a humbling experience being in here, one of many - and even if you don't like it - you ARE simply an 'option' amongst many to choose from. Until someone chooses you or you manage to grab their attention, that is ALL you will ever be in here, so get used to it.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 4
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/25/2014 11:52:28 AM
The biggest issue I see online, is people ASSuming that they know what other people are doing. (and judging them as doing something wrong because they are not doing things the way you would do them)

You have no clue if anyone is over reaching.

You can ASSume that if the profile is an older one. But you would be wrong in my case, and I wonder how many others too. (some people are getting some action and don't update their profiles as such, then people like you come along and ASSume they are dying of being alone because they have high expectations, meanwhile the profile holder is out dating and living a fun filled life. (like me) I didn't update my profile that I had found someone for a very long time, as in the past when I did it 'too soon' it seemed to jinx things. lol)

All you can know, and do know, is what you are up to with online dating. And in my humble experience, the one shouting that everyone needs to lower their standards, are reaching just as far as anyone else may be.

So, just worry about your own actions and let others worry about their own actions. The only one you can control, is yourself.
 droopsie78
Joined: 3/12/2014
Msg: 5
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/25/2014 12:40:03 PM
the vague profile is on purpose. I don't want to reveal all of myself, there's nothing to talk about later.

if that person REALLY wants to know who I am they're going to make the effort and ask the questions.

clearly few people here want to make any effort.
 Supersoulson
Joined: 10/21/2014
Msg: 6
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/25/2014 1:06:21 PM
What's up with the username ? Was " Limpy " taken ?

LOL
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 7
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/25/2014 1:36:14 PM
Great idea OP, what's your phone # and then when the next unattractive woman messages me, along with saying not interested I can also give her your number, that should make them feel better, Thanks dude!!!
 droopsie78
Joined: 3/12/2014
Msg: 8
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/25/2014 2:10:36 PM
I had a hard time getting any of the names I wanted approved, for some reason.
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 9
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/25/2014 2:41:02 PM
I have a disability and use a cane. Hence I can't be running, hiking, biking... Would you look my way? doubt it.
Everyone's allowed their expectations/preferences.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 10
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/25/2014 4:10:48 PM

Great idea!

No doubt you've been setting a good example by asking out women you find unattractive who don't have the qualities you want. Soon, we will all follow your shining example!

Exactly. OP must be juggling at least 6 women he's not really into because they deserve a chance - right?

How do you know the people who have unrealistic expectations are the very same people who are frustrated from being here?

Yes - and furthermore how do you know they "wonder why they're spending such a long time on this site having such little success and get frustrated" have they all told you this?

the vague profile is on purpose. I don't want to reveal all of myself, there's nothing to talk about later.

if that person REALLY wants to know who I am they're going to make the effort and ask the questions.

clearly few people here want to make any effort.

Most men I have had interest in and dated had a whole page of information - and months later we were still finding things to talk about. Withholding information to be sure there's always something to talk about just makes you either seem evasive or not very interesting.

When I see a profile with almost nothing in it telling me I need to ask for it? A turn off - if you're looking for people to date, keeping them from learning anything about you (if there is anything to learn, that is) is shooting yourself in the foot. The onus is on YOU to make it pleasant and easy if you are the one "in search". A test to see how interested someone who doesn't know you yet is IMO is counter productive.

When the next three guys in someone's row of potential dates has a decent amount of information to read, there's no reason you should continue with profiles of people who have no information. I'm not saying this is the case for you - but if I have ever gone down that road and continued - I ended up talking to someone with very little to contribute to a conversation.

When women start beating down your door, you can avoid telling them all kinds of stuff - because they are the ones initiating.
 Xray86
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 11
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/25/2014 4:55:42 PM
I'd be happy to find someone who's at least kissable, not crazy, not lazy, have enough brains to keep up, doesn't have bed-buddies, and have no problem being seen in public with me.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 12
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A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/25/2014 5:19:12 PM

the vague profile is on purpose. ... if that person REALLY wants to know who I am they're going to make the effort and ask the questions.

so you're looking to weed out a certain kind of prospect: the one who doesn't REALLY want to know who you are. doesn't that fly in the face of your thesis here, which is people shouldn't be too choosy? or maybe it's that your brand of choosiness is the right way, in contrast to the choosiness of others?
 DragonBits
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 13
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/25/2014 5:26:46 PM

the vague profile is on purpose. I don't want to reveal all of myself, there's nothing to talk about later.

if that person REALLY wants to know who I am they're going to make the effort and ask the questions.

clearly few people here want to make any effort.


So I guess the vague profile isn't working well?

So what are your expectations when you MSG a profile? Expectations for a meet?

If a women's profile is vague, does that mean you are more likely to MSG her? What about no pictures and vague?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 14
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/25/2014 10:15:23 PM

A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations


Yes, they do.
And they will deny it until their dying breath.


I'd be happy to find someone who's at least kissable, not crazy, not lazy, have enough brains to keep up, doesn't have bed-buddies, and have no problem being seen in public with me.


Too late.
She already has a Ferrari-driving 6 foot tall male model boyfriend.


or maybe it's that your brand of choosiness is the right way, in contrast to the choosiness of others?


YES !
A light bulb moment !


If a women's profile is vague, does that mean you are more likely to MSG her? What about no pictures and vague?


Works for me.


Soon, we will all follow your shining example!


It's about time.

In the spirit of the season, "thanks" to all for the great setup lines.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 15
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/26/2014 6:06:06 AM
Cute- all the lonely ones can date just like MAD TV " Lower Expectations"
Brilliant idea re finding a partner on the floor of Wallyworld.
OP I can forward you the msgs of men I'm not interested in - wth might as well be an equal opportunity dater
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 16
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/26/2014 7:17:10 AM

if that person REALLY wants to know who I am they're going to make the effort and ask the questions.


Really? I doubt it. Have women contacted you to ask you questions? If the answer is No, then maybe you're the one with the unrealistic expectations.

What you need to realize is that a profile not only gives the other person an idea about who you are, but it's also a filter to get rid of the people that you do not want.

For instance, when I had a profile, I indicated that I liked an athletic woman that would not mind changing gear in a parking lot. That means pretty much getting naked, to switch from bike gear to street gear. Women that contacted me, they already had the idea that I was INTENSE.

I also indicated that I disliked profiles of women that said nothing in their profile other than the usual cliches about walking in the sand at sunset. I indicated that these women liked to be taken cared of, made laughed, put on a pedestal and served instead of being the ones that could aport something to the relationship.

Anyway, this filtered a lot of women that I simply was not interested in meeting. With that said, also realize, that they are entitled to put whatever they want on their profiles and have whatever expectations they want. And they don't owe you d i ck, even if all they put on their profile is "I love hello Kitty purses."
 QuirkyTeacher
Joined: 12/24/2013
Msg: 17
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/26/2014 8:17:18 AM

the vague profile is on purpose. I don't want to reveal all of myself, there's nothing to talk about later.


Do you really think writing a couple paragraphs about yourself will sum up everything you'll ever want to tell a person about your life?

I know when I see a sparse profile, I keep going. Usually I think that person isn't really serious about meeting someone, or they really don't care who that someone is (which is worse).

Also, if they don't have a lot in their profile, what will be my talking points anyway? With thousands of men who thought it was worth the effort to fill out their profile with interesting stuff, I wouldn't waste too much time on one liners. I think most ladies feel this way.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 18
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A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/26/2014 8:52:41 AM
Op sounds a bit bitter.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 19
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/26/2014 10:20:17 AM
OP - I hope after reading a lot of these posts you've realized something...

Although it may seem a 'clever' strategy to have a dating profile that's vague and neutral so it doesn't leave out anyone, it ends up having the opposite effect - people avoid the vague and simplistic, for other more significant reasons - people that won't reveal things means they have stuff to hide, and it's usually bad stuff.

Not listing a profession means people glean that you're unemployed and living in Mom's basement - not that you're a secret agent or something. Not listing what you want from a woman doesn't mean you're 'mysterious', - it means you don't KNOW what you want - and NO girl gets turned on by someone who is wishy-washy. It may seem ridiculous - but they ARE indeed thinking this stuff up while they are reading your profile, and it won't make ANY difference what the truth really is - they'll never bother asking because of what they think they do 'know'.

Yes, you may find several women's profiles in here that are just as vague or worse with their details - but since when does mimicking a woman get a man what he wants? Maybe they get a thousand e-mails with just a sexy picture - but guess what? The people messaging them have NO IDEA if they are a good match - they're just shooting blind - and a lot of them are going to be waaaaaay off the mark. The signal-to-noise ratio is totally off the scale. Men won't ever get 1000 emails from just a sexy picture - the way genders are wired, it just won't happen - so your best bet is to put as much of yourself out there as you can, and at least then you stand a slim chance of finding someone looking for EXACTLY the kind of man you are.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 20
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/26/2014 12:19:29 PM
Unrealistic expectations far supersede just online dating. People seem to want it all without giving a fraction of what they hope to get in return. It's an era of self centered narcissism. We don't value self sacrifice, humility or compassion. What we seek is good for a "junk food" encounter..quick sex, instant gratification, but none of it the building blocks of a long term, healthy and mutually rewarding relationship.

Online dating does fuel this, by being only able to really present the (often deceptive) outer wrapping, and not really the inside.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 21
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/26/2014 3:07:11 PM
Op is gone
Now we'll have nothing to talk about, later
 blueguy99881
Joined: 11/23/2014
Msg: 22
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/26/2014 7:57:31 PM
The fancy thing bout being online, you can be whoever you want. Have whatever expectations. Best not to focus on people like that
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 23
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A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/27/2014 5:04:33 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

My PROFILE has been on here since 2007 but I,myself have only actually spent MAYBE 1 1/2 yrs.-2 yrs. actually ON the site, altogether, without having it HIDDEN...because I was in a relationship, or didn't have time to be on the forums...

See that's the thing about assumptions...they are OFTEN, wrong....
 blueguy99881
Joined: 11/23/2014
Msg: 24
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/27/2014 12:27:06 PM
Oyster, do no worry. Pof women ain't worth the effort. I think at this point men should just not contact women anymore. Change strategies a bit. Guys on here are realistic. However women..... Well I think they over estimate themselves a little.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 25
A LOT of men and women on this site have unrealistic expectations
Posted: 11/27/2014 2:15:07 PM
Ha! I think that's a great idea, don't msg those worthless women and wait for them to contact you.
Oh Blueguy
I think you meant Tourette not turret. Those are usually found on castles.
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