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 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 1
Men in this age group and moneyPage 1 of 17    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
Do you think that men in this age group who are single, part of the reason is that they don't have much money?
It could work both ways. Either the man doesn't want to extend himself financially because he can't and so he doesn't actually get truly involved with a woman OR women don't really get involved with him because he does not have much spare money. This topic came up at my dinner group earlier tonight.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 2
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Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 8:19:07 PM

Do you think that men in this age group who are single, part of the reason is that they don't have much money?

What age group?
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 3
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 8:30:51 PM
Our age group.

And yes, sometimes. Some men at rebuilding after a divorce. Some may be rebuilding after a job loss in the recession. Some may have far more money than we need to know about. Somemay not have much money as they don't ean a high salary. Its not something I ask on a date as I think that would be rude.

The do they have/have no money question is the same for women.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 4
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 8:34:19 PM
Are you referring to men in their 50's?

Because I found a good number of men I had one date with that turned out to be broke, unemployed and/or some living with their parents. I think online tends to attract this. Alot of online dating is free, gives you access to alot of women very quickly, very ideal when you are cash strapped. It was a theme, at least here in LA, that I kept finding over and over. It was as if the men were in college all over again, with nothing at all to show for themselves..no equity in life, essentially. And one guy was looking for a sugar mama and tried to get me to do him favors which I quickly caught onto. There are alot of users online, and in my opinion, men who are not fit to be dating, without a job or car. One guy had a friend drop him off at a party we met at.

My take on this is that for many of these men, this state of affairs is chronic, not temporary. And they are looking for an easy way to grab a chick. Bored, nothing to do and looking for a potential source of support.

Women do it too.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 5
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 8:47:29 PM
Sure some men and women are gold diggers and often with very little to offer in return. A man who is financially disadvantaged in later years, is hardly going to recover his finances at this late stage unless he wins the lottery. I get that some men are victims of circumstance, etc but if he can't pay his own way and does not own a car, for instance, not going to be of interest to me. I don't need any one else's money but a poor man is not going to be much fun or able to do all the activities I like, such as travel, concerts, romantic dinners, week ends away etc. and I am certainly not going to be a sugar mama for any man no matter how fit and hot he may be.

 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 6
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 8:47:47 PM
Been retired almost six years , working is over rated . If some one has enough money to pay their bills , a place to live , with a couple of dollars left , what more do they need ? More and more men , are not extending themselves financially because they choose not to , no reason to risk , with no benefit .
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 7
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 9:59:11 PM
I find a lot of men in their 50's with no money.
The reasons vary.

As long as he can pay his half and does not want to move in with me that is fine.
 Eric_Summit
Joined: 11/3/2009
Msg: 8
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 10:10:17 PM
There are a variety of scenarios that could be in play:

* In some cases, men are single because they have no money.
* In some cases, men are single because they have money.
* In some cases, men have money because they are single.

;-)
 FullMoonGuy
Joined: 3/7/2014
Msg: 9
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 10:13:37 PM

Do you think that men in this age group who are single, part of the reason is that they don't have much money?


According to the World Bank:

" In all, 2.2 billion people lived on less than US $2 a day in 2011, the average poverty line in developing countries and another common measurement of deep deprivation. That is only a slight decline from 2.59 billion in 1981."

Now, I don't personally know any of those 2.2 billion people, but I suspect that quite a few of them are NOT single, so not having much money hasn't been a huge impediment in their cases. Of course, they don't expect to be eating prime rib and lobster for dinner, either, like people in the "developed" world (well, economically "developed" anyway). How IS it possible for those people to "love" each other in those dire circumstances? Oh that's right, since no one is "bringing anything to the table", "love" is all they have.


A man who is financially disadvantaged in later years


I also suspect a lot of those 2.2 billion are not in their later years either.

So many people focus on so many peripherals that cause them to lose sight of the meaning of a deep and emotionally fulfilling relationship.
 Bebedeleau
Joined: 2/25/2013
Msg: 10
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Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 10:36:47 PM
^^^ Yep. First you fall in love, then you notice and/or deal with the other things if you must (at least, that's always been the way things have happened with me).
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 11
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 10:46:18 PM
Dating a middle-aged woman that's overly concerned with money means dating a woman who's ignoring the other 99 percent of what a guy is really about. I'd rather stay single.

Despite how noble and intelligent people proclaim their dating goals to be, we all know it's a load of bunk. People always want someone matching them or an upgrade. Could be money, looks, travel, health - doesn't matter. People online always think of themselves as 'average' and skew the scale of 'better' higher and higher to compensate.

Think about what you considered 'rich' when you were 16 - how about thirty-six? How much is a typical bottle of 'decent' dinner wine nowadays? How much would you have paid for a bottle ten years ago? Face it, or tastes improve along with our expenses as we get older. We expect the same from our dates, despite the fact that using an online service means matching can happen across very wide geographic AND economic lines - often without us even considering the difference.

I think the first question to ask YOURSELF is - How much does a middle-aged guy have to spend on you to feel like he's 'worth it'? Can that be cut in half, or even half again and you'd still be OK with it?
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I suppose you could ask the same style of loaded question as the OP - are middle aged women single because they are crazy and men don't want that instability -- or are middle aged women single because their craziness prevents them from understanding men? Neither answer is a positive one. They're still single and crazy.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 12
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 10:49:03 PM
Sweet Danimal. ^^^^^^^^^^

He does not need to spend anything on me.

Just pay his half.


I think the OP is meaning, or I hope she is meaning.

The plethora of men in their 50's who are seriously broke.
Unable to support themselves or barely.
I suppose there are many women in this situation as well but I am not dating them.
And I don't know any destitute women.
Yet I do know - in real life - quite a few men who are bankrupt, or teetering on the edge, surviving on welfare of some sort, living on boats, in guest houses, in caravans, back of a truck, with aged parents, with their adult children, used to have money and a job but after loosing that job and a number of divorces, often the more recent with a younger woman, sometimes mail order and she has a child prior to the split.
So the child needs money.

Paying child support for numerous children to multiple women in your 50's with no job empties the bank account fairly quickly.


I think middle aged women are single because we are middle aged.
We are not young nor beautiful..... not HOT?

I wish it was because I am crazy.
At least then there could be a cure.

Maybe the broke middle aged men are attracted to middle aged women with a job and home in the hope we are desperate.

Your concept of us all considering ourselves average on an internet dating site is interesting.
I hope not.
I would hate to be considered average or normal by anyone, including me.

 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 13
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 11:15:33 PM
I've certainly seen some boats I would'nt mind living on. I can pass on the back of a truck though. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do to survive right?
 Sweet_Danimal
Joined: 6/22/2012
Msg: 14
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 11:15:55 PM
There's plenty of people out there that lavish all kinds of spoils on people during dating that are up to their eyeballs in debt - they just haven't been caught yet.

My point is that a guy may not be in the brightest of financial situations, but if he's making the best of what he's got, why does the dollar amount matter? If he can still squeeze some lemonade out of a basket of turnips, isn't that impressive enough? No? Tough luck, Mister.

Ladies go through all kinds of beauty treatments and a thousand fashion changes to look 'just right' for a date - but is it OK to not get a compliment on your looks (or worse yet get turned down completely) because you didn't push attractiveness above a certain level? No? Tough luck, Sister.

Note: Crazy people don't know they are crazy - they just blame the rest of the world for being off its rocker.
 CrookCatcher
Joined: 7/14/2014
Msg: 15
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 11:21:05 PM
@oz

Your well within your right to expect them to bring something to the table in a relationship besides a body.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 16
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 11:22:19 PM
I used to worry about being a rich partner to my FUTURE and unknown forever partner.

I now invest in me. I'm happy.

Whatever is left? I date with it.

I'm not worried about presenting a pot of gold later to attract someone.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 17
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Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 11:29:48 PM
Makes no difference. I personally don't know any guys who avoid women out of choice. If we attracted to a woman then we tend to pursue her. Women are on most of our brains at 16 and probably when we reach 86. I'd guess it's the same for most women. I suppose not being financially secure would be a hindrance in achieving the goal but most would still try.

People in their 50s are probably not a lot different than they were in there 20's. Proactive, responsible, successful...or the reverse.

I doubt if a high percent of males in their 50's are paying child support. Less than in their 40's.

My personal observation is that women, in general, are just in better physical shape and are more social. A lot of men let themselves go in their 40's. This is doubly the case with many who are single. Beer, pizza and inactivity become self fulfilling. I don't believe that the pudgy financially secure male is attractive to many women...just as the woman who has let herself go is attractive to many men. Physical condition trumps everything else.

This is a plus for me personally. I've done well financially in life but, way more importantly, have always been fastidious about a healthy lifestyle. Active at 16 and just as active today. I was always just average in looks but since turning 50 or so, being physically fit puts me far up the ladder. This is the same for many women I meet. The woman who has kept herself toned is more popular as she ages...less competition. Again, an attractive woman trumps one with a mortgage free house.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 18
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 11:34:48 PM
^^^
You got that right.

Them older fit gals are very endearing!
 CTRLvector
Joined: 9/21/2014
Msg: 19
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 11:37:18 PM

In some cases, men have money because they are single


haaahhhhh good one.
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 20
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 11:54:53 PM
"I think middle aged women are single because we are middle aged."

Exactly.
 lifeisgrand5
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 21
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Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/21/2015 11:58:14 PM
What an interesting thread thank you OP.

I'm not looking for a wealthy man but I do get the ones who have nothing contact me with sad stories. I feel compassion for them. I know men who made great money but had no self control with spending. As a result of poor money management they let their home slide into foreclose and filed bankruptcy. I have worked hard for all that I have and there is no way I want to take in, and take care of someone who was careless with his finances.

I feel blessed that I have my own home and enough income to be independent. I have met men who didn't need money but thought I could be tricked out of all that I have worked for. There are a lot of greedy people male and female. I love when I break the news to them that I am not wealthy. I find a lot of humor in disappointing gold diggers.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 22
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/22/2015 12:17:35 AM
^^^
So you are looking for a home owner. Check.
 petula1908
Joined: 8/9/2014
Msg: 23
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/22/2015 1:44:59 AM
I dont agree that middle aged women are single because they are middle aged necessarily unless they just prefer it that way and some women are still beautiful, although not young and not every man wants the HOT younger woman on an enduring basis.

What is middle aged these days anyway???? 45, 5o or above???

I hear many men complain about younger women being boring, superficial and lacking understanding and yes, even lacking in sexpertise. They prefer a more more mature woman in many ways. Perhaps not in our fifties or sixties but then I dont know women of that age who are even interested in dating. They are over it all and not willing to settle for some old fart who sooner or later wants the nurse as well as the purse, if he can get it. They value their freedom and are having the time of their lives being grandparents and doing exactly as they want.
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 24
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Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/22/2015 2:55:08 AM

So many people focus on so many peripherals that cause them to lose sight of the meaning of a deep and emotionally fulfilling relationship.


I don't think that a person who is homeless and/or can't afford the BASICS in Life, like their own place and car and occasional outing, is concerned with "peripherals" and sorry, Love does NOT conquer all, in my experience.


First you fall in love, then you notice and/or deal with the other things if you must


Oh no, no, no, no, no....Not a CHANCE!!!! LMAO

I guess for me, "falling in love" is NOT the involuntary experience that is modeled SO well in the movies....

I do believe that we actually CHOOSE who we "fall in love with" and in that process I know that I, personally am looking for someone who IS at my "level"....
I know that I don't particularly want to be with someone that much better off than myself, financially, as that will be limiting for us both, and the same goes for someone LESS well off as well...

I am NOT talking about a temporary situation here, such as paying off a debt and living frugally for a while....I'm talking about someone who has NO money, no job , no car and NO desire to change any of that, except through hooking up with someone better off than themselves....
I've been there and I know from experience that NOTHING will KILL "love" faster than coming home to a messy house, while your "partner" has spent the day sleeping and/or doing nothing at ALL to contribute to the situation...didn't make dinner, didn't clean up even after themselves and you KNOW that when the rent is due, that it will be YOU that pays it, alone....

For me, having lived that exact situation, and with someone that I cared a great deal for at the time, I can honestly say that what may appear to be a "superficial issue" can become a much more intense one, simply due to these kinds of inequities....

Unless someone is staying at home as we BOTH agreed for some reason, ie. taking care of kids, elderly parents, etc., ADULTS should be paying their OWN way and NOT relying on someone else to take care of them....
Too many people looking for a "return to the garden" so to speak, in that they seem to be looking for all of the benefits of behaving like children, BUT, also want all of the advantages of being an adult....

Yeah, sorry...I have sacrificed a GREAT deal to get where I am today, which isn't a comfortable or secure place and I'm by NO means wealthy, so I have NO time or energy for someone who is not willing to do the same to take care of themselves....or expects ME to do it FOR them....
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 25
Men in this age group and money
Posted: 1/22/2015 4:55:35 AM
In this day and age, do you or anyone else "really" know how much $$$$$$$$ they have. Oh, sure. Looking around at someone with toys in the driveway and garage, "owns" a house, drives a new vehicle, and pays for every outing (with a credit card) it "may" look like they have money. But, if you are their accountant and file these people's income taxes out, you actually know they are in debt up to their eyeballs.

In the last couple of years, banks and such have been warning us Canadians how we are living "outside" our means and we should relearn on how we spend money we don't have. The stories you hear are crazy. I forget the percentages but, a LOT of people are living with a huge amount of debt dragging behind them(other than their mortgages). And more than likely, they will carry that debt to the grave.

I guess the question is are you wanting a guy that knows he doesn't have a lot of spare $$$$$$, and act accordingly. Or would you rather have fun with a guy that just spends the stuff like it isn't even his, only to find out later, the actual truth?
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