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 Smartwithsparkz
Joined: 7/22/2014
Msg: 1
The Coffee DatePage 1 of 32    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32)
How Do You Feel About Coffee Dates??

I Personally Dont Like Them,!

I Kinda Feel Like Someone Is Kicking The Tires,In A Used Car Lot

Before Taking It Out For A Road Drive...

Am I Wrong To Hope For Genuine Interest,And Attraction

And Wanting To Invest Some Time Getting To Know A Person To Give Them A Chance??
 thompson1919
Joined: 11/30/2014
Msg: 2
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 6:38:00 PM
I would like to add to your thread. Who pays for the coffee? Dutch? lmmfao
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 3
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 6:43:16 PM
I like coffee first meets.
If you get along well you can progress to lunch, another activity or make another date.
If you don't get along well you have not wasted much time nor effort.

I also think it should be paid 50:50.
Both of you should make a real attempt to pay your own share.
Or if one buys the first the other can buy the second.

If one does pay the entire bill then a real thank you as appreciation is mandatory.

A coffee date in an art gallery, museum or scenic spot is perfect as you can walk around and get to know each other even more.



p.s. I suggest you get a profile review.

"Have fun" on here translates to ... lets meet then have sex.

 WALK4ESTWALK
Joined: 3/16/2014
Msg: 4
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 6:50:12 PM
I Kinda Feel Like Someone Is Kicking The Tires,In A Used Car Lot

Before Taking It Out For A Road Drive...




Totally agree OP. Coffee dates are so lame. How can you possibly get to know each other over a cup of coffee. Really, isn't it better to share a continental breakfast in the early morning hours at a comfortable 4 star hotel, rather than over a cup of Joe at your friendly Starbucks?

There's no better way to get to know another person, don't you agree?
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 5
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 7:07:43 PM
I have mixed feelings about the short coffee date. I can understand not wanting to spend a lot of time or money with someone that was dishonest about their photos or is a wack job. On the other hand, I think many people have high expectations. They expect instant chemistry / sparks / connection / whatever with a virtual stranger or they quickly lose interest. I prefer to do fun and inexpensive activities ( sports bar, mini golf, Dave & Busters ) without any time limits on a first date / meeting. Play it by ear and see how it goes.
 Smartwithsparkz
Joined: 7/22/2014
Msg: 6
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 7:12:34 PM
your paying sweetheart
 Smartwithsparkz
Joined: 7/22/2014
Msg: 7
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 7:20:34 PM
"""p.s. I suggest you get a profile review.

"Have fun" on here translates to ... lets meet then have sex. """

Thank You For Suggestion,,But It also Helps Me Weed Thru,,The Good Guys,Bad Guys,Players ect...

Gentlemen Understand The Word "Fun"players ,dont...


But I Do Agree 50/50,,should work regardless of activity planned..

Most Males I Know, Wont Allow That..
 WALK4ESTWALK
Joined: 3/16/2014
Msg: 8
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 7:22:34 PM
Of course, Darlin'. Promise, I'll pay you back within a week.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 9
view profile
History
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 7:24:34 PM
Someone is kicking the tires, so to speak. What's the difference if you go for coffee or go to dinner or meet at a bar, it's still two strangers meeting to see if they have any interest in seeing each other again? If you meet in person, instead of online, you'd be doing the same thing, sizing each other up and seeing if there was any interest. Other than fixed up blind dates, most people 'meet' and do the tire kicking in one way or the other. If it is a blind date, it's still two people kicking each others' tires.
 Smartwithsparkz
Joined: 7/22/2014
Msg: 10
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 7:36:52 PM
I would think That someone That Truly Had An Interest..
Would Take The Time To Plan Something To Do Together..
A Suggestion,,Maybe Walk Around A Mall And Chat,,Go To A Shoreline,,Go To A Swap Meet Or Flea Market,,

Anything More Than A Drivethru DD,or Starbucks..J/S
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 11
view profile
History
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 7:41:38 PM
I've never done one. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like it, but then, I've not met with someone I didn't already have a significant amount of talk time with.

I understand why they would be a good idea, but it's not my thing. I would never ask for that nor want to be asked on one (just going for coffee). I have done a "sit and have a coffee at a sidewalk cafe and then walk around/browse the bookstore and shops" first meet because we were both interested in things in that area, but to just meet for coffee inside and leave? That would be a big "no" for me.

Edit to add: I like Eric's suggestion (below). The guy might just be following other people's suggestions or be new/nervous. A counteroffer sounds like a great idea.

 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 12
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 7:47:16 PM
Keep in mind you are not marrying the man, you are just briefly getting to know him.
The initial first meeting is essentially to gauge whether a true first date makes sense for BOTH of you.

Online dating is different from regular "organic" meeting.
In real life, you meet a person and THEN decide to perhaps date.
Online dating is the opposite approach...you just know a person via pics and a narrative.
You have no idea whether if he is a person you would date if you met via traditional, non-electronic methods.

A man who is an internet stranger cannot read your mind. If he suggests a coffee date, do a friendly counteroffer with
suggesting to get coffee and go for a walk around town or perhaps to miniature golf or a driving range. Someplace where you two can talk and enjoy some laughs. Good luck with your romantic search.
 thompson1919
Joined: 11/30/2014
Msg: 13
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 7:49:19 PM

your paying sweetheart


Of course. It was a joke. Not sure if you know this but back in the day they had a "coffee who pays?" thread that got long and nasty. Gender wars for miles. I'll pay for coffee but if you want sex you better pay for the room I'm not cheap. lmao
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 14
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 7:56:29 PM
Call it a coffee date or whatever, it is preferable to going to a wine bar where alcohol is involved, for a first meet. If there is mutual interest than you can take it further, a meal or whatever and if he suggests that, then he can pay. What would a coffee date do to prevent genuine interest and attraction?? You have to meet somewhere and sure it can seem like an interview but that is what you deal with, if you want to date from online. How can anyone truly show an interest when you haven't yet met???? Pics often lie and chemistry is an unpredictable thing. Men are often disgruntled when they pay out for a meal when there is no attraction for whatever reason and the woman expects him to foot the bill regardless.

 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 15
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 8:04:10 PM
I love my coffee, so it's a win whether we hit it off or not
Wait...Does this mean if she's got a spare tire around the middle, I can kick it?
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 16
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 8:08:37 PM

How Do You Feel About Coffee Dates??

I Personally Dont Like Them,!


They are fine for anything other than the first meet or first date.


What would a coffee date do to prevent genuine interest and attraction??


Often, it turns into an "interview" or "talent audition" (because the people involved are still strangers), rather than something like a relaxed cup of coffee with someone you already know and feel comfortable with. Even a drink at a bar can turn into the interview or audition. That is part of the reason so many are "fails", even though people have done their "vetting" with photos (oh, my) and emails and/or phone calls.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 17
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 8:28:29 PM
fullmoonguy

what you say may be true but it is hard to avoid the interrogation or interview feeling when you are meeting for the first time and wanting to suss each other out. For me the fails are when he talks about sex and nothing much else. Shows no interest in me as a person. It is an anxiety producing process no matter what. Vetting with photos, oh yes, whole other story!!! Same with emails and phone calls, again, can be a whole other story.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 18
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 9:06:49 PM
I personally don't like coffee dates because coffee makes me nervous.

Prefer an evening date with a glass, or 2, or maybe...3 glasses of wine if we're laughing enough.

1 or 2 appetizers.

I'd be careful boasting about not liking coffee dates PLUS expecting the man to pay.

A lot of guys accept that but don't like to hear about the expectation from the lady.

The way I look at it, if we do a coffee date, meet and greet, whatever, chances are, for me anyway, that we want to go out again.

Why not just skip to the first date anyway? I haven't had any crazy women that did not look their pics or misrepresented themselves so much that I could tell over a cup of coffee that I was immediately disinterested.

Keep in mind too that men that have options are trying to meet your expectations 2-3x a week. This adds up.

Do you accept our expectation that you will keep us interested enough to ask for the next date?

See the conundrum here? Even if you offer to help pay and we insist on paying and I have other options, I will continue dating.

I personally don't mind paying for the first 2-3 dates. If we're not talking exclusive by then, then I ask to go dutch going forward. It ain't so much about the sex as it is about protecting my wallet.

How would you feel about 3 dates that cost the man < $50 each and were fun? If he did pull it off, chances are it's because you both met a keeper and figured it out pretty quick.

With these dating sites, most of us are dating others initially. Try to put yourself in the shoes of a man with options that is meeting YOUR idea of romance. Your notion of romance may be flawed in that you think if I 'go all out' for you, then I won't date others.

I'd be careful with that notion.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 19
view profile
History
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 9:21:20 PM
Meeting for coffee is better than not meeting at all. And planning something more involved with someone you don't know is risky.

I once had symphony tickets and invited a man to go with me for a first meet/date. He seemed happy about it, but stood me up, so I went alone, one ticket wasted. Could have asked a friend instead. Won't do that again.

One guy wanted to meet me at a mailbox. Really! A coffee meet would have been better.

Another met me at a park, no refreshments at all.

I prefer getting to know someone well enough to have a full date, but it doesn't always happen like that. If a man suggests meeting for coffee, I usually say yes.
 theforumfiend
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 20
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 9:39:11 PM
When I was meeting people I actually liked the coffee date. It let me see if the guy looked like his picture(s), had teeth, knew how to behave in public and if there was or a chance of chemistry. Some coffee dates extended into other activities such as lunch, going to the hardware store, book store or a walk at the park. Besides I like lattes, but don't get them often so it was a treat. Oh, and I usually got there first and would already have my latte paid for before the other person arrived.

Edit: strawberry, you just reminded me of the zoo meet. The guy was cute, but I was a captive audience listening to him preach about the evils of alcohol until we made it to the exit.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 21
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 9:54:37 PM
I hate coffee dates
not a single one has succeeded

Dates that are unique to who we are the successful ones, imo.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 22
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 10:08:47 PM
Oh no Strawberry....
What a waste of tickets.
That could have been a wonderful second meet / first date.

Agreed a coffee date is much better than a park or a mailbox.
I have been asked to meet at the steps of the Town Hall??? Nooooo I do not loiter.
In a car park.... No - exactly the same situation.

At least for a coffee if they do not turn up then it is no biggie.
Coffee can be at a very nice place.
It does not have to be somewhere with a disposable cup.

I once arranged to meet a man at an exhibition that I really wanted to see.
One of those that it takes all day to get around everywhere.
BAAAAD move. If it had been coffee then after a coffee I would have said lovely to meet you .......

But instead I had him with me all day.


p.s. How can there be genuine interest and attraction until you meet?
pps. Nothing is real until you meet.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 23
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 10:10:31 PM


How Do You Feel About Coffee Dates??

I Personally Dont Like Them,!

I Kinda Feel Like Someone Is Kicking The Tires,In A Used Car Lot

Before Taking It Out For A Road Drive...

Well duh, that is what they are doing, they dint meet you in the flesh so now they want to tire-kick and have a means of escape if 3D you is too spherical for their icky intents. It's a bit discomfiting to be the said used car, but you get to role-play as the used car purchaser as well. Fun. This is why I opted out of dating blind, unless the profile was well written enough we could at least have a platonic connection.


Am I Wrong To Hope For Genuine Interest,And Attraction

You're wrong to assume "interest", when you haven't laid eyeballs on them in "real life". They are merely curious about 3D you. The higher evolved ones care to know what is going on in your head and heart. Sorry, the truth is ugly. I didn't believe it either. I thought they cared about my interests*looks hurt*...These guys could guess your weight, bmi, and bronze a sculpture just on memory, if they like you. If the meet is short, assume it's a no go.


And Wanting To Invest Some Time Getting To Know A Person To Give Them A Chance??I would think That someone That Truly Had An Interest..
Would Take The Time To Plan Something To Do Together..
A Suggestion,,Maybe Walk Around A Mall And Chat,,Go To A Shoreline,,Go To A Swap Meet Or Flea Market,

All those are dating suggestions, courtship, wooing.. OLD isn't any of those things. It's futile tire-kicking and sidestepping disasters or getting embroiled in them. Fun. With online you are starting at negative zero, obese until proven otherwise, a catfish, married if you post no pics. Paranoia isn't an aphrodisiac, but some people like the game because it's like a potboiler...What will happen next...
If you like fun house mirrors, haunted houses and the circus...it may be fun.

OT-if I OLDed, a coffee date would be ok in that it's mercifully short, and I do like good coffee. It can't be bad coffee. And, I can find the humanity in most folks as long as they are polite or trying so I personally don't consider it a fail to just have cups of coffee with different people I never see again. It's when somebody's feelings get busted it's unpleasant. If one is accused of being_____,unenthusiastic, hard to read, Sphinx like, cold, analytical, reserved...because anything short of adoration towards them occurs... that is when the coffee turns bitter. But, you can have cocoa, tea or lemonade...same problem though.

Short meets are a good thing.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 24
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 10:20:13 PM
Precisely as shared by ozsealady1 above, a "coffee date" is simply a euphemism for any initial, short, introductory meet. There are no "Dating Police" that will prevent a couple who are really getting along from extending the meet to something more.

In one of the most remarkable dating situations I had (truly the one woman that "got away"...) our first meeting ultimately became a five-hour date. We started with drinks, migrated to dinner nearby, and then to a third place for coffee and dessert. All from what was initially going to be a simple glass of wine each. Stay upbeat and positive!
 PurpleZebra12
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 25
The Coffee Date
Posted: 12/8/2014 10:42:40 PM

Maybe Walk Around A Mall And Chat
How is walking around a mall and chatting significantly different from sitting around and chatting, which is what coffee dates usually are?
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