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 AUTHOR
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 2
Comments and criticisms?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
You don't say what sort of woman you are looking for. Don't get enough sleep and live on coffee?? Not very interesting or healthy. Try loading a full length and smiling shot, so much more appealing. You are tall, young and attractive should be doing well in real life where you know what you are really looking at and getting.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 3
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 1:40:28 PM
LucidRevlis...welcome to the Profile Reviews forum.
My initial suggestion is to ensure a full and comprehensive selection of pics.
Keep in mind as a young male student you are in a very busy demographic.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 4
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 1:52:49 PM
Additionally, have a friend take two dozen well-lit, OUTDOOR, crisp photographs using a high-quality digital camera...which is preferred over a fuzzy cellphone. This is primarily due to better ergonomics and superior capability of a camera to process available light. Make certain they are very focused. Include a variety of backgrounds, activities, and various articles of clothing to add greater interest. Make sure there are enough without hats, costumes, or sunglasses. Have both close-ups and full-body images. Upload the best pics of the bunch. Ensure you continue to date and caption each...to make them more entertaining to read. Good luck with your romantic search. :-)
 SHS24
Joined: 7/9/2014
Msg: 5
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 2:09:11 PM
No more pics petula? We miss your beauty.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 7
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 3:04:15 PM
Hi OP, your profile lacks personality, that and wit/humor is what will be most likely to get you mail in the inbox.

I recommend at least 2 unique personality traits for both you and the woman you seek, using each word in a well constructed sentence.

Have you seen the profile tips at the top of the page in green?
 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 3:05:12 PM


I'm a full fledged insomniac, which I was told was something I should include. Please correct me if this is not the case.


This is NOT THE CASE, I am here by correcting you.

You profile should only focus on your positives! Do not give women reasons not to message you. If you were selling a car online you wouldn't mention how many times it has broken down in the last year, you would talk about all it's good features.

I like to coffee and deadlines line though.


Your profile is pretty brief, here are my top questions to answer in a dating profile. Answer these in the text of your profile and you'll be well on your way.

What are you passionate about? (Women love a man with fire in his belly)
What makes you special and unique?
Why should a woman date you over the millions of other men on this site?
What is the most exciting part of your life right now?
What is it like to date you?
What does romance mean to you?
What attributes do you find attractive in a woman? (Personality not looks)


One other big big big red flag.....














SMILE!
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 9
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 3:09:18 PM
Hi Devon,

It's plague.
Med student at 18? How?

3 lines just isn't enough...
Needs warmth, enthusiasm.
Who are you aside from being a writing, coffee drinking insomniac?

What type of girl do you seek?

Meeting at college is easier...surrounded by them.


vvvvv Include this, it's great!
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 14
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 5:02:39 PM
Many come here claiming to be writers; you actually are.
Love your style.
Take care of those typos and spelling errors and you're golden.

You said you are looking for creative and clever x2.

Fish, guitar or upright?

Add /college student to job.

I think you should add the bugs and dirt line you told us.

Are you in NJ or Tampa? Put your current city--your college town.

You are adorable and if you grow some confidence, will do well with those higher thinking girls.
I know it's finals time and you're prob getting ready for winter break, but start thinking about clubs and campus activities where you can meet them, aside from classes.
Start with eye contact and body language.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 15
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 5:32:02 PM
Doll
You are just growing into that skin
Beautiful and you can write..
You just need to relax here
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 17
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 5:49:05 PM
I must say that is the quickest transformation from dull and lifeless to interesting, witty as well as engaging I have EVER seen! Very well done!

One tiny nit-pic that I think would help, personalize it everywhere you are describing the woman you seek

You rather than she for example.

Best wishes

Jerry
 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 5:55:43 PM


I don't think "adorable" applies to... whatever I am that lets me write that macabre drivel.


Actually, it is kinda cute.

Lots of teenagers go through a 'moody dark writer' phase, we've all been there, I know I have. So now with mature eyes we can say 'Awe, it's quite sweet, I remember being like that.'

That's not to sound patronising, enjoy it, embrace it, it can be a very fulfilling and foundation building time in your life. Use it to hone your craft as a writer, just don't let it constrain you so you can never write about anything else.


Back on topic, profiles are a written form, so if you are going to claim to be a writer then your text needs to be not only as good as everyone else's steaks ahead. Women need to read it and think "wow, this guy really is a talented writer"
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 21
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 6:12:54 PM
I bet with your pre-med studies you could probably rewrite the murder stories with some pretty accurate and more graphic detail now.

Absolutely get more photos. You need to at least smirk if you can't tolerate smiling, or how will she know you're amused?

Wondering if some of the Interests in that field as B.S. That's a turnoff if they are. But - the writing is good. Nicely done.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 22
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 6:20:43 PM
Yea well I near own the dark side
That said - you wanna date
so lighten it up just a hair :)
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 24
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 6:35:41 PM
Hi Devon, there may be a few other places scattered throughout you profile you can apply this technique, but this was the easiest for me to find.

Another thing this is helpful for is to reduce the numbers of "I" in the text.


I'm looking for somebody clever, somebody I can challenge, and be challenged by. I'd like somebody I can be creative with, the kind of person who takes pride in their work and is always moving forward.


It would be awesome if you are clever and can challenge me to excel, as well as enjoy being challenged in return. If you have a creative personality and take pride in your work, we should have no problem moving forward together.

That is only an example, there are countless ways to do it, feel free to use mine or create your own in the other places it applies.

Best wishes

Jerry
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 25
view profile
History
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 6:36:56 PM
Yes, outdoors, in natural light. Give the impression of a young energetic man going places and doing things. Could be walking on a sidewalk in a city park, or on a busy street, or on a sidewalk in front of an interesting place you go to. You don't spend ALL your time indoors.

Maybe all that coffee and caffeine is causing your insomnia.


When you say "outdoors", do you simply mean "not your apartment", or the full fledged dirt and trees experience? Because, as an inner city kid who detests dirt, bugs, and sand, I fear pictures of me in the woods, or on the beach, would come across as misleading.
 Forums_only
Joined: 7/20/2014
Msg: 26
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 7:07:29 PM

They are not. I wish they were sometimes; nobody wants to talk about the religious implications of the big crunch theory. That stuff is for nerds.


I was thinking more of the 'bare-knuckle boxing', but OK.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 27
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 7:15:02 PM
Posted by LucidRevlis:
"I've been in waiting room hell, which, surprisingly, isn't entirely unlike real hell, which is located somewhere in Elizabeth, New Jersey..."

Hey, watch it there, pal. You're striking close to home! LOL. ;-)
Understand that your profile is rather serious for an 18 y.o. man. It will have a limited audience.

As long as you are totally cool with that (and willing to wait for the right woman) you'll be fine.
Good luck and have fun.
 Strawberry_Jello
Joined: 5/13/2014
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 7:41:03 PM
Your main photo is intimidating.

Yes, I understand the insomnia/caffeine cycle. But you might try going without caffeine to see if you can sleep easier. I accidentally found out caffeine was keeping me awake.
 PurpleZebra12
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 31
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 8:00:05 PM
Your main photo is intense. You're staring directly into the camera with a rather stern expression. A smile would go a long way in making you appear friendly and approachable.

Text was great. It made me chuckle. And it is obviously very distinct to your style.


am alergic
I am guessing you meant allergic, not alergic.
 oldfashmntman
Joined: 10/20/2009
Msg: 32
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 8:09:42 PM

I don't plagiarize (it's a pride thing), but I appreciate the template, and I doubly appreciate the advice.


You're very welcome, I kinda figured you would want to write your own!

The ladies reading it will be able to "connect" with you much better if they can "feel" you are talking directly to them rather than a random person.

Best wishes

Jerry
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 34
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/11/2014 10:12:16 PM
The latest version really lets your humor shine through. Excellent work.
 tennistown
Joined: 9/7/2011
Msg: 35
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/12/2014 8:29:38 AM

Is this better? I don't have an eye for photography



I'm not a big fan of your "bathroom mirror" picture.


A photograph taken of you outside,
(you don't have to stand in the mud)
would add a much needed variety
to your profile photo gallery.

Perhaps a tree
in the distant background.
Or, a colorful sunset sky
would add a little something extra.

That might just be enough to nudge your target audience
into hitting the reply button to your outgoing message.
Good Luck!
 tatersprout
Joined: 8/23/2013
Msg: 36
Comments and criticisms?
Posted: 12/12/2014 10:25:17 AM
Devon, like tennistown said, bathroom mirror selfies are the lowest form of pics.
Delete that asap.
Front facing cam only.

Step outside for some air and lighting.
Think funny or bizarre thoughts and snap a bunch.
It really makes a difference here.

Then get some in a social setting like you playing pool, or boxing, fencing...really kicks it up a notch!
Playing your bass would be great too.
Recruit your friends.
Say it's for g'ma if hesitant.
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