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 OneKewlDood
Joined: 5/21/2014
Msg: 1
Paying for a datePage 1 of 74    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)
What is the general consensus about paying on dates? Does it have to do with who made the date? Is it considered less chivalrous if the woman pays?

Ladies, are you offended when a guy asks to go "Dutch"? Guys, are you ever embarrassed if a woman pays for the whole date?
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 2
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 3:10:27 PM
OMG, no, not this again. You gotta be kidding, my friend. Isn't everyone glad we got away from that? This is redundant. Delete. (Sorry, Kewl, don't have the thread title.)
 OneKewlDood
Joined: 5/21/2014
Msg: 3
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 3:33:09 PM
Well, there's this thread:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts2249078.aspx

It was last updated in 2005. I'm not sure it's still relevant, but it might be. All the other threads were specific to certain aspects of paying that weren't in my question.
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 4
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 3:34:31 PM
There's a much more recent one that went on forever and became very hostile. I quit dating and quit reading forums for a while. Please don't do this. Lots of folks would know that thread title.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 3:34:36 PM
I'm sure that the replies from 2005 still apply today.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 6
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 3:36:27 PM
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/search.aspx

type in the word dutch, or the phrase who pays bla bla bla

also search for gold diggers & cheapskates
the best I ever read
a woman posted stay home alone on a Saturday nite w/ a 98 cent frozen Banquet dinner from Walmart & a jar of Vaseline.

I am not allowed to post her name but she was hysterical...
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 7
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 3:39:13 PM

also search for gold diggers & cheapskates
the best I ever read
a woman posted stay home alone on a Saturday nite w/ a 98 cent frozen Banquet dinner from Walmart & a jar of Vaseline.

I am not allowed to post her name but she was hysterical...

Damn, missed that. Thanks for the link. hahahaha That's fantastic.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 8
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 3:40:24 PM

What is the general consensus about paying on dates?


You pay.


Does it have to do with who made the date?


No.


Is it considered less chivalrous if the woman pays?


No such thing. You pay.


Ladies, are you offended when a guy asks to go "Dutch"?


No one’s ever asked me.


Guys, are you ever embarrassed if a woman pays for the whole date?


They should be.

There is no way there are less than a zillion threads on this subject.
 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 9
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 3:46:43 PM
Rolls eyes...People...Log in and vote to delete these redundant troll posts....same old..same old..
 Supersoulson
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 10
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 3:49:53 PM
Whoever puts the finger up the ass shouldn't have to pay.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 11
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 3:52:35 PM
This story has been beaten into the ground so far it's surfaced in China.

I can't go thru this again!
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 12
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 3:57:33 PM
This topic was raised previously.
It might have stretched to 3-4 pages of responses.
And by that I mean, like, 300-400 pages! LOL.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 13
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 4:09:08 PM
^^^^^^But that was a fun thread.....lots of heated responses!


So Eric.....when you used this site for dating purposes did you always pay, sometimes dutch or what?

And what about female friends? This whole paying thing does get confusing! :)
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 14
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 4:10:06 PM
^^^I hate all of you. Who are you people?
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 15
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 4:24:15 PM

^^^I hate all of you. Who are you people?


We are the ghosts of eX-threads Past...

Forumites are doomed to repeat the past as long as enough post replies in response to the two current trolls creating tripe attention-seeking threads. Feed them any such tiny bits of attention and they come back for more. It's what they live for.

IF everyone could possibly stop feeding them those bits of attention they are so desperate for, they may just shrivel up and go back to doing their junior homework.
 norwegianguy123
Joined: 10/27/2014
Msg: 16
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 4:25:16 PM

What is the general consensus about paying on dates?

Generally, "the MAN" pays. When the woman "offers" -- she has to look you dead in the eye and Strongly insist Convincingly. Think of it like watching a football game and a play is "Under Review". It has to be pretty inconclusive that she Truly Means it -- and if she does, she has to keep Truly Meaning it after your 2nd, Friendly insistence.

Does it have to do with who made the date?

Yes, that does play a role and changes things a bit. But does someone always explicitly ask the other out? No, not necessarily. But like the "man pays" rule by default, by default if it could go either way -- the arrow points to the guy being the one who (passively) asked her out. So with that said:

If the guy Explicitly asks the girl out: Don't raise an eyebrow if she doesn't offer to pay/contribute. It could have gone Bad and she's kind of a b!tch. You still paid. You asked her out. Follow through. If she Convincingly Insists, let her after your Friendly insistence that you got it (see above).

If nobody Asked the other to go out: Much the same as above, but if the date is BAD, take her up on her "offer" if given. If SHE was a real bad apple (not just the date itself went bad), you can suggest "here, I'll get the bill, you can just get the tip...". If she has a "Well, I Never!" look, you can smirk and say "Okaay, I'll get the tip. (smile)".

If the girl Explicitly asks the guy out (1st date): Let her take the bill if she does. You can say "I know you asked me out and all, but here, let me get the tip...". If she's kinda poor and you're not, you can instead say "... at least let me get half." If she says no no that's okay, don't insist, let it flow -- she asked you out. Now, if she doesn't take the bill and it sits between you for a while -- or the waitress sat it close to you under the man-pays assumption -- in a break in convo after a while open up the bill and give her a moment to chime in. Basically, expect to split it at this point. If she is totally Letting you pay, run with it if you like her! If not liking her so much, you aren't being rude by saying "Well, you did outright ask me out. Here, let's just split it. Fair?" You're after all contributing to what She asked You out for.

It sounds like the rules of Blackjack at first glance, but it's not that hard.

Is it considered less chivalrous if the woman pays?

Chivalrous? Yeah, I guess it's technically lacking in Tradition if that's what you mean (Chivalry rides on tradition). Negative? Absolutely not. You just want to avoid potential negativity, even if they don't show it. Basically, it's like this: If a gal has a better feeling/compatibility about a guy after a date when he picked up the bill VS a time with a nice date where he wanted to split it -- she Wants/Expects you, "the guy" to pay -- even if she doesn't take it as a "Slap".

Guys, are you ever embarrassed if a woman pays for the whole date?

If she asked me out, hell no. It means they like you, and actually say what they mean. When you like her, you're going to treat her -- so it's all good. Only a guy with a low self-esteem would be embarrassed by it. I think one can feel Disappointed if the gal wants to split the bill when he Explicitly asked her out, because that's a sign (many times) that she's lacking interest. But it's not an Embarrassment. But even then, if the gal clearly likes you and just says that's how she likes to handle the first few dates with someone, and is convincing about it -- Great!
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 17
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 4:27:41 PM

Posted by KJ521:
"So Eric...when you used this site for dating purposes, did you always pay, sometimes dutch, or what?
And what about female friends? This whole paying thing does get confusing! :)"

For an initial "first meet" I pay. Also for the first handful of follow-up dates, I regularly pay.
Once it progressed into an ongoing dating relationship, we would typically alternate paying on dates.
Females friends is interesting. If she graciously did all the driving, navigated challenging and dangerous highways, venturing to a venue not previously visited, and she did this on a school night no less...the traditionalist in me would insist that I similarly pay in that example, too. How have you handled those episodes?
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 18
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 4:33:36 PM
Typically I always pay first, you know because I'm a bet hedger or just nice. But uh, yeah after that I kind of want relative contribution in terms of money... sex as payment just seems screwy. Unless the girl just doesn't have money at all. Then you know - outings might be reduced a bit, PS4 and Netflix is a lot cheaper than 200 dollar weekend drinking tabs. So probably limit the outings by 50%, if she doesn't like it, well - boots cost money.

I say anymore because yes (this is a resolution, and) I've done it in the past every damn time. And I almost feel like punching myself in the ball-bag- just to drive that message home.

Next time you screw up like that CTRLvector, im punching you in the sac. And ill webcam it or something. Otherwise im just going to keep doing it.
 nocrapzone
Joined: 1/10/2015
Msg: 19
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 4:45:36 PM
If the Universe ever aligned perfectly so that both I and Sarah Palin were single and available at the same time, I would definitely pay, and pay. I'm sure that Eric feels the same way.
 OneKewlDood
Joined: 5/21/2014
Msg: 20
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 4:51:04 PM

Rolls eyes...People...Log in and vote to delete these redundant troll posts....same old..same old..


"Troll posts"? What's that quote from The Princess Bride? "I do not think you know what that word means."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_%28Internet%29

@supersoulson - Nice tie-in! :oD
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 21
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 4:51:23 PM

Whoever puts the finger up the ass shouldn't have to pay.


You dirty boy!
 CuriousInDB
Joined: 7/12/2014
Msg: 22
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 4:52:35 PM

IF everyone could possibly stop feeding them those bits of attention they are so desperate for, they may just shrivel up and go back to doing their junior homework.

Tall, I'm trying here. Would it have been better to just vote to delete and pass on the comment? I guess. Sorry everyone.

But what's up with Eric and kj? This ain't their first rodeo. Who's in charge here? I've heard rumors, Tall. I've stepped into the matrix.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 23
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 4:52:56 PM
Funny you should ask Eric.....because I recently encountered such a situation.

If a friend is visiting from out of state, I feel it is my pleasure to drive to meet them....even on a school night.

So that for me, doesn't enter into the equation of who pays.

On this recent adventure, however, I was rather grateful that this man was a gentleman in all ways and graciously paid.


But what he doesn't know......is that I was REALLY grateful because.....in my haste to get home, feed my children, beautify myself, and endure the third degree by my children.....I left my wallet in my other purse! I did have breath mints, though! :)
 aj7125
Joined: 11/28/2014
Msg: 24
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 4:58:50 PM
For all those that just hate this thread, DON'T post on it. Pretty simple stuff
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 25
Paying for a date
Posted: 1/15/2015 4:59:07 PM

Posted by CuriousInDB:
"Who's in charge here? I've heard rumors, Tall."

Markus is the one still in charge here at POF.
Tall, KJ521, and I have all been enthusiastic Forum posters.
I can assure you none of us are in charge.
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