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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > How well do you know that guy you .........      Home login  
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 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 1
How well do you know that guy you .........Page 1 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
This came up at happy hour ( is it still called that?) . I was detailing yet another dumping/lack of contact? by someone after the third date because I didn't let him "in." My friend, also single and over 50 said, "Loose women are making it harder on the rest of us." I laughed. But then we began to discuss the definition of "loose" She said:

She does not know any of the man's friends, where he works, how he likes his coffee, where he lives and yet, without pay, she sleeps with him." My friend should have her own late night show. And you think that I have opinions. In any event ...

Again, she is funny. But I thought about you people and what your varied contributions to this conversation after a couple of drinks would be.

I have to bundle up and go out and buy food and cleaning supplies. I HAVE to get up.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 2
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/7/2015 7:21:46 AM

by someone after the third date because I didn't let him "in."


Did you ask the man what he believe this statement to mean???? I know what it means to me, and it has nothing to do with sex. Actually it's the opposite. But, I am finding quite a few women in my age group to assume that everything I am saying to them is so that I will be able to slip their panties off.

So, again, what I am finding, is a lot of women are quite "guarded". I understand it, at times, but, I also tend to get a little frustrated with their actions towards ME because of what has gone on in their past. It's pretty hard nowadays to get "into you" when you are locked up tighter than, well, lets just say, tight.

I know all of this "trusting" and "opening up" takes time but, we should remember, we have two people involved here. If you think you need "something" to "open up" remember there is also someone sitting across from you that could be thinking the same thing.

Who's gonna take the first step???????
 TALL_IQ2
Joined: 12/22/2014
Msg: 3
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/7/2015 7:22:39 AM
[She does not know any of the man's friends, where he works, how he likes his coffee, where he lives and yet, without pay, she sleeps with him.]

So then the first three dates with dinner and entertainment paid for is not enough "pay"?
And what were all those conversations about during the dinners and entertainment, if not about his work, both of your friends, food choices, etc? Who was there, participating?

Gotta start this new thread right with some of the usual suspect controversy...

S
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 4
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/7/2015 7:58:31 AM
I have to agree with Walts take on this. Letting someone "in" doesn't necessarily mean into bed. I am no proponent of holding out the "cookie" until you put a ring on it and I'm also a big proponent of casual sex, if that's what you want, with no shame attached. Sex can be...just sex. But letting someone "in", IMO means kicking the walls down, the walls we built, especially at this age. Some find it easier to let someone into their bed before they let them "in".

As to the "witty" comment by the posters friend, by the third date I don't think anyone has met their date's friends or family, why would they? But I would probably notice if he liked his steak rare, his scotch neat or cream in his coffee. I'd also know by the third date if I wanted to kiss him or have a third date. Id also know if he was locked up tighter than...tight.

"Who's gonna take the first step????" Well, it's usually me but I'm okay with that because I don't think it matters as I'm pretty open.
 Qura
Joined: 8/5/2014
Msg: 5
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How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/7/2015 9:33:11 AM
I think the point is that by the third date, some men "expect" sex, and some women feel they know too little about a man after "only" three dates, to share their body with him.

It's like the Woody Allen seen in Annie Hall: Him (i'm paraphrasing): "We never have sex. It's only 3 times a week." Her: "We're always having sex, 3 times a week."

While there may be more men than women comfortable with the so-called "3 Date rule," I'm betting most of us would prefer to be taken as an individual with no assumptions made about our expectations or "when we 'should' be ready," etc. All I care about is what is important to me--when am *I* comfortable--and the guy involved either finds that acceptable or he doesn't. If he moves on, that's fine; I'm not regretting it.
 Cycling99
Joined: 12/14/2014
Msg: 6
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/7/2015 12:52:14 PM
Well, you may want to consider throwing whatever rule book someone has out the window and follow with whatever you are comfortable.

You should have sex whenever you think it's right. Otherwise you go on the cycle of elation-release-regret that I've seen so many.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 7
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/7/2015 12:55:04 PM
Do actual adults follow things like the 3 date rule and pathetic juvenile things like that?
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 8
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/7/2015 1:03:54 PM
I cannot say what others do, etc.
BUT I will say any man I have been w/ in life, we did get to know each other first & afterwards, I got the same response.

They do not like women who are like "Grand Central Station" so many passengers, so many trains, etc.

A man can tell by the way a woman interacts etc. if she really likes him & is waiting to get to know him better, OR if she is USING SEX as a bargaining chip to get a relationship, etc.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 9
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How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/7/2015 1:04:54 PM
First, this idea that all men want sex and all they do if find ways to get it and all women are holding onto some flower that men will steal unless she's too quick for him to ruin her....you really need to stop reading fairytales your great-grandma made up to keep you grandma from getting pregnant before marriage because birth control was not very effective back then.

News flash! Not all men like sex or want sex/lots of women love sex and want it, a lot.

You'd think that was just common sense, but alas, just like teens have some baffling sex facts so do many adults.

What date we are on has nothing to do when I might be ready to have sex with someone, it's my body & brain, I'll know when that time comes, and so will he, the hard part is finding someone who is compatible with you. Nobody is winning or losing anything by having or not having sex with someone. Personally, I prefer to know a man well enough to know if I want to have sex with him, that doesn't mean I get winner winner chicken dinner every time, it's means at least I've found out some things that are important to me to know about another person. And I've learned that from experience and making mistakes, not because I think I'm special.

If the guy turns out to be a cad after I've taken my time, well yeah I'm going to be pissy, but then life goes on. I found out something that is a deal breaker and so I move on, I don't blame men, I don't think they are clones of each other, I take the responsibility of having had sex with someone I later found out was not for me, and I move on.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 10
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/7/2015 3:42:28 PM

I cannot say what others do, etc.
BUT I will say any man I have been w/ in life, we did get to know each other first & afterwards, I got the same response.

They do not like women who are like "Grand Central Station" so many passengers, so many trains, etc.

Big surprise, you're a Judgmental Prude, you've shown that over & again many times in the Forums... It's not a big leap that the men you've contented with are........ Judgmental Prudes, too......



A man can tell by the way a woman interacts etc. if she really likes him & is waiting to get to know him better, OR if she is USING SEX as a bargaining chip to get a relationship, etc.


This is funny coming from a Woman to said about Her Golden VJJ.......
I have the Pvssy, I make the Rulz........

Just because You constantly open a new profile, doesn't mean everyone has forgotten what You posted in the previous ones......
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 11
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How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/7/2015 3:55:20 PM
"Loose women," however you define them, only make things harder for you, if what you are after is a male who prefers loose women.

I never liked or used that term myself. From as long ago as I can recall, which is too damn long, I realized that "loose women" is used to refer to lots of different kinds of people.

In the old (censored) movies I grew up watching, it meant a woman who replies to strange men conversationally, without being properly introduced.

In the pre-internet days, when it was said by some women, it meant "women who have sex because they want to, instead of having sex as a part of a grand scheme," much as your friend joked.

When some men said it, it meant something more like " an indiscriminate woman who doesn't care who she's in bed with, so yeah go ahead and have sex with her, but plan on her running off with the next guy in a nice car, too."

Looking back, I have concluded that even from the start, it was always true that some women (and men) are actually looking for a mate, and some are not. That's about it. If the man or woman goes off with someone else, just because they want more sex, or more "dating," or whatever, they weren't looking for a relationship to begin with.

Just a slot-filler.

So to speak.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 12
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How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/7/2015 4:30:57 PM
What are the other stops along the road, hopefully the 'men' will inform us. I mean is one man Home Depot, while 10 men would put you at at the Depot in Shenandoah, IA? I'm trying to figure out where I am, is Grand Central Station the end of the line, where once you reach a certain number you have to stay there, or do we then cross the ocean? How many men and what station are you at Blonde? We need some more info to see where we are and how your men will rate us. And is it judged on how many men or many times with how many men? Does size matter?
 naysaying_knicktwist
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 13
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/7/2015 4:36:44 PM

Does size matter?

Haha. Is a 10-incher the equivalent of two 5-inchers?
 Literate_Hiker
Joined: 1/1/2015
Msg: 14
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/7/2015 5:54:13 PM
"Does this count as two dates?" my last boyfriend asked jokingly after we spent a day hiking, followed by an evening enjoying a musical in Seattle. I wanted to get to know him better before having sex.

He was trying to pin me down to a set number of dates. I couldn't hold back after four, because our physical attraction was off the charts. YUM.
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 15
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/8/2015 12:45:58 AM
Some might think that sex after four dates means you're a "loose" woman. I happen to think that what ever two consenting adults deem "the perfect time" to be the right time and the term "loose" should have been discarded along with hoop skirts and long wooden bathing costumes. Enjoy, we're a long time dead.
 another_nail_in_my_heart
Joined: 1/21/2015
Msg: 16
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/8/2015 3:03:37 AM
Only thing I could glean from all this is that the OP doesn't fuck till the fourth date. Something to do with her rules it seems
 Peppermint_Petunias
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 17
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How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/8/2015 4:22:41 AM

I thought about you people and what your varied contributions to this conversation after a couple of drinks would be.

Seems I would need a couple of drinks first..


I was detailing yet another dumping/lack of contact? by someone after the third date because I didn't let him "in."

Keep telling yourself that. He wasn't interested enough to ask you out again.

Haven't you had 3 dates with one guy and thought zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz, NOT happening, no chemistry, no fun?.
You tired, he tried, just not enough interest on someones part.
 calguy14
Joined: 8/17/2014
Msg: 18
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/8/2015 4:56:25 AM
@deet
I believe much depends on the caliber of man you're trying to find.Some men have it down to an art appearing to be a fantastic catch,and indeed may be.They do well.
 deetristate
Joined: 12/4/2014
Msg: 19
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/8/2015 6:40:54 AM
No one is counting dates, except the men.
The question was how WELL do you KNOW a man BEFORE.
Do you know where he lives, have you met any of his friends or anyone who really knows him? Do you know where he works?Do you know his last name?
If you are on a C's-list quest, this does not matter to you.
If you want more than that, see above questions.
How many dates is not the issue. (For all of you "liberated" women and men always arguing to get "in" no matter what ( Until it comes to your daughters and maybe your sisters.(maybe).)

Peppermint - I agree. He wasn't interested in seeing me again unless I slept with him. Can't get any clearer than his saying it.
 BLonde^j^AngeL
Joined: 1/2/2015
Msg: 20
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/8/2015 7:36:11 AM

He wasn't interested in seeing me again unless I slept with him

Talk about pressure- he sounds like a FLESHDIGGER.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 21
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How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/8/2015 7:42:34 AM
Yeah, ironically enough, there's no more sure way to make me not want to have sex with someone, than to declare that I have to have sex with them to prove myself. That's because I'm an egotist, and I only want to have sex with women who want to have sex with me, because it is me. Not because it's the next step in the "procedure."
 bluemoon24_7
Joined: 4/18/2014
Msg: 22
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/8/2015 10:26:15 AM
I have yet to come across a man that uses that three date rule b.s. I have no idea where you find these guys. A question to the men on here, do use this three date rule thing? Where is this friggin rule book??

I'm also wondering why you wouldn't know his last name by the 3rd date. And I have no desire too meet his friends...yet. Do you have a check list? You know - met his family (check), know his last name (check), know he tes cream in his coffee (check), know he works for XYZ Co. (check), had 10 dates (check) met his best friend (no)....ain't getting into my panties.

What is wrong with having sex when you both want to as opposed to when the stars are aligned and the moon is waxing? Aren't we adults?
 Dee4166
Joined: 6/16/2007
Msg: 23
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How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/8/2015 10:57:52 AM
Well I didn't know what my own brother took in his coffee until last year, and I've known HIM my whole LIFE!!!! LOL

While I understand what you're saying, that you want to feel that you 'know' someone before sleeping with them, I think the criteria for feeling comfortable enough with someone to have sex with them is different for everybody.

For myself I don't have any kind of checklist, it's when I feel comfortable with the guy. I've never met a guy who uses this "three date" rule and if I did, I would think that he watched too much tv...lol

As far as other women making it more 'difficult' for me because of what they choose to do...well, I don't feel that way at all...in fact I don't feel that I'm in some kind of 'competition' with other women for ANY man....so what other women would or would not do, really doesn't factor into it at all.

I can only be myself and hope to meet a man who is right for me, in which case, there won't be an issue with this in the first place. I wouldn't want to be with a man who puts any kind of parameters, or infers anything about me or my character based on when I choose to have sex with him....or who feels that I 'owe' him sex on the first, third 23rd, date, his birthday, x-mas, or any other time...!
Last time I checked sex is either a shared activity between consenting adults at a time of THEIR choosing together, and/or a physical expression of a feeling for your partner. Not a 'goal' or a 'prize'.....
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 24
How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/8/2015 11:19:37 AM
Calling women "loose" is right up there with slut shaming imo
 DietFree
Joined: 11/1/2012
Msg: 25
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How well do you know that guy you .........
Posted: 2/8/2015 11:34:17 AM
I'd rather have a "liberated" woman than one who has a book full of questions that needs to be answered before the relationship goes any further.
The third date rule doesn't exist. Oh, I'll probably tell her that "it does exist" and see what happens.......the last one said no, but it didn't ruin the date (or the dates after that).
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