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 AUTHOR
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 1
Another Forumite's Party Experience...Page 1 of 22    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)
One of the gals I email back & forth with recently shared a story I thought would make for an interesting thread. I asked her if she was OK w/ me posting this & she said yes.

Recently, she went to a party on a Saturday Nite w/ a female friend. The friend drove & gave our Forum gal a ride.

So at the party, Our Gal had a good time, met new people & had 2 different men ask her out. So anyway, her friend said time to leave, & since she was the ride, drove her home.

Later (do not know if it was the next day or week or what) Our Gal finds out after the friend drove her home, she turned around & WENT BACK TO THE PARTY!

Our Gal's response to me was:


"I just clued in to it now... Im thinking... You have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME... are we in fvcking high school?!!

it is juvenile. I usually dont catch it til later because its not in me to care about these things. I have a sneaky suspicious that my gf drove me home from party not because I wanted to go home but because the men were giving me a lot of attention.
She went back to the party! WTF?
All she had to do is TALK TO THEM if she wanted attention. Sheesh"


Do you think Our Gal called it correctly?
How would you feel?
Would you continue ur friendship w/ the other gal & just be more vigilant or the situations u place urself in w/ her, or cut her out of ur life?
Has this happened to you?
Is this normal/typical behavior?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 2
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Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:20:04 AM
I have indeed been treated to duplicity on that scale, as well as far worse. Yes, I think your friend probably correctly assessed things, but if she only thinks the other person went back, it would be logical to verify it.

If I ever suffer such nasty behavior again, I will indeed discharge the offender from my life thoroughly and permanently.
 PraxisLiving
Joined: 1/26/2015
Msg: 3
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Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:41:33 AM
This behavior on behalf of the driver is certainly substandard. The response on behalf of the girl getting dumped at home is natural though I have to say that it also provides at least a few opportunities for self improvement and growth if she's at all interested. I can clearly state from myself that people who would treat me in such a manner as this would be cut from my trust and as a result, kept on a short leash if any at all. Not only do I not tolerate this type of behavior on the drivers part, but I also assertively address said types of behavior to their face, which I can tell you right now, normally has the result of that person screening themselves out of my life. In rare cases though, a person receives the assertion and grows from it themselves, but that is certainly an exception to the rule.

I would also like to encourage the woman who got dumped off at home to continue the development of owning your own emotions. You are not at fault for this experience in your life, but you are responsible for how you chose to respond to it and responsible for managing your own emotions regarding it. You can either decide to be pissed off at the other woman or you can search out what you can learn from this entire event that can help you grow as an individual and be grateful that that person was in your life to assist you in your own personal development regardless of her own intentions...

Peace, harmony, and love...
 CarefreeBeauty
Joined: 5/30/2014
Msg: 4
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:49:04 AM

"I just clued in to it now... Im thinking... You have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME... are we in fvcking high school?!!

it is juvenile. I usually dont catch it til later because its not in me to care about these things. I have a sneaky suspicious that my gf drove me home from party not because I wanted to go home but because the men were giving me a lot of attention.
She went back to the party! WTF?
All she had to do is TALK TO THEM if she wanted attention. Sheesh"


Do you think Our Gal called it correctly?
How would you feel?
Would you continue ur friendship w/ the other gal & just be more vigilant or the situations u place urself in w/ her, or cut her out of ur life?
Has this happened to you?
Is this normal/typical behavior?


OP, IME if gal pals go out together they generally look out for one another. Unless they're both trying to get with the same guy, we generally give our friends free rein to do whatever. We don't pout and plot to get the 'other woman' out of the way because she's getting so much attention from the menfolk. This seems to be a repeating theme for some in these forums---that other women are just jealous and mean and backbiting because they are not as 'slim, curvy, blonde, brunette, long-haired, short haired, smart, yadda, yadda, yadda as the self selected chosen beautiful people.

Maybe 'Galpal' was getting too loaded and was unknowingly putting herself in harm's way and the 'driver friend' decided it was time to pull the plug. Time to take 'Gal' home. She could have refused, and asked one of her admirers to take her home later if she wanted to stay.

And the knowledge that the 'driver' went back to the party (how did she find out? why is it a big deal anyway?---drive yourself next time!) is irrelevant. The assumption that she took 'Gal' home because she was the 'belle of the ball' and no one was talking to her, the driver, is just silly.

Could be that 'the driver' found a fellow she liked at the party and wanted to get together with him later. But had the decency to get her friend home first, since she was the 'driver'.
 PraxisLiving
Joined: 1/26/2015
Msg: 5
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Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 11:56:05 AM
CarefreeBeauty is offering more excellent perspective that even I didn't clue in on as possibilities...

Peace, harmony, and love...
 SexyKG74
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 6
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Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 12:13:56 PM
(Could be that 'the driver' found a fellow she liked at the party and wanted to get together with him later. But had the decency to get her friend home first, since she was the 'driver'.)

That could be a possible scenario. Although whenever I or some of my friends have been in this situation, 'the driver' will usually pull their friends to the side and ask if they are OK with catching a cab or subway home...so it wouldn't have been a big deal if this was the case.

That way, if the person who was driven is having a good time, they have the option of staying longer and getting to know the people they are mingling with.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 7
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 12:27:50 PM
*slurps coffee
I'm the forumite

Probably but you can never be 100% sure.
^^^
Gonna give the whole story.
My gf and I came to the party with a two of her gfs. We all arrived in her car. So there is 4 of us.

At the party, I pulled back and sat most of the time when a) I was getting too much unwanted attention and b) I NOTICED on some of the girls look on their faces that they weren't pleased when from the moment I walked in, I was getting attention.
Please note, I was NOT dressed slutty. I was NOT all over them. I acted like a lady. I am actually quite reserved in public. I treated both genders the same, l was cordial, funny and polite yet personable.
I found two great women and stuck with them, talking away.
My gf asked if I wanted to go home and I agreed because a) my ride said she would take me b) my eye which was affected a week prior was getting sore.

The host of the party was one of the men "after me". His roommate was another as well as a few more others. I was also being liked by alot of the women there. In essence, I was popular even though I was a stranger. But that's me, I get along with everyone and anyone!

The host tracked me down on facebook via my gf's friends list and asked me out. ( I declined)
I told my gf
She commented that she noticed that I and another friend of hers got alot of attention at the party. I told her I declined and she then changed the subject.
The host added me as a friend and because of that I was able to see on his page that she went back to the party after driving me home and stayed til the wee morning.
I put her comment, her behavior (body language) at the party together with the fact she went back as the big clue that she purposely got rid of me. She told me before the party she wasn't going to stay long either. That's when the feeling of wtf came over me. I could NOT believe that at this age we are at, this happens?!!!
I asked blondeangel her thoughts.. am I correct? I asked.
and voila
here we are


Maybe 'Galpal' was getting too loaded and was unknowingly putting herself in harm's way and the 'driver friend' decided it was time to pull the plug. Time to take 'Gal' home. She could have refused, and asked one of her admirers to take her home later if she wanted to stay.

^^
I was on pain meds for my eye so I didnt drink much.
I was offered left and right at the party and declined all.
I can handle my drink more than most people
I am HUGE on having my friends back. I NEVER backstab or****lock or is that vaginablock? lol
Nor do I lie cheat or steal

asked one of her admirers
^^^
I'd rather take a cab which I almost did. I wanted to stay despite how my eye was because I was having a very pleasant time. The people there were fantastic. But I made a choice to go home.



hope this clears things up a bit?

Would this be immaturity and insecurity on the gfs part?
Let I said to angel.. all she had to do is just talk to the guys!
She gets plenty of dates. WAY way way more than me. I get the play by play on her facebook.
She knows I don't
So in this sense, the fact she "got rid of me" and went back is .... surprising.


Fyi, I have not ditch the friend.
Why? Because a part of me understands. I'm a bit wtf but understand nonetheless.
At least, now I know who I am dealing with.
I think she is not aware that I am the type of girl that would never take a man from her and needs to feel secure with that knowledge.
Maybe shes had one too many women take her man? Who knows.
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 8
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 12:36:55 PM

"At the party, I pulled back and sat most of the time when a) I was getting too much unwanted attention and b) I NOTICED on some of the girls look on their faces that they weren't pleased when from the moment I walked in, I was getting attention.
Please note, I was NOT dressed slutty. I was NOT all over them. I acted like a lady. I am actually quite reserved in public. I treated both genders the same, l was cordial, funny and polite yet personable.
I found two great women and stuck with them, talking away.
My gf asked if I wanted to go home and I agreed because a) my ride said she would take me b) my eye which was affected a week prior was getting sore.

The host of the party was one of the men "after me". His roommate was another as well as a few more others. I was also being liked by alot of the women there. In essence, I was popular even though I was a stranger. But that's me, I get along with everyone and anyone!"



We're glad you cleared that all up for us. Some of us understand. Some party! Common competitive social behaviors.

Next time, some of your "gfs" may wish you would dress down, and wear no makeup. Be nice to the host, so you can go to the next party and garner all the men's attention. To reduce that some, wear a wedding ring. And a hospital wrist band. Tellem about measles exposure. Recent West Africa travel. Whatever you can come up with. Your gfs will be happier...

"I get the play by play on her facebook. She knows I don't"
Faceplant pages are full of tripe and fantasies. Some are complete lies. There was a recent study saying faceplant stresses people out because other's fake lives look so much better... So that motivates even more creative fake lives.

Real life social success at local parties is very threatening to some, who may feel left out.

S

 SexyKG74
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 9
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Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 12:47:08 PM
(Why? Because a part of me understands. I'm a bit wtf but understand nonetheless.
At least, now I know who I am dealing with.
I think she is not aware that I am the type of girl that would never take a man from her and needs to feel secure with that knowledge.
Maybe shes had one too many women take her man? Who knows.)

Unless you had in the past shown behavior that you are the type of person who does this, it was wrong for your friend to potentially assume that you are this type of woman.

How difficult would it have been to ask you if you are having a good time, do you have the cash to get home if not she would take you?!

Also, I find often times women who are quick to "get another woman out of the way" do so because THEY are actually "the woman who tries to take the man" and/or they are insecure women.
 ozsealady1
Joined: 6/13/2013
Msg: 10
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 12:59:23 PM
Have I got this right.

The designated driver... the sober one, was asked by the one drinking to go home.
So she drove the drinker home and then returned to the party.

Do I have this right?

If so the driver was a good friend as she left a party she was obviously enjoying to honor her promise to drive the drinker home.


What are her alternatives:

1. No I am having a good time and do not want to leave... you can sort your own way home.
2. Even though I am enjoying myself I will cease having fun to drive you home and go home myself.

Neither is sensible.

In my opinion the driver was a good friend.
Drove her drinking friend home when asked as expected then continued with what she wanted to do.

Sounds perfect to me.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 11
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 1:00:33 PM
Next time, some of your "gfs" may wish you would dress down, and wear no makeup

There's what so funny about it all!
They were in hooker shoes, short skirts, revealing cleavages, backless tops, painted faces... you name it!
My face was exactly like my pic. In fact, I was wearing the same black sweater as in my picture. With jeans and low flat boots. Plain jane. Only thing was I had was lots of mascara on, plain lip gloss, hair up with funky earrings on.


Unless you had in the past shown behavior that you are the type of person who does this,
^^
Nope.... in fact, in the past shes always had men on her and I stay back


How difficult would it have been to ask you if you are having a good time, do you have the cash to get home if not she would take you?!
^^^
Exactly!
Communication!
Had she just talked to me at the party.. sheesh. This thread wouldn't exist :P


Also, I find often times women who are quick to "get another woman out of the way" do so because THEY are actually "the woman who tries to take the man"
^^^
Oh,never thought of that. She seems so sweet. Very soft spoken.


The designated driver... the sober one, was asked by the one drinking to go home.
So she drove the drinker home and then returned to the party.

^^
I never asked her to drive me home. She asked me.
She told me before the party she was not staying long at the party and gave me no indication she was returning to the party after dropping me off. I thought she was going home.

If so the driver was a good friend as she left a party she was obviously enjoying to honor her promise to drive the drinker home.
^^
I paid her gas for her trouble.








 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 12
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 1:11:52 PM
IMO....She was the designated driver and she had 3 passengers all together...correct?
I may be wrong but how good of a "friend" is she that if you had wanted to stay longer...she would mind or care.
If I was having a good time and wanted to stay....I would have said...just that!
Are you sure...You didn't indicate at the beginning....your eye was sore and you probably wouldn't be staying long?
And that is why she asked you. Could have been a whole lot of assuming going on....imo.

Plus...wasn't she driving her other 2 friends home too? Did you all leave together when she drove you home or just you and her? So, if the other two stayed behind she still had a responsibility to them as well.
I don't know Charmin.....You either were not too close of friends that you couldn't communiucate your wants to her clearly or you have remorse...that you should have stayed.
Live and learn. I don't think you have a reason to think she wanted "you" out of the way...imo.
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 13
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 1:16:04 PM
[you couldn't communiucate your wants ]

It's not about my wants that needed to be communicated fire and ice, its hers
She could have communicated to me that she was unhappy I was getting attention.
I would have told her that feeling is unnecessary. All she had to do is.............talk to them!
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 14
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 1:22:18 PM
I believe Char was "c 0 ck-blocked" by the driver.

I have experienced what Char did in the past. Was naïve & blind to it. Sometimes had it done by women I barely knew, sometimes by a so called friend. Actually had other men tell me what other women said/did.

Wanted to add more in the NORMAL thread about such situations.

The corollary is what if u belong to a small group, mind ur own business & the one female who gets too drunk has a younger hubby who picks her up (regularly) but hits on you...

So u have to hide or avoid...

All kinds of weird dynamics occur among women, blaming Char for what other women did, or assuming the worse of her is just an example, if u can follow the posts & what I am saying.

Many times women blame other women for nothing they did, but rather how men view them.
 purplerider1200
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 15
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History
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 1:48:47 PM
Sound like a big mess to me. You thrash it out.
 Ladyinred4755
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 16
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 2:03:10 PM
Charminc, My only thought was, IF...... and when, I had a female friend who treated me poorly, she was no longer my friend. No big deal, no drama, no confrontation. I just simply "went away", not to be found. Their loss not mine.
 SunshineGirl__
Joined: 10/7/2014
Msg: 17
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 2:14:54 PM

They were in hooker shoes, short skirts, revealing cleavages, backless tops, painted faces... you name it!

My face was exactly like my pic. In fact, I was wearing the same black sweater as in my picture. With jeans and low flat boots. Plain jane. Only thing was I had was lots of mascara on, plain lip gloss, hair up with funky earrings on.


These statements quash your credibility, IMO. “THEY were ALL dressed like dirty whorish hookers, meanwhile I was just little ol’ me, and the men couldn’t resist me! Tee hee!” That’s how you’re coming across.

Why are you “friends” with women like this? If you are so good and they are so evil. And YES that is what you’re projecting with above statements.

First you say:
At the party, I pulled back and sat most of the time when a) I was getting too much unwanted attention and b) I NOTICED on some of the girls look on their faces that they weren't pleased when from the moment I walked in, I was getting attention.


Then you say:
I wanted to stay despite how my eye was because I was having a very pleasant time.


So maybe you were giving off signals of *wanting* to go home? Since you were pulling back and sitting “most of the time”?? You say she should have communicated with you; she did. She offered you a ride home. Did she owe it to you to go home herself? Did she tell you she was going home? Maybe she planned on going home, and someone from the party called her to come back? Maybe she changed her mind? Maybe she didn’t feel she had to end her night or else you would think her jealous and catty? Maybe you should practice what you’ve preached? Like, communicate?


She could have communicated to me that she was unhappy I was getting attention.


Maybe she didn’t communicate that to you because it isn’t true. You are making assumption after assumption…based on facebook?? If you think it’s so easy to discuss, why don’t YOU talk to her about it NOW, instead of speculating with strangers and trashing “friends” on a dating forum.

* sips coffee because I’m a lady. :)

PS. Agree with Vicki.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 18
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 2:20:52 PM
Sounds like a lot of "maybes". And very much like high school. Glad you took the high road with your friend and learned from this. Next time, you'll be more careful. It's been a million years since I've gone out with a pack of women...and I'm glad.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 19
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 2:57:08 PM

Glad you took the high road with your friend and learned from this. Next time, you'll be more careful. It's been a million years since I've gone out with a pack of women...and I'm glad.

Char, u handled urself well & I 'm glad u saw what really happened.
Quite the eye opener, no?
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 20
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 3:11:03 PM
[“THEY were ALL dressed like dirty whorish hookers, meanwhile I was just little ol’ me, and the men couldn’t resist me! Tee hee!” That’s how you’re coming across. ]

I do see how it can come off as that. Point taken.
I said what I said in response that I may have attracted the attention by how I was dressed. Not the case .

[Why are you “friends” with women like this? If you are so good and they are so evil. And YES that is what you’re projecting with above statements.]

I never said she is evil. In fact, I said she is sweet and soft spoken
Its the action itself Im going wtf over.


why don’t YOU talk to her about it
_ next time I see her, I will bring up this thread
and then she will tell me about the three guys shes dated since then.

Blonde posted this thread, I believe, to show that this kind of****locking behaviour can exist even at this age.
 OMGyaa
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 21
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 3:21:14 PM
All I know is that dating is HARD enough these days, we don't need any more " c0ck blocking " than necessary.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 22
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 3:28:15 PM

Blonde posted this thread, I believe, to show that this kind of****locking behaviour can exist even at this age

Partially, yes.
The truth is those other women WERE dressed like hookers & the men couldn't resist Char. It is what it is, why is her telling her observations & her FEELINGS, which she has a right to have.

why not have compassion?

Char is a single Mom who has shared on her horrifying (IMO) experience at Xmas of all times w/ her eye. Plus her past relationship. Put urself in her shoes ladies, it had to be real freaking scary.

After all of that, she FINALLY had an opportunity to kick up her heels for some fun, R &R & was met w/ positive attention from males. Her new friend had to have known ALL OF this & instead of supporting her friend & wanting her to have a good time, pulled the rug from under her.

And when we have a new friend, even an old one, we do not know how or when they r gonna pull carp or whether pull it at all. So how is THAT Char's fault?

maybe we should look at Char's story in a positive light as a learning experience.
There's an old saying: WHY BRING SAND TO THE BEACH?
 Fire_and_Ice4_You
Joined: 10/28/2014
Msg: 23
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 3:31:34 PM

Blonde posted this thread, I believe, to show that this kind of****locking behaviour can exist even at this age

That was your first mistake....lol.
BA....thinks all other ladies are jealous of her...many have been accused of that on these forums...pfft!

Think for yourself!
I am telling you...IF I am with my friends and they are getting hit on...I am never jealous because I am secure with myself. If your friend gets more men attention than she needs....it was not likely she was jealous.
Maybe, she was worried for you. I intervened once because I could see a friend was too drunk and could end up doing something she later regretted.
I talk to my friends....ask her. Not some strangers in forums.
Don't try to insinuate that "all" women or even this particular woman.... is ready to tear each others hair out over a "guys attention" because truthfully.....friends don't do that!
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 24
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 3:50:28 PM

That was your first mistake....lol.
BA....thinks all other ladies are jealous of her...many have been accused of that on these forums...pfft!

Think for yourself!
I am telling you...IF I am with my friends and they are getting hit on...I am never jealous because I am secure with myself. If your friend gets more men attention than she needs....it was not likely she was jealous.
Maybe, she was worried for you. I intervened once because I could see a friend was too drunk and could end up doing something she later regretted.
I talk to my friends....ask her. Not some strangers in forums.
Don't try to insinuate that "all" women or even this particular woman.... is ready to tear each others hair out over a "guys attention" because truthfully.....friends don't do that!

Fire, some women r jealous of other women, that is a fact, how do u know what goes on inside my brain that u claim to know what I think?

You accused me a few years ago of being a fake (& called me Miss Kitty) & then someone else came along (male won't post his name he is still active in here) said they saw me on u tube w/ my cats prancing in the back ground, if my memory serves me correct.

Char does think 4 herself, do not insult her by suggesting otherwise.

Ur calling Char drunk at that party, how could she be drunk if she was on meds 4 her eye, scared out of her mind? Char does not present as a person w/ an alcoholic personality.

Ur projecting & ur insinuating that Char lied/is lying.

UR right, Fire, friends don't do that- this was a new acquaintance & some people know each other for YEARS b4 they find out the other person is NOT their friend.
 dragonbytes
Joined: 12/25/2014
Msg: 25
Another Forumite's Party Experience...
Posted: 2/1/2015 4:09:56 PM
Something along those lines happened to me once. So called friends behaving badly to score with a woman, not the whole c-blocking thing. I doubt I have ever presented that sort of perceived threat.


why don’t YOU talk to her about it
_ next time I see her, I will bring up this thread
and then she will tell me about the three guys shes dated since then.


In my case I was out with my GF at a bar with a single male friend. The guy grabbed her ass when I wasn't looking, she told me later. I was quite surprised the "friend" tried that, just because of his poor read on my GF and his disrespect of me.

I always considered the guy more of a frenemy, and would never really trust him. I knew from talking to him he had a low life scum attitude towards women and was quite the player, so partially it didn't surprise me. It surprised me he would do that to me (a male) and my GF at that time might have taken his head off. She wasn't as easy going as I am.

Maybe he was jealous of me making tons of money ($150,000 profit) from an idea he had researched. He had zero money to take advantage of the opportunity, while I put in $15,000 and made $150,000 in six months. Ironically the reason he had zero month involved his ex-wife and his scum like behavior. He told me the whole twisted story of how he ended up dead broke with only a small office (no bathroom) to live in.

I stayed "friends" with him because you don't often run into anyone that can find and research good money making opportunities. Never talked to him about the incident, maybe I should have, but I was younger at the time and avoided confrontations. And I knew we would would never be long term friends.

CharminC, maybe your friend is jealous of you for some reason other than what happened at the party, hard to tell.


She could have communicated to me that she was unhappy I was getting attention.
I would have told her that feeling is unnecessary. All she had to do is.............talk to them!


NO WAY.

Someone insecure enough to feel that way, yet secure enough to explain it to you, but lacking the perception that you would never attempt to take her place? Not going to happen.

I would be interested in what she has to say if you ask her WTF?

One question, what do you get out of this strained friendship?
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