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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you dec      Home login  
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 cynicallyjaded
Joined: 11/19/2014
Msg: 1
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I'd like to present this scenario to the ladies, and wonder if they have ever had the same thoughts or conclusion? You might consider this a rant, and you would be right, for why else would I have even thought of this crazy sounding scheme? I might be in a unique position knowing so many people in my area, and thus no one else may have been able to connect the dots until now.

I have come to the firm realization of the possibility that there is a small community of "hot" guys who are getting all the dates. Coming across that they want a relationship but are actually riding the gravy train of easily targeted (for them) women who log in. The same women are being circulated to the same set of 50-100 or so guys in the area who have well written profiles, good pictures, saying they have a better job, and possibly a nicer car. But in this venue of presentation they do not even entertain the below average males like myself since they do have these options. And I don't care how many times you don't want that in your profile, when an attractive man sends you a message, you fall right for it every time.

I was talked into coming on here by a female friend, who brags endlessly about their success on here. She is able to date up, so yes for her it's like a dream come true, even if there's no long term stick around from the guys, she's still under the illusion of successful dating, and the more power to her for that. I've actually run across many people on here that I have already known in real life. Having owned 5 retail/coffee shops some of a social nature affords me the luxury of having met a plethora of people, especially in my area. Some of which are on the same physical level as myself who now will also not entertain dating at their level with the new found 'success'. So this is not just a sole case study, I've spoken with several ladies in person all with the same or similar stories. (As a side note everyone I spoke to was 35-45) And yes some of the names of guys they stated were similar.

I know what you're thinking, 'There has to be physical attraction.'. And I agree, but you should consider the alternative then. Why is the guy on a higher level dating me? Would that then not work both ways for a permanent relationship? Why yes, yes it would, and you would be correct in the assertion that there needs to be a physical attraction, therefore you should also come to the realization that this guy is not after you for a permanent situation. Now after that how much more attractive would the other guy have been? Still happy with being used as long as the guy is hot, right? Guess I can't blame you there, if a hot gal wanted to use me a few times and then not call again, at least I would have been able to say I had the hot gal, right? Not really, see where my point is going?

No offense but I know my limitations. (I consider myself a solid 4, maybe a 5 on a good day) I know what I have achieved in the passed. I know my physical level, I am not trying to fool myself or anyone else. However women seem to not want to date their level when there are clearly a small subset of options presented to them that are willing to use misrepresentation to obtain their end goal. Obviously there's always the option to date down, and even then it's often difficult. As often times instead of dating down women will just prefer a higher level of an alternate ethnicity. (not saying that's wrong, but it creates an un-even playfield for us ugly white guys) I've only been here a few months, and I've never had this much trouble getting a successful date, ever. Don't blame the profile, I've tried several variants, and no the profile review was no help. All I got was the same old gal who corrects everyone else's spelling make fun of me, rofl.. I got some constructive criticism that I took note of from a younger gal and a younger guy that I appreciated. (not using names). So now I just have a basic 'email me or don't' style profile since no one read the novel length one I had anyhow. I'm not here for a profile review, I'm just pre-empting some scenarios of blame the profile game.

So what say you ladies? Is there any merit to things I have pointed out? Or am I just a lunatic? And at what point do others come to the same realization? Correct me if I am truly off base here. I know it won't change anything in the way the world works, I'm mostly really just looking for validation in my observation. rofl...
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 2
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 3:11:23 PM
So the Coles Notes version of your " thought" is
Women I msg don't reply?
Actually there are only 6 super hot guys we all date. Just the 6
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 3
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 3:31:06 PM

Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a luntatic


Ramblings of a lunatic. *yawn*
 cynicallyjaded
Joined: 11/19/2014
Msg: 4
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 3:32:40 PM
I expected this type of response. Thanks for entertaining the option.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 5
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 3:36:28 PM
Seriously, man. Have you searched for the other 37,000 threads on this? I must say, you're the first I recall with an actual conspiracy theory (as if men don't want to date hot women).

Quija, you messin' with my six? I'm shocked.
 cynicallyjaded
Joined: 11/19/2014
Msg: 6
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 3:50:51 PM
Also I take it you don't buy into my conspiracy of career single people engaging in this behavior then?
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 7
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 4:35:50 PM
No need to " thank a million" there are really only the 6
You posted the Topic - you provided lunatic as an option
So basically it wasn't an option, hmm?
Then you need to be more concise. IDK, Perhaps along the line of " agree with me or shut your whore mouth"
 ThatGirlNamedAlli
Joined: 12/28/2013
Msg: 8
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 4:36:43 PM
Two for Ouija, two for Curious, two for me.
 cynicallyjaded
Joined: 11/19/2014
Msg: 9
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 4:38:24 PM
Maybe an alternative viewpoint, than a one or two line blast. Sorry I expected too much of you..:D
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 10
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 5:18:57 PM
Hey bro, do you think its possible to be an IT consultant at the age of 23 without any formal education? Because some kid just insulted your profession, saying basically an uneducated person the age of 23 could make consultant status.

So lets say age of 18, that's 5 years in the industry at best. What does that make him qualified for? In terms of consulting purposes? Breaking the boxes down from the packaging, then throwing away the cardboard?
 cynicallyjaded
Joined: 11/19/2014
Msg: 11
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 5:54:13 PM
Sounds to me like a nice candidate for the Geek Squad. But no serious firm would consider him without at least a Two year degree, or a higher certification like MCSE or CCNA. There's a great difference between a consultant, and a professional. Anyone can order a pile of snap together parts from Newegg and call themselves a consultant. Maybe he can clean an old person's viruses. But without the raw experience, or training, they will never succeed where the true careers lay. I was a Network Admin for several fortune 500's, that is where your friend's aim should be, Which will require 4yr/BS and Certifications.

So what is your take on the topic? Should both men and women be made aware of the predator behavior going on? Or do you consider me crazy like the ladies who have responded.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 12
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 5:54:51 PM

Because there are never any people out there wondering if they are deficient or if it's the nature of the game. It is selfish to not provide an answer to those who are having troubles.


Your first mistake is thinking of relationships with women as games. Your next mistake is imagining that we are ALL ALIKE. We all want the friggin “hot” guy, and “Boo hoo! I’m not a hot guy! What about meeeeeeeeeee?!” GAWD am I sick of hearing that.

Not being hot is NOT your biggest problem. Trust me.


Obviously there's always the option to date down, and even then it's often difficult. As often times instead of dating down women will just prefer a higher level of an alternate ethnicity. (not saying that's wrong, but it creates an un-even playfield for us ugly white guys)


Really? So now you’re blaming non-white guys for your lack of dates? How is it that you think you know what every woman thinks, wants, and does? I gotta tell you, that quote above is seriously effed up.

My advice? Get off your high entitlement horse and try to become a decent human being someone MIGHT want to spend some time with.


And hey you girls above….my turn with guy #3. ;)
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 13
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 5:55:26 PM
Sorry but I have to agree with the ladies, though since I have never heard from any of the 3 ladies I am now assuming I am not one of those 6
But I digress same old whine whine whine
I will digress again though, am currently dating a lady and we have been looking at each others profile for a year or more. She asked me why now? I said you finally put a smiling picture up!!!!!
Give you any hints??????
 cynicallyjaded
Joined: 11/19/2014
Msg: 14
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 6:10:56 PM
For the record, I get messages consistently, more than any of my male friends I have spoken to, I said successful, meaning relationship spanning from it, just trying to dispel your rants about 'whine whine no response'

Stop ignoring the point of the post, which was the predatory behavior of local men, or did you not get that, you were too busy focusing elsewhere, or ready to toss out the same old flames.
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 15
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 6:14:04 PM
Should both men and women be made aware of the predator behavior going on?


Most mature independent adults didn't just fall off the turnip truck and suddenly need a "big brother" to "protect" them.
One of the huge challenges in this life is to focus on self-improvement and not to envy others' supposed greater success...

"If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."
Desiderata

Just FYI, I am one of those 6...

This thread will self-destruct in 10 minutes.
S
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 16
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 6:19:28 PM
Tall is indeed one of the 6
We are blessed :)
Maybe OP should change his name
Tinkerbell or Little Prince
please dude I own Cynic
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 17
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 6:23:30 PM
Yeah that's what I figured, but people who own very small scale tech businesses typically could do that themselves. Set up a network with general security protocol, with database to save work to, and software to back up data. Then maintain it with relative ease.

But any IT guy worth salt works for the big dogs, or consults on a level that requires consulting. That's what I figured, formal education being a must, and years in sector being necessary to work your way up.

I haven't had enough success from it to consider online dating to be a viable option. I think men and women should be made aware that predatory behavior, or deception are much more common than they appear. Between me and my ex, shes told me that there have been guys who contacted her looking one way, and then created fake profiles to contact her again after she lost interest.

There was one count of this, and several profiles that she was interested in were flat out fake profiles. They were professionally shot photographs of models, I mean they didn't even have the decency to try and get added to a models face-book page to grab the less obviously fake images.

I told her if the guy looks too good to be true, hes probably getting laid outside of POF easily enough. Same thing for the women, if extremely attractive looking women are on this site and single, but for some reason seem to have a bunch of time at odd hours... probably liars. I think there are a great number of fakes that are created, people using other peoples pictures from any other state. Living vicariously through an above average physical persona

And the same people, the same attractive people that never message back, yet are always online. Are the ones that never go away. Other people you know more on the side of average drop out and come back. The fake profiles can be evaluated, so can the content that accompanies them.

I mean ridiculously attractive people don't need this website. People that seem to have too good to be true attributes, usually do. All you have to do is walk down a street to get an idea of what POF looks like, compared to what it actually is.

So yeah, awareness of fake profiles is good. Common sense can help weed out some of the more obvious ones. But a fake that is clever will be hard to identify. And men and women who get upset by not receving messages from these types of people might be getting the wrong impression about who they've really been denied by.

People will do weird things online to make up for what they can't get in reality. If that show catfish is any indication, it is good to know the behavior is often disingenuous. For protection, and to avoid getting upset over not receiving messages.
 cynicallyjaded
Joined: 11/19/2014
Msg: 18
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 6:23:48 PM
You're right, but there's a lot of recent divorce's that are severely vulnerable, and should have some sort of preparation for being thrown into this type of situation, wouldn't you say? Or other women who may fall victim to this?
 cynicallyjaded
Joined: 11/19/2014
Msg: 19
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 6:26:58 PM
And that is what I was looking for, good input, and well written. Unlike the ladies above, Thank you for taking the time to outline a good response..
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 20
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 6:35:28 PM
Your thoughts are not unique at all.

Many people have posted their hypothesis that a small % of the men get a large % of the women on here.

Some people have posted about small groups of "outsider" men who sometimes visit this site to take their pick of the women here, bed them for a one night stand, then discard them. There are also large numbers of married men who know about these sites.

Your solution to women was to reduce their chance of being played by considering a more average man?


As long as personal computers have been in homes, youths have been computer whizzes. I knew assembly language before entering high school. Nowadays with Internet access and free help pages, countless kids are teaching themselves Java and other technologies. Many kids know Geek Squad type solutions to hardware and network issues. A Palestinian kid got a MSCE around age 10. The word "consultant" can mean anyone hired to consult. The young guy could have been fixing neighbors' computer issues for small amounts of money for years. And fit people often conceal their bodies with loose clothing.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 21
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 6:35:52 PM
As far as a small group of men using POF as a place where they are successful players probably wouldn't use POF. Players don't typically use online dating as a means to secure dates or ways to get laid, its too slow and easier to achieve through other means outside of online. (I know because player types are usually type a personalities so they avoid indirect methods)

I was vulnerable after my relationship of 5 years went bad, but it was my fault jumping in after the fact. Learned a good lesson though. The best way to prep after that kind of loss is therapy, or a ton of introspective analysis. Something anyway, therapy the best rout. Online dating being the worst rout for a lot of reasons. Any dating is bad.

Anyone who is in a situation where they feel compromised, or vulnerable due to circumstances that aren't realized or contended with to any great degree. Needs to take that time out, and unless that is realized, the seemingly easier option of just pick up and move on like nothing happened turns out poorly. You have to shake it off, re affirm your identity, and actualize what happened in a way that forgiveness/understanding can be achieved in all context.

But yeah my ex could have met these people thinking they were legit, and one of them could be psychotic enough to try something. Likewise for a guy, it could be another guy with a bad agenda. That is why online dating gets such bad notoriety, because its prone to deceptive behavior.

You know, that's why its good to get Skype and whatnot.
 cynicallyjaded
Joined: 11/19/2014
Msg: 22
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 6:59:50 PM
Would anyone have some good links to well written articles on the subject? I'm running into a lot of the same old cliché's also. And do you think it's possible to petition to PoF to maybe instill a routine that could prepare people for online dating. Honestly there's no link to the forums from the standard logins, I'm just an old hat computer user and searched forums as I'm aware most have or had them. Might be different for paying customers.
 cynicallyjaded
Joined: 11/19/2014
Msg: 23
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 7:33:36 PM
SunshineGirl__: Sorry, I wasn't trying to be insulting, I live in Ferguson MO, it's the normal here. Life is slightly different here than in Maine.. I'm sure to those who live in the more entitled areas would be prone to jump at that as a racial undertone, but I assure you it is not. I am however currently crashing in St.Chuck with a friend, since my house was one of the few burned in the riots. But it was only 1/3 burned so they will rebuild, good news right?
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 24
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 10:01:50 PM
I mean I don't know if there is anything worth reading regarding statistics. I can tell you that I know there have been a significant amount of fake profiles in the way people lie about who they are. The pictures may be them, but the details are certainly fabricated.

And the fake profiles trying to get my ex to talk dirty or send pictures.

But sometimes you will get a combination of what seems illegitimate for other reasons. I imagine there are a decent amount of guys who fake who they are to get certain pictures. I imagine there are people who get a certain kick from faking who they are and latching to a victim.

The amount of crap out there is pretty amazing, best way to avoid it is Skype or meet. If they don't meet f*** em theyre fake.

I imagine of the potential real dates I could have had, I know I've had 2 women stolen (sort of) from me. In that I hesitated to long and some other guy got to the date first. But I think I have a good response rate from users that seem legit, and a bad response rate from users that seem shady for whatever reason
 cynicallyjaded
Joined: 11/19/2014
Msg: 26
Unique perspective on prospecting, or ramblings of a lunatic, you decide...
Posted: 12/30/2014 10:51:38 PM
I'm sure a good number of women come straight to this site out of long marriages and are in a spot. Having them run across the wolf pack straight away would not be very fair to them. I would think it be in the site's best interest to have some form of coaching in place to set an awareness to certain practices that they have to have knowledge of by this point. It's what they are in the business of. I would think it wouldn't need to be much, maybe at least a mention of useful articles, or even a tasteful informational video much like their coaching videos for profile creation.

I've never even heard of Skype as an option on here. No one has brought it up. But I don't see how that would alleviate this problem, it's still real people, they are just multi-dating and telling women they are looking for relationships to lead them on and take advantage.

So far the ladies on the attack above were on the wrong track, I was complaining about the men not about the ladies. But it seemed they were poise to assault to begin with. I learned my lesson on that one, and will most likely not be posting much as a result. I was simply stating my personal disposition to make it clear I understood boundaries and issues, not as a complaining or 'whine' about responsiveness that you guys are used to seeing.
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