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 catman011
Joined: 11/28/2014
Msg: 1
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?Page 1 of 1    
Women don't like to be lied to, including lying by omission, so I tell them I'm a virgin on the first date. I don't understand why it has to be on a level with committing a crime, but in the dating world it is. It saps all the energy out when I tell her, but not telling her is lying. I don't understand why I have to be alone forever, but apparently that's what's going to happen since it's a big big big no no to be a virgin. Women have also used the never had a relationship for 1 year to eliminate virgins. It stinks that I have to put that down which is why I don't even have a serious profile on here. I'm eliminated before I can even start. I'm a virgin not for any reason other than being undesirable.

Why won't anyone give me a chance?
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 2
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 12:59:28 PM
Why are you defining yourself by your virginity? Is that the most compelling/interesting/worthwhile feature about you?

Any type of sexual talk is generally frowned upon on a first date. If a guy told me he was a virgin I'd assume a) he was most likely lying and using it as a method to get women to want to be the 'one' that takes his "virginity" or b) completely focussed on losing it.

A man telling me that bit of info any time before we've had a few makeout sessions and are heading towards the bedroom would be too soon. For me, I'd want to have an intimate connection (emotional) well underway before I was told.

I realise that for some women it would be a deal breaker and they'd like to know up front, but (imo) that's *their* issue, not yours.

It's really personal information, keep it to yourself until such time as she needs to know. If she bails at that point, she isn't the right one for you anyway.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 3
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 1:09:57 PM
For me, its goes beyond the not having sex thing..its the "not ever having a relationship thing"...which means, I would be the very first...to introduce a man to what being in a relationship is all about (provided the virgin is also interested in that).

At my age and point in life, I prefer men who have had both experience with relationships and with sex. I prefer "parallels"-people who are on the same level/experience that I am. We have a common language that way. This is an incredibly important key to compatibility. Unless I was looking to deflower someone and would *enjoy* the role of leader as far as introducing the world of sex and love to a man close to my age..I simply prefer guys who have been in relationship/married and have had some experience.

There are classes you can take where you "practice dating"..I am not sure if you have never dated or had a relationship and have been essentially a loner your whole life, or if you have had celibate relationships with women.

You say you are "undesirable" and by saying that, you have essentially bought into it.

You may want to get into some therapy and the "practice dating" so that you can learn how to relate to/talk to women in a more intimate way. There is ALOT more to being a 40 year old virgin than the lack of sex.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 4
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Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 1:22:44 PM
I'd have zero interest in a 40 year old virgin. Where has he been in his life since the age of 18?

So, you were a virgin at 18, 21, 24, etc. What was your excuse then ...at an age when it was quite acceptable? A 40 year old male who has never had a relationship has issues other than being a virgin. Why did he never bond with a woman?

Also a hint. It would be very weird if a man told me anything about his sexual history on a first date. ..about virginity or anything else. Not exactly a guy with healthy social skills. It would be a red flag.
 LittleLadyMaxine
Joined: 4/11/2014
Msg: 5
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 1:26:18 PM
Your problem is TMI... don't treat women like your counselor and try to give them your whole autobiography right away. Honesty and openness are two different things. This one of the biggest mistakes people make that sabotage thier dating life. Never lie, but don't offer negative information... keep things light and positive... life is tough enough, without you getting serious on her. Like the song by Cyndi Lauper says, "Girl Just Want to Have Fun". If and when it comes up, then you can tell her... and if you fly casual like this, by the time it does comes up, it probably won't be an issue because she will be hooked on you at that point.

-----Gary and Marie
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 6
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 1:29:30 PM
Women don't like to be lied to,


I'm not convinced of that.
Otherwise they wouldn't fall for so many obvious ones.


I don't understand why it has to be on a level with committing a crime, but in the dating world it is.


Because you're supposed to be "the man". (whatever that means in their head)


I don't understand why I have to be alone forever,


You don't.
Start a meetup group for virgins.
Apparently meetup groups are the new panacea, and there is one for just about everything else.
 catman011
Joined: 11/28/2014
Msg: 7
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 1:57:01 PM
Where have I have been in life since 18? Either not trying or getting rejected time and time again. I've been accused of lying by omission so I tell her everything up front now.

Virgin, no relationships, no makeout sessions, no nothing. Just rejection for not being desired. That's all.

No amount of training is going to do any good because there's no one to train with. I will state that again. There is no one to train with.

I can try to make a date fun for her and it never works and she ends up wanting to leave after 30 minutes. She's usually checked out of the date within 30 seconds anyway. I don't know why. Not that there are many dates to being with. It never works.

There is no one compatible anymore. Women by 40 already have families with children by then or are divorced.

I know women look at me like a 12 year old because I've had no make out sessions yet. I'm clearly immature for my age since I've never had an adult relationship but comparing me to a 12 year old is ridiculous, but I have been. It's so funny that because no one is romantically interested in me that I'm looked at as a kid at 40. That's amazing and sickening.

Every one of you ladies that has stated an opinion have said it is undesirable. It's not just my opinion. It's everyone's opinion.

It doesn't even matter because I'm not every trying anymore. Maybe they'll be more sympathy in 10 years when I'm a 50 year old virgin. That was sarcasm.
 overunity
Joined: 8/16/2014
Msg: 8
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Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 2:06:21 PM
Get a hooker dude, then you can say you're not a virgin. Presuming you don't look like the elephant man.

Edit to below: I'll bring it up anytime I want Lucky, lmfao!
 catman011
Joined: 11/28/2014
Msg: 9
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 2:08:43 PM
I will not ever be getting a hooker or an escort or any of that crap. It's all fake with the women pretending and it's stealing my money. Do not bring this up again.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 10
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Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 2:23:42 PM
OP, Overtunity can bring up whatever he wants. You have no control of others. You lack the skills to control even your own life.

You are not trying anymore. Good news from your experience to date.

That's a positive acknowledgement on your part and a good first step. Accept reality and refocus your energy in life. When it comes to personal relationships you are a 'loser'. This is not going to change. You have issues. Don't wallow in your misery.

However, you can excel at some other aspect of life. Expand your social interaction with others. Sports, music, art, hiking, etc. Concentrate on the things you are good at.

 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 11
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Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 2:47:44 PM


so I tell them I'm a virgin on the first date..... It saps all the energy out when I tell her


You are answering a question she is not asking. A First date is NOT a time or place to be discussion sexual history. Omission is not lying, unless you believe that on a first date you should tell you date absolutely everything about you, including the bad.
How old were you when you last wet the bed?
Did you every get sent to the principles office at school?
Would you show your mom your entire internet browsing history?

Non of these questions are in anyway relevant for a first date. Maybe they could come up in conversation somewhere down the line, maybe date 5, but defiantly not on date on.

Most women are not even thinking about sex on the first date, the general rule of thumb is 3rd date or later. So this is a womans thought process when you say you are a virgin on the first date.

"He's a virgin, and he's telling me on a date"
"He wants me to be his first, otherwise he wouldn't have told me"
"He wants to have sex with me"
"I don't want to have sex with him, we only just met."

No wonder it knocks the wind out of her sails

The exact same thought process would be happening if a guy said "I've slept with 1000 women" or "I've slept with 10 women" on a first date.


A first date is NOT the place for a conversation about sexual history, it is this that is putting women off, not the fact you are a virgin.

Save it for a few dates down the line, when she knows you and trusts you and cares for you.
 catman011
Joined: 11/28/2014
Msg: 12
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 3:28:22 PM

You are not trying anymore. Good news from your experience to date.

That's a positive acknowledgement on your part and a good first step. Accept reality and refocus your energy in life. When it comes to personal relationships you are a 'loser'. This is not going to change. You have issues. Don't wallow in your misery.

I'm a loser in a lot more than personal relationships. You're not the first one who's called me a loser and you won't be the last. It's just good news because it's one less loser for women to date.

Women like men who are in control and even have some control over them. I don't have control over anybody though I don't agree than I don't have control over me. I don't see anyone else helping me walk.

I won't accept reality but there's nothing I can do about. I'm not happy that no one desires me and I'm not going to be happy. What is clear is no matter what I do in my personal life I won't even be desired by any women. I don't know why it matters what I do in my personal life. I've heard loud and clear to stay away from dating forever. At least there's a consensus on something.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 13
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Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 3:43:59 PM
Women aren't going to suddenly change to adapt to you. As others wrote, it's not that you're a virgin at 40 but the reason for it? If the women turn off in 30 seconds and want to escape by 30 minutes, then something else is going on. You need to seek some outside help to figure out what it is.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 14
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 4:08:36 PM
I agree with activemelaney, talking about virginity on a first date is really offputting. You can get to work to improve yourself if you feel undesirable. Go to the gym, visit a prossie to lose your cherry and gain a few tips, just so you don't feel compelled to have to confess your virginity to strangers. She is being paid, but that is not the point. You are having sex, not making love.

Buy a new wardrobe, style your hair, whatever it takes. No one wants a self pitying guy who is out to prove he is just a loser. A half serious profile on here? Why bother?
 PurpleZebra12
Joined: 10/9/2013
Msg: 15
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 4:18:23 PM
It could be because you are putting too big of a spotlight on it. It happens with a lot of people who are very insecure about something that they perceive to be a huge deal breaker. Height, weight, hair, etc. They become so focused on addressing the "issue" that they end up being terrible dates. And instead of assuming it was their inattentiveness that brought the evening to a screeching halt, they think it was their "issue" and become even more insecure.

And as many others have said, the first date might be too early for sex talk. The way you described it, it sounds like you are bringing up sex when the conversation was not there. She is asking what you do for work and you're blurting out you're a virgin. If the conversation is still in that first date question phase, no need to bring up sex or lack thereof. Try to enjoy the date for what it is: a bit of time with someone new. If it leads to a second date, great. If not, you still went out and had a date. Thinking about potential problems far in the future can prevent you from realizing there is a great time to be had in the present.

I advice you work on engaging with women in low pressure settings. Spending platonic time with a woman might make you feel more comfortable around women in general and might help you relax on a date.

Or try speed dating. Cheaper than a full dinner for 2, you get 5+ mini dates in one evening and the structured nature of speed dating might help you overcome some jitters associated with typical free form dates.

And don't completely rule out paying someone. You can pay for *just* companionship, an evening out with a woman. There are just cuddling services available these days. If there is something specific you want, there is someone out there who is willing to do it for a price.
 catman011
Joined: 11/28/2014
Msg: 16
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 5:27:27 PM
You all may as well just be illiterate fools.

After not telling some women about my virginity and being accused of lying by omission, what the hell do you expect? You can't have it both ways.

How many ****ing times do I need to say I won't go see an escort or prostitute or any of that crap. Can any of you read? No you clearly can't.

Buying new clothes or lifting a fifty pound weight up and down like an idiot isn't going to change anything. Women do not want to enjoy dates so how do you expect me to. They are nothing more than high pressure interviews with them constantly looking for faults. There's not kissing or hugging or even much friendliness.

You all can accusing me of not listening but you all don't either. I know I'm a loser but I'm sick and tired of one after another fool calling me a loser.

Another lonely Friday night in Boston.
 catman011
Joined: 11/28/2014
Msg: 17
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 5:28:16 PM
Hey mods, delete this useless crap thread.
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 18
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 5:43:54 PM
Ok, I think the advice is a bit mean. OP, this complaint is brought up regularly. STOP blaming women for not "giving you a chance". This is not charity.

Do you have friends, a social life, and please stop wallowing in victimization...your attitude is important. Get therapy, get a medical checkup because something is off about your background, family of origin, socialization, maybe hormone levels..and perhaps get a sex surrogate or coach of some sort.

You say you have a good job. Invest in something other than blaming women--a makeover, therapy, do something for yourself that's proactive and don't blame women. It's your job to be attractive or ****able, sorry--that's true for anybody.

We don't know if you have poor hygiene, poor attitudes, nobody knows why you are without experience. I will say, I probably know some guys in your situation who haven't admitted it...they all have in common--being in certain fields like engineering, computer science, math and just aren't relating well to women, have little in common with most unless she has a similar background.

The number one thing to do is stop complaining and be grateful for your lot in life--be it health or lifestyle.

Hopefully you can vastly improve but don't expect women to pity date you--very big turnoff, any negativity/poor me, desperation.

Oh, and stop telling people this on dates...you seem to lack awareness of social cues and probably need to discuss this issue with a professional, more than a forum of judgers. I mean, post away and maybe someone can relate, but this probably needs more work to overcome.

Btw, this isn't the hugest issue in the world. You have your health, you enjoy life, right? If you don't, that could be the bigger issue you need to address. You need to enjoy life prior to dating, just like everybody. I don't attempt dating unless I'm feeling good in all areas of my life.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 19
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Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 7:24:52 PM

I'm a virgin not for any reason other than being undesirable.

Why won't anyone give me a chance?[/quote

Being "undesirable" is probably the best answer.
 awesomefiftyman
Joined: 12/1/2014
Msg: 20
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 7:48:26 PM
I would not want a virgin.
At 40 years and older, who wants to be the trainer?.... the coach?
Egads, it's OK to be a little rusty but once the hats are off, we want the rodeo and the clowns and the whole circus.
 awesomefiftyman
Joined: 12/1/2014
Msg: 21
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 7:51:28 PM
And I believe we are done here.

Don't know how to solve the problem here.
Maybe you will find that someone?
Don't tell them you are a virgin.
Just say be your natural nervous self and ask what she likes.
 awesomefiftyman
Joined: 12/1/2014
Msg: 22
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 7:52:47 PM
22?
Do we have a 22?
Going once.
 awesomefiftyman
Joined: 12/1/2014
Msg: 23
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 7:53:07 PM
22 SOLD!

Do we have a 23?
23?
 awesomefiftyman
Joined: 12/1/2014
Msg: 24
Why are 40 year old virgins excluded?
Posted: 12/19/2014 7:53:28 PM
23 SOLD!
24?
Do we have a 24?

24 SOLD!

So much for that 21 replies limit.
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