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 earwigs_have_wings
Joined: 10/16/2014
Msg: 1
"I like you but am not attracted to your body type..."Page 1 of 23    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23)
So what is a person to do when they hear this especially if two people get along well, find each other facially attractive, but one states they are not attracted to the other's body type? Does the person work out, tone up and loose weight to make it work or do they stay the way they are and hope somebody else will come along who accepts them?

When someone says the above it is an eye opener and there is a feeling of guilt knowing they're right but at the same time the rejection is crushing.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 2
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I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 3:42:24 PM
If you're going to work out and eat right, then by all means it's a great idea. But do it for you and for nobody else.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 12/17/2014
Msg: 3
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I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 3:48:06 PM
I'd move on. I'd find it rude to point out what it is. Why say it? What does it buy me?

It's enough to say 'not enough attraction', 'no chemistry' or 'no romantic interest'. Those are subjective and therefore not hurtful. Pointing out the body (often meaning too thick) just makes one too self-conscious. The next candidate might love you as you are anyway. However, I think it's a good idea to state your preference in your profile.
 __TEXASCHICK__
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 4
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I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 3:58:28 PM
Are you referring to yourself or your date??

BTW,,, head to profile review. Great pics, but your profile is d.u.l.l.
 earwigs_have_wings
Joined: 10/16/2014
Msg: 5
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 4:06:29 PM

It's enough to say 'not enough attraction', 'no chemistry' or 'no romantic interest'. Those are subjective and therefore not hurtful. Pointing out the body (often meaning too thick) just makes one too self-conscious. The next candidate might love you as you are anyway. However, I think it's a good idea to state your preference in your profile.


It's obvious I am not athletic so if a guy wants an athletic woman then he should not correspond with me.

Speaking of stating body type preferences in profiles - they usually are ignored as many don't bother to read them but there are many who do and maybe don't care? However, the guy I am referring to didn't state he wanted an athletic woman so how was I to know?
 daysleeper5
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 6
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I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 4:09:16 PM
You're an attractive woman but your profile makes you come off like a weirdo. You put more effort into creating a one joke novelty than you did in actually revealing anything insightful about yourself. I would scrap the whole thing and start over with a new handle.
 activemelaney
Joined: 9/8/2012
Msg: 7
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I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 4:10:21 PM
I met my boyfriend on Match. Like myself, he was seeking a fit partner. This is easy to convey in the profile as a reflection of one's own interests...I mentioned hiking, backpacking, dancing, etc. He did similar...the same and cycling.

I was not fussy other than he must be athletic and slender...no pudgy guys. But I would never ever reject a man by bringing attention to his physical appearance. My boyfriend likes (an understatement) big boobs but, again, he would never make a woman uncomfortable about her breast size. Before we met he never made any references to my body and definitely not my boobs.

We women have a lot more experience rejecting male advances....a dozen subtle ways depending on the circumstance. Males don't have that experience and often are socially less adept. One thing a woman may do is 'ask' why she is being rejected. Males are often practical and just blurt out the answer. He may be sensitive not to bring it up on his own but ...if asked...he is just filling in the blank with the requested information. Bottom line...if you are sensitive or lack confidence then don't fish around for the answer.
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 8
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 4:11:23 PM

So what is a person to do when they hear this especially if two people get along well, find each other facially attractive, but one states they are not attracted to the other's body type?


As in the scenario when you tell the fat guy/girl that 'you're so pretty/handsome (BIG SIGH here)---if only you'd lose some weight?' (and here they look at you in such a way that how can you NOT THINK that they are saying this for your own good and they IN NO WAY are actually trying to humiliate you.)

Body types don't change. A person can trim down but still have the same basic body type.

Chances are if the person did shape up, the other person would find some additional 'wrong thing' to pick at. There will always be something that isn't 'quite right'...


Trim down or don't---better to find someone who likes you for YOU, not for your body type---they are interchangeable.
 wolftxusa66
Joined: 12/17/2014
Msg: 9
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I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 4:19:40 PM
Earwigs, you did nothing wrong. You can message back and forth a bit to find out whether he read your profile. If in doubt, hide your profile and ask him something that was clearly stated in your profile. If he draws a blank, bye-bye. Really, it should be obvious without a quiz whether he read it (after a few messages).

You never know whether the date will be a success, but unless you were in dire need of a douche, count yourself lucky on this one. Or move to Texas - you're a twig here by comparison. :)
 earwigs_have_wings
Joined: 10/16/2014
Msg: 10
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 4:23:20 PM

...your profile makes you come off like a weirdo. You put more effort into creating a one joke novelty than you did in actually revealing anything insightful about yourself. I would scrap the whole thing and start over with a new handle.


Maybe I come off as weird, but what is even more weird is I get 'more' first contact messages then when I had a well thought out profile that did describe who I am. < Just realized the reason could be that who I am wasn't interesting enough?

The reason my handle is what it is stems from my having an appreciation for the smaller things in life and even being awed by them. When I found out these little critters that would enter my kitchen each night had wings it was a fact I didn't know and instead of turning them into pancakes with my slippers, I picked them up and put them in the yard.
 CynthiaSM
Joined: 3/29/2014
Msg: 11
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 4:38:58 PM
I'd move along if I were you.
I've been in your position, I've heard those words before, do not turn yourself inside out to try to hold onto a man who doesn't actually like you for you.
If you want to tone up for yourself, then do it. But I think if you wanted to do it for yourself then you would have by now.
If you tone up for him, what happens if you stop working out and revert to how you are 'comfortably'? (i.e. how your body looks when you're not trying to hold onto that guy)
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 12
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 4:51:03 PM

So what is a person to do when they hear this especially if two people get along well, find each other facially attractive, but one states they are not attracted to the other's body type? Does the person work out, tone up and loose weight to make it work or do they stay the way they are and hope somebody else will come along who accepts them?


A man who says, “I am not attracted to your body type,” does NOT accept you. Changing yourself for a man won’t “make it work.” I think you know that.


When someone says the above it is an eye opener and there is a feeling of guilt knowing they're right but at the same time the rejection is crushing.


I can’t imagine why you would feel “guilty” because he told you he’s not attracted to your body type. He should feel guilty for being a thoughtless jerk. Who says that? Wait…have you met this guy in person, dated, actually know him? Because if not this is just useless, self-indulgent angst. If you’ve dated I could see you being a bit hurt, rather than “crushed,” but really, who’d want an insensitive clod like this anyway?
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 13
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 4:54:32 PM
I've honestly met some beautiful faces with some excess fat, and that would be enough to keep me attracted physically.

I'd rather have a beautiful face to kiss with with some extra weight, then roadkill with the body of a 10. No thanks.

That being said, I would never say such a thing to a gal with a nice smile.

He sounds like a very crass and rude individual.

I want to be appreciated for the individual that I bring to the date and not worry about living up to someone's expectations that I just met.

I can understand if someone gained 50lbs during a LTR, but that's a whole other thread...

Also, if you're not attractive to the men you are attracted to, then by all means, improve yourself.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 14
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 5:22:35 PM
Why are you even giving a guy who doesn't find you his type, any thoughts at all? Up to you do delete him if he contacts you with random hitting and then decides you are not his type. Don't take it on board or take it too seriously. It is his issue and not yours. If you want to lose weight, do it for yourself but you don't look overweight to me. All sorts of unsuitable men will contact women online and it is easy enough to ignore them. Some men like a bit of padding and some prefer the preying mantis. So what??
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 15
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 6:06:25 PM
If someone says that, it means they don't want any contact or interaction and never will. Got a message like that this spring. I'm not going to bulk up for her.

Sounds like they're trying to be polite and impersonal.

Targeting "cubs" might result in immature, insensitive behavior and one night stands.

Good of you to release the earwigs. Being into entomology, I'd rather read about bugs than the usual profile cliches.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 16
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 6:36:53 PM
I have seen some women on POF and elsewhere with pretty faces. When I saw their bodies, I was no longer attracted to them because they were noticeably overweight ( More than having a "few" extra pounds ). However I would never say that to a woman though.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 17
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 6:38:27 PM
Anyone who would say such a rude thing does not deserve a reply.

Truly??
A person has said that to you???

WOW.

I just reread your message..
Was this in response to you sending a message to a man from here?
Is he a steroid popping gym junkie?

If so.
Ignore him.
His genitals are probably shrivelled.

A question... how do you know he mean't athletic?
How do the other posters know he mean't thinner?

I prefer a man with meat on his bones. Am not a fan of thin or bony.
But I would never be so rude as to say .... I am not attracted to your body type.

p.s. I think you look lovely.

pps... You have in your profile that you are seeking a man with slim, slender build. IN BOLD TYPE...
So I change my comments. What is good for the goose.


 QuirkyTeacher
Joined: 12/24/2013
Msg: 18
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 6:44:05 PM
one states they are not attracted to the other's body type


A guy pointed this out to me once. It was just when I started online dating. I sent a message to a guy stating that we had a lot in common and I'd like to get to know him better. He sent something back along the lines of, "You're overweight and say your favorite food is pasta. I work out in the gym everyday and eat low carbs. What could we possibly have in common?"

I could have said something equally ugly or went to cry in my pillow, but I just responded

"You said you were kind, a great listener, and your friends always come to you for advice..."

Then I blocked him. Funny a person who would describe themselves as that wouldn't consider that what he was saying to a woman might be hurtful. Not my problem. Be the best version of you, and someone who is worth your time, effort, and love will eventually cross your path.

If you decide to change anything, change it for you.
 awesomefiftyman
Joined: 12/1/2014
Msg: 19
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 6:45:01 PM
That's what friends are for.
As long as you're not against just being that person's friend, it's all good.
But there is definitely no need to make negative comments about the person's body type.
Just say that there is no chemistry for being lovers but we would make great friends!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 20
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 6:47:15 PM
First of all, if your mindset is "I will not consider someone an option who isn't at least as attracted to me as I am them" then there's no question of what you need to do, and there's no hurt feelings - they simply become not an option and everyone wins.

Second of all, regardless of who you date, decide where you want to be physically so that you're happy with yourself - and nce you're where you want to be, accept no one who doesn't appreciate you as much as you do. To do that would be compromising yourself, and no relationship is worth that.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 21
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 6:50:28 PM
A person, like that, doesn't deserve to occupy space in your mind and heart. That's it.

You, and only you, determine what's best for your body.
 salty_blumist
Joined: 11/26/2012
Msg: 22
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I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 6:56:37 PM
I've never been a fan of that "take me as I statement". People want other people to want too care about themselves and their physical appearence. And I think that's perfectly reasonable. I've always cared about my physical health and appearence, so I would expect the same from others.
 awesomefiftyman
Joined: 12/1/2014
Msg: 23
Friend material
Posted: 12/26/2014 7:11:17 PM
^ Yeah, the "take me as I am statement"
seems to imply a little stubbornness.
Like they realize they have a negative attribute
and don't give a ph#ck what anyone thinks.
Hmmm?
We have our.... differences, some differences we may not be able to change or maybe they don't need to be changed....but...well, that statement just reeks of .... defensive for the wrong reasons.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 24
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 7:14:24 PM
I've never been a fan of being someone else to make someone else happy either.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 25
I like you but am not attracted to your body type...
Posted: 12/26/2014 7:33:39 PM
Your profile:


What I am looking for is a man who has a slim/slender build


And yet you have an average build---NOT a slender one. You should either become what you're seeking, or relax your expectations accordingly. If you can request someone slender, so can he. You have no room to complain.
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