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 hemicharger4403
Joined: 4/8/2014
Msg: 1
First messagePage 1 of 1    
As simple as it sounds, I'd like to get some advice from the ladies on what type of first message you typically respond to. A little background, I've been on this site since earlier this year and have messaged close to 100 people at this point and have received 3 replies. One actually turned into a date(that didn't work out) and the others were a "no thanks" and "you look older than 38". Aside from that, nothing. I've also been on match for several years and have had a similar experience there. The number of messages I've sent over there is well into the hundreds by now and I've maybe had a dozen responses in all that time. So obviously, something isn't working for me. For a first message, I try to send something that shows I've read the profile, shows I'm interested, and initiates conversation. Some profiles are easier than others as if there is something of interest in there, I'll reference that. Others that have only 3-4 lines are a bit harder. I typically keep a first message to 4-5 sentences max as I know that women likely receive many messages, but I also don't send the one liners like "hey baby" or "what's up" either. Any suggestions or thoughts on what works as a good first message?
 BeachBikeHike
Joined: 8/15/2014
Msg: 2
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 6:15:37 AM
So how old are you really?
 hemicharger4403
Joined: 4/8/2014
Msg: 3
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 6:26:48 AM
I'm 38, just like the profile says.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 4
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 6:47:36 AM
You're 38; your age range for a prospective date that you desire is -13/+4 younger/older than you, and you look older than 43.

A woman "who takes pride in herself" will see this for what it really is.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 5
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 7:11:59 AM
Here's a suggestion:

Do a search on "first message" on the thread and you will stumble upon archives dating to the beginning of online dating. I know everyone is looking for customized answers related to their particular situation, but there is nothing particular about the age or demographics of your audience that will change the format of the message nor it's content.

And on the other hand, it doesn't matter what you send if she's not attracted to your pictures nor finds your profile as a whole, interesting.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 6
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 8:15:10 AM
Personally.......I like marriage proposals in a first message. Shows a confident, no nonsense, efficient man, in my opinion....which are some of the qualities I'm looking for!

Of course.....it hasn't worked out so well for me yet.....as I'm still here. And for some unknown reason.....when I message them back....accepting their proposal and attempt to get their full name and credit card info for the purpose of booking us in the Elvis chapel in Vegas......they stop responding!

Even crazier......when I message them a couple of more times to try to pin them down to a date.......I get messages back that include the words psycho and stalker!

So that just leads me to believe that there may be some bipolar people swimming in these waters! No other explanation for going from being "The love of my life. I want to marry you!" to "You crazy, psycho stalker....leave me the (blank) alone!"




So Op......just in case you missed it.......I'm still single (bats eyelashes) :)
 hemicharger4403
Joined: 4/8/2014
Msg: 7
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 8:17:29 AM
>>You're 38; your age range for a prospective date that you desire is -13/+4 younger/older than you, and you look older than 43.

A woman "who takes pride in herself" will see this for what it really is<<

I'm not sure what the big deal with the age range I am seeking is. Yes it skews more younger, but truthfully I have more in common with most people in that range. To be fair, I've seen a good number of female profiles with a preferred age range that skews considerably older. Anyhow, I think we've established that I appear older than 38 so maybe that's the problem. Not sure how to fix that other than better photos so that's something I'll look into. I do appreciate that feedback as I have never been told that I look older than I am outside of this site.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 8
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 8:25:43 AM
here is the big deal - women close to your age will see you are looking to date someone 13 years younger and click next.
Women who are 25 will go he's too old for me, probably looking for a baby factory and click next
POF has a span of 14 lower/younger
Men seldom need mail restrictions
In some photos you look your stated age, I think in a few the glare makes you look older, hmm, the hair.
To be fair? Darlin fair is where the pig wins the blue ribbon - don't fret what "women" have in their profiles
 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 9
view profile
History
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 9:40:12 AM
This is such a redundant thread, it has been covered so many times before.

Here's a good first message.

-Causally introduce yourself
-Give them a compliment (about their text, not their looks)
-Mention something from heir profile
-Talk about common interests
-Ask them a simple question

The whole things should be pretty light and fun, and not too long.

So lets say I wanted to message Belle (who posted earlier in this thread) as an example. I'd say something like:


Hi Belle,

I'm Simon, really enjoyed reading your profile, you sound really fun with a funky sense of humour too. You've never been zip-ling? Oh my gosh you should it's so much fun. I'm a little bit of a foodie too, I also love noodle-dishes and noodle soups, I love finding little niche restaurants in the city that serve great food without any pretentiousness.

So how's your weekend been? All ready for Christmas?

Look forward to hearing from you

Simon




Belle, would you respond to a message like this?
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 10
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 9:54:50 AM


Personally.......I like marriage proposals in a first message. Shows a confident, no nonsense, efficient man, in my opinion....which are some of the qualities I'm looking for!

Of course.....it hasn't worked out so well for me yet.....as I'm still here. And for some unknown reason.....when I message them back....accepting their proposal and attempt to get their full name and credit card info for the purpose of booking us in the Elvis chapel in Vegas......they stop responding!

Even crazier......when I message them a couple of more times to try to pin them down to a date.......I get messages back that include the words psycho and stalker!

So that just leads me to believe that there may be some bipolar people swimming in these waters! No other explanation for going from being "The love of my life. I want to marry you!" to "You crazy, psycho stalker....leave me the (blank) alone!"

So Op......just in case you missed it.......I'm still single (bats eyelashes) :)


Rolling around on my couch laughing, thank you
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 11
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History
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 10:06:39 AM

Anyhow, I think we've established that I appear older than 38 so maybe that's the problem. Not sure how to fix that other than better photos so that's something I'll look into. I do appreciate that feedback as I have never been told that I look older than I am outside of this site.

Dye your hair?
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 12
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 10:10:30 AM
Been discussed ad nauseam but I will throw my idea into the ring for the "constructive criticism" . LOL

I like to just throw something out there that I would say in the middle of a conversation. Imagine being in a conversation with the person in question, after some conversation there is the inevitable tiny lapse in the flow of conversation. You remember something from their profile and veer the conversation off in that direction. What would you say? Write it, send it, don't think about it, write what you would say and hit send!!!

What you are doing now is not working, this method has given me some success.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 13
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 10:13:51 AM
^^^^^^What's so funny??? I'm just trying to get a date......just like everybody else here! ;)


Op........put whatever the heck you want in a message.....according to many of the men here......we aren't going to answer anyway! May as well amuse yourself!


Hope that helps.....gotta run.....I have to put on my 5th layer of mascara......I hear there is an awesome 50 something man around here somewhere that LOVES make up on a woman! Maybe if I hurry.....I can catch him!
 AlienHumanHybrid
Joined: 10/31/2014
Msg: 14
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 10:50:51 AM
The old dude sweater, undershirt and glasses aren't helping. Might want to just shave that melon, too.

I'm no prime example of attractiveness, myself, but I'm not trying to attract anyone.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 15
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 1:54:40 PM
Belle, would you respond to a message like this?


of course I would. It's like everything I've been looking for and seldom get, lol.
 ScooterSB
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 16
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History
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 2:06:21 PM


Belle, would you respond to a message like this?

of course I would. It's like everything I've been looking for and seldom get, lol.


See OP it's not rocket science.



On a side note OP, I know this isn't a profile review, but I'd like to point out POFs own tips on photos:


Pictures
Your main pic should be a clear head shot, hopefully with you LOOKING AT the camera. Leave off the caps and hats and sunglasses, pretty please!! I’m begging you, people want to see your face. A picture with sunglasses and a hat will get your profile clicked off, trust me.


This could well be why women are not responding.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 17
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 2:15:12 PM
I mention what I said in other similar threads. For the most part, I don't think the content of the first email matters that much. I sent various types of first emails and it didn't have much impact on my positive reply rate. However I got more emails from women when I added new and better photos and ( to a lesser extent ) when I made changes on my profile.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 18
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History
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 2:30:24 PM
^^^^^Scooter

Your advice is excellent.

Beats me, however, how it is such a mystery to many males. I would have assumed it common sense. A male who has decent social skills, a high school education should 'get it'. But nope.... I received about 75 messages the 3 weeks I was on Match. About 40 were in the category of 'Hi. I like your profile. Let me know if...'. Needless to say. Click. Delete.

I expect at least 6 or 7 sentences that show some level of effort, imagination, enthusiasm.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 19
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 3:16:09 PM
Beats me, however, how it is such a mystery to many males. I would have assumed it common sense. A male who has decent social skills, a high school education should 'get it'. But nope.... I received about 75 messages the 3 weeks I was on Match. About 40 were in the category of 'Hi. I like your profile. Let me know if...'. Needless to say. Click. Delete.


The majority of women on Match that contacted me first sent me winks or messages similar to this. It didn't bother me. If there is mutual initial interest based on the photos and profile, then the follow up email / phone conversations and/or dates ( if it gets that far ) can better determine if someone is articulate or lazy.The subsequent emails from many of these women were often longer and contained more information.

Among the women that did send me initial emails with 4-5 sentences about something in my profile. I sent a positive reply to the ones I was interested in, asked them questions about something in their profile, and never heard back from some of them.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 20
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 3:52:06 PM
If you have sent hundreds of messages over the years I do admire your persistence. It is not the messages that you send that is the problem, and I wouldn't bother with any more than a sentence. Women look at your pics and stats and if not interested, don't bother to real the profile often. I would get rid of any shots in sunglasses, waste of space. You may have some grey hair that makes you look more mature, but not an issue I would have thought. Dating sites can be a very frustrating and futile medium especially for men and so many people are just playing games, fantasising about some impossible creature that they are never going to find and often women in particular, are wary of actually meeting up and just prefer to look. You also have to realise that some women are not genuine, are lying on their profiles and don't have any intentions of getting real.
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 21
First message
Posted: 12/20/2014 4:05:58 PM

and often women in particular, are wary of actually meeting up and just prefer to look. You also have to realise that some women are not genuine, are lying on their profiles and don't have any intentions of getting real.


Now, if someone could just mark all of those profiles with a big red X, it would really help us guys a lot, so we could avoid them completely.
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