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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?      Home login  
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 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 2
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How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Ok, since no one else is biting, I guess I will.
Were's the podium...
ok here goes.

Well, it is hard to say. So I will explain it this way.

I found out that I am a broken person. No one will accept or love me because I loath my very existence. People always made fun of me and picked on me my entire life. My family while nice, never accepted me. I am a freak basically. I am someone that can not be loved, because my very existence proves that I am not loved. Someone who stopped believing in a loving god, because there is too much rage in his heart for the wrongness in this world, were little girls and boys get tortured and raped, and killed and monsters walk free for the simple fact they have money or power. Justice is an illusion to placate the weak. Truth is there is no love, or justice. Just pain and hatred and sorrow.

Above is only one side of me. The darker half.
The other side of me is below.

I love everyone. I love to talk and hear the stories of people's lives. Making them laugh and surprising them with my funny comments and unnusual insights makes me feel good. I like how I can accept others for who they are. I love being outside on a cool sunny day and looking at the birds, the bright vivid colors of plants and flowers. I love to hear children play and be happy.
A hot cup of coffee and a good book or manga is as close to heaven as I can ever get. Yes, I will never get a girlfriend, but thats ok. Life is life, and the point of it is to enjoy it to the best of your ability. There will always be troubles and tribulations, but one way or the other, you will always land on your feet.

Both of these are me, and I flip between the two daily in my head. Usually has to do with if it is day or night. Probably has to do with my sleep cycle (shrug). I found that developing the ability to analyze yourself and reflect on your inner self helps maintain balance.
I can keep the balance between them most days, but sometimes my darker half will surface for awhile and I become almost completely emotionally paralyzed. I feel nothing. I can't even cry anymore.

I don't know, perhaps I am crazy. People tease me about it constantly. Saying I am gonna shoot up work or something, when in actuality I can't even think of ever hurting someone else in real life.

This duel nature of my personality makes it almost impossible for me to form a stable relationship, much less a romantic one. I lucked out when I got a friend. I was sure I was gonna be totally alone forever. I just find it a little sad that someday we will have to go our seperate ways when she gets in a serious relationship.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 4
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/8/2015 5:08:31 PM
Only acceptance of the situation and time will heal. You can get counselling perhaps but these things don't have a time limit and everyone is different. We just about all suffer heartbreak of one kind and another and my suggestion is to be kind to yourself, nurture the broken heart and as time passes, it will get somewhat better. There will always be lingering feelings and memories that is normal. Perhaps join a club or two and have some interests and friends, all helps. Allow yourself to wallow but not all the time. I also think having regrets and wishing things were different is futile. Have hope for the future but realise that you may never find that special someone again and that you can cope. Women particularly are more adept at this, than men.

Sending love and light your way.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 5
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/8/2015 5:27:21 PM
VioletRain...a wonderful sentiment to keep in mind is that time indeed does heal virtually all wounds.
Some take longer than others, yet we ultimately prevail to see additional sunny days. Good luck! :-)
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 6
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How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/8/2015 5:42:34 PM
Awww, I don't think she liked my convoluted overly long speech. I is a sad panda.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 7
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/8/2015 7:23:28 PM
VioletRain...when did your breakup occur?
That will give us an idea of approximately "where upon the path" you are now.
Get sufficient exercise, lots of water, some sun, and eat healthy. It helps!
 Lyonus
Joined: 9/24/2014
Msg: 8
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/8/2015 10:08:13 PM
I know very much about this sense of betrayal and the shame that comes with it. It's been almost 5 months for me-my story is on here if you look for it. I have my good days and my bad days. Alcohol sometimes makes for bad nights (like tonight). You just don't even want to try anymore. Nothing is good enough, and you don't even care about these people on the dating sites. They can never fill that void. They can never be good enough. Sadly, that is the way of things, it seems. No matter how much time passes. My good days, however, I filled with much flirting, hugging, kissing, etc., but it's never what you need-or at least what I need. Then you ask, what could you have done to make any difference-sometimes, there was absolutely nothing you could do. And then this feeling consumes you once more, and you wonder why you even bother to go on. But then you remember that somewhere, there is someone counting on you-some promise you made-and you have no choice but to go to bed and do it all over again the next day. Maybe things will get better-and they likely will-but what if they don't? But there's nothing you can do about it. You'd tried to end it, but it doesn't work. And anything else you think of has a great chance of failure, so you're stuck here. No escape. No joy. No love. Nothing. And you try. You try to be "normal", and it may fool some, but perhaps not all. You know you are meant for more than this. You are BETTER than this. Come on-groveling and trying to sell yourself for love or attention from those who don't even know who you are. And then you come to the forums because you're just not interested. No one can take the place of what you lost-no matter hoe beautiful (or handsome, depending on what you're looking for) they are. But trust me when I say this: There is nothing wrong with YOU-you know what you have to offer. Your picture might not be so great, and you might not be the best with words, but that doesn't define who you are. So you go out-you garner a lot of attention-all eyes are on you-and you enjoy that. You work toward becoming the best You you can be. Maybe one day things will change, and you will find one who is worthy of YOU because you know who you are. You know what you have to offer. You SHOULD know these dating sites are only a step above Craigslist. Are you going to let these sad and lonely people make you feel any less because of THEIR situations? As for myself, they've helped me tremendously on these forums, as well as my friends in real life-the rest? Those we may find attractive on this site? Well, really, they are nothing. Because we know who we are. Our pain is our own-and they will likely never understand. I lack faith in them-their approval or disapproval means nothing.
Take some time. Reflect. Heal. Always remember who you are. Always remember how great you are. Never give up. You will be fine. Because there IS going to be a tomorrow, no matter how unfortunate that may be-and all you can do is keep your head up, and rise above all things with grace and dignity. And one of these days, you will be okay. You've got to be. Good people are worthy of good things. And nothing can stop us from reaching our goals. The rest can wallow in their despair, because it's really not our problem. You will be okay-I promise you that. Use these things that I have told you, and you will be fine.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 9
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/8/2015 10:38:22 PM
I agree with the absolutely fabulous Eric.... my long distance cyber paramour.


Time helps.

That magic morning when you pick yourself up, dust yourself off and realise that there is a wonderful world out there.
When you have little freedom rebellions and go and buy stuff that you didn't before.

For me I bought a plunging cleavage bra, wind chimes and a mosquito net for over the bed.
And filled the fridge with asparagus, beetroot and pork crackling. YUUUMMMMM!!!

Now you can do anything... ANYTHING!!! ANYTHING!!!

Dye your hair green or pink.
Stay up watching soppy, tear jerker movies with a glass of wine.

What ever you want.

Try a few little rebellions.
They help.

Truly they do.

This being a victim is total crap.
You are fabulous.

And as wise woman said to me, whilst I was going through my bad time.....

"The best revenge is success"

So when you are ready, ensure you look fabulous whenever you go anywhere he may be.
E.g. a friends party. This is the time to wear that plunging, shove the girls out bra with that fabulous dress, the great hair do and heels.
Stand tall and stride in as if you are royalty.

It works.......
 loveisatemple
Joined: 3/28/2014
Msg: 10
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/9/2015 12:55:24 AM

Op, you have to be alone after a break up and rebuild your life. There is no shortcut.

Feel all the feelings, write them in a journal. Have a container for them.

Get some therapy if its possible. Positive friends and family who let you go through a myriad of emotions help,

go back to school or interests to have something to look forward to.

Nurture yourself better than anyone else ever could.

After a while the ex is stale and dead, all his negatives amplified with more time and distance.



I found out that I am a broken person. No one will accept or love me because I loath my very existence.

Well who isn't broken by life one way or the other, but don't stay broken forever. It is very indulgent to be self absorbed all your life. At some point you will bore yourself. One needs to challenge oneself to move beyond one's limitations, in some way.

I think you may not want to grow up and have adult emotions because it is what you know . They say people stay the same age as the age of their major trauma and don't move on. It looks like you have stayed in grade school when you were bullied. I know about depression, bullying, being the new kid, and distanced myself from others. But I never look back, that far anyway. I don't see the usefulness.


People always made fun of me and picked on me my entire life. My family while nice, never accepted me. I am a freak basically. I am someone that can not be loved, because my very existence proves that I am not loved.


You sound passive, that everybody should read your mind, supply your needs and you don't need to consistently make an effort to have friends , etc.
It is painful to be disapproved of by family, but what can you do but be yourself. They either accept that or not. Nothing is ideal. Just limit negative influences and find better positive ones. Sometimes the family is a negative influence, but ime, its easier to maintain a slim tie than leave a hole there, even if means a superficial relationship. I think you tend to look at things pessimistically, maybe because it is a safe place of no demands, no disappointment, fear or anxiety. It is scary, the unknown and brings up suspicion, fear, mistrust.


Someone who stopped believing in a loving god, because there is too much rage in his heart for the wrongness in this world, were little girls and boys get tortured and raped, and killed and monsters walk free for the simple fact they have money or power. Justice is an illusion to placate the weak. Truth is there is no love, or justice. Just pain and hatred and sorrow.

The world is depressing but why not contribute something good? Be a bright spot. It takes leadership.


Above is only one side of me. The darker half.
The other side of me is below.
I love everyone. I love to talk and hear the stories of people's lives. Making them laugh and surprising them with my funny comments and unnusual insights makes me feel good. I like how I can accept others for who they are. I love being outside on a cool sunny day and looking at the birds, the bright vivid colors of plants and flowers. I love to hear children play and be happy.

So great, have more of these experiences. Start treating yourself well. Spend more time in nature.

A hot cup of coffee and a good book or manga is as close to heaven as I can ever get.
Yes, I will never get a girlfriend, but thats ok. Life is life, and the point of it is to enjoy it to the best of your ability. There will always be troubles and tribulations, but one way or the other, you will always land on your feet.

If you decided this now, maybe you will regret it later. Its not about "having a gf", its really about living in the now and appreciating the good in your life so that you have no regrets at the end. Maybe you don't meet your gf, but maybe you learn to communicate better, or get better at something you value, or more socially comfortable. Some progress has to happen, or you will be in a bad place later with regrets.


Both of these are me, and I flip between the two daily in my head. Usually has to do with if it is day or night. Probably has to do with my sleep cycle (shrug). I found that developing the ability to analyze yourself and reflect on your inner self helps maintain balance.
I can keep the balance between them most days, but sometimes my darker half will surface for awhile and I become almost completely emotionally paralyzed. I feel nothing. I can't even cry anymore.

I did shift work a very long time. The first few years were hard. At some point, I felt I was getting very depressed. I finally found a way to deal with it. You have to sleep a lot and exercise a lot and get a very clean diet. Maybe change shifts at some point. But, it has a huge influence on outlook, though it stabilized for me the better my habits.


I don't know, perhaps I am crazy. People tease me about it constantly. Saying I am gonna shoot up work or something, when in actuality I can't even think of ever hurting someone else in real life.
This duel nature of my personality makes it almost impossible for me to form a stable relationship, much less a romantic one. I lucked out when I got a friend. I was sure I was gonna be totally alone forever. I just find it a little sad that someday we will have to go our seperate ways when she gets in a serious relationship.


Well I think you probably don't feel ready for the stress of dating, based on your pessimistic and negative view of yourself. Unless you change that perception, you won't feel deserving. But a lot of imperfect people do get involved. They just feel deserving or ok with themselves, and aren't self absorbed. I'm not saying you shouldn't be at all. Perhaps you need to do some healing before you try a relationship. How long that takes, one never knows. I'm still healing. I don't forecast my future. I hope I do make better contacts, at least good friends as for me I just miss the collaborating with others, more than the dating bs.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 11
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How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/9/2015 8:04:11 AM
Damn, I didn't expect anyone to respond to my post. lol

Usually people just ignore me, so I am not sure how to take such an in depth analysis.
I thought it was very insightful though, and provides healthy food for thought.
Thanks loveisatemple!
 Countryheart1967
Joined: 5/19/2014
Msg: 12
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How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/9/2015 10:24:53 AM

How did you heal your broken heart?


Still working on that. :/
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 13
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/9/2015 3:13:38 PM
Booze, women, time.

Repeat again.

Booze, women, time.

Repeat again.
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 14
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/10/2015 3:57:17 AM
Ideally?

Accept it,
suffer in silence
stay strong
time heals
leave enough time before you try to come to terms with it. Consult a psychologist or psychiatrist if its bad enough.
at least a counselor, or some type of support.
try to figure out what went wrong in the relationship, be impartial and fair with your assessment
you know
adjust right?
the other option is to not.
 Eternityboresme
Joined: 8/20/2014
Msg: 15
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/10/2015 9:53:02 AM
I took responsibility for my feels and actions; I required a lot of time, psychotherapy, writing therapy, abstaining from romantic relationships, reality checks, introspection, and tailoring my college education to facilitate my healing and finding belief and love. in myself. I realized my past relationship issues were just a symptom of a deeper issue I had cored and worked on.

It was an arduous task, and one from which I have emerged with a great deal of clarity.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 16
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/10/2015 12:19:53 PM
Revelations

No, not the bible kind.
A striking disclosure, as of something not before realized (about the person your heart is breaking over.)
It's my natural aquarian trait to over analyze and question everything to bits and pieces until I have full understanding.
So naturally my mind will think on what my heart feels.
It's also my trait to nurture and heal
I've always allowed myself to sulk, brood, mope, etc etc as an act of self nurturing and then... I get over it in order to heal. This where the revelations usually occur because my head is now clearheaded after the down period. I never let the down period labor on. It's a needless unhealthy thing to do, to put myself through that kind of torture unless I was grieving a death.. but a breakup? No. <---- one of my revelations I discovered eons ago I now always use to help myself.

I had a break up over the holidays from someone I spent months dating,alot happened within that relationship. I have never been so strongly attracted to a man like I have with him. I'm extremely picky and do NOT fall easily so its very rare for me to have this kind of attraction which is why I held on to this relationship for so long and had a hard time with the breakup.
and then...
Last week I realized that I should be thanking him for showing me what I don't want in a man.
*bam
I'm now totally over him.
 Ouija2025
Joined: 6/11/2014
Msg: 17
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/11/2015 5:16:50 PM
hearts don't break over a failed relationship
Egos fall
Self esteem takes a kicking
Ticks me off when people banter heartbreak around
Just save the dram, if your heart was beoken you'd be laying on the kitchen floor being eaten by cats,
but you aren't are you?
So you are hurt. Angry. Heartbroken
No
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 18
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How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/11/2015 6:25:03 PM
It isn't totally healed. May never be. I eventually moved away because I could no longer bear to be in the same small town with him and #4.

It's different for each person. There is no blue print or manual. My therapist says its like grieving for someone who died. I tried everything I could think of and finally moved away.

I am getting better though.
 caboblue
Joined: 12/28/2014
Msg: 19
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/12/2015 4:57:41 AM
violetrain

Thought about when my relationship ended ...Had no idea the feelings that come
with divorce

Is your separation a recent one?
The replies here above by others are supportive and helpful
Its helped me. Discussing your troubles here is therapeutic, at least its working for me.
I've had a need to hear the opinion of others, read their views and suggestions.
I certainly didn't think that I would be here in this forum, yet life sometimes puts us here.




Really had no education for feeling Heartache 'loneliness 'the betrayal and baggage left behind .What to do with all of it ?

No matter what we do, no matter all of the knowledge and experience we have, no one can prepare for loss.
We all individually have to heal within our own terms.
Try writing down a word for each painful emotion; define its meanings.
Betrayal ; is it your or his?
Baggage is everything we invested with someone.
Baggage can also be what we never fully addressed with someone.
It may not all be your baggage.

The alone part I think is the releasing of the emotions that got us to this point.
When we stop being with someone, the emotional part is no longer reciprocated.
That's the hard part.
Because maybe our heart and mind is still looking for that return of emotions we walked away from, that was so familiar to us.

When we enter into a relationship, one part of it is is that we open our heart to that someone.
Its personal, like giving the key to someone to your private spirit.
Over the years, I've had to learn to protect this.
Once we learn how to protect our heart, you have the opportunity to prevent damage in the future.

So, take some time.
Its painful; I KNOW!
Its not easy get back to being a 100% you.
In the mean time, go do some things that you like to do.
While you are doing that, look and see if it puts a smile on your face...
 Perspektiv
Joined: 1/22/2015
Msg: 20
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/26/2015 5:06:31 PM
One of the laws of happiness, is the capacity to accept what you can't control.

I would only focus on what you can.

If they betrayed you, the first step would be to accept that they did. Forgive that they did, on a level where, they don't deserve to have this much control over how you feel, when out of your life. You have full control over that aspect of things.

For me, healing starts when you're ready to let them go (emotionally).

There also is no harm, in seeing a counselor. I know I did after being in a bad relationship. I wanted to know what about me, made me pick a partner like that. I didn't want to repeat the same mistake.

Understanding why you picked a partner, and the underlying issues you're dealing with that predispose you to, is a major stepping stone, in growing from this.

Mistakes, are blessings in disguise due to the wealth of experience they give you, and learning from them, make you a stronger person, as these are left behind you.

However, if you don't learn from them, they're basically a look into whats in store for you, moving forwards.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 21
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/27/2015 7:48:57 AM
capacity to accept what you can't control.
^^^^^
This is where I am having difficulty (mildly.. I can still carry on with my day :P)
The control freak in me coupled with the Aquarian in me that must know everything has been pulling apart this question in my mind; "Why did I stay with him for so long and forgive or overlook things when I have ditched SO many guys for much much less or for the very things I've forgiven him for?"
It wasn't a happy happy relationship yet I stayed.
The reason is not looks, sex or money. I'm perfectly satisfied being alone and can get a date or another man so it's not that either. It was full of drama from the get go unlike anything I've ever been through. I drop drama like a bad penny but with him. .. it's like there is this "pull".
Boggles my mind!

There also is no harm, in seeing a counselor.
^^^^
I've considered this just to get an answer.
It would be very interesting to discover if it's something within me that needs work.
I'm pretty sure it won't be repeated although.... never say never because there has been one other man like this one in my life. (My kids' father which is another angle to my question that piques me).
There are similarities between those two men.

However, those two out of the tons of men I've known and dated or the two men I've been in a ltr in my entire lifetime tells me I have a pretty good handle on picking good guys versus guys I have no business being with yet stay and try to make it work.
The kids father situation is different in the sense that I stayed because of fear.
The guy that baffles me , I have zero fear of yet I stayed.
Weird! I tell you... Very weird! I know myself quite well.. very well but this, I can not figure out because I am normally very strong in my resolve. I have no problems saying no and/or leaving when something doesn't please me. I am not a doormat. I do not accept any kind of mistreatment from anyone but this guy. I took in alot of bs.
And I should add that all along Ive done nothing but given him flack for all that bs. It's just back and forth. It's stupid! Could that be it? I was drawn to the drama even though I hate it?
Why?!!!!
The broken heart is healed but the question of why remains
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 22
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How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/27/2015 10:25:55 AM
I know that for myself, the latest guy "got gone" because of the drama and I realized very quickly that the reason that I involved myself with him after about 2 yrs. of being nothing more than acquaintances, was because I have a LOT of major decisions coming up soon, regarding where I want to live and what I need to do with my Life....

The last time that I involved myself with someone that was equally dramatic, it was a similar situation....
After doing a LOT of journaling and introspecting the conclusion that I've come to for myself is that I needed the "distraction" from REAL life!!!

I was living in a happily-ever-after fantasy that wasn't going to happen for a variety of reasons, one of the most basic being the fact that our values were VERY different....It was a fundamental incompatibility.....

My problem is that I KNEW what I was doing, knew that the chances were that it wouldn't work out but I kept going any way!!!!
I was SO involved in the fantasy that I ignored reality in a BIG way, until I just couldn't do it any longer....Reality is funny that way....
In my experience, I can avoid and ignore it all I like, but eventually, it WILL reassert itself, simply because I'm NOT mentally ill and can only keep up a pretense in short bursts....lol
It was just SUCH a waste of time, money and energy, which is the part that I'm now regretting...I also wish that I could just learn to trust myself and my own gut once and for all....It's ALWAYS right, as it was this time as well....
Ah well, Live and learn and then Live some more and learn some more...and then.....
 Perspektiv
Joined: 1/22/2015
Msg: 23
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/27/2015 3:53:01 PM

It wasn't a happy happy relationship yet I stayed.


Control one's mind, you control their body.

Also, sometimes you tend to gravitate the hardest towards those who have similar traits of a role model you had, that disappointed you the most as a child.

Understanding the root of certain behavioral patterns, helps in letting things go.

I'm wired the same. For me, understanding my mistake in full, gave me closure as I knew I was well equipped never to repeat it. I may fall flat on my face but am quick to pick myself up, and never repeat mistakes.


I've considered this just to get an answer.


I think the stigma, makes some avoid it. I.E Those who go there are "broken" or people with "issues".

I think its okay to admit you're lost, and need help being pointed in the right direction.

I don't know about you, but my friends weren't much help in that situation:

"She didn't deserve you, you were too good for her", when I wanted answers on what *I* did wrong. I couldn't care less of what an ex did wrong, as its irrelevant in my healing process.

Hence the counselor :cP
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 24
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/29/2015 5:13:41 AM
From experience, as soon as you find that "solution"(answer) to the problem you are facing another question(problem) will come your way. It's never ending, and really, never boring. It's called life.
 MeMeMeatlast
Joined: 1/26/2015
Msg: 25
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/29/2015 1:00:19 PM
In a nutshell, I realized I was guilty of seeking the external to make me happy rather than the internel aka discovering what I felt passionate about so that externals ( including a potential SO ) , was icing on the cake.

Otherwise, you put the other person in a role of make me happy or else , which is unfair, unhealthy and a recipe for disaster.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 26
How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 1/31/2015 7:06:40 AM
When you stop romantically loving the person that broke your heart I think it heals

Well that was what happened in my case

Having other distractions help too
 jlynn1955
Joined: 8/24/2012
Msg: 27
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How did you Heal your Broken Heart ?
Posted: 2/28/2015 4:15:49 PM
Still working on it. I tried everything I knew....I finally quit my job and moved away from the very small town in which we lived. I could no longer bear the likelihood running in to him and #4 at the store, etc....small town you know?

Quit my job and moved a couple hundred miles away. I guess that seems excessive but it felt like the only way to truly get over him. And...it's working. I think it really is. I'm not saying everyone needs to do that but I did.

Change your habits. Go to places you and he never went to. Avoid places that you did go to with him...Make new memories with friends, etc...
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