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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?      Home login  
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 OtisGreening
Joined: 12/8/2014
Msg: 1
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like? Page 1 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
I've heard this scenario time and time again. Person A has more intense feelings towards Person B so Person B stops talking to Person A because it becomes "awkward", or has the potential to.

Have you ever stopped talking to someone (whether abruptly or gradually) because their feelings towards you were unrequited? Have you ever been on the receiving end of such treatment?
 Dragracer428
Joined: 1/1/2012
Msg: 2
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 2:50:36 PM
Yes & yes
I would guess it happen to most people who are dating long enough
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 3
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 3:04:51 PM
Absolutely. I think it's the right thing to do for BOTH people.

And, I've also ended contact with people because I'VE been the one who has the feelings.
 OtisGreening
Joined: 12/8/2014
Msg: 4
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 3:21:48 PM
This doesn't have to do with just dating. It could be people who you were friends or acquaintances with as well.

Years ago, I knew a guy in my Spanish class & we were "partners". Shortly after breaking up with my then-boyfriend, he asked me out. I declined. He was socially awkward, unattractive and didn't respect women (based on how he'd talk about his ex and other women as well). After he asked me out, our contact became more and more intermittent until I just stopped talking to him altogether. This took about 6-7 months. Besides, I was already seeing someone else at the time he asked me out too.

I've known other girls who immediately stop talking to guys after they find out he likes her. I always thought that was a bit harsh. *If* they were cool enough to be friends with, why cut them off so quickly just because he likes you?
 VolkanoKing
Joined: 8/1/2014
Msg: 5
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 3:34:48 PM
As far as *friendships* go, I've had a few situations where people have expressed sexual desire. I've either said no, not interested, and in some cases, time marches on, they move on and get married or get involved with other people, etc. so it all comes out in the wash. Maybe when you get older, you relax a little more about this stuff. It doesnt have to be some big huge deal. If you like them and everything's cool, stay friends. I've never had anyone turn into SUCH a pest, and made things SO weird that I've had to END friendships, but there have been some talks that have had to happen to clear some things up.

As far we why certain people cut things off fast, that's just how they prefer to deal with it. Maybe they cant handle what they THINK might happen..the comments, the attempts, wondering what's on his mind, etc.
 i8pineapple
Joined: 6/20/2014
Msg: 6
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 3:42:23 PM
It depends really, if its a cougar then maybe. If its a cougar covered in honey then hell yeah.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 7
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 3:50:58 PM
"I've known other girls who immediately stop talking to guys after they find out he likes her. I always thought that was a bit harsh. *If* they were cool enough to be friends with, why cut them off so quickly just because he likes you?"


Ever heard the saying.......sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind?


Sometimes.....it is more kind in the long run to the individual that has more than friend feelings to have contact end abruptly. Continued contact can give false hope.....and that can be more cruel than rejection.
 OtisGreening
Joined: 12/8/2014
Msg: 8
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 3:55:09 PM
^^ well, in those cases, I doubt they were ever really friends to begin with. Then again, I take friendship pretty seriously & can count my true friends on one hand.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 9
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 4:07:02 PM
^^^^^^^^^Uh Hello? If the guy has romantic feelings for you......not quite a friends only relationship now is it?

And if you are truly a good friend......you would not want to hurt the other person any further. Slowly cutting off contact only eases your guilt!
 OtisGreening
Joined: 12/8/2014
Msg: 10
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 4:16:13 PM
How is maintaining a friendship going to "hurt" them? As long as you're not flaunting other men in their face or constantly talking about other men they should be able to control their emotions. If they are unable to do that, then "slowly cutting off contact" may be the best avenue as opposed to immediately cutting them off (like I used as an example). Cutting a person off abruptly because they have feelings that aren't reciprocated means that they were never really friends.
 kj521
Joined: 8/8/2012
Msg: 11
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 4:26:05 PM
Ok......let's try this.....imagine for a moment that you are friends with a guy......and you know you want to be more than friends. So one day.....you get the courage to confess to him that you want to date him. And he says..... no.....but I want to still be friends.


Now.....really think about this and imagine how it would make you feel..... for him to call you and hang out with you.....


Most people aren't able to just switch feelings on and off......most people would feel a false sense of hope each time contact ocurred.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 12
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 4:39:00 PM
OtisGreening-The answer to that last question (post #4)...........
Because it's kinder to cut things off than to lead someone on.
I'll be surprised if you get any answers other than yes and yes.
It's never a good feeling to let someone down, or to be the one let down, but the more it drags out the more it hurts when it does happen and past a certain point it's cruel.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 13
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History
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 5:20:07 PM
It's annoying when someone likes you in a way other than how you like them, and I get no kick from being around someone like that since I don't like that kind of thing, it's not flattering, I don't need the attention. To each his own. Yes, I've had it done to me, it seems cold at the time, later it's embarrassing that I might have made a fool of myself, then it fades to not even remembering it unless it gets brought up. I don't want people to keep me around in spite of not wanting me around, that's pretty insulting, and I do not want to be someone's ego trip to feel flattered. I find it best to move on in either situation.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 14
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 5:22:54 PM

^^ well, in those cases, I doubt they were ever really friends to begin with. Then again, I take friendship pretty seriously & can count my true friends on one hand.


How many "male" friends then???? If you are truly as you say, then really, at best, you have 5 male friends.

I have broke contact fairly quickly on both scenarios you have suggested OP. But, I wouldn't have considered any of them a "true" friend. Just an acquaintance. And yes, it may be a quick, hurtful thing but, I would consider it the best way to go. Kinda like pulling off a bandaid, instead of waiting for 6 months pass by until you get a bad tooth fixed.

If I see a piece of tail that I know that I can't have, nothing good will come with me hanging around said piece of tail. THAT I KNOW from experience. Kinda like throwing a good unopened bottle of really good whiskey in front of me and telling me not to touch it.

Yeah, not likely.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 15
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History
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 6:48:31 PM
Nope. No problem for me.

I have fallen for a number of women over the years, only to discover too late that for whatever reason, I was mistaken in letting myself do so. As always, logic and a sense of personal honor allows me to reason out how I need to behave and think with reference to people, and I have the self-discipline needed to guide myself into an entirely rational and comfortable way of dealing with them.

This is one of the reasons I value greatly, having worked out a near complete set of respect-based personal behavior. It provides me with a sense of grounding as well as a prepared fall-back position for myself. I know exactly how to adjust myself to deal with someone as a friend, as opposed to as a wished-for lover.

The only problems for me, are when people outright betray me, or become involved and then discard me. I have zero interest in turning that sort of thing into a post-breakup friendship.

As for other people having unrequited feelings for me, it doesn't happen very much, but when it does, I have so far been lucky enough that the other person was as disciplined and respectful as I am. Sometimes I suspect that the fact that I believe that people are capable of overcoming themselves in such situations, helps makes it possible for them to do so. It's really all a matter of establishing boundaries.
 InnerGorilla
Joined: 4/1/2014
Msg: 16
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 8:30:09 PM

I've known other girls who immediately stop talking to guys after they find out he likes her. I always thought that was a bit harsh. *If* they were cool enough to be friends with, why cut them off so quickly just because he likes you?


Cut it off. Be harsh. Don't mislead them. Men are driven by hope. If you want to have your harem of idiots that you do not want to begin with. Get rid of them.

I appreciate a blunt woman.
 Yule_liquor
Joined: 12/7/2011
Msg: 17
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 8:35:51 PM

Cutting a person off abruptly because they have feelings that aren't reciprocated means that they were never really friends.


not really,
every case is different.

it depends upon the person in question
if this "friend" is someone who has a history of being flaky, flighty, or just someone who doesn't take no for an answer
very well, then it would be best to cut him/her off.

If this person is someone who has been level headed, well grounded, realistic
then I would see not reason to cut him/her off completely.
 chocolategirl6
Joined: 10/13/2014
Msg: 18
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/29/2015 8:56:53 PM
Yeah, I would especially if I was liking them lot and I felt they were not as interested. I would rather try to get to know someone else who was liking me more.
 gcdeb
Joined: 4/25/2011
Msg: 19
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/30/2015 2:02:59 AM

I have fallen for a number of women over the years, only to discover too late that for whatever reason, I was mistaken in letting myself do so. As always, logic and a sense of personal honor allows me to reason out how I need to behave and think with reference to people, and I have the self-discipline needed to guide myself into an entirely rational and comfortable way of dealing with them.

This is one of the reasons I value greatly, having worked out a near complete set of respect-based personal behavior. It provides me with a sense of grounding as well as a prepared fall-back position for myself. I know exactly how to adjust myself to deal with someone as a friend, as opposed to as a wished-for lover.

The only problems for me, are when people outright betray me, or become involved and then discard me. I have zero interest in turning that sort of thing into a post-breakup friendship.

As for other people having unrequited feelings for me, it doesn't happen very much, but when it does, I have so far been lucky enough that the other person was as disciplined and respectful as I am. Sometimes I suspect that the fact that I believe that people are capable of overcoming themselves in such situations, helps makes it possible for them to do so. It's really all a matter of establishing boundaries.
This 100% for me also.
 Aradia96
Joined: 10/25/2014
Msg: 20
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/30/2015 5:25:39 AM
Most men I talk to, like me. No though, usually they moved on of their own accord if I wasn't interested or unavailable.
 basilisk123
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 21
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History
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/30/2015 6:16:02 AM
Well I was person A to my female friend for awhile. But the difference was I slowed down talking to her for awhile to get my feelings under control and analyze what I was actually feeling. I realized that it wasn't love, more like extreme loneliness and she was the only one that would talk to me.
After I realized that, we were cool again.
 south_city
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 22
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/30/2015 6:27:08 AM
I would think this is is fairly common. In particular with online dating. Most of the time, there is mutual disinterest or the interest is one sided after a first date / meeting. As for finding out a friend likes me, I think it depends on the circumstances. Some people can takes things in stride and handle being just friends with a person they like and others can't handle a rejection.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 23
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/30/2015 6:31:51 AM
If I was romantically interested in a woman and she wasn't in me, I would cut they out and move on.

I don't remain friends with any old GFs either. Too much passion involved for either of us to remain neutral friends.
 another_nail_in_my_heart
Joined: 1/21/2015
Msg: 24
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/30/2015 6:41:15 AM
It could be just me but no one has mentioned they actually took the time to discuss this unrequited like with the person it involved.
 the_summerwind
Joined: 9/11/2014
Msg: 25
Would you end contact with someone due to unrequited like?
Posted: 1/30/2015 7:09:55 AM

I don't remain friends with any old GFs either. Too much passion involved for either of us to remain neutral friends.


Agree.... yet you still see & hear this sort of behavior happening with many ex couples.
Unless imo if there is kids involved or widowed ok...but for those others , who can go from being in a S/O, break up & go into being friend zone pals... Imo, not my cup of tea....as its like they really can't let loose once & for all...icky

For example : It's like if I had all my ex stuff still all over my house & would show it off to my S/O in making her feel at home......no way Jose..too weird....creepy etc... not for me....
I like clean breaks...not loose ends..what ifs, maybe's, anyways, still stuck, who knows, etc etc....turn the page, start a new chapter...
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