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 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 1
The 'Up for Anything' SyndromePage 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Coming from a marriage where my Ex pretty much spent YEARS living out of daily planner and everything was planned months ahead of time, I'd have to say I greatly prefer, even crave some spontaneity when it comes to showing affection and sex and things of that sort.

When it comes to online dating and those initial meetings, even when profiles state items like "Up For Anything", there's always going to be a measure of 'scripting' out of safety reasons and such, so it's difficult to gauge how much 'Spontaneity' is allowable in a longer term true relationship situation. Some people are incredibly timid for the first couple of dates; even getting a person to hold hands can freak them out -- but the same person can become bolder than hell once they've built up some trust.

I've noticed about stating 'Up for Anything' is that there is often an asterisk behind it - and there's plenty of reasons why. Some are practical - like having jobs or kids and their schedules and such - while others are their own (for lack of a better word,) 'Selfish' tendencies...

'Up for Anything'*- As long as you are paying...
'Up for Anything'*- As long as it involves motorcycles and smoking...
'Up for Anything'*- As long as I can pre-game and you'll hold my hair back when I puke...
'Up for Anything'*- As long as it gets approved by a 2/3 majority vote made up of a congress of my siblings, parents, children and pets
'Up for Anything'*- As long as it falls between 8 and 10 pm Tuesday Evening...
'Up for Anything'*- As long we stay in dark corners so nobody knows it's us...
'Up for Anything'*- But if it's at my place, we'll need a small bulldozer to clear some space...

I guess what I'm curious to know is what kinds of words/actions do you use to judge a person's 'spontaneity' factor during those first couple of encounters. Did you stick around to see if you were right?
 gtomustang
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 2
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 8:11:55 AM
For the first few dates, it makes sense to put a little fore-thought into relatively-spontaneous acts...otherwise you could end up at 6:30pm on a Sunday finding nothing open, nothing fun to do...and be with a person who has already told you every story they had.

If I think someone's gonna end up being self-focused in this pursuit, its usually b/c I noticed their stories are more about themself...than what they did. Or maybe they talk the talk,but I listen and hear about all the restrictions in their life, and the subtraction and additions don't add up to what they're talking about.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 3
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 8:12:53 AM
People are generally spontaneous depending on whether or not they are getting what they want. I would imagine this trait depended ALOT on how attracted they are to the person. When you're really excited and motivated, you'll do almost anything. I at this point generally wouldn't expect much of a match between what is stated on and ONL profile what what ends up happening, based on experience. But then, I have a very biased viewpoint as OLD didn't work out for me.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 4
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 8:23:16 AM
I like it when a man can just be in the moment with me. Sure, there will be a certain amount of scripting going on, but can he throw it out? Is he able to play off of and into the flow that is naturally arising between us? If so, that is a huge turn on for me. In lots of ways.

But whether he writes anything about spontaneity in his profile is moot. I can read far more into how he messages back and forth, or behaves in my presence.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 5
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 8:33:51 AM
Being in Minnesota, we've got the Mall of America - that offers a ridiculous amount of improvisation possibilities for a first date. There's not as many nightclubs and 'adult' venues of that nature inside the actual building like there used to be; but there's plenty of locations nearby - the largest indoor water park in the state is right across the street - heck, even the airport is only a couple miles away if you want to do the literal 'Whisk me off to Paris' fantasy. You can even hop the commuter train to downtown Minneapolis for the downtown night clubs or a pro sports game.

I often wonder if all those possibilities can make changing the 'script' kind of intimidating for some people. Would it be intimidating to meet in a location like that, or exciting as hell? It's nearly impossible to predict before that first meet, so what cues do you notice that makes it seem OK to go 'off' script on that first/early date?
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 6
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 8:45:18 AM
If the person is filled with smiles and seems just genuinely happy to meet/be with me...people just want to hang out and have a good time when they are with someone they dig. Then, what you do really doesnt matter. On one date we ended up taking a long long walk at around 1am just because the conversation was really interesting.

People are flexible when they are engaged/really interested in you.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 7
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 8:46:06 AM
Up for anything is like you said, attached to a particular set of interests. That is what you have to read between the lines.

Women more often than men are adaptive to what the guy does. So if the guy is into motorcycles or sailing, the woman is more open to try it. The reality is that in the back of each person's minds they were looking exactly for that.

For instance, in my profile I used to put very hard language about wanting a woman that if she broke a nail, or was in the middle of a ride full of mud, she didn't care and kept going. I wanted an athletic woman that was "Up for anything" and in my world that is CYCLING. The woman that found me, saw in my photos exactly what she wanted. She wanted to spend time outside, doing physical activities and she dreamed of the time where she could learn and do exactly that thing that I did.

So in the end it was not ANYTHING, but something very specific.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 8
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 8:51:22 AM

I guess what I'm curious to know is what kinds of words/actions do you use to judge a person's 'spontaneity' factor during those first couple of encounters.


I consider it nothing but a bonus when she walks in to meet me up with me for the first time carrying a bottle of whiskey, some lube and a smirk on her face. I can see nothing but good things in the future if this ever happened.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 9
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 9:15:33 AM
The only time I consider spontaneity is if I am inviting her out for a 'same day date'.

Some women like to plan ahead, so I'll first ask her if she considers herself to be spontaneous.

Often, the answer is yes, or yes depending...

I'll then suggest a date that evening.

I'm honestly not too focused on spontaneity otherwise.

I'd rather learn how busy the person is and how willing they are to share/sync schedules with me. I'm a needy SOB :)
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 10
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 9:59:36 AM

I consider it nothing but a bonus when she walks in to meet me up with me for the first time carrying a bottle of whiskey, some lube and a smirk on her face. I can see nothing but good things in the future if this ever happened.

That's a rather specific 'Up for Anything' wish - what if she showed up with a pound of butter and a cheese grater? How flexible can YOU be?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 11
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 10:37:56 AM
I'm flexible within a time frame - this means that if we make plans to hang out for a couple hours on a certain night I'm not generally picky about what we do during that time frame. I can be even more spontaneous if I prepare ahead...for example I may be hungry and I hate to miss a meal, but you may not want to head anywhere for a meal during the night - so I can grab dinner before I meet up with you so that now it doesn't matter if there's a meal in the plans. See? Instant spontaneity.

If you call me at 6 and ask what I'm doing at 8 - no that's not my thing. Even if I have no plans, I'm already looking forward to the night of having no plans.

I doubt I will ever worry about how spontaneous a guy I date is, since I'm not one to care too much about him having to be.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 12
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 12:33:22 PM

I often wonder if all those possibilities can make changing the 'script' kind of intimidating for some people. Would it be intimidating to meet in a location like that, or exciting as hell? It's nearly impossible to predict before that first meet, so what cues do you notice that makes it seem OK to go 'off' script on that first/early date?
Well for me it's more about the connection between two people, than the location/activity. That's why I think it's better to keep things simple for the first meet, so that the connection can be determined (or not, as the case may be), before you jump to the 'enhancement phase'- ya know?
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 13
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 12:35:43 PM
^^^^^ Agree with WomanInProgress. :)



I guess what I'm curious to know is what kinds of words/actions do you use to judge a person's 'spontaneity' factor during those first couple of encounters. Did you stick around to see if you were right?


I think spontaneity is overrated. What’s so great about it? I’m a grown woman, and I prefer being prepared for things. I don’t appreciate being put on the spot.

I wouldn’t even know how to judge “spontaneity factor” in anyone. And I don’t know how spontaneous I’d want to be with a man I just met anyway. Spontaneous and reckless are too closely related for me, in first meet situations
 alanj805
Joined: 4/16/2014
Msg: 14
view profile
History
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 12:39:00 PM
I'd look at this like anything else you were trying to learn about someone--such as their character, ethics, etc. You just have to talk with them and feel it out.

People might feel the need to claim that they can be spontaneous, but if they love their corporate career and have 3 minor children, chances are they have little opportunity for the kind of spontaneity that an unattached person would. Look at the rest of their life and what they're saying and see if it all jives. It shouldn't be that hard to discover if someone is a free spirit or else obsessed with motorcycling or is a leech.
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 15
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 2:06:06 PM

I think spontaneity is overrated. What’s so great about it? I’m a grown woman, and I prefer being prepared for things. I don’t appreciate being put on the spot.

Being 'put on the spot' isn't much fun for guys, either - but I don't think that's so much about 'spontaneity'. If someone asks point-blank, "Well, what do you want to do?" and sits there with hands folded, waiting - that's not being spontaneous - that's dumping the responsibility on the other party to make a decision.

I personally see 'spontaneity' as a sharing of ideas - brainstorming of sorts - that steers a date in a particular direction. If one is forced to be the full-time 'inventor' of the plan and the other is a full-time critic, there's no sharing happening, and it gets old quick. Some are just afraid to speak up, which is part of what makes those first few dates so awkward.

The other end of the balance is having a headstrong person who's on a 'quest' to accomplish something - with OR without input from the other party. Once again that 'sharing' balance is thrown outta whack.
 BelleAtlantic
Joined: 11/7/2012
Msg: 16
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 2:20:56 PM
I'm more like your ex-wife, I plan most things in advance, I feel it is necessary. I can commit to things I plan, but don't feel like I have to plan it months in advance. I don't agree to dates unless I know exactly what we're doing initially, it can end either which way, but I need to know what we're doing, I have to get dressed for it anyway. If he were to come up with something last minute, I'd likely dismiss it as it hasn't spent enough time in my head for me to even care about it.

"up for anything" has a hidden agenda, it has limitations the other person is not aware of. I rather clear communication with parameters, there is no need for vagueness during the first few dates, it leads to misunderstandings.
 Kay9876
Joined: 7/4/2012
Msg: 17
view profile
History
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 2:58:37 PM
I personally see 'spontaneity' as a sharing of ideas - brainstorming of sorts - that steers a date in a particular direction. If one is forced to be the full-time 'inventor' of the plan and the other is a full-time critic, there's no sharing happening, and it gets old quick.

I never thought of this as a measure of spontaneity. It's at the core of compatible relationships, whether friends, lovers, or family. When it happens, it's usually a fun adventure and tends to increase bonding.

(Thanks for the thought-provoking post.)
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 18
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 4:20:57 PM

'Up for Anything'


The vast majority of the time, they really aren't.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 19
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 4:53:55 PM
Did the OP take a blue pill?
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 20
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 6:15:51 PM

I personally see 'spontaneity' as a sharing of ideas - brainstorming of sorts - that steers a date in a particular direction. If one is forced to be the full-time 'inventor' of the plan and the other is a full-time critic, there's no sharing happening, and it gets old quick


A sharing of ideas and brainstorming sounds like (possible) fun, but I don’t consider that spontaneity.

This is where you and I part ways, I think….I don’t go on unplanned “meets” with strangers, so wouldn’t find myself in a situation where we’re volleying “what do you want to do?” “No, what do YOU want to do?” back and forth half the night.

I like the man with the plan…he is interested in me, wants to spend time with me, and has considered what he’d like to invite me to do with him. Spontaneity can come later, when we’ve established a relationship, and trust.


I never thought of this as a measure of spontaneity. It's at the core of compatible relationships, whether friends, lovers, or family. When it happens, it's usually a fun adventure and tends to increase bonding.


Yes, that’s my thinking on this, too. I would imagine it would be really difficult to try to be spontaneous with someone you know nothing about. Maybe that’s why some sit there with folded hands, OP. :/
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 21
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 6:37:46 PM
I'm generally an up for anything person, depending... I'm not up for an all nighters in a bar but I'm up for a road trip or spur of the moment cheap all inclusive to Mexico. I'm good to go if you want to visit a bookstore or a new cafe. I'm not fussy on mega planning, I don't have a day timer or try and "fit it in". If I'm free, I'm good to go on a moments notice. I don't need to be asked on a Wednesday for dinner on Saturday...if you call me this afternoon for dinner tonight, I go. Why not? Why can't a coffee date turn into lunch and a visit to the Farmers Market or a car show? I'll pretty much try anything that doesn't involve whiskey and lube (sorry Walts, and you're kinda cute too). :)
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 22
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 7:47:29 PM
Up For Anything = Desperate for companionship because their abrasive personality tends to keeps others at bay---thus, being invited out on a date is a rare treat for them.

Call them at the last minute? No problem at all... after all, it's not like any other prospects are beating a path to their doorway.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 23
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 8:06:53 PM
And how would you know their relationship status. Some feel no need to broadcast their lives over the Internet while others don't . As for me, I've always been up for anything and it didn't matter if I was single, married or living with someone. Just a personality trait like anything else; some are regimented while others aren't and there is nothing desperate about living your life as you see fit.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 24
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 9:47:15 PM
As I said before, some people are "up for anything" because they only get asked out on a date once in a blue moon.

Edit: vvvvvv You two would make a good couple.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 25
The 'Up for Anything' Syndrome
Posted: 12/29/2014 9:53:55 PM
I like bluemoon.

She is positive and has an open heart.
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