Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Together forever, no marriage, separate homes      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 1
Together forever, no marriage, separate homesPage 1 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Are there any men interested in this type of relationship? Men say "Sure, sounds great" but then it changes and they want to move in or marry.
Sometimes women have enough half this, step that, whatever in their lives and just don't want to add to that AND/OR share a home again.
Could you do that?
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 2
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 3:30:59 AM
Sounds good to me, and a lot more inexpensive
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 3
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 3:46:44 AM
a lot more inexpensive ?
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 4
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 4:01:13 AM
"Put on your pants and go home"?We are talking aboot two different things.
 Never_in_Life
Joined: 1/13/2015
Msg: 5
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 4:56:31 AM

Are there any men interested in this type of relationship? Men say "Sure, sounds great" but then it changes and they want to move in or marry.
Sometimes women have enough half this, step that, whatever in their lives and just don't want to add to that AND/OR share a home again.
Could you do that?

Oh hell to the yes. It seems to be more of an older person phenomenon.

I think it comes from the fact that finally, after all these years and all these scars, people want to have the comfort and warmth with another but want to have their own shelter away from the storm as well.

We just don't want to start all over again.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 6
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 5:19:43 AM
I think more women would desire this then men.

Men get lonelier and want to protect their love.

The gals want to keep the courtship going that left their previous stale marriage.

To each their own, but if 2 people love each other then this LAT thing doesn't add up, unless she enjoys the courtship and doesn't want a husband up her a$$...:)
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 7
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 6:50:40 AM
They want a steady but they also want to be able to bang other guys whenever.Treat as temporary,not forever.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 8
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 7:12:59 AM
My girlfriend and I reside about fifteen minutes apart and we enjoy the flexibility.
She has a teenage child from her previous marriage, so it facilitates those extended visits.

We like that my home has easier access for trips to New York City. Hers for elsewhere.
Depending on what is happening I might stay at her place for a few days and she does likewise.

At my current age of forty-seven years it is unlikely that I will combine households again.
Unsure if this formula would work for a couple in their 20s or 30s, yet it is perfect in our late-40s.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 9
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 7:55:41 AM
I like my Man cave. But while I am there, I miss sleeping with my girl. She also misses me. We are at that place where being separated feels uncomfortable. The only good thing about it, is that when we get together missing each other brings a great intensity and desire to our lives.

We both understand the importance of alone time. So while we are designing our new house (yes, that's were we're going), we are keeping in consideration spaces that allow for solitude and contemplation away from the other, like a painting studio or a writing area. The fun part is that we are creating these things in our heads, and as we dream them, put them down on paper, then on a program, and soon enough to a contractor, the dreams are becoming tangible realities, brick and mortar.


At my current age of forty-seven years it is unlikely that I will combine households again.
Unsure if this formula would work for a couple in their 20s or 30s, yet it is perfect in our late-40s.


And I have arrived at the total opposite conclusion.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 10
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 8:25:20 AM
InnerGorilla...that is fantastic news. I am so glad to hear things are going great!
I probably should have clarified my closing sentence to read something a bit better like this:
"Unsure if this formula would work for many younger couples, yet it is perfect for me and my girlfriend in our late-40s."

Campagnolo HQ would even be rather impressed by my mancave. LOL.
Sound like you have a wonderful relationship going where she understands our hobby. :-)
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 11
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 8:30:16 AM
I've lived alone raising kids for the vast majority of my life. And my youngest will be 17 this year, so a totally empty nest is just around the corner. On the one hand I'm ridiculously excited!! But on another, I really don't know how I'll react when totally alone. But I do know that when I think of being in love and in a long term relationship, separate residences (for the long haul) doesn't exactly set the fires aflame. I definitely want to share my life with someone, probably because I never truly have before.

The no marriage is perfect though, I have never wanted to be married. Though NO man has ever believed me, lol. I don't think that love and long term are synonymous with marriage, but I know that's absolutely sacrilegious to some people.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 12
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 9:01:25 AM

Are there any men interested in this type of relationship? Men say "Sure, sounds great" but then it changes and they want to move in or marry.


This is a LAT, living apart together.

My experience has been women do the same thing, at first it sounds great but then it changes to move in or get married.

In the past when I didn't want to get married, it caused a riff and eventually we broke up.

I had this arrangement for 5 years when I was 22. It worked well for how long it lasted, but she really wanted to get married and at the time I was scared to marry. In reflection, I think I would have been happier to have gotten married then, but since I didn't know the future, maybe I would have always thought about greener grass. (now I know there isn't greener grass, it's mostly weeds)

Maybe whoever cares more is the one that wants to change to get married, or maybe the type of woman I date is more inclined to want to be closer than a LAT.

As far as being forever, sure, that's OK, after all it's only bits in the ether. We can change our minds at any time with little downside, no harm in saying it's "forever".

I think if I ever had to date again, I would make an effort to manage a woman's expectations to be more in line with my desires. I would either go for the traditional LAT which is so popular now days, or more of a 6-18 month honeymoon relationship, or a set of multi-revolving door relationships. I think I would try the revolving door first, I have never really done that.

The real trouble is when you meet someone really special. If someone I loved and trusted wanted the now popular mainstream LAT, I would enjoy that. But I wouldn't want to lose someone special just because I was scared of combining households.

CONFUSED: More than 50% of the USA is now single, you would think that would mean it was EASIER to date?

It seems to be now days it's most popular to be noncommittal and marriage has become unconventional.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 13
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 9:08:52 AM

Campagnolo HQ would even be rather impressed by my mancave. LOL.
Sound like you have a wonderful relationship going where she understands our hobby. :-)


The other day, as we were looking at different house designs she paused and told me.

We're going to need a bike room. Where are we going to put the bike room.

Yeah baby. I am happy.
 LiliMarleen
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 9:25:31 AM
I don't really see the point.

You can say "forever" all you want, but if you can't even commit to living together and working out whatever kinks that may entail, what makes you think you're going to stick around when things get really difficult. And, eventually, they will, especially as people get older.

Do you really think a man (or woman), who doesn't even want to give up his own house is going to be around to give up his time, money, and freedom if you get sick or need care?

I completely respect people who say: Hey, I don't want that kind of commitment. I like to be on my own. I like my space. I don't want to give up this, that, or the other thing. Just don't tell me it's going to be "forever." "Forever" means commitment, and that means sticking around when things are difficult.

As for not being able to live with another person in the same house without encroaching on each other's space, that seems as if you might not be with the right person, then. Or maybe the house is too small.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 15
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 9:58:01 AM
If a person was living in a bachelor or studio apartment, and the person they're dating lives in a large house, I wonder if the small apartment dweller would say: "I like having my own space, even though it's small, cramped and I have no place to store or put anything. I don't want to live in a place with a lot of space and luxuries." Would a LAT be acceptable with someone who is still living at home with their parents, or living in a place with room mates, or has an opposite sex room mate who is not related, and just a friend? How many people would start to feel uneasy if their living apart bf/gf spends a lot of their "alone" or "apart" time with opposite sex friends or ex's, including stay-overs when they have too much to drink or when it's late to be going home?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 16
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 10:22:14 AM
Living 'Apart Together' is no crime - hell, many married couples are living 'Together Apart', which is probably the more difficult of the two situations.

I courted my Ex from two hours away for close to four years before we changed our minds and decided living someplace in-between would be better. Gave her the ring within minutes of signing the apartment lease. The time was right.

That's the key phrase there... "The Time was Right."

Sharing your lives requires a bit of trust, and to what amount you trust the person - is how you judge what you do with it. You never, EVER make a physical or monetary commitment to another thinking that will IMPROVE the situation. Many people decide to marry because of strife or stress issues they think will go away because you are 'with' someone - it doesn't - a lot of times it makes it worse.

Space can be a problem, considering finding a household big enough for both the 'Man Cave' and 'Woman Closet' under the same roof can get pricey. Sometimes keeping your own space makes sense. When the kids move out - maybe THAT is when consolidating possessions seems more logical.

Whatever your choices, keep them practical, not emotional - don't pick spaces simply to please the other person - even if you're committing to a lifetime of marriage together - forever is not always 'forever'.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 11:39:07 AM
I think that trying to decide, in advance, what you’re going to do for the rest of your life is a very silly undertaking. I can see myself in a LAT. I can see myself just dating, and dating different women, for the foreseeable future. I can also see the “right person” coming along, falling deeply in love, and going for the whole enchilada, living together, marriage, whatever it took, whatever direction it went in.

When asked, I usually answer, “I am open to the possibilities that life may bring…”
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 18
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 11:53:51 AM

Do you really think a man (or woman), who doesn't even want to give up his own house is going to be around to give up his time, money, and freedom if you get sick or need care?


What a great response Lili.
 _shakti_
Joined: 2/22/2014
Msg: 19
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 12:38:23 PM

“I am open to the possibilities that life may bring…”
I tend to be the same, because.. who really knows?

Different people bring out different sides of you, and sometimes you didn't even know what you needed until it was right there in front of you. I used to have a pretty calcified idea of what I wanted.. but when I got it? It was as flat as the paper it was good on. So much of the process of finding love is a mystery, and you can't really plan for that.. just be open to its happening. However it may show up.

To me LAT seems like a half attempt.. keeping too much in reserve. I get it as a stage, but not as a forever thing.

Something I liked about my last 'relationship', as strange as it may sound.. is how loving him tore my ego down (in an Eastern Philosophy sense), in much needed ways. Looking back now, that couldn't have occurred any other way. And for all its pain, I am grateful for the entirety of it. Similarly, I view the process of sharing my life with someone, living together and all that comes with it as a similar process.. needing to shed certain things that get in the way of the pure love that flows between two people. I look forward to that process, and don't see it as a nuisance at all. Though I may in the moment, lol.

I think living apart would just be protecting myself from all of the muck needed to forge something beautiful :)
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 20
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 12:43:41 PM
I think it is a great idea.

Have not found any man willing to be in an exclusive, committed relationship though..... yet


and they want to move in or marry.

^^^^

Note the OP has said that the man wants to move in or marry.

That is my experience.
Am not sure if it is because of a want / need for someone else to provide housing, food, money, washing, housework, nursing etc etc etc
These days when/if a man says he wants to move in with me I panic.

Note: They never ask me to move in with them or to move in together in a new place.
They always, to date, have wanted to move in to my place.

I would adore a relationship where we each have our own place with visiting rights in a loving, exclusive, committed relationship.

If we ever then wanted to move in together then it would be at 'our' new place.
Not his, not mine.

I repeat.

Together forever, no marriage, separate homes.
Great idea.
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 21
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 1:18:39 PM
Actually separate homes is probably the most intelligent choice for men .
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 22
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 1:34:34 PM
Having separate homes means either person is free to move elsewhere, if necessary or desired, without disrupting the other person's housing situation. If that happens and it turns into a long distance relationship, how difficult is it to maintain the "forever" part when they end up seeing each other occasionally? Is occasionally forever doable?
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 23
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 1:51:51 PM

Having separate homes means either person is free to move elsewhere, if necessary or desired, without disrupting the other person's housing situation. If that happens and it turns into a long distance relationship, how difficult is it to maintain the "forever" part when they end up seeing each other occasionally? Is occasionally forever doable?


No one ever mentioned exclusive, so I think seeing each other occasionally is quite easy.
 OneKewlDood
Joined: 5/21/2014
Msg: 24
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes, finger up the ass
Posted: 1/21/2015 2:08:46 PM
I like this idea because I'm not positive I can co-habitate with anyone again. I like my privacy too much.

However, this would cut my mortgage in half, as well as the mortgage/rent of my SO and so it's somewhat foolish not to do it.
 forumfellathesequel
Joined: 7/28/2014
Msg: 25
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 1/21/2015 2:16:33 PM

a lot more inexpensive ?


Yes vector, by that I meant no dividing up assets, selling house etc. if things happen to not work out
Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Together forever, no marriage, separate homes