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 fun2dancewith
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 1
smoker who lied on profile Page 1 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I have been going out with this man for four weeks and just discovered that he is a smoker (smelled it on him) and that he lied about his age by 2 years (he mentioned what year he was born in) on his profile. If he had been truthful and put he was a smoker and aged 61 on his profile, I would never have gone out with him in the first place. He explained that he lied about his age to keep him in the under 60 age group for searches and that he only smokes occasionally.

My question is at what point (time frame) is a lie made on a profile null and void because of time spent together? Should we verify all information given on a profile for accuracy during the first few dates????
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 2
smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/25/2015 8:15:53 PM
"My question is at what point (time frame) is a lie made on a profile null and void because of time spent together? Should we verify all information given on a profile for accuracy during the first few dates?"

9 1/2 weeks...

Just exchange TRWs and HMO passwords...






Actually, when you meet IRL, the most experienced OLD people START from there. From the real life person in front of them. Not counting on ANYTHING in the embellished and sometimes fully fabricated profile to be the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

The truth stands in front of you IRL. IF you choose to give too much weight to pixels on a screen instead of photons from the Sun entering your eyes, showing real-time facial expressions of the imperfect human being in front of you, then I have a bridge for you to buy.

S
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 3
smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/25/2015 8:19:18 PM
I'd just shoot the son of a b!tch.

I mean really, can't you figure this out? If it's a no go, tell him so. Do what makes YOU comfortable, this is totally up to you, not us.
 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 4
smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/25/2015 8:41:11 PM
I just had this scenario...only I caught it right off.
Smoking is a dealbreaker for me. In fact, I just had a meet last week...as soon as I met I could smell the foul odor on him and asked him.
He admitted it but said I should have asked before our meet....like wth!!
I guess, he didn't read my profile because I mention a few times...I expect honesty and no "smokers"....!!
He then went into some big convoluted story about...How he had quit, he didn't change it when he started up again...bla..bla...

His son had made up his profile and guess what?? His age wasn't correct either...
When I again...said, I'm sorry this is a waste of time for me...I was literally holding back bile and my eyes are tearing up from the smell now.
He then got all huffy and left...lol.
Moral of the story....I guess...suspect people are probably lieing to me and question everything....smh.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 5
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smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/25/2015 9:06:39 PM
This is why we talk, then meet then date, depending on how we feel about the person. Yes, often you will find they are liars, or weird, or psychos, or mostly, just not what we are interested in. No harm, move on, except the psycho, try to figure them out before any info is exchanged. ; -) If things are deal breakers, I like to find those out before I meet someone, I see no reason to meet a bigot or drunk, etc., I already know I won't like him. These are your boundaries, use them to your advantage.
 Demidar
Joined: 10/22/2014
Msg: 6
smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/25/2015 9:45:55 PM
How can you go out with some one for four weeks and not smell that they are a smoker ? Their clothes smell like an ash tray . Only one reason some one won't smell it , they smoke ?
 BeckyHT
Joined: 1/1/2013
Msg: 7
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smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/25/2015 10:08:40 PM


We can't give you a rule on this. You can make your own rule.

If I found out on the 4th week the man was married, I'd say goodbye.
If I found out on the 4th week the man drank too much routinely, I'd say goodbye.
If I found out on the 4th week the man couldn't manage his money wisely, I'd say goodbye.
If I found out on the 4th week the man smoked even once in a while, I'd say goodbye.

Op, surely you know what are deal breakers for you?
 fun2dancewith
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 8
smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/25/2015 10:11:21 PM
He is an occasional smoker, who does not smoke either in his home or in his cars, if he did of course I would have smelled it sooner.
 fun2dancewith
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 9
smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/25/2015 10:13:42 PM
I agree Becky, it's a deal breaker.

Thanks for telling it, like it is :-)
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 10
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smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/25/2015 10:18:29 PM
OP...Was the bigger deal breaker the smoking or his age?

I'm guessing the smoking as he was outside your age range (profile age 59...real age 61) based on your mail filters:


To send a message to musttravel22 you MUST meet the following criteria: 
Male
Age between 35 and 53.
Live within 75 miles. 
Must not have messaged users looking for intimate encounters or sex.
Must not do drugs
Must not be married
Must not smoke
 fun2dancewith
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 11
smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/25/2015 10:56:01 PM
At this point the real deal breaker was not being forth coming with the truth on date number 2, 3 or 10.
 ClooneysTutor
Joined: 3/30/2014
Msg: 12
smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 2:54:57 AM
The age thing is a moot point at 4 weeks. He looks like his pics, right?

Using the lying age to bolster the lying smoker is a bit of a stretch.

The smoking is, yes, a lifestyle breaker for you.

Sometimes those addictions stay hidden for awhile. Learn and move on.

FWIW, can you imagine the anxiety and preparation this dude must have went through trying to HIDE that habit? Lmao
 lifeisgrand5
Joined: 12/29/2014
Msg: 13
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smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 4:30:51 AM
The smoker is a deal breaker for me. I wouldn't care about a couple of years. The poor guy stretched the truth looking for love. I don't think it is a major crime. Is he kind ? Would be be willing to give up smoking totally ?
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 14
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smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 5:23:40 AM

My question is at what point (time frame) is a lie made on a profile null and void because of time spent together? Should we verify all information given on a profile for accuracy during the first few dates????

After looking at your profile, I came to the conclusion that YOU contacted him; he did not initiate the first contact.
He couldn't contact you because you have an age filter of 40 - 57 only (he said he was 59).
A lie is never null and void, no matter how long a time spent together (or solo).
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 15
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smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 6:54:39 AM
^^^^^ DietFree...The filters were changed overnight. Present filter below and my previous post (#10) shows the original filters.


To send a message to musttravel22 you MUST meet the following criteria: 
Male
Age between 40 and 57.
Live in United States
Live within 75 miles. 
You must have a picture to contact this user.


OP...What happened to the non smoker filter if that's important to you?




 Like2dance
Joined: 4/13/2013
Msg: 16
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smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 6:56:11 AM
Just another liar. Move on. Next!
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 17
smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 7:06:26 AM

My question is at what point (time frame) is a lie made on a profile null and void because of time spent together? Should we verify all information given on a profile for accuracy during the first few dates????


It depends on what the lie is about, as well as the degree of untruth. If the lie concerns a deal-breaker, e.g. smoking or not being divorced yet, yes I would end things as soon as the lie was discovered. I do believe in verifying my deal-breakers during the first few dates.
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 18
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smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 8:28:33 AM
Thanks, cooldog; I did see your post with the old filters.
My point was that the guy stated that he was 59, yet was really 61. This seemed to be the deal breaker for her.
Even though she changed the age limit on her filters, the guy was still too old to contact her.
She liked his profile, contacted him and even dated the guy a few times.
 fun2dancewith
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 19
smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 8:57:25 AM
I learned so much from this posting, mainly that my mail settings were a mess and that might explain why some men my age were not reaching out to me first. If you know where and how to choose the DOES NOT SMOKE on the "current mail" settings please let me know. Thanks
 cooldog65
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 20
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smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 9:00:06 AM
DietFree...I think the 2 year age discrepancy is a big deal to the OP cause it moves his age into another decade (50s to 60s). If he was 55 the discrepancy wouldn't probably seem as significant. The original filters and the revised filters show most of the range being younger.

OP...I'm not sure how to get the must not smoke option back. You probably lost it when you revised your original mail settings. Just state it in your profile because smoking is a deal breaker for you.
 Blue-Eyes-Shine
Joined: 11/26/2008
Msg: 21
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smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 9:17:16 AM
OP, only you can make that decision.

When I was on here looking, I always had problems with finding out how much they really drink.
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 22
smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 9:29:10 AM

" where and how to choose the DOES NOT SMOKE on the "current mail" settings please let me know. Thanks"


Apparently NOT available to change in "mail Settings" anymore. It was in the list of questions you answered when you first made your profile. And years ago we were told that somehow they included that in the matching algorithm here. But it IS a question you may still have to ask IRL when you meet someone, IF you haven't detected the obvious smell emanating from their clothes/car interior.

S
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 23
smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 10:53:50 AM
Lying is a deal breaker for me. I refuse to be around a smoker.

With new men I tend to be a bit wary, waiting for the second shoe to drop. In my experience, most people can hold it together for about three weeks. Then the bad behavior comes out, the same bad behavior that destroyed their last relationships.

Last summer everything went well with John for two months. Occasionally I teased John about his arrogance and elitism. While we were hiking across a series of hazardous, steep, knife-edge snowfields, John laughed at my hesitation. It was scary for me. An expert skier, John descended by glissading quickly down the slippery snowfield in his hiking boots. Rolling my eyes, I called out that John was a showoff. "You are c*cky, pompous, arrogant, brash, a showoff, vain, conceited and c*cksure!" I called merrily. "I'm so arrogant it doesn't bother me at all!" John replied and laughed. "What else?" I enjoyed John's confidence and athleticism.

Unfortunately John's mean streak emerged at two months. "Other women have called me arrogant and mean," John said. "Nobody wants to be around a mean person," I replied. Meanness is a deal breaker for me. I broke up with him.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 24
smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 11:15:18 AM
Everyone has a list of deal breakers and red flags, some lists are small and some are gigantic. Sometimes we don't even realize we have a "deal breaker" until it rears its head.

I also think that some folks have this magic list and when you look at it you realize that there is no one that could quite measure up. They seem to find one thing after another to discard someone. To me, if the basics are there - kindness, intelligence, relative honesty, etc., I'm not going to nit pick over whether he snores or has no hair.

None of us are perfect....no one, not one of us. So we discard and we get discarded. The thing is, we rarely, if ever, ask the person that discarded us - WHY? Something to think about when we get all "I'm wonderful, he/she is not". Did anyone ever tell you why they didn't ask you out again?
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 25
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smoker who lied on profile
Posted: 1/26/2015 12:28:23 PM

bluemoon24_7 wrote:
So we discard and we get discarded. The thing is, we rarely, if ever, ask the person that discarded us - WHY? Something to think about when we get all "I'm wonderful, he/she is not". Did anyone ever tell you why they didn't ask you out again?

I'm not trying to be argumentative here but what would make you think that, should you ask that question, you would get a truthful or any answer at all? It's much easier to hide behind a lie than to buck up, square your shoulders and tell the truth even though it may take guts on your part and in turn be hurtful to another.

H*ll, Human Resources Departments of corporations can't or won't even tell you the truth when you are more than qualified but passed over for an available position so I'm pretty sure individuals on a personal level aren't going to be totally truthful either. Sorry to say but lying is one of the new "integrity" characteristics.

OT, I abhor liars. A lie is a lie is a lie.
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